Role Play (18 page)

But for now, making love to him made it nearly perfect.

If only I didn’t have to deal with Lola. But camp had shown me something I hadn’t realized before. No wonder Lola would rather hang out with her grubby semi-nudist friends than with me. She looked happy with them. It was playtime, like I was having playtime with Victor. But it wasn’t real. How long could this last for both of us? All I knew was that bills were due next week.

I
looked for my sister at dinner, but Lola was nowhere to be seen.

Afterwards,
Victor fell into a hammock with me on the edge of the meadow and we watched the Festival flow by in the slowly fading twilight.

With
my head tucked onto his chest, he rocked us with one foot. I knew it was a risk that he would pull away again, but I had to find out more about him.

“So who did raise you?”

His body went very still. I realized he had been nice and relaxed, and with one question I had destroyed his mood. I had been hoping for a better reaction than that.

“Family is important to me,”
I tried to explain. “I wouldn’t have survived without Lola and my brothers. My mom could barely keep a roof over our heads.”

After a few moments, he said, “My grandparents raised me.” As if realizing that wasn’t
giving me much, he added, “They weren’t thrilled about it.”

“What happened to your mom?”

“She’s out of the picture. At least it taught me that you can’t depend on anyone, not even family.”

I
lifted my head to look at him. “That’s not true! We all depend on people.”

“I don’t.
You only get let down.” His voice roughened. “We’re alone in life. The sooner you rely on yourself, alone, the better off you are.”

A jolt of panic went through
me. I depended on Lola. But Lola had never been what you call reliable. And now most of my sister’s things were gone. Could Lola really abandon me?

I
sat up, wondering if I should go down to that primal camp and confront Lola right now. But she would hate that. She probably wouldn’t like it that I was here. Especially after what had happened with Dick.

“What’s wrong?”
Victor asked me.

I sat on the edge of the hammock looking down at him.
“It’s what you said. I guess I should make sure I’m okay alone—”

I
stood up and came face-to-face with my sister. Lola’s eyes went wide and she could only point at me for a few moments, speechless.

My mask was hanging around my neck, forgotten.
I figured there was nothing to do but face it. “Hi, Lola.”

“You!
What are you doing here?”

Martin was with Lola, so
I held out my hand to him. “Hi, I’m Lola’s sister, Sierra. I’ve been wanting to meet you.”

Martin smiled.
I had a hard time seeing past his scarred skin, but his eyes were very sharp and knowing. Like he had seen my kind of reaction to his face before and was used to getting past it. “Lola’s told me a lot about you,” he said. “She says you’re finishing your degree this summer.”

Lola stepped between
us. “Why are you talking to her?” she asked Martin. “Can’t you see she’s spying on me?”

“I’m worried about you, Lola,”
I said. “I never see you. You never talk to me. You’re off doing… kind of extreme things. What sister wouldn’t be worried?”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Can you?” I shot back, losing my cool for a minute. “Because I seriously doubt it. You haven’t ever been on your own.”

“I am now,” Lola declared. “I’m
moving out at the end of the month.”

I
stared at her, shocked. “But that’s next weekend! What about the rent?”

“I’m not living there anymore.”

“Lola, you can’t just leave. I can’t afford our apartment without you.”

“Get a roommate.”

“It’s a one bedroom!”

We
glared at each other. Martin was right behind Lola, looking really concerned now. Victor was standing next to the hammock, awkwardly watching our battle.

“
How could you do this to me!” I exclaimed.

“All you care about is yourself,” Lola flung back. “
Everything’s always your way. I’m done with it. I’m doing what I want, now.”

I
could hardly think, I was so angry. I did everything for Lola. I took care of our place and made sure we survived on our own for the past three years. And this was how Lola treated me?
I appealed to Martin. “Don’t you think Lola should have told me? How am I supposed to get into a new place so fast? I’m going to get kicked out of my apartment if I don’t pay the rent.”

Lola pointed to Victor
. “Why don’t you ask your boyfriend? You took money from Dick all the time, now it’s your guy who has to pony up.”

I realized
Lola was pointing at Victor. I wanted to die. It was bad enough that I was fighting with her in front of him, but that was a really low blow. “I don’t care how you get it, Lola. Just get me your half of the rent next week. You have to give me a month to find another place.”

“You’ve been spying on me. I don’t have to
do anything.” Lola grabbed Martin’s arm, and dragged him down the path heading back to the primal camp.

I
stood there breathing fast like I had run across the meadow. It was all blown up, scattered in pieces around me. The beautiful life I had built in the city was gone with my sister. I had never quite grasped on what fragile pillars I had built my dream of living in New York.

I
didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even have the option of moving in with my mom. I would never go back to sleeping on that sofa bed and watching the weekly parade of men. Besides, the commute was deadly.

I
had no other options.

Then
I turned to look at Victor, and my heart sank. His eyes were dead cold. Brawling with my sister in public, airing our dirty laundry for everyone to hear… I felt like a Jerry Springer reject.

While he was a Rolls Royce.

And to top it off, Lola had called him my boyfriend. From the expression on his face, there was no way he was liking that.

I was just a hot piece of ass to him.

I had lost him. Before I ever really had him. I knew it was far-fetched from the beginning that a man like Victor could want a girl like me, no matter how many romantic movies pretended otherwise. But to see him draw away from me only hours after the best love-making of my life, made me tear up.

Chapter 16

Victor

“Everything okay
here?” a deep voice asked.

I
turned to find Josh had come up behind me. Josh was even taller than me, a real bear of a man. I had played with his girlfriend a few years ago, before they got together, and she had introduced us. To give him credit, I never felt an ounce of jealousy from Josh over the fact that I had been with his girl first.

“
The sisters were having some words,” I explained.

Sierra was watching
Lola storm off, but she turned back to Josh. “I’m sorry. I know you people don’t like drama.”

“Not a problem
.” Josh had a sweet smile for such a big man. “Just making sure everything is okay.”

Josh was wearing a
walkie and had a yellow ribbon on indicating he was part of the volunteer staff for the Festival.

I
wondered if Sierra knew. She looked sorry enough.

“It’s okay,” she told
Josh. “We’ve got nothing else to say to each other.”

“Is she your twin?” Josh asked. “You two look a lot alike.”

“I’m a year older.”

Josh grinned.
“Could of sworn you were twins.”

Josh gave
me a warm pat on the back of my shoulder before walking away. His last admiring look was for Sierra, but she didn’t notice.

As
I looked around, I realized a lot of people were dispersing, having watched the fight. I recognized Pierce, an English guy who was living in New York, hanging out on the periphery of the scene. His accent was his magic ticket, like my faux-millions were mine. Pierce gave me the nod, looking appreciatively at Sierra. He was exactly was the kind of man I didn’t want Sierra to end up with.

A
man like me.

We
were left standing there by the hammock, looking at each other.

Seeing Sierra’s eyes bright with tears had a weird affect on
me. I wanted to put my arms around her and tell her everything would be all right. But I knew it wasn’t true. Sometimes it wasn’t all right. Sometimes it sucked big time.

Sometimes it crushed you.

And from what it sounded like, her sister was leaving her high and dry.

But
how could I comfort her with Lola’s words ringing in my ears—Why don’t you ask your boyfriend?

They
had lived off Lola’s boyfriend, that square cop. Obviously Sierra was comfortable doing that.

After a few moments, Sierra said, “I’m going back to the cabin to lie down for a while.”

“Sounds good,” I managed to say.

Without another word, she walked off into the growing dark
ness.

I
felt like a heel. I should go after her and tell her the truth about myself, so I wouldn’t have to play a role with her anymore. Then I could comfort her and help her get through this.

But the last time
I had told a girl, it had gone very badly. It was many many years ago, before I knew how powerful kinky sex could be on the psyche. For people just starting out, especially. I had a whirlwind affair with a girl named Cherie, training her to serve me exactly how I wanted, and before I knew it, she expected everything from me. She knew me as
Victor
, a successful, powerful businessman, and with the formal rules of a master, I was able to keep the perfect balancing act going for longer than I imagined possible.

But what
I thought was devotion turned into obsessive neediness. When I realized she was growing too unstable to play with, I finally told Cherie that I was only a baggage handler so she would stop expecting me to take care of her. But she could have cared less by that point. She intended to marry me and have babies. When I did everything I could to avoid her, she told other people the truth, but anyone could see by that time that she was spinning out of control. She had a wild look in her eye that made people nod cautiously and turn away. I shrugged it off whenever someone asked me about what she was saying—about my job, about me promising to take care of her for the rest of her life. Nobody took it seriously.

Cherie
finally dropped out of sight and I hadn’t heard of her in the years since then.

But Sierra would care
when she found out. She liked
Victor
, and she didn’t know anything about Vic. She may not be high-maintenance, but she liked the illusion I had created for her.

Right now, when she needed help,
I couldn’t bear to see her turn into another Cherie. Clinging to anyone who could save her. I was so afraid it would happen with Sierra that I couldn’t let it.

I
checked on Sierra a couple times that night, but she was sleeping. Several people stopped me as I wandered around the camp and asked about “the twin fight.” It was the hot gossip of the Festival. Some people claimed they had heard the girls were rolling around on the ground and pulling each other’s hair in a real catfight.

I
didn’t like being this notorious. My gig worked only because I kept as low a profile as possible. But now, looking around and recognizing people, I realized there were at least a dozen people I knew from the city. Without being aware of it, I had become friendly with a lot of people, under false pretenses.

If
I told Sierra, she would tell others here and it would blow up in my face. The spotlight was already on us. I was going to be lucky if I got out of this with my cover story intact. All it would take is one person saying, “Hey, I thought I saw that dude outside my plane window last week…”

But maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, to be done with the lies.

I wished it was possible to have a repeat of the night before, when we both were so free. Or this afternoon in the barn when she made me feel better than I had ever felt before, like she was in the palm of my hand. Like I could do anything because I could blow her mind.

But
I couldn’t do that in my role anymore, not while I was lying to her. So I was okay with finding, every time I checked, that she slept the night away.

As
I wandered around the Festival, I felt oddly displaced, like I was watching myself watch everyone else having fun. A few girls tried to flirt with me, but I was so tightly wound that I couldn’t respond. It was like the Festival had become a completely different place, with everything flat and devoid of meaning and color.