Renegade T.M. (37 page)

“
Well that was unexpected
,”
b
egan Crumble, Co-leen minion
third class with fruit and vegetable privileges.

“
It was
,”
agreed Mormid, before realizing that his minions really should not be addressing him so casually
,
“
who are you anyway
?”

“
I’m Crumble sire, it is my delight to serve you
.”

“
Yes, yes, I’m sure
.”

“
Who’d have thought that a heron would be so convincing?
!”

“
I know
,”
concurred Mormid
,
“
makes you think doesn’t it
.”

“
So now that the Co-leen are not the rulers of everything and anything else that may have been missed in the course of ruling everything, what next
?”
asked Crumble innocently.

Just moments before, Mormid had been on the verge of declaring his typical verdict of
“
inferior species
”
, and then condemning the planet below to immediate annihilation, when the Earth’s representative, (a heron), had mounted a devastating counter argument, which had forced Mormid to admit defeat, and fundamentally rethink the entire modus operandi of the entire Co-leen race. What annoyed him more than this however, was the fact that now when he thought back on this devastating feat of oratory, all he could remember of the details was a lot of squawking, interspersed with moments of flying around the room and then trying to eat a light fixture. Either way, the planet Earth was safe, and unusually, Mormid felt okay about this.

“
What next
?”
Crumble repeated the question.

Dinkle Mormid thought for a moment, and then the answer to the question seemed to spring centre stage with all the pomp and ceremony of a royal wedding on steroids. The solution was so undeniable, that he could think of nothing else, and the sounds that he went onto make sounded something like:

“
Thwisheng
!”

“
Sorry
,
what sire
?”

He composed himself for a moment, before replying clearly and with undeniable purpose:

“
Fishing
!”

“
An excellent idea your mighty Mormidness, shall I set course for the angling nebula of Oxcana
?”

“
Yes Crumble
,”
he replied
,
“oh and Crumble…”

“
Yes sire
.”

“
Call me Dink
.”

““
Hey there space heads, it’s your old mate Slip here, broadcasting today from the Milky Way, with hit after hit designed to enlarge the mind..
.”

“
Slip
,”
int
e
r
r
upted Crinkle
,
“
where’s Fendel
?”

“
Good spot Crinks, I’d have to say that I don’t know, least I know where he isn’t, which is here, but apart from that, I’d have to say, elsewhere, yep, Fends is without doubt, elsewhere
.”

“
Hang on there’s a note
.”

“
Well read it out then, don’t leave our listeners waiting
.”

“
Dear Slip and Crinkle
,”
she began
reading out the note
,
“
I have taken one of the scoutships and left in order to visit the planet known in local parlance as Earth. I hear that they have devices there that can open tins electronically, and also, that for one night of their
yea
r, they attempt to blow up the sky with a whole host of explosive fire missiles! Well as I am sure you’ll understand, this is something I must absolutely witness for myself, I also intend to bring back something called a pokemon, which I think would go nicely in one of Crink’s casseroles. Anyway, I’ve set the IM machine on autopilot so you’ll be able to broadcast as usual. If you have any problems, don’t hesitate to ignore them. If you need to contact me, trying whistling the chorus to
“
can’t buy me love
”
, and if that doesn’t work, you can always pick up the phone and dial a number. Lots of love, yours, Fendel
.”

“
Well that’s just typical
!”

“
Are we going after him Slip
?”

“
Well
if we aren’t, then my name’s not
Nick McSlippery
!”

“
It’s not
.”

“
Exactly
!”

“
I’ll go and pack then
,”
she sighed
rolling her eyes.

“
So there you have it my beloved Renegade rabble, yours truly will shortly be embarking on the quest to find Fendel. Incidentally the
“
Find Fendel
”
series is now available from the Children’s Sections of most good boo
kshops. So all I ask of you all
, is that you stay loose, eat well, and so
“
no
”
to rugs, and Renegade T
M will be back broadcasting on the thoughtwaves shortly. And to play us out here’s John Tomes, with
“
What’s Mew Pussycat?
”
, and remember people, that no matter who you are and what you do, there are still some things that make us all the same, I mean, who can honestly say that they don’t love playing naked twister?
!”
”

And that said,
the Humdinger set course for the planet Earth, and
Renegade T
M came off the thoughtwaves.

And as the sun sets over
Sutton
, and the rain retires for the night, and the people climb into their beds and kiss and cuddle and read themselves to sleep, one man still wanders the streets, entertaining notions of rebirth and unwavering hope. He marches purpose-filled from end to end, breathing deep on the now clean air, and savouring every moment as he would the first best food bite on a plate, or when church bells chime through the falling snow at Christmas, or lying on a sun baked beach when the only prior engagement remains pursing your lips around a straw to a delicious cool coconut beverage. He is now filled with a divine purpose, a purpose which has no set design, and could lead him down many faint and narrow paths, but paths that he will tread sure-footed, and paths that he will learn from and better himself on. The day had shown him where he had become stuck, and it was as though an omnipotent force had dislodged him from his stupor, and breathed new direction and focus into his hollow shell. He smiles as he walks, as though listening to something only he can hear, a bespoke radio station perhaps, which beams direct to his brain, broadcasting positive vibes and tunes to live to and die for. He clicks his fingers as he walks the streets, perhaps he is clicking a beatnik approval to the city delights, or maybe he is clicking along to some unknowable tune that rattles rhythmically round his mind. Crossing the road at a jaunty angle, he bumps into a t
e
r
r
ibly pale fellow, who introduces himself as an alien called Fendel, and asks him if he knows the whereabouts of any Pokemon. He nods and decides to help this intriguing character. The duo then advance together, both inexplicably pleased with themselves and their predicament. He turns to Fendel, and remembers that there is something pressing that they need to do before they can find any Pokemon, something requested of him by a particularly important person, but he cannot remember who. The alien agrees to help him, and they make a pact together, as a family might. He is ready now and itching to start, the man known by other men, as Pete Martin.

THE END

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