Repented (11 page)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

BUMPER CARS

KEVIN

Like a wound I couldn't mend, the moment I decided to attempt to put myself out there and make right, I was knocked down. I wasn't looking to hook up with her, just try and make amends and leave a better impression than hitting her with a bus. Most girls would knock at the opportunity to be invited backstage, just not Bri.

When I made my way back inside, Jake saw me and immediately knew something was off. He asked if it was Bri and I nodded. He strode off on a mission, and I assume went to play referee. I didn't even want him to. It wasn't worth it. She was nothing to me. What I thought was fate was nothing more than a slap in the face. After what just happened, I felt like being alone and backstage wasn't the place for me. Making my way out to the tour bus, I climbed into my bunk and closed the curtain.

I pulled out my phone and decided to call Kennedy. It was late, but the three hour time difference helped.

"Hey, Kev," she answered happily.

Things were going well in Phoenix for her and Skylar, and I was happy that I had a hand in helping make it happen. After hearing my tone, she picked up that something was off, and I went into what just happened with Bri. Over the past couple months, Kennedy and I had grown very close. She quickly became one of my go-to people. Even with all the shit hands she's been dealt, she still finds it in her heart to be optimistic.

"Oh honey, with some time you'll be good as new, better even. Think of it as being under construction. I seriously think that having  some solo time is good for you. And just because something isn't happening right now doesn't mean it will never happen. If she doesn't see how amazing you are, then she can go sit on a cactus." 

Laughing, I thanked her for her pep-talk, pick me up and told her I'd talk to her in a few days. The gear should have been almost loaded up by now. I was relieved when the guys piled onto the bus. We were heading to the other side of town to crash for the night, before heading to Illinois tomorrow.

Climbing into the high thread count sheets after a nice, hot shower, I was ready to crash. As much as I loved touring, it was exhausting. The thing with Bri was still eating at me. I couldn't help but wonder why she thought I was some piece of shit scumbag.
Did everyone think that?
Whatever the reason, her reaction left me feeling like it wasn't in my best interest to find out.

The misconceptions that were attached to us were usually unwarranted. After all was said and done, we were still people. No one knew what went on behind the scenes. How much time all of the band members spent doing community outreach, and not just by donating money.

I'm not claiming to be a saint, nor am I denying how I was in the beginning. But again, in my defense, everything was so easy and accessible. The drugs, the girls, the fame. The misconceptions sometimes held true, but it wasn't fair for her to judge me without giving me the chance to find out.

Just as my head hit the pillow, my phone buzzed. It was already a little after two in the morning. I was so tired, I debated leaving it until morning, but curiosity got the better of me.

Bri-
I'm probably the last person you're hoping to hear from right about now, but I feel I owe you an apology. I did judge you based on what you do for a living and for that I'm sorry. You don't know my story either.

After re-reading the message a few times, I contemplated not responding. Without over thinking it, I started texting.

I get it, and I accept your apology. Did you ever think maybe I didn't tell you for a reason? (Apart from the fact that we never talked about anything other than your car.) Being judged isn't fair or fun, for anyone. I'm just Kevin. I'm a pretty normal guy, for the most part. I'm not a saint, nor have I ever claimed to be, but I'm not an asshole either. I didn't have any ill intentions about tonight, other than seeing it as a second chance to meet again under better circumstances. And you're right, I don't know your story either. After how you went off on me, I'm not sure I want to.

Let her sit and stew on that for tonight.

Hooking my phone into the charger, I placed it on the end table and turned out the light. I was beat. As intriguing as her possible response was, it would have to wait until morning.

BRI

Sitting at my kitchen table, I re-read Kevin's message for probably the hundredth time. I was contemplating how, or whether, to respond. Whether I should offer to take him out to breakfast or ignore it all together. I didn't even know if he'd still be here by the time I woke up.

The deafening silence hung heavily around me. The only sound was the tick-tock of the grandfather clock in the dining room. Being alone was something I was slowly adapting to, but I still wasn't ready to let anyone new into my life. I lost most of my friends because I was too busy taking care of Gramps. I didn't have the time to have much of a social life and before long the phone calls and texts stopped coming.

On the other hand, I didn't want to be alone but it was the only way to keep myself from being hurt again. There was only so many blows a person can take before they give up, and I was at that fork. Kevin seemed like someone that I would possibly like to get to know better, which also scared the hell out of me.

My main focus right now needed to be selling the house I grew up in. The plan was to start over somewhere new. Somewhere that didn't have bad memories attached to it. Sometimes you've got to put your big girl boots on and prove you can still use the pointy end.

With that in mind, I messaged Kevin back.

You're right, no one likes being judged. I'm just not at a point in my life where I'm taking unnecessary risks. Maybe third time will be the charm.

Zach

The tits on this one were perfect melons. As shitty as I felt about breaking things off with Peyton, I knew I made the right decision because there was no way I wanted to miss this part of the tour. I was only twenty-four. I still had a while before I would be ready to settle down and end up like Jake. I don't want to end up regretting not getting out in the scene and taking full advantage of all the
opportunities
at my disposal. That's pretty much what they were, disposable opportunities. The most ironic part is; they know it and still don't care. They willingly lineup night after night for a chance to end up in my bed. If I turn them down, they just go down the line. But trust me, I'm not complaining.

"Oh god, Zach," her nails bit into my shoulder as I picked up my pace.

Her lean, body was wrapped around me as she lifted her ass to meet me thrust for thrust until we came together. I felt a little shitty for not being able to remember her name; I was terrible with names. I just called them all beautiful. This beautiful was a pretty good fuck; I'd give her that. Normally, I didn't do repeat performances, but with her I might just go another round and see how much damage she could do on top.

Sitting up, I walked into the hotel bathroom tossing the spent condom into the toilet and flushing it. Yeah, I know you're not supposed to do that, but I also don't need to leave a trail of evidence in my wake.

I couldn't imagine being the girls, doing the walk of shame the next morning. Or even worse, that night. If I were a girl, I'd totally be out the door praying my companion didn't stir. The next morning was the only downfall of one-night stands. The
stay in touch's
or my personal favorite,
it's been nice.
There's always the instances where you wake up and they're there sans makeup and look like something from the Walking Dead. Or better yet, the ones that leave their makeup on and look like their face is melted. Those are the times I made up any and every excuse to get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible.

"Are you just going to stay in there all night or are you coming back out?" She whined.

There were few things I hated more than whiny chicks. Was there something sexy about trying to sound like a child not getting their way that I was missing? It was almost enough for me to go into the room and ask her to leave, but when I turned to look at her she was lying legs spread looking so damn inviting.

"Round two?" She asked.

Fuck me.
I should say no. I really should. I should be trying to sleep, so I can keep on my game.
Fuck it.

My earlier vision of her on top trumped sleep. "Hell yes. You. Top. Now."

Jumping onto the bed, I rolled onto my back. She fetched a condom from the top of the nightstand and handed it to me. As quickly as I could, I got that sucker on and watched as she slowly slid down my length, taking me balls deep. Reaching my hands out, I cupped one breast in each hand giving a light squeeze. I loved tits. They made me happy. They were like toys for guys, fun to play with and eventually end up in your mouth.

"You're so hot, Zach." She moaned.

It would have been rude to tell her to stop talking, so I just tuned her out and focused on watching her make perfect friction. Her auburn hair was extra red in the light and complimented her pale skin and brown eyes. Her perfectly taut tits bounced with each thrust.

I would spend the rest of my night stuck between thoughts of how hot she was, how good she rode my cock and how I was going to shake her in the morning. I'd most likely end up sneaking into Mason and Joel's room after she fell asleep, after leaving her a note on her pillow, of course.

After she was finished, she rolled onto her side and covered herself up with a sheet. By the time I came back out of the bathroom, she was fast asleep. Halleluiah.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

THE DESTRUCTION OF SELF

KEVIN

Oh Missouri, how I loathe thee. No seriously, until we get to a city or Colorado there's very little scenery other than farms, billboards of Jesus or aborted fetus'. No offense to anyone that lives here, but I'm a city boy, and this is just so out of my comfort zone. On the other hand, the fans here are genuine, legit, and hardcore. There's not a whole lot going on, so when we roll in chaos ensues.

Austin and I had breakfast together this morning. All the other guys in GT were looking pretty banged up from the night before. Part of me missed those days. I missed when I would get to the point that the room would be spinning, and having girls lined up for the picking. But, I also knew it filled an endless void. There was no love. It's almost like a bandage; you cover it but it's only hidden under the surface.

For the past three years, I had Bryn, and she kept me focused on staying clean and on the straight and narrow path. I also felt like a circle trying to fit into a square. I didn't fit in. I don't think I really ever fit in. Society seems to have this fucked up ideology of what we're supposed to be like. It's almost Stepford like. With Bryn, she was the square. She wanted me to fit that mold, but I see now that I never have and never would. It took me getting out of the situation to see it clearly.

Bri got back to me with a cryptic apology, which I decided to ignore for the time being. My focus needed to be here and with the band. Distractions put me off my A game. Out of boredom, I decided to check my social media accounts. I instantly regretted it as soon as the app finished loading. The first thing in my feed was a smiling Bryn, reclined on some guy with a sunset in the background. It shouldn't have bothered me, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it sting ever so slightly.

Even though, I was getting by, it still felt like any time I grasped at anything, it slipped through my fingers. Was I really that bad of a person in my past that I somehow deserved this fate? It was hard to tell since I only vaguely remembered parts of it.

By the time we arrived at the venue, we were an hour late. There was already a crowd of groupies gathered anticipating our arrival. As we piled off the bus, a girl that couldn't have been over twenty-one stepped in front of me stopping me dead in my tracks.

"Hi, I'm Jess. I taste good, eat clean and fuck dirty!"

Thankfully for me, Joel and Mason, came and took her attention. I felt like a deer in the headlights with how outright and brazen she was. Austin came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"You okay, buddy?" He laughed. 

"Dude, it never ceases to amaze me. I'm seriously going to write a book one day."

Shaking his head, he laughed. "I can't even imagine you guys in the glory days."

"Did someone say glory days?" Derek chimed in. He put an arm around each of us and popped his head between. "I don't think you could handle the truth, Austin. You may need extensive therapy afterward."

"Can we not take a walk down memory lane today?" I sighed.

"Such a party pooper," Derek rolled his eyes. "I'll tell you some of the best ones later." He winked and made his way back to Joss.

There was a fascination with all things Battlescars. Especially before we hit it big. We had quite the reputation, but it wasn't what defined us. What defined us was consistently putting out great music and being active with our fans.

The black-painted brick of the venue was fading and chipped, kind of like my heart. I knew eventually someone would shock it back to life. I was done feeling this dark cloud surrounding me. As much as I was hoping this tour was going to be a welcome distraction, it was proving to be harder for me than I could have anticipated.

I felt the need to go into seclusion and sweat out whatever was eating at me. I was over being a downer. I would find the cure to picking up the pieces. So what if what I thought was my life unraveled in front of me in a matter of days? It's obvious that it wasn't my intended destination. I still had more than most people. Most important, I had my family and friends. I owed it to them to stick it out and do my best on this tour.

And with my mind set, I killed it that night.

After the show, backstage was in full party swing. Booze and girls were everywhere. Grabbing a beer, I took one of the only available seats next to a girl with long black hair. She eyed me skeptically. I returned the gaze, contemplating striking up a conversation. She chewed on the corner of her bottom lip. Most girls back here were brazen. Even the occasional cat fight broke out over getting attention.

Deciding the silence was awkward, I turned to her and put my free hand out. "Hi, I'm Kevin."

She placed her hand out and shook mine. "Holly, with an I."

"Well, Holli with an I, it's nice to meet you. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"I'm babysitting my younger sister, Jess," she said with an eye roll.

"Oh." Yeah, I had met Jess earlier. She was taking turns making out with Joel and Mason at the moment.

"Don't worry, she's legal. Barely." She looked at her hand and started chewing at her thumbnail.

Deciding I wasn't cut out for this tonight, I excused myself and headed for the bus. I knew there was a good chance if I tried to pursue Holli with an I that I  could have had her do the walk of shame; I just wasn't up for it yet.