Renegade T.M. (8 page)

Slip, Crinkle, Fendel and Pete all made their way back to the Humdinger on one of the scout ships. Arriving without incident, Pete decided that introductions should be made.

“
Hello then, I'm Pete
.”

“
Oh
yeah
hi
,”
said Slip
,
“welcome
aboard
.”

“
Thanks, so what now
?”
a
sked Pete.

“
Well
,”
replied
Slip
,
“
how about Twister
?”

“
Slip
,”
interrupted
Crinkle
unsuccessfully
.

“
Yeah
Twister, lo
ve it!” he went on, “
Fendel, you get everything ready, and then we can all get naked
!”
he finished
excitedly, undoing his belt buckle as he spoke.

“
Err
Slip
,”
she repeated
.

“
What now b
abe
?”
he asked
, his trousers around his ankles.

“
We're under attack
!”

And sure enough, at the moment Crinkle said these words, there was a loud bang from somewhere, and the Humdinger seemed to belly flop in space.

“
It's the Co-leen
,”
stated Fendel matter of factly.

“
Why those sneaky, double crossing..
.”

Slip was unable to finish this sentence, for the Humdi
nger was hit again, causing him
to lurch forward, fall over his trousers
,
and land flat on his face.

“
Ow
,”
he whimpered.

“
Right
,”
Slip
rallied,
pulling up his trousers
as he spoke
,
“
battle stations everyone, nobody makes a fool of Slip
McGroovy
!”

“
Fendel
.”

“
Yeah
Slip
.”

“
Make everything work
.”

“
Sure thing boss
,”
replied Fendel
,
who started pushing buttons.

“
Crinkle
.”

“
Yes Slip
.”

“
Put on some music
.”

“
Already on it
,”
and as she said this, the Humdinger started to beat.

“
You
.”

“
Yeah
,”
replied Pete
,
feeling a little nervous.

“
Take the helm.
“

“
What
?
!”
started Pete aghast
,
“why,
what are you going to do
?”

“
I'm gonna tell what to do, now quickly, evasive
maneuvers
!
”

Pete looked
down
at the console
Slip was pointing at
and was thoroughly relieved to see six big, orange, user-friendly buttons and a cup holder.

“
FOWARD
!”
y
elled Slip.

Pete pressed the button marked forward.

“
LEFT
!”

Pete pressed the button marked left.

“
RIGHT
!”

Pete pressed the button marked right.

“
LEFT AGAIN, QUICK MAN QUICK
!”

Pete pressed the button marked left again.

“
Phew, we've lost them
,”
announced Slip with a sigh of relief, and sure enough, the Co-leen had gone.

“
Oh they'll be back
,”
warned Fendel, stretching out his fingers as he spoke.

“
Right, where were we
,”
said Slip
,
dropping his trousers
again
.

“
Now hold on
,”
Pete put in
,
“
these Co-leen are going to destroy my planet unless I can stop them, and to be perfectly honest, before you lot showed up, I had everything completely under control, I had them eating out of the palm of my hand
!
”

“
Eating what
?”
a
sked Fend
el innocently.

“
Eating whatever, it doesn't matter, it's an expression you idiot
!
”

“
An expression of what
?”
he asked wide-eyed.

“
Look, please stop that; seriously
, you guys owe me one, if it w
asn’t
for me heroically taking charge just then, you'd all be dead
!
”

“
Sure thing fainting boy
,”
said Crinkle sarcastically.

“
Okay, fine
,”
he replied,
sounding a little hurt
,
“I'm asking you to help me; t
he Co
-leen are going to destroy my home planet, unless we can stop them.
”

“
Yeah
I'd agree with that
,”
agreed Fendel.

“
But there must be something we can do
?”
he pleaded with them.

“
There's no
thing we can't do!
”
boasted Slip, pulling up his trousers
,
“
we're the Renegade team
!”

“
Well do something then
.”

“
Why should we help you
?”
a
sked Cri
nkle, weighing up the earthman
as she spoke.

“
Er
, well
,”
he stuttered, trying to organiz
e his thoughts.

“
What can you do
?”
she asked.

“
Advertise
,”
he suggested
meekly.

“
Advertising, brilliant
,”
cheered Slip
,
“
that's just the kind of thing we need. Show us what you can do
.”

“
Okay, you're the Renegade team right
?”

“
Right
,”
they all agreed.

“
Well how about
,”
he
paused for effect, then beginning in his deepest voice
“
the Renegade team... WHAAASSSSUUUUUPP!!
!”

Pete stood there dumbly, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

“
I don't know what to say
,”
began Slip softly
,
“
I think I'm going to cry
.
”

A
nd sure thing, a
perfect
tear fell neatly from his face.

“
That was beautiful man
,”
he went on
, giving Pete a hug as they spoke
, “
you've got my vote bro'
.”

Fendel and Crinkle
rolled their eyes at each other, (something they were now considerably practiced at).

“
Now all in
favo
u
r
of letting our man Pete here join the team, say
“
Slip, you sure are a sexy beast
”
.”

The room was silent fo
r a moment, silent that is were it not for Slip’s imagin
ation, in which he was suddenly
deafened by a chorus of
“
Slip, you sure are a sexy beast
”
.

“
Great, that's
settled then,
Pete, you're now part of the Renegade team, and now back to business
,”
he said
dropping his trousers.

“
Wait a minute
,”
said Pete, who was now beginning to fret a little about the people he had teamed up with
,
“
what about earth, what about my planet
?”

“
Oh what now
,”
sighed Slip.

“
Well
,”
began Fendel
,
“
it appears that the Co-leen want to destroy both your planet, and us. The trick is to make them want to destroy us more than your planet
.”

“
Oh that'll be easy
,”
stated Slip
,
“
we'll go mental
!”

This said, Slip
waddled
over to a chair with his trousers around his ankles, sat down and started to clear his throat; Crinkle wandered over to the same place and sat down opposite him, then began to fiddle with something technical looking, which Pete was convinced was destined for her ear; and Fendel, giving Pete a scary wink, began to push some more buttons. Pete, it must be said, was by now having serious doubts concerning the mental balance of his new found friends, and was actually entertaining the option of returning to the Co-leen and facing the consequences, of which he could at least be certain, wou
ld not involve any twister. H
e was not given the chance however, to follow this desperate train of thought to the end of the line
, for at that moment, Renegade T
M went on the thought waves.

““
Yashcoo y'all, it's Slip the flip here, coming to you from the deep, deep, deep reaches of the one mind; and you know what, I'm feeling pretty glum chum
.”

“
Why's that baby
?”

“
Well Crinks, let me tell you what happened to me today. I was just flying along, m
e
r
r
ily minding my own business, when all of a sudden, these Co-leen creeps came over all superior like, and tell me that they're going to destroy me because
I’m just
too cool, I mean, what's with that rap Jack
?”

“
Ah those guys are jerks
.”

“
Hey, you don't have to tell me twice
.”

“
I didn't
.”

“
Yeah
well, the thing is, these guys need to be taught a lesson, and you know what cat is gonna do the teaching
?”

“
He'd sure have to be brave
.”

“
And don't forget super sexy, Crinks
.”

“
Well who
then Slip
?”

“
Why only the number one original biscuit himself, your own jive daddy Slip
McGroovy
, me
!”

“
Hey that's great, we won't put a foot-note wrong, if we're playing your song
.”

“
Quite true Crinks
, quite true. Well, let's cut to the chase, the Renegade team are gonna cream these Co-leen creeps, and we could use your help, the beautiful Renegade riot raisers, and to begin with, we're gonna restore the resistance, so we would just love your artful assistance at the newly refurbished waterslide planet of Krassis. We'll be there in a blink of a Yasht
ee moon, and I know all you groo
vers and shak
ers wi
ll be there too
.”