Rise (21 page)

chapter 29

(Attie)

“Atopic dermatitis and flea allergy dermatitis are seasonal in many regions of the world. Malassezia dermatitis may occur more frequently during months of higher humidity. Cyclical pruritus without seasonality can sometimes signify contact dermatitis associated with change of environment. Psychogenic pruritus may begin as a predictable, attention-getting device. Pruritus seen with food allergy should be continuous … ”

I woke to the sound of my father’s voice. Although I couldn’t ask, I knew he was reading from one of his textbooks. Unlike most children who are read fairy tales as a child, I was read veterinary medicine textbooks. Sometimes I wondered if being a veterinarian was actually my goal or if I’d just been brainwashed by an overly enthusiastic father.

My eyes opened, but my vision was blurry. Without turning my head, I glanced over at him. Completely engrossed in his book, he hadn’t noticed that I’d woken. I decided not to get his attention and closed my eyes and tried to regain my thoughts.

I was obviously in a hospital bed. What had happened? Had my mother and Melody actually died, or had it all been a dream? Was I dating Riley Bennett and living in his house? If I had been dreaming, the dream felt very real because I wished that he was the person sitting next to me instead of my dad.

“What year is it?” My throat ached as I spoke.

Dad jumped up and screamed for the nurse before kissing my forehead several times. I was shocked at his affection. He hadn’t shown me any in … Well, I didn’t know. Maybe it was all a dream. My dad never sent me away; he never actually let me go. He never pushed me away.

A nurse ran into the room. “I’ve paged the doctor. He should be here any minute. Is she talking at all?”

“Just asked what year it was.”

“Don’t worry,” she urged. “You’ve only been unconscious a few days.”

Before I could ask any more questions, a man wearing a white coat entered the room and started talking a language that sounded foreign. Although he spoke English, the medical terminologies only added to my confusion. Some of the words were ones I’d heard my dad use as he read from textbooks, but none of them had actually applied to me before.

I still didn’t know where I was and what was real. There were no bracelet or ring on my hand. Had Riley and I actually been together, wouldn’t I be wearing the ring he gave me?

Something tickled my foot, and I jerked it back under the covers. Had I ever really kicked Riley in the face?

“Her reflexes are normal,” the doctor noted out loud.

I tuned out everyone in the room and tried to force myself to think clearly, but nothing made sense.

Looking around the room as my vision improved, I recognized a face.

“You’re here,” I whispered.

“I told you I wouldn’t go away,” Jesus replied.

“Who’s here?” Dad asked.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. I didn’t know where I was or why, but at the very least I knew that my encounter with Jesus had been real. I would hang on to that knowledge because at the moment, I didn’t feel like I had anything else.

A giant snake wrapped itself around my arm and squeezed. I tried to scream, but it sunk its fangs into my throat and silenced me immediately.

“You’re all right,” a voice soothed. “It’s just a dream.”

My eyes opened.

“I think you were having a nightmare,” the nurse informed me.

“I get them pretty often … I think.”

“What was it about?”

“A snake was squeezing my arm.”

She laughed and held up a blood pressure cuff. “I was taking your blood pressure. This thing can really be an arm crusher. Especially arms like yours that don’t have any meat to them.”

I rubbed my arm. She was right; there was nothing but bone.

I glanced over at the seat my dad had been sitting in, but it was empty.

“May I send Riley in now? He’s been itching to get in here ever since he heard you were awake.”

“Riley?”

“Yes. He’s just outside in the waiting room. I don’t think he’s left the hospital since you were admitted.”

“He hasn’t?”

“No. What a sweetheart. You’re one lucky girl; he’s crazy about you.”

Finally, confirmation that I hadn’t dreamt the entire summer. Riley and I were real. That also meant that my mother and Melody were really gone.

“He talked about you nonstop when I would come in. I feel like I know you and we’ve only just met.”

“He loves me?”

“I’d say.”

I ran my hands through my hair. It felt dirty and greasy. There was no telling how long it had been since it had been washed.

“How about this,” she said. “We’ll get you cleaned up, wash your hair, change your clothes, and then he can come in and see you.”

“I’d prefer that. He may be in love with me, but love isn’t completely blind.”

“Oh, I don’t think he’d care a bit, but I bet it would make you feel better. It’s amazing what a nice bath can do to a person’s disposition.”

“It sounds nice.”

“We’ll make him sweat out there. He’s waited this long; what’s a few more minutes?”

I spent the next several anxious minutes getting cleaned up, and the nurse was right. I felt much better but still very weak.

“Do you want to put on a sweatshirt? As long as we can get to your IV, you can wear anything up top. You’ve still got to wear the gown though. You can’t wear pants until the catheter’s out. Hopefully that won’t be too much longer.”

“Do I have clothes here?”

“Riley’s mom brought you some stuff. I think there was a sweatshirt in the stack.” She sorted through the bag and pulled one out. “Voila. Here we are.”

I watched as she turned off the IV machine and removed the tube from the needle in my arm. “We’ll need to undo this for just a few minutes.”

“Blood won’t run out?”

“No,” she said as she carefully worked away. “It’s got a valve that keeps it from coming out. You should have seen the tube that ran to the dialysis machine. Riley almost passed out when he saw it.”

“He doesn’t like to see me hurt.”

“The good ones never do.” She unfolded the sweatshirt and held it up in front of me. “Will this one do?”

It was my favorite OU sweatshirt. Marme knew what she was doing when she packed it.

“Moms know everything.”

“That one’s perfect,” a voice added.

“Riley!” I couldn’t hide my excitement to see him.

“Give us just one more second, Riley. I’ve got to get her IV back in. You know how you are when you see her IV. You might want to stay back.”

“I’ll wait right here.” He stood against the doorway and smiled at me as she helped me get my sweatshirt on. He looked tired but as handsome as ever.

I took my eyes off him and watched as she replaced the IV and stuck white tape over it. The top of my hand got cold, proof that the liquid was flowing into my vein.

“There,” she said. “That way Riley can’t see it.” She pulled the blanket up over my hand. “Your hand should warm up in a minute.”

“Thank you.”

I looked back at Riley. A smile still covered his face.

“And now, the moment he’s been waiting for,” the nurse teased. “I’ll leave the two of you alone.”

“Is that even allowed, or are we breaking house rules?” I asked.

Riley laughed. “Who cares?”

The nurse gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Go easy on her. We don’t want her blood pressure getting all funky. And remember, I’ll be monitoring it on a screen at the nurses’ desk.”

“I’ll be good,” he assured.

The nurse pulled the curtain across the window and then closed the door as she walked out of the room.

Riley stood across the room and stared at me.

“Are you going to come say hi?”

(Riley)

“Give me a second. I’m a little overwhelmed by the whole thing. I don’t know if my feet will work just yet.” They felt like cement blocks, heavy and attached to the floor.

“Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You have no idea what it feels like to see you right now.”

“Relieved?”

“Relief doesn’t come close to describing it.”

Attie’s face was sunken in, and her eyes looked hollow, but she was back in my world and that was all that mattered.

“I was worried about you.”

“I’m alive,” she announced with as much energy as she could muster. “I look like crap, but I’m alive.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re a liar.”

“And you still have your wit.”

“At least I have that.” Her voice sounded scratchy, hoarse, and weak, and in that second I wanted nothing more than to touch her and know it wasn’t a dream.

My feet finally broke free from their shackles, and I was free to walk to her side. With each step toward her, my heart rate increased.

She sat up and held her arms up toward me, and I leaned over and hugged her. “Gosh, this feels good,” I whispered.

“It really does.”

Without letting go, I sat on the bed. There was less of her to hold than before.

“When I woke up I didn’t know if everything had been real or if I’d dreamt it all.”

I kissed her on the neck, then on the jawline, the cheek, and finally the tip of her nose. “If what was real?”

“Us.”

“Oh, we’re real all right. Very, very real.”

“It felt like we were. I was just confused being back in a hospital and waking up to my dad sitting next to me. I guess I assumed that we were back to last year and he never left and I hadn’t actually lived here. It was like a Wizard of Oz moment or something.”

I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear as she continued talking. “Like a ‘did that really all just happen’ kind of thing.”

My fingers stroked her cheek. At that moment I couldn’t have forced myself to stop touching her even if I wanted to. The movement of her face as she talked sent energy through my fingers. She was awake and moving, and all I could do was absorb the energy that she’d lacked as she lay unconscious in the hospital bed.

“And now … ” She ran her hands through my hair and took a deep breath as she gathered her thoughts. “Here you are.”

“Here I am. Hair and all.” My thumb ran across her dry, cracked lips. “Your lips are really dry. Should I get you some Chap Stick or something?”

“You aren’t going anywhere. I’ll have the nurse bring me some in a little while.” Her forehead scrunched. “Are they too chapped for you to kiss?”

“I don’t even think that’s possible.”

Her face turned into a scowl. “Kissing me?”

I laughed. “No. Your lips being too chapped for me to kiss.”

“Oh.” The scowl evaporated and a smile returned. “What are you waiting for then?”

I leaned toward her. The hard skin of her lips pressed into mine, but within seconds their texture was the last thing on my mind. Even though she kissed me back, it was lifeless.

I gave her a quick peck and made myself comfortable in the chair next to the bed. “How do you feel?”

“A lot better than I did ten minutes ago. Who knew one kidney could cause so much trouble? Or the lack of one kidney … whichever. I guess I’ll know to drink lots of water from now on.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. We’ll be shoving water at you all the time. You’ll probly spend the majority of your time running to the bathroom.”

“That’ll make for an interesting life.”

She tried to reposition herself but ended up only causing herself pain.

“What do you need?” I asked as I jumped out of my seat. “What can I do to help?”

“I just need to scoot back a little bit; my rear is getting sore.”

I started to pick her up but hesitated.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I’m afraid I’m gonna hurt you.”

“It’s mostly my leg that hurts right now. I’ll make sure not to move it.”

I slid one arm under the covers and rested it under her knees before placing my other arm around her back. “I’m gonna count to three and then lift you a little and scoot you back.”

She nodded and tensed her lips in anticipation of pain.

“One … two … three.” I picked her up, moved her, and set her back down. She was light as a feather. Much lighter than when I’d carried her on my back during our walks. “Charlie, you’ve lost so much weight.”

“I’m fine. I’ve got this stupid IV thing in my arm, and I really don’t have an appetite anyway.”

“Were you trying to hurt yourself?” The words came out before I could stop them. It was the question that had been burning in my mind since we found her lying on the floor.

“No. You don’t need to worry about that. I just wasn’t thinking, that’s all. As lost as I may feel at times, I’d never get to that point. Really, all I wanted was to be alone for a while. I wanted to get away … ”

“From me?”

“From everyone. I needed some time to think. To deal with some stuff.”

“I see.”

“Do we have to talk about this right now? I’m getting tired and I feel icky.”

“No, we don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to.”

“Will you just sit here with me?”

“Of course. I’m right here.” I grabbed her hand and rubbed it between mine.

Tears filled her eyes. “No, I mean come up here. I need you to come up here and sit with me.”

I stood and kissed her on the forehead. “Don’t cry, Charlie; I’m right here.”

“I just want you next to me for a little while longer.”

“Then we’ll need to scoot you over and make some room.”

After a little bit of careful rearranging, I lay down and wrapped my arms around her so she could rest her head on my chest.

“Is this better?” I asked.

“Yes.”

Holding her in my arms didn’t seem like enough. It didn’t fulfill my need to take her completely in and cover her. Protect her. I took a deep breath, trying to fill my body with her energy, her very essence. “Your hair smells good. It smells like vanilla.”

“The nurse washed it for me. Your mom brought my shampoo for me.”

“I thought it smelled familiar. It smells like you.”

I could feel her bones as her body melted into mine. She’d found her spot and made herself at home.

“I’m tired, Riley.” I couldn’t see her face, but her voice sounded weak, like a spark was missing in her that had nothing to do with being sick. She was tired, and I understood she wasn’t talking about being physically tired. Attie was emotionally and spiritually drained, and my presence alone wasn’t going help her.