Rise (16 page)

“I appreciate that, Attie, but Tammy is responsible for her own actions.”

“I realize that, but I’m asking you to take into account all that she hasn’t done. Let’s be blunt; she could’ve done a lot worse a lot more often.”

Everyone but Tiffany and her clan laughed at the remark.

“I think Tammy’s shown amazing restraint given the circumstances.”

Dad nodded and motioned for Attie to sit back down.

“One more thing?” she asked.

Dad nodded again before Attie turned and faced Tiffany. “I surrender,” she said, holding up her hands at her side. “I can’t let this go on anymore. If my being a part of the squad causes you to go through this much trouble to bring me down, then I surrender. It isn’t fair to the squad or the rest of the students to have to go through all the drama.”

Although Tiffany stared down at her lap, she sat with the same grin plastered on her face. My blood was boiling.

“My dad sent me here to try out for the squad because he thought it would be a great way for me to make friends, and he thought that cheering would bring me some joy. Unfortunately, that isn’t how it’s been. Joining the team has done nothing but complicate my life more. It isn’t fun for me, and I’d dare say it probably isn’t much fun for anyone else. So I quit. You win. You can have it all. Trust me, I don’t want it—the price for everyone else is too high.”

“Attie,” Dad interrupted, “are you sure you don’t wanna give this more thought?”

“I’ve given it plenty of thought. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that this is the right thing to do. I’m hoping it will stop the war.” She looked back at Dad and waited for his response.

“I guess if your mind is made up—”

“It is.”

“There isn’t anything I can say to change it?”

“No, sir.”

“All right then. You need to let Coach Tyler know about your decision.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why don’t you go ahead and get home? As you said, you weren’t a part of this particular incident.”

“Yes, sir.” Attie made her way around the table and to the door before stopping and facing Tiffany one more time. “I gave in on the squad issue in hopes that it would end all of this nonsense, but if you think that by continuing your tactics that I’ll eventually give up Riley as well, you’re pitifully mistaken. That’s one fight I won’t lose.”

Hearing the fire in her voice was mind blowing. I wanted to jump over the table and grab her into my arms.

She continued. “You can rest assured that all your accusations against us have done nothing but bring us closer together and make our bond that much stronger. From what I can tell, any chance of the two of you being together was over the second I pulled into his driveway. You’ve been trying to fight a battle you lost a long time ago. Riley made his choice, and it wasn’t you, so get over it.”

And with that, my girlfriend bounded out the door, leaving the rest of us in awe.

I glanced back at Tiffany and noticed that the haughty grin had evaporated.

Dad and the assistant principal gave the traditional “appalled and disappointed” speech, and even though it was mostly aimed at Tiffany and her clan, Tammy got a few glares too. I spent the entire lecture wondering why in the world I had to sit through it. I was the one who stopped the fight; I should have gotten a pat on the back and permission to leave with Attie.

“Anything anyone would like to say for themselves?”

The room stayed silent.

“Wes, what do you think should be done with Tammy?”

“She should be kicked out of school,” he barked.

“So you don’t wanna accept any responsibility for this?”

“Why should I? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You didn’t say what you’ve been accused of saying?”

“Yeah, I said it, but this is a free country, and I can say what I want to say. I can’t help it if people get their feelings hurt. That’s their problem, not mine.”

Dad shook his head in disgust. “Rick? Tiffany? Anything you wanna add?”

They didn’t respond.

I couldn’t take their smug attitudes any longer. “I’ve got something I wanna say.”

“Go ahead,” Dad said. “But watch it.”

“Yes, sir.”

I stared straight at Rick, the ringleader of the group. Even though Tiffany did most of the dirty work, I knew he was just as involved in all the behind-the-scenes action as she was, and he was her number one encourager.

“The problem you have with Attie isn’t that she got the captain spot or that her popularity is growing or that she’s dating me. Your problem with Attie is that she doesn’t wanna be one of you. You can’t stand it that someone has the nerve not to fawn all over you. And since she won’t lower herself to act like you, it makes you feel guilty for acting the way you do. It’s okay as long as everyone acts the same way—you think it’s excusable. But when someone actually sees it for what it is and opts out, it ticks you off.

“I used to be one of you. Remember? We spent a lotta time together, and unlike most of the other people in this school, I’ve seen you for what you really are. I’ve been behind the scenes. I’ve heard the talk, and I’ve seen the way you act when you think nobody’s watching. Not only am I not impressed, I’m disgusted with myself for ever being a part of it, and I’m thankful I got out when I did.

“While you’ve been trying to cause us all these problems, we could have played dirty—as dirty as you have—but we didn’t. And we didn’t ‘cause Attie didn’t want to. She didn’t think that retaliation or defending ourselves was worth it ‘cause it would only prolong the war.

“Don’t think that our silence was a signal of our defeat. You can’t lose a war that you weren’t a part of. We walked away from every battle you threw our way not ‘cause we couldn’t defend ourselves but ‘cause we chose not to. You weren’t worth the effort.

“Attie is choosing to give up her position on the team not ‘cause she’s weak but ‘cause she’s strong enough to make the choice to do what’s best for the team as a whole. She realizes that all the drama isn’t good for anyone.”

I finally looked at Tiffany. “I’ll be willing to guess that she’ll even cover your butt when she steps down. And that, Tiffany, is the sign of a true leader. You should try taking some notes.”

“Enough, Riley,” Dad said sternly. “I think they get the point.”

“I doubt that,” Tammy said.

“Tiffany, Wes, Rick, Kent, and Riley, get on home. None of you are allowed to go to your respective sports practices today. I want you to go straight home too, do you hear me? I’ll make sure your coaches know not to expect you. Tammy, you stay put.”

I gave the clan time to leave the room before giving Tammy a hug. “Good luck.”

“Don’t worry about me. Whatever your dad does to me is worth the butt kicking I got to give today.”

Dad cleared his throat. “I wouldn’t say that in front of me if I were you. Go on, Riley,” he snapped. “Get on home.”

I ran out of the room and headed home to Attie. When I arrived, she was working on her homework in the side yard. She’d laid a blanket on the ground and was lying on her stomach writing in a notebook.

She looked up as she heard me approach. “How’d it go? What’s Tammy’s punishment?”

I stood several feet away. “I don’t know. I had to leave before he told her.”

“Are you all right? You look agitated.”

“Come here,” I requested.

She lifted herself up until she was on her knees. “Why, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just come here.”

She jumped to her feet and made her way toward me. “You’re scaring me. What’s the matter?”

As soon as she was within my reach, I placed my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her to me. “I’ve never felt more incredible than how you made me feel today.”

The skin between her eyebrows crinkled. “When?”

“When you told Tiffany that you wouldn’t give me up.”

She laughed. “That?”

All I could do was nod.

“Well, it probably doesn’t come close to how you make me feel every day. It’s the least I can do. And besides, it’s true. I won’t give you up. Not for anybody.”

chapter 21

(Attie)

Surrendering my position from the squad seemed to have succeeded. The harassment stopped for the most part, and other than a few nasty glances from Tiffany every once in a while, I was left almost completely alone by the juicers.

The abortion story quickly lost steam. Several of Riley’s friends and most of the girls on the squad sought out the truth, and once we had the opportunity to tell what really happened, the truth began to win out over the gossip. Jesus had been right. We’d done what he said and didn’t try to defend ourselves. Our choice not to get in God’s way left him the ability to bring the truth to light, and our plan worked so well that even Tammy had to admit that no defense was the best defense of all.

What was meant to cause us pain and isolation actually ended up causing people more concern for us. When we told people what the surgery was really for, they were genuinely worried. It felt as if we became more likeable in people’s eyes rather than unlikeable.

Homecoming arrived, and I watched from afar as the cheerleading squad decorated the football players’ lockers and hung banners in the stadium. I went in to say hello before the game started but missed them. They’d already left the locker room.

Just before I turned off the light, I heard crying from behind the last row of lockers. It wasn’t a quiet little cry; it was a heartbreaking sob. Glancing around, I noticed that I was the only person in the room other than the person who was obviously distraught, and I wasn’t sure if I should check on her or just leave her alone. Eventually the fear that the person was hurt won out, and I followed the wailing until I spotted her.

Of all people …

“Tiffany? Are you all right?”

As soon as she turned and saw it was me, her cries got heavier. “Go away.”

“Do you need me to get you a doctor or something? Are you hurt?”

“No.”

My feet wanted to move away from her, but my spirit wouldn’t let me. “Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked the question while at the same time I wanted to slap myself for being so ridiculous.

“Like you’d ever help me.” She turned away from me. “Just leave me alone, Attie.”

I wanted to do as she said. Oh, how I desperately wanted to leave her alone. I just couldn’t.

“I don’t think I should—leave you alone.”

“Why?”

“Because you sound hurt.”

“I already told you I’m not hurt. Not physically anyway. There’s nothing you can do to help.”

“Look, Tiffany, I realize that I’m pretty much your mortal enemy; but if you need to talk, I’m willing to listen.”

She remained silent, and finally, after several seconds of no response, I turned to go.

“He didn’t come,” she whispered.

I turned back to her. “What?”

“My dad.” She sniffled. “He was supposed to escort me for homecoming. He said he’d be here and then called and cancelled a little while ago.”

“Oh.” I walked over and sat on the bench next to hers. “Does he live here in town?”

“No. He lives in Dallas.”

“Your parents are divorced?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask why he didn’t come?”

“His new girlfriend has some party or something. She’s practically my age. Heck, he could be going to her homecoming.”

“Really?”

“No. I think she’s in her early twenties or something.”

“What about a stepdad? Do you have a stepdad that could escort you?”

“I have a stepdad, but he’s number three.”

“Number three?”

“My third stepfather, and we aren’t close.”

“What about your mom?”

“She can’t make it.”

“I’m sorry.” I lay back and balanced myself on the bench. “Dads sure can suck sometimes, can’t they?”

“Yes.” She wiped her nose on a towel. “He doesn’t really want anything to do with me. He’s moved on with his life, and I don’t fit in the picture.”

“I know that feeling all too well.”

“You do?” She seemed shocked at my admission.

“Coming to Oklahoma was supposed to be a new start for my dad and me—since my mom died.”

“What happened?”

“He sent me here early. He was going to come at the end of the summer, but one week before he was supposed to show up, he called and said he wasn’t coming. He’d actually never planned on coming. Never bought the house like he said he did, nothing. He just wasn’t coming.”

“Why didn’t you go back to New York? Was it because of Riley?”

“No. My dad didn’t want me to go back. He flat out didn’t want me at all. It was too painful to have me around—or so he said.”

“So that’s why you live with Riley’s family, because your dad doesn’t want you?”

“Pretty much. My Gramps lives in the back of the vet clinic, so he doesn’t have any room for me, and I have no place else to go. I’m lucky the Bennetts let me live with them, especially after everything that happened with Melody. I don’t know what else I would do. I would have nowhere else to go.”

“I didn’t realize … ” She turned silent for a few minutes. “You seem happy at the Bennetts’,” she finally said.

“I am. But I’d give it all up if I could have a father that actually loved me enough to want me with him.”

“Had you and your dad been close before your mom died?”

“Very close.”

“My dad and I were never close. He left when I was five.”

“Oh?”

“He left my mom for my babysitter.”

“Your babysitter?” I practically tipped off of the bench, I was so stunned. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I wish. My mom caught them together one day when he was supposed to be at work. She came home early, and there they were, kissing on the couch.”

“Where were you?”

“My brother and I were watching television or something. I don’t really remember much about it.”

“That’s good, I guess.”

“The only thing I remember is that he left that night and didn’t come back. Ever. He never came back.”

“Not even for a visit?”

“No. He sends birthday cards and Christmas gifts, and he sends me tons of money and stuff, but if I want to see him, I have to go to him.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“Two years ago. When I went to visit, he never actually spent time with me. Whatever girl he was dating at the time usually got stuck watching me while he was at work or out with his friends. I got tired of going and coming back upset every time. It’s easier this way.”

“But you went ahead and asked him to escort you for homecoming?”

“To him, importance comes from being pretty and popular and powerful. It’s status. He’s even on Facebook and has over one thousand friends. Everything’s a popularity thing for him, and everything’s about image. I think that’s why he keeps getting younger and more beautiful girlfriends. I thought maybe if he knew I was on the homecoming court he would think—”

“You were worthy of his time?”

She nodded.

“And of his love.” It was a statement for me as much as it was for her. I knew exactly how that felt.

“Yes,” she whispered as she lay back onto the bench.

Trying to forget who I was talking to, I closed my eyes. “My mom used to tell me that when I was little, I would stack five or six magazines on top of each other and then stand on top of them, wait for my dad to count to three, and then I would jump off and take a bow. Neither one of us could get enough. I couldn’t get enough attention from him, and he couldn’t give enough. He’d tell me how amazing I was, how beautiful I looked, how talented I was. There’s no telling what all he said, and I believed every word of it. I believed that he truly saw me that way. For years, having my daddy tell me I was beautiful and special was it for me, my pinnacle. Then suddenly I wasn’t those things to him anymore. I’m not those things, not to him, anyway.”

“But you’re those things to Riley, or at least it seems like it. I’ve never seen him act like this over a girl.”

“To some extent, I guess that’s true. To Riley, I’ve practically hung the moon, and I feel the same way about him. But one thing I’ve learned through all of this dad stuff is that we can’t walk around getting our value from some guy. People are human, and they change their minds or they make horrible choices. Our worth can’t be left hanging out there depending on what some fickle person thinks about us.

“Just by the very nature of our dads’ relation to us, they should think we’re the most amazing things ever; but for some reason they don’t, and it hurts. It seems to go against nature and all that God had in mind for families, but it’s our reality, and our reality, in this particular area, stinks.”

“Tell me about it.”

“When I found out my dad wasn’t coming, that he didn’t want me, I nearly lost my mind. Literally almost lost my mind. If Joshua hadn’t knocked me out and I would have actually tried to process it right then, I probably would have gone comatose. I still haven’t really gone there and thought about it. I’m afraid to. I’m afraid of the damage it will do to me if I really let it sink in.”

“So how do you keep from dwelling on it?”

“It would sound weird to you.”

“Try me. I want to hear.”

“For every negative thought I have about myself, I’ve written out a scripture from the Bible that tells me the truth. And the truth is always opposite of what I’ve told myself.”

“How can that be enough?”

“What other choice do I have? If those things aren’t true, then what’s the point? But, if the Bible is true and God is real, then the Creator of the universe and everything on it and in it and everything that has ever been and will ever be sees me as beautiful and worthy … and sees you as beautiful and worthy. If he thinks that, doesn’t that make it so?”

I looked over and saw her shrug.

“I choose to believe we’re worthy, you and me. No matter what our dads or some guy may think. We’re pretty darned awesome, and they’re missing out if they don’t see that.”

“I need to choose to believe that too,” she whispered.

We lay on our respective benches in silence for several minutes as we processed the conversation. Tiffany had stopped crying, but when I glanced at her again, it was obvious she was still upset.

“You know,” I said, “it’s unfair that kids get stuck having to suffer the consequences for their parents’ problems and crappy choices. Like we don’t have enough problems of our own, we’ve got to worry about theirs too.”

“That’s for sure.”

“I don’t know what it is that allows a parent to cut off all feelings for their kids and act like they don’t exist.”

“It’s selfishness,” she said.

“I guess you’re right. That’s probably exactly what it is.”

“They want what they want, and they don’t care who they have to hurt to get it—even if it’s their own kid.”

“It’s sick,” I said.

“And twisted,” she added.

“So then we’re sick—”

“And twisted.”

As we laughed at our predicament, the air in the room seemed to lighten, and the tension drifted away. We were simply two girls, each having our own issues and trying to figure out how to survive in a difficult and selfish world—trying to survive without their dads.

“I overheard your conversation and misunderstood.” Her comment came out of nowhere and caught me off guard.

“What conversation?”

“I heard Riley say that he didn’t agree with you having surgery but that it was your body and he’d go along with whatever you decided.”

“Oh.”

“I assumed—”

“You assumed wrong.”

“I think part of me was happy to find out you weren’t actually perfect, that you made a mistake.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You thought I was perfect before that?”

“Pretty much.”

“I’m so far from perfect—you have no idea. Perfect and I are millions of miles apart.”

“It doesn’t seem that way.”

“Nobody’s perfect, Tiffany. Surely you know that.”

“Well, some people sure do seem more perfect than others.”

“They just hide their crap better,” I said.

“Riley seems to think you’re perfect.”

“I think he sees us as perfect for each other more than he sees me as perfect. Trust me, he knows what a screw-up I am. He probably knows it better than anyone else.”

“It must be nice to have someone who loves you for who you really are.”

“When Riley and I first saw each other this summer, I was a person who’d been completely stripped of everything I thought I was or believed. All I had was the real me—the hurt, scared, lonely me. There was no show. I didn’t pretend to be something I wasn’t, and it wasn’t so much because I knew better; it was because I couldn’t. I was so exhausted from life that I couldn’t have put on a show for him if my life depended on it. He literally got a no makeup, hair in a mess, sweatshirt and sweatpants wearing, up at night screaming, neurotic, scarred girl who’d lost most everyone she’d ever loved. I was a complete mess.”

“Sounds so appealing,” she teased.

“Doesn’t it? I was a catch; what can I say?”

“What on earth did that boy see in you?”

“I have no idea. Honestly, I have no idea.”

“I do,” she whispered. “You’re a good girl.”

I groaned.

“I don’t mean that in a bad way. I mean that you’re a good person; that would be attractive to most people—even to people who want to hate you. Maybe that’s why they do.”

“Because I’m good?”

“Because they aren’t—we aren’t.”

“None of us are. We can try to be good and we can make the right choices, but when it boils down to it, none of us are inherently good.”

“Okay, then. You’re good-er.”

“I’ll take ‘good-er,’ only ‘cause it’ll shut you up.”

“Thank you for that.”

“So who are you going to have escort you?” I asked.

“Nobody. I’m on my own.”

“Surely we can think of someone to do it.”

“Who?”

“Riley would do it if I asked him.”

Tiffany almost fell off the bench. “Riley? You’d ask Riley to escort me?” She sat up, swung her legs over the side of the bench, and leaned toward me. “You would do that? For me?”

“Sure. Well, for you and for the amusement of the entire school.”

“That’s really cool of you.”

I sat up and faced her. “You have no idea, Tiffany. I’m a very cool person,” I teased.