Ruined by You (17 page)

My thoughts returned to Haden. I had to tell him the same thing. He probably already knew. He could read me like a book. The hardest part of it all was going to be looking him in the eye after everything that had happened. I acted like such an idiot.

We pulled up to the house, and noticed that Grandma’s car was still gone. Where could they be? They’ve been gone all day - again. I didn’t get much time to consider the question, though.

“What’s this?” Sarah said. She plucked a folded piece of paper from the top of the door handle. She looked at it without unfolding it, then handed it to me. “It’s for you,” she said.

I frowned and took it from her. Written on the top, in jerky script, was my name. My brow pinched together as I opened it.

Maggie,

I stopped by to make sure you were alright. You never gave me your number, and I’m worried about you. Please come by the Saloon in the morning. We need to talk.

Haden

A smile spread wide across my face. I read the note again, quickly, and felt my heart pounding even harder.

“What does it say?” Sarah asked.

“It’s from Haden,” I said. “He stopped by to make sure I was alright.”

I read the note a third time. Then, I folded it over.

“That’s how I feel when I’m around Huck,” she said, a grin on the corner of her lips.

“What’s how you feel?” I asked, puzzled.

“That look on your face right now,” she said. “That goofy smile when you were reading the note.
That’s
how Huck makes me feel.”

Without saying anything else, she turned, unlocked the door and disappeared inside. I stood there for a second, finally realizing exactly what she was trying to tell me.

Maybe she’s right
.

I looked down at the note one more time, and a feeling of giddiness rifled through me. Haden was unlike anyone I had ever known, and it was about time that I started treating him like it. I couldn’t wait to talk to him. I couldn’t wait to explain everything that had really happened down at the river.

For the first time, I had the tiniest bit of hope that I might be able to let someone in—that I might not have to carry the weight on my own.

The next morning I woke up early and took my time getting ready. It was going to be a rough morning. I had to go to the Saloon and talk to Scottie. I had to level with him, and tell him that he’d made a mistake. I’d failed him. It was going to be tough, but it had to be done.

Then there was Haden.

I had reread his note countless times. I memorized it from beginning to end. He had gone out of his way to check on me, even after I had completely freaked out on him. That had to mean something. He had asked me to meet him at the Saloon. He wanted to talk to me.

It was going to be a big day, indeed. First, I had to tell Scottie that I wasn’t going to be able to work for him anymore. Then, I had to tell Haden just why I had acted like an insane person. There was little excuse for it--I just hoped that he would be as understanding as I wanted him to be.

Sarah and I ate breakfast alone in the kitchen. The house was hauntingly silent. I told her about my plans for the day, and she said I should call her as soon as everything was done. She wanted to know how everything went. She told me not to worry about the job, that we’d find something else, and she told me not to worry about Haden. Everything was going to be fine if I just let it be. I don’t know when my little cousin got so wise, but I was happy to have her on my side.

I left the house and drove to the Saloon in the late morning, feeling as confident as I was ever going to feel. I made it all the way there, and almost even made it into a parking spot, before I felt a nearly uncontrollable urge to throw up. Haden’s rental was sitting there, parked in the front like always. I knew he be there before me, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise. But a part of me wasn’t ready to confront him, yet. I didn’t know what I was going to say, and I thought the awkwardness of seeing him might be the death of me.

Just get it over with
.

I got out of the car and made my way into the bar. The house lights were on, and as I made my way past the front door and heard music coming over the speaker system. The song sounded familiar, and it took a few seconds before my mind was able to place it. Hairs prickled on the back of my neck when I realized what it was. It was the same music that Haden and I had been listening to in the car. It was Fighting Forward’s demo tape.

My pulse quickened and my cheeks flushed. My steps were hesitant as I crept into the bar. Both Haden and Scottie were standing at the bar. They had big smiles on their faces, and their heads were bobbing with the music. Neither one of them noticed when I came in.

“This is the band you met with?” Scottie asked over the music.

Haden nodded his head. “Maggie met with them, I just waited in the car.”

“Why didn’t you go in with her? You should be an old veteran at these kinds of things by now.”

Haden shrugged and was about to respond, when I walked up to them. They turned to face me, and Haden’s lips pinched together.

“Maggie,” Scottie said, loudly. “Good timing, we were just talking about you.” He grabbed a remote and clicked the speakers lower. “Haden was just telling me all about your trip to San Antonio.”

My stomach curdled. I glanced at Haden, and he looked away, unable to meet my stare.

“I see,” I said. “How much did he tell you?”

“Well, he was just saying that Lisa put you in touch with someone, and that you guys took the initiative to go talk with them.”

Scottie had a huge smile on his face. It seemed misplaced, given everything that had really happened. Haden hadn’t wanted to go meet with the band. He had said that we should let Scottie listen to the music first, and then let him make the decision on whether or not he liked them.

“I like your style,” Scottie said. “Haden said you guys listened to the demo in the car, and that you insisted on meeting the band right away.” He gave me a long look, but the smile on his face never faded. “You’ve got a great ear.”

I smiled at him. That wasn’t exactly how things had gone down. Well, it was, but it seemed like Haden might have overlooked a few of the details.

“It’s too bad that it didn’t work out,” I said.

The smile on Scottie’s face broke for the first time.

“What do you mean?” he said. I looked at Haden again, but he kept his eyes locked forward. Why won’t he look at me?

“Maybe he hadn’t gotten to that part of the story yet,” I said. I climbed onto a stool at the bar, and tried to figure out exactly what to say. “I ruined everything,” I said, finally.

Both Scottie and Haden’s eyes snapped to me at the same time. Scottie’s brow pinched together in confusion, but Haden’s eyes were wide.

“Ruined?” Scottie said, confused. He looked between Haden and I. “Didn’t you say you had a follow up meeting with them?” he said to Haden.

“Uh, yeah,” Haden said, hesitantly. He glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “I hadn’t been able to share the good news with Maggie, yet. I had a follow up conversation with their manager yesterday.” He gave me a long look. “She wants us to come back and see them first thing next week.”

I stared at him, hard. Heat spread to my face and anger boiled in my stomach. He had gone behind my back and talked to them? Why hadn’t he talked to
me
about it first? What gave him the right to go behind my back?

“Well that sounds promising,” Scottie said. He turned back to me. “Congratulations, that’s great news.” I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “I really like their sound,” Scottie continued. “I think they’d be perfect for the Battle. Make sure you put your best foot forward.”

I blew out a strong breath and tried to compose myself. Things were spiraling out of control again, and I struggled to keep focused. I closed my eyes for a moment, and forced myself to take a deep, steady breath.

“Actually, there’s something I need to tell you,” I said. I opened my eyes, looking directly at Scottie. I tried to pretend that he and I were the only ones there in the bar, that Haden wasn’t sitting just a few feet away. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I think you’ll have to find someone else.”

Scottie reeled when I said it. His face contorted between confusion and disbelief.

“I don’t understand,” he said. “Where’s this coming from? It looks like you’re doing a great job so far.”

I shook my head, tightly. “Haden’s doing a great job,” I said, too sharply. “But I’m not right for this. I’m in over my head.” My back stiffened even more. “Even Lisa said so,” I added, as though it might validate my decision.

Scottie waved his hand. “It’s not Lisa’s decision to make. I hired you because I knew you could get the job done.”

I looked at Haden, and he looked away, again. “I thought I could handle it,” I said. “But I was wrong.”

Scottie regarded me for a long moment. Then he leaned over the bar. He gave me a hard, direct look. This was it. He was going to tell me that he should never have hired me. Here I was, quitting on him, when he’d entrusted so much to me.

It’s for the best
.

He still had Haden. Haden had proven himself more than capable of getting the job done. It turned out that he even took the initiative to go above and beyond. No, Scottie was going to be just fine. And I was sure he realized that, too.

“I need you to see this through,” he said, catching me off guard. “I need you to get back out there and finish this.” His voice was low and soft. Each word was deliberate. “I hired you to do this job, because I know you can get it done. I know that you’re the right person.” His eyes were impossibly soft. “When it comes to business, I trust my gut. And, my gut is telling me that you’re it.”

I shook my head. “You don’t even know me,” I said. “I have no experience with this sort of thing. I have no idea what I’m doing.” I glanced at Haden. “Ask
him
. Everything I’ve done has been a mess so far.
He’s
the one that’s been cleaning everything up. It’s
him
that you want. Not me.”

“I never expected this to be easy,” he said. “I told you it wasn’t going to be. You come from a hard place. A place where you either sink or swim. I need that kind of grit to get back out there and close this deal up for me. I need you to follow through and finish what you started.”

A hard place? What does he know?

Scottie’s tone left no doubt in my mind that he knew more than he was letting on. What it was, I didn’t know. There was passion and intensity in each of his words--conviction. But it was going to take more than that to trick me into something I knew to be wrong.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t do it.”

Silence hung in the air. Scottie leaned away from the counter, his eyes falling away from me. He grabbed a towel and began rubbing the pilsner glasses piled up behind the bar. He looked sad.

I couldn’t hold onto the anger, anymore. Guilt washed over me, stronger than it ever had before. But the hard part was behind me. I had said what I came to say. It was done.

A long minute passed before Scottie looked back at me.

“Can I make one request?” he said, simply. I gave him a puzzled look, but nodded my head. “You’ve already got a meeting scheduled. Can you do that one thing? If it doesn’t work out, you’re off the hook, and I’ll figure something else out.”

My gut reaction was to decline. The thought of seeing that band again sickened me, but I fought past that urge and considered his request. It wasn’t an unreasonable one. I owed him that much, didn’t I?

I felt Haden’s eyes burning a hole into me, anticipating my response every bit as much as Scottie was.

“I can do that,” I said, quietly. “But I don’t think it’ll go well.”

Scottie nodded, and blew out a breath. The concern in his eye was replaced with hope.

“We’ll see,” he said. “We’ll see.”

I bolted out of the bar without a word. Haden had made it clear that he was capable of handling things without me. I was halfway to my car when I heard him approaching.

“Maggie, wait,” he said. He’d been saying that to me a lot, lately. “Maggie, please…”

He sounded desperate, so desperate. And, that was the only reason I stopped.

“Why did you say those things?” I said.

“What things?” he said.

He stood a few feet away, close enough that I could remember the way he felt.
 

“Why did you tell Scottie that everything went fine?” I asked. “You know it didn’t. And why did you go behind my back? I don’t need you cleaning up my messes.

His mouth moved to say something, but he held back. He gave a moment’s consideration, and then his shoulders slacked.

“I made you a promise,” he said.

My anger shattered like a window that he’d just thrown a brick through.

“I didn’t think you were going to actually do anything about it,” I said.

Haden shook his head, looking at me intently. “I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

I could feel the walls melting, already. My resolve was eroding into nothing. I focused on the ground, worried that if I looked into his eyes I would break down completely.

“And what about the letter?” I said.

He took a step forward. He was so close.

“I couldn’t live with myself knowing I did something to hurt you,” he said. The pain of his words pierced through me. “If you hadn’t shown up today, I don’t know what I would have done.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said, softly.

“Then what happened?” he said. “Talk to me.”

I cringed, trying to swallow the pain. I had promised myself that I would share everything with him. He would be the first person that I was completely open with. But now that he was standing there, I realized it was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done.

“I want to,” I said. “I just don’t know how.”

The words were difficult to form. Maybe if I just started, things would begin to make sense. Maybe once I got going, explaining it would get easier. He needed to know that I didn’t run from
him
. I was running from something else. Doubt crept through me as I thought about how Haden had bared himself to me. I’d repaid his trust by abandoning him. I wasn’t the strong girl he thought I was. I was my father’s daughter.