Role Play (21 page)

“I love it!” Lucy exclaimed, rushing over to
us. She included me in her fawning, mistakenly thinking I was one of the roommates. “It’s perfect! I’ve always wanted to live in a commune, where everyone shares everything and eats big meals at the table together. I can cook! I make eggplant to die for. You have to let me make eggplant for you!”

Candice looked appalled, one hand on her chest, as Lucy got in her face, talking about
the fresh veggies and fruit she got from her job in a health food coop in Bushwick. Devi was shaking her head slightly, looking down her nose at the flow of one-sided talk.

I
smiled. Seeing it from this side, Lucy’s eagerness was definitely off-putting.

Lucy looked around. “I’ll get a chair and sit down and tell you about myself—“

“You don’t want to live here,” Keith suddenly said. “The landlord’s an asshole.”

Lucy hesitated, as if she might not have heard correctly. But Candice and Devi were nodding. “He is,” Candice agreed, lowering her voice. “He
comes and goes as he pleases from next door, so we have to lock our rooms to keep him out. There’s no way a pretty girl like you would be safe.”

Lucy was frowning at her. “You’re joking.”

She looked at Jake, who lifted his hands in a wide shrug, still smiling. “I’ve heard the stories,” he said, “but it’s not a problem for me.”

“What happened to Sheila, the last girl who had my room?” Lucy asked.

They all shut their lips and looked at each other, obviously unwilling to talk about it.

Lucy’s pretty face was now twisted in doubt. “I think you’re lying to me. What kind of people are you? I wanted to live here.”

“You can get an application on your way out,” Jake assured her.

“I don’t want an application,” she said as she left the roof.

As they disappeared, Candice made a derisive sound. “Next!”

“Weak,”
I agreed. “Very weak.”

Devi laughed out loud, a
startlingly beautiful sound.

“Some people are too sensitive,” Keith agreed. “High maintenance is a real drag. Now you didn’t run off when we busted your chops
, Sierra. You sat down like a real human being and had a drink with us.”

I
felt better than I had since my fight with Lola. “I’m glad I did.”

“You want the room?” Keith asked. “A thousand bucks gets you in.
Five hundred due the first of next month.”

My
eyes opened wide. “I can have it? Don’t I have to talk to the landlord?”

Keith took a swig of beer. “I am the landlord.”

“
You
own this building?” I asked incredulously.

“
You don’t have to sound so surprised. But in fact, no, I don’t own this building. I’ve rented these two floors for the past fifteen years from the owner, a sweet old lady. She likes having me rent out the rooms and take care of the place.”

“So you were calling yourself an asshole,”
I realized.

“Yeah
.” He laughed and tossed his beer bottle in the big garbage can.

Devi leaned closer to
me. “But he won’t molest you unless you ask him to.”

“I figured that,”
I assured her.

I
looked at Jake, Candice and Devi. Suddenly it wasn’t so hard imagining living with them. It would sure cure my lonely blues! It was nothing like what I had envisioned for myself in the city, but maybe that was a good thing. Maybe my own judgment wasn’t to be trusted. So I would trust theirs. They thought I fit in, and pray to god, I could.

“Yes, I’m in,”
I agreed.

Chapter 18

Sierra

Things moved quickly after that.
I signed the new lease and called to let my old landlord know I was going to be out by Monday, the first of the month. The guy at the management company was snappy about the short notice and warned me that they would “recover” money for any damages. But Keith assured me that New York was very tenant-friendly, and unless there was damage or I left the place dirty, I would probably be let off my lease with no additional penalties. After all, they could rent the place for more now.

I
texted Lola that she had two days to pick up the rest of her stuff before the keys were turned in. I wasn’t sure if Lola would bother, but she showed up with Martin, June and Spike, and cleaned out the apartment of everything I didn’t pack into the van I rented from Man with a Van. Between me and the Man, we managed to get my twin bed down the stairs along with a dozen boxes of my stuff, including some nice kitchenware I had accumulated.

Lola took our turquoise
couch, the kitchen table, her own bed and dresser, and everything else. Lola didn’t have much to say to me, and she wasn’t even apologetic about blowing up my life. She just asked me where my new place was, and said, “Huh, that’s near Williamsburg!”

I
checked the map online and realized that Williamsburg was about twenty blocks away from my room in Greenpoint. Williamsburg was the epicenter of coolness in Brooklyn. True, there was no good way to get there but to walk or take a cab, but I had walked further for less. It was funny that I had no idea when I had rented the room. It felt like Siberia at the time. No wonder Lucy had been so enthused.

My
first few nights in the huge echoing loft were not easy. There was even more traffic on McGuinness than Ditmars, and the constant rumble of the nearby BQE freeway never stopped. Plus I had to fit myself into my roommates’ routines. Jake went to work in the morning, so when I had a day shift, I had to time my shower carefully or I was screwed. Devi played her guitar every evening in her room, but the sound came clearly through the adjourning wall. I started going up to the roof to soak in the view whenever Devi played to avoid her hippy-dippy voice. And Candice was loud in the kitchen, as Jake had warned me, grinding her coffee and giving great hacking coughs as she puttered around in the morning.

But there were unexpected rewards, as well.
A smile and a friendly hello when I came home. Someone to sit with on the couch when I watched a movie at night. All of my roommates were good company, though I didn’t have much in common with any of them. Jake worked at Home Depot in Middle Village, while Candice was a bartender in Chelsea. Devi was technically attending film school, though Candice said she had been at it for over six years with nothing to show for it yet. Devi’s parents sent her a monthly check and she worked part-time at a used clothing store, where she got her flowing old-fashioned clothes. The others said Marky was a quiet guy who had gotten his first break as a dancer in a touring company. He would be returning at the end of the month.

Yet
even as I settled in and got used to everything, I felt disjointed and out of place. It was like a knife had cut off my life behind me, and everything was now different. Mostly I missed Lola. I had never realized how much I relied on my sister as my companion. Lola was my best friend. We used to always be together. Since Lola had started seriously dating Dick, that had naturally lessened, but as a detective he worked long, irregular hours so we still had plenty of time to hang out.

I
wondered what Lola was doing now. But I knew if I texted her, Lola would resent it. Lola wanted a clean break from me. She wanted it to be this way.

And that hurt.

It didn’t help that Victor had rejected me at the same time.

No wonder
I decided to move into the loft. At least they wanted me. I felt like I had crawled into a hole, wounded and bedraggled, where I could lick myself into order again. These people might be a little weird, but they were nice to me, and suddenly that was the most important thing. To be around people who liked me.

So when
I got home from a late shift on Friday night, I was happy to sit on the roof with Keith and Devi and a few of the others from the third floor who were partying at home. I was still there at two in the morning when Candice got home from the bar.

The next morning,
I had a vague memory of Candice helping me down from the roof. The way her strong arms supported me reminded me of Victor.

As I woke up,
I could hear Candice hacking away in the kitchen, banging pans around. Instead of irritating me, I smiled and put on my robe to go out. Candice looked as rumpled as I felt, with her short black hair sticking up in several directions. She was making her coffee.

“Thanks for being so sweet to me last night,”
I told her. “I drank too much.”

“How do you feel? Want some coffee?”

There was a strict no-taking rule in the loft, and sharing was by invitation-only. So I was pleased by the offer. “Yes, I’d love some. I’ve got a couple of cheese Danish in the fridge I picked up from the bakery yesterday. You want one?”

“It looks like we have ourselves breakfast. Pass it over!”

We sat down and ate our Danish and drank coffee. I asked about the neighborhood, and Candice told me, “If you’re looking for a nice place where you can meet people, go to the Pencil Factory with Devi tonight. It’s just an ordinary bar, but that’s where the young people are going.”

I
shook my head. “I’ve got another late shift, so I’ll probably just come home again like last night.”

Candice gave
me a closer look. “What’s your story, Sierra? Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Why not? A pretty girl like you. I’d die for hair like yours. You must have guys all over you.”

I
shrugged. “Not really. I’m too busy.”

“
Hmm… now that I think about it, you do have a real distinct ‘get away’ aura about you. Are you gay?”

“
No.” I gave a short unfunny laugh. “There was a guy I was interested in. But it barely got started, and it blew up when my sister left. We got into a fight right in front of him.” I was a little surprised at myself for spilling everything out there, but it felt better to admit it. “He couldn’t get rid of me fast enough. I think he was afraid of being saddled with me, bag and baggage.”

“You like this guy?”
Candice asked.

I
drew in my breath. “Oh, Candice, you should see him. Gorgeous eyes, a beautiful smile, and he made me feel better than anyone ever has before. I keep thinking about how he touched me, and whispered to me.”

You’re mine…

“Damn… why’d you let a man like that go?”

“He let me go.”

“You can’t give up that easy, Sierra. You have to go out there and take what you want in life. If you want this man, then
take
him.”

I
started to smile. Candice made it sound so simple. “How do I take him?”

“By storm, honey!
He saw you at your worst, now show him your best. You hit a rough patch, but you’re on top of your game again—living in a stylish loft not far from Bedford Street, the envy of all the hipsters, with fabulous roommates like
me
. Put on your red dress and show him what he’s missing.”

“I don’t have a red dress.”

Candice gave me a look. “Every girl should have a red dress.”

...

It was almost too easy. Before I went to bed, I logged onto the fetish network and went to the Pleasure Salon profile. Sure enough, under their friends, I found an avatar that showed the sunset from Victor’s window. I recognized it instantly. His profile was minimal, saying he lived and worked in New York City. Most of the photos were of exotic places he visited with comments underneath. Lots of women commented on his photos.

Under events he was going to, h
e had listed “Leather Pride Night Auction.” The auction was tomorrow night.

The next day at work,
I found a sexy red dress that I must have hung up a dozen times, but never considered buying for myself. Kalisha agreed to let me pay for it on layaway. The other girls said the ruby red set off my skin tone. Bev did my makeup again, and I had never looked better. The girls were a hundred percent behind Candice’s plan for me to show Victor what he was missing.

I
had to admit I was scared when I arrived at the Sanctuary where the auction was being held. But it turned out to be an old church with stained glass windows and stone archways over the doors. It was so bizarre that I was reassured. How could I be afraid walking into an old church?

Inside there were a lot of dressed up people, some in evening gowns with their partners in black tie. The event was a charity auction, but
I hadn’t realized how dressy it would be. Thankfully my red dress was longish but it didn’t hide much with the slit up my thigh. So I felt like I fit in.

My
only worry was how Victor would react when he saw me. Candice’s advice was good but putting it into action could be disastrous, as I had learned from Lola. I didn’t kid myself. I was ready for the cold shoulder from Victor.

But when it came
right down to it, I didn’t want Victor’s last memory of me to be fighting with my sister at Festival. I was determined to leave a completely different impression on him. Even if he rejected me, I would have the satisfaction of knowing I went out with style.