Release Me (The Music Within Book 2) (13 page)

“Mal,
I had no idea…”

“The
appointment I had downtown was with my lawyer. That mornin’ he dropped the bomb
on me about the strip mall. This might not seem much to someone like you, but
it’s all I got. The little bit of land and this house. I know I have the bar,
but it’s a bloodsucker. I hate it.”

Cade’s
frown deepened, and he stepped back. “Someone like me… don’t make it sound so
disgusting.”

Mal
checked on the chicken, carefully turning each piece so he wouldn’t splatter
hot grease everywhere. He stirred the corn and the beans, giving himself time
to think of how to say what he was feeling without offending Cade further.
“Look, I didn’t mean any harm in what I said. But think about it – have you
ever wondered whether to pay the light bill so your momma could watch
television and be warm, or pay the water bill so you could take a shower and
water the animals? Have you ever eaten nothin’ but beans and bread for a week
just so you could pay the light bill? We have, Cade. That’s where we were
before our land was bought. It was gonna suck watchin’ the house and barn I
grew up in be razed so a fuckin’ mall could take their place. But it was gonna
get me out from under the strain of debt we’re in.”

Cade
held up his hands in surrender. “You’re right. You are absolutely right. I have
never been in that position, and I can’t imagine what you’ve been through. But
don’t hold it against me that I was born into money. Honestly, I’ve not touched
a penny of my family’s money since I hit the road when I was eighteen. I lived
in a one-room apartment with three guys for years until we could afford
something larger. I’m not comparing that to what you’ve been through. I’m just
hoping you’ll see I’m not a rich snob.”

Mal
mulled that over while he pulled the browned, crispy pieces from the skillet
and placed them on a stack of paper towels to drain. As he filled the skillet
up again, he felt heat at his back. Cade looked over his shoulder, intent on
the popping oil. “Don’t mind me, just watching the master at work.”

Mal
laughed and turned his face toward Cade’s. Their mouths were almost touching,
and Cade took care of that. He grasped Mal by the throat using his fingers to
angle Mal’s head back a little more so he could get at him properly. The hand
on his throat tightened as Cade deepened the kiss, begging for entrance. Mal
was ready to open for him. Ready to feel Cade’s warm tongue invade his mouth.
The dogs had other ideas. Their sudden barking had Cade groaning and Mal
grinning. “That’d be Walt,” he whispered against Cade’s mouth.

“I’m
going to have a talk with that man about his timing,” Cade huffed and returned
to the table, but not before he adjusted his dick behind his pants.

Walt
knocked before letting himself in the back door. “Son, something sure smells
good,” he called out as he wiped his feet on the small rug, even though it was
bone dry outside.

“Hey,
Walt. This is my friend Cade. Cade, Walt.”

Cade
stood and shook the older man’s hand. “It’s a pleasure, sir.”

“Likewise.
So you’re the fancy drummer Mal can’t stop talking about, huh?”

Cade
grinned and Mal groaned. Leave it to his old friend to make him blush. Again.
Mal couldn’t look at Cade, so he asked, “Walt, can I get you somethin’ to
drink?”

“If
Cade here’s done hogging the tea, I’ll take a glass.”

He
did look at Cade then. Mal barked out a laugh at the surprise on Cade’s face.
When he saw the almost empty jug, it was his turn to blush. “Sorry, but that’s
good stuff. We don’t get it on the West Coast, and it just isn’t the same
putting sugar in it later.”

Mal
poured Walt a glass and handed it to him. “Ma’s in the den,” he hinted.

“No,
she’s not,” Walt whispered then whistled low.

“Hello,
Walt,” Suzette said from the doorway, smoothing her hands down the front of her
dress. This was the second time she had tried to press out wrinkles that
weren’t there. She must be nervous. Walt was clearly appreciative of the effort
Mal’s momma put into her appearance, because he stared at her like he hadn’t
just seen her a few days before. Cade was looking back and forth between the
two, wheels turning behind his beautiful blue eyes.

“I’ll
make more tea. Walt, why don’t you and Ma talk a bit? Supper’ll be another few
minutes.”

Walt
didn’t take his eyes off Suzette. He said, “Yeah, okay,” and walked slowly
toward her. “The boys are kicking us out of the kitchen. What say we have a
seat on the front porch? Weather’s really nice.”

Suzette
held out her hand, and Walt placed it on his forearm. He directed her to the
front door, and once again Mal and Cade were alone.

“How
long have they been avoiding the obvious?” Cade asked.

“No
idea. I’ve just recently noticed the way they are around each other. To tell
you the truth, I’m hopin’ they do get together. It’s been too long since my
momma’s been happy, and Walt, well, all I know is he’s never been married.”

“Does
he live around here?”

“Yeah,
just down the road. He always stops by and checks on her when I have to work
late at the bar. I guess somewhere down the line it turned into somethin’ else.
I’m goin’ to encourage it as much as I can.” When the water was boiling, Mal
added tea bags and waited for them to steep. He rinsed out the empty jug, and
added warm water and sugar to the bottom of it so it would already be
dissolving.

Cade
hadn’t sat back down since he had been introduced to Walt. He seemed to be
interested in what Mal was doing. “That’s amazing,” he stated when Mal stirred
the sugar water.

“What
is?” Mal didn’t know any other way to make sweet tea, and Cade really seemed to
like it.

“This.
All of it. You’re going to make someone a good husband someday.”

Mal’s
heart tightened at Cade’s words. “I don’t think that’s gonna happen, not around
here,” he mumbled. “Remind me to tell you a story after supper.” He had never
told anyone how he got his scar or where Dwight was, but he wanted to tell Cade
for some reason. He needed for this man to know how broken inside he was. He
removed the tea from the stove and poured it into the waiting jug. Using a
wooden spoon, he mashed the tea bags against the boiler, getting all the liquid
out of them he could. He then added ice from the freezer to fill the container
the rest of the way. “Here, stir this for me.” Mal handed the jug and spoon
over to Cade so he could get the rest of the chicken out of the oil.

Mal
removed the flowers from the middle of the small table and placed them on the
counter where they could still be enjoyed. He transferred all the food over to
serving dishes and set them in the middle of the table. He then put plates and
silverware out for everyone. Mal had never cooked like this for anyone except
his family, and even though he knew he was a good cook, he was still nervous.
He didn’t want Cade to be disappointed in him, even if they would probably
never see each other after this weekend.

He
took the tea jug from Cade and put it aside. “Go ahead and have a seat here,”
he indicated the chair Cade had sat in for breakfast. “I’ll go get Ma and
Walt.” Mal stuck his head out the front door and paused. The two of them were
sitting in the rocking chairs, Walt’s hand resting on top of Suzette’s. Mal
smiled. Looks like he could take Walt off his to-do list.

Cade

Cade
was on his fourth piece of chicken. Mal was a great cook, and Cade wanted to
kidnap him and take him back to LA. When Walt wasn’t fussing over Suzette, he
was busting Cade’s chops about eating so much. Cade took it in stride. Walt’s
smile while he was joking with Cade was all the reassurance he needed that the
older man wasn’t serious. He caught him winking at Mal more than once. In the
short time he had known Walt Johnson, Cade had him figured out. He was a
lonely, older bachelor, and he was ready to spend his time with Suzette. He was
also very proud of Mal, and whether consciously or subconsciously, had mentally
adopted him.

Talk
at the table was mostly focused on the farm and what Mal was going to do with
it. How he was going to bring it back to the thriving business it had been
years before. Walt was ready to help out any way he could. Since he had
downsized his own farm, he offered to be there any time Mal needed him. Cade
figured it was just another way to spend more time around Suzette. He couldn’t
blame the man, though. Suzette with her hair fixed and makeup on proved where
Mal got his good looks from. She was still a very pretty woman.

More
than once talk turned Cade’s way, and he did his best to minimize his
background. He didn’t want the fact he came from money to taint the way the
people at the table viewed him. He wouldn’t apologize for the family he was
born into, much the same way he wouldn’t expect Mal to apologize for not having
much money. It wasn’t his fault; that blame laid fully on the back of Dwight
Wilson. Instead, Cade did his best to keep the focus on music. He explained his
love for music from an early age. When he mentioned all the instruments he
could play, Suzette got excited.

“Oh,
then you must play for us, dear.”

“I
don’t have a guitar with me,” he explained.

“We
have a piano. Would you play a song for me? Please,” she added.

“Since
you have the piano, someone here must know how to play. Is it you?” he
questioned her, since she was so interested in hearing him play.

“I
used to,” she whispered.

“I’ll
make a deal with you; if you play for me, I’ll play for you.”

“I
don’t know…”

“Oh,
come now. It’s like riding a bike… I hope,” he joked. Suzette probably hadn’t
played since her eyesight had been taken from her. If he had his way, Cade was
going to help Mal’s mom start living again. Walt might have jump-started the
process, and Cade was going to push it along.

“Oh,
all right. But only because I wanna see how talented you are, Mr. Rock Star.”

Cade
laughed and picked up her hand, kissing her knuckles. The blush on her cheeks
was worth embarrassing himself if he missed a few notes here and there. Mal was
watching the interaction with an odd look on his face. He caught Cade looking
at him and schooled his features. At that point, everyone was finished eating,
and Mal said, “I’ll clean the table later. Let’s get this little concert
goin’.”

Walt
helped Suzette stand and walked with her to another room Cade hadn’t known was
in the house. It was larger than the den, and it contained a sofa, a recliner,
the piano, and an entertainment center holding an older model television.
Suzette pulled the stool away from the piano and sat down. “Mind you, I haven’t
played in a long time, so it’s probably out of tune.”

“Good,
then I can blame the missed notes on the piano and not my fingers.” Cade was
used to playing in front of thousands of people, so why was he so nervous about
playing for three? Because he wanted them to see the best of him, not a
half-assed piece of him.

Suzette
let her fingers run over the keys, remembering the proper placement starting at
middle C and going from there. She didn’t bother with sheet music since she
wouldn’t have been able to see it anyway. Cade didn’t need to see the music,
either. He knew she was pulling it from that place inside where it never really
went away. Her hands were shaky, but the more she touched the keys, the more
fluidly the notes came together. Cade had never gone to church, but the song
was a familiar one. Some type of hymn that was popular among the masses. By the
time she played the last note, both Mal and Walt were doing their best to hold
back their tears. Something special had just happened, and Cade felt privileged
to be part of it. Suzette caressed the keys before turning toward Cade. “Now,
it’s your turn.”

Cade
didn’t look at Mal before he replaced Suzette at the bench. He slid the wooden
seat farther away from the piano to give his long legs room. He had written
many songs over the years, but none felt right at that moment. The songs had
been written out of his love and anger from his tumultuous relationship with
Tag. He needed to keep that part of his life separate from Mal. Instead, he
decided on a classical piece – one that wasn’t too sad or too demanding. He
also warmed up his fingers before slipping into Beethoven’s
Moonlight Sonata
.

Cade
closed his eyes and allowed himself to get lost in the moment. Whether it was
pounding the skins to a hard rock song or playing a well-loved classical piece
on the piano, music moved Cade. Touched his soul in a way nothing else could.
Instead of playing the entire piece, he faded the notes out. When nobody said anything,
he cleared his throat and rubbed his hands on his pants. He was scared to look
at Mal, so he turned to Suzette. She seemed the safer option. He was wrong. She
was leaning against Walt, tears streaming down her face.

“I
know it was rusty, but it wasn’t that bad, was it?” he joked, hoping to lighten
the mood.

“Oh,
Cade,” she whispered and sat down on the bench beside him. “That was beautiful.
Will you please play something else?”

Cade
didn’t know if he could handle something else. Between Suzette crying and Mal
not saying anything, he was a little stressed. Walt saved him from having to
say no. “Suze, since Mal didn’t see fit to make any dessert, what say you and
me go get some ice cream at the Dairy Barn?”

Suzette
wiped her eyes and nodded. Before she stood, she placed her hand on Cade’s face
and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Walt
helped Suzette on with her coat that had miraculously appeared in Mal’s hands.
“We won’t be gone long,” Walt informed Mal, like Mal was the parent and Suzette
was the teenage daughter.

“Nonsense.
If you’re gonna make me go out in a dress, you’re not gonna rush it,” Suzette
chastised her
date.

All
the men laughed, and Mal said, “Have fun, you two.”

Cade
rose from the piano. “I’ll help you clean up the table,” he offered to his host.
It was the least he could do after such an excellent meal.

Mal
stepped in front of him before he could retreat into the kitchen. Mal lifted
Cade’s hands and studied them. He turned them over, rubbing his thumbs over the
pads of Cade’s fingertips. He then kissed them, worshiping each one, giving all
ten fingers equal time. “I thought I knew how talented your hands were. Now I
know exactly how talented. That was amazin’, Cade. If you play drums half as
good as you do the piano…”

Cade
laced their fingers together. It was such an intimate act, but he wanted to
feel that connection with Mal. He didn’t want to be just friends, but he knew
they didn’t have a future together. Why couldn’t he have met this man at a
different time in his life, like when he was ready to settle down and have
kids? Being an only child, Cade knew from a young age that when he grew up, he
was going to have a houseful of children, and they would be raised by him, not
a nanny, not a cook, and certainly not a mother who procreated just to carry on
the Anderson name.

“Do
you ever think about having kids?” Cade blurted out.

“Kids?”

“Yeah,
you know a son or daughter to carry on your legacy.”

Mal
tightened his grip on Cade’s fingers. “My legacy of failure? My legacy of
havin’ my father try to kill me because I’m gay? My legacy of almost gettin’ my
mother killed because he blamed her for there bein’ a faggot in the house? Not
the kind of legacy I want to carry on.”

There
it was. The truth. Cade released one of Mal’s hands and touched the scar on his
chest through his shirt. “Is that what happened here?”

“Yeah.
Come on. I need a beer if you’re gonna hear this story.” Mal pulled Cade into
the kitchen and released his hand so he could get them a longneck out of the
refrigerator. “Let’s go out to the porch.” Cade followed Mal out the front
door. Instead of sitting in the rocking chairs, Mal continued on to the swing.
It was old and in need of paint, but it was lined with worn cushions, which
meant it got a lot of use.

Cade
sat close to Mal and put his arm on the back of the wood slat behind him. He
didn’t touch him, just rested his arm there so Mal could feel his presence and
take comfort in knowing Cade was there for him. What he really wanted was to
pull the handsome cowboy into his lap and wrap his arms around him. The dogs
appeared around the corner of the house and settled on the porch at the top of
the steps, guarding their domain.

“I’ve
already told you how I had to tend the farm ever since I was little. Since I
couldn’t hang out after school or go places with my friends, my best friend
Tyler hung out with me here while I did my chores. I’ve known I liked boys for
a long time, but Tyler was off limits because he was my best friend. Or so I
thought. I caught him starin’ at me one day when I took my shirt off. I
jokingly asked him if he liked what he saw. He licked his lips and whispered
‘yes’. We were on each other like white on rice. This went on for a few months.
We’d touch and kiss until we worked up the nerve to blow each other.

“Everyone
was on a schedule. Melanie and Curtis didn’t do much, but some days they would
walk part of the fence checkin’ for holes. Tyler and me always worked the
cattle. Dwight, my sperm donor, didn’t get home until almost six each day. We
knew when we could touch and when we had to keep our distance. One day, Tyler
said he wanted to know what it felt like for me to fuck him. Knowin’ Ma was in
the house cookin’, and Melanie and Curtis were nowhere near the barn, I thought,
‘What the hell?’ I was balls deep inside my best friend and didn’t hear my
father walk up.” Mal paused and took a long drink from his bottle.

“He
had lost his job and was home early. When he caught me fuckin’ Tyler, he lost
it. I told Tyler to run, and he did. Before I could get my pants zipped, my
father was on me, swipin’ at me with his huntin’ knife he kept on his belt.
Back then I wasn’t as big as I am now. He had height as well as weight on me,
and I couldn’t fight him off. He slashed the blade down my chest and left me to
bleed out.

“That’s
when he went after Ma. I woke up in the hospital, a long jagged incision full
of stitches runnin’ down my front. Ma was bandaged up. The doctors didn’t know
if she’d be able to see or not. While we were in the hospital, Walt took care
of Melanie and Curtis, and Dwight went to prison for two counts of attempted
murder.”

Cade
dropped his hand onto Mal’s shoulder and let his fingers twirl figure eights
lightly. “I’m sorry. I know those are shallow words that don’t do anything to
take away the pain of what happened to you and your mom, but I am sorry. I’ve
heard the horrible stories about parents disowning their kids for coming out,
but I’ve never personally known anyone who went through something as horrific
as you did.”

“I
live in a small Bible-thumpin’ town where everyone knows everyone. Tyler never
called or came around after that. Oh, he did call the police. It’s the only
reason me and Ma didn’t both die. But he wouldn’t talk to or look at me at
school. I got used to the whispers and the name callin’, but I kept my head
down and somehow managed to graduate. I think the only reason I didn’t get run
out of town was because of Walt. For the longest time, he made sure he was with
me whenever I had to go into town to get supplies or do the grocery shoppin’.
Back then, Walt was a rounder. He’d just as soon smack someone as to look at
‘em. But he was there for us every day, especially since I had to start workin’
the bar after my farm work was done.”

“You
started working at the bar when you were sixteen?” Cade knew there were laws
against that type of thing.