Red Sun (8 page)

Chapter Three

              “How’d the car drive?”  Ruthann smiled from behind the counter as if she was glad that the weekend was behind her while I, on the other hand, had never been much of a fan of Mondays. 

             
“Fine.  Thanks for letting me use it.”  I passed her the keys and stood beside her, staring out the window.

             
“You know I’m thinking about selling it.  I don’t really go many places and when I do, I’m usually riding with someone.  So, if you think you might want it, let me know and we’ll work something out.”

             
I smiled. As badly as I would’ve liked to be on wheels and have a little freedom, I didn’t see my dad having that much trust in me.  But maybe, just maybe, if I continued to do good at work and stayed out of trouble he’d have a change of heart. 

             
“What’d he say about the stone?  Was it what he was looking for?”  She inquired, reminding me of my encounter with Jolon a couple days before and of his weak apology.

             
“Oh, yeah, he said you can go ahead and order more.”

             
She nodded and walked to the back.             

             
I could already tell that this was going to be one of those days that dragged on and on, so I settled in on the stool at the counter and yawned.  The floor was still clean from when I’d mopped before we closed on Saturday and everything was already fully stocked.  For once, I wished that there was something to do and couldn’t find anything. 

             
There was a thin folder holding a stack of papers on the edge of the counter near the phone with a sticky note that read “FILE”.  Apparently Ruthann had left it there for me to sort when I had time.  I reached for it but then had an idea.  If I saved that until around the time that Jolon was due to come in that would give me an excuse to be in the office instead of waiting on him.  Feeling like I’d found a way out, I settled back on the stool and folded my arms.

             
The sun rose higher and higher in the sky with each passing minute, changing how the shadows from the trees were cast on the floor.  I zoned out staring at the contrast of lightness and darkness as I thought to myself.  I had no idea how this was going to go.  I mean, yeah, I figured out a way to get out of seeing Jolon today, but what about the next day, and the next day, and the day after that.  It was never ending.  My guess would be that he’d be pissed that I rejected him and use that as an excuse to treat me like crap – well more like crap than usual anyway. Quite frankly, I’m sick of him talking down to me and making my job way harder than it has to be.

             
As planned, when he came in, I was in the back filing for Ruthann.  She had no clue what I was up to when I looked up at the clock, saw it was five after nine, and snatched the folder on my way to the office.  I’d just sat down at her desk when I heard the bell chime over the door in the shop which meant that someone had just come in.  I’d put money on it being Jolon.  The voices were muffled through the door, but I could hear Ruthann talking and laughing a little.  My plan had worked with perfect execution.

             
The cash register beeps whenever you open it, so when I heard that, I knew that Ruthann was finishing his transaction and that he’d be on his way out soon. But just when the storm had almost passed, I could hear the sound of feet shuffling in the direction of the back room and I hurried to pretend that I was busy at work rather than being nosey.

             
The door flung open.  “Solei, honey, come up front.”

             
I shoved a paper in the folder I was holding and put it back in the drawer.  “Ok, but can you just give me a few more minutes to finish this up first?” I asked.  If I could hold out just a little while longer, he’d be gone and I’d be free.

             
Ruthann fanned her hand at the papers and smiled.  “That can wait ‘til later.  Jolon’s asking for you.”

             
I sighed.  What could he possibly have to say to me now?  Was it going to be another sorry shot at changing the tide of our relationship?  I didn’t have time for that
or
him.  If I didn’t tell Ruthann something, she was gonna make me go see what he wanted.

             
“Ruthann, please, please, please don’t make me talk to him.  Please,” I whispered, holding my hands in praying position.

             
Her eyebrows pulled together as she became confused by my behavior.  I promised to explain everything to her if she’d give me a pass this one time and she agreed.  When she went back to the front, the door was slightly ajar and I could hear her speaking clearly this time.  “Sorry, Jolon.  She’s busier than I thought.  Maybe you can catch her when you come in tomorrow.”

             
I could hear him sigh, probably guessing that I just didn’t want to see him.  “Sure,” he replied, and then a few seconds later I heard the door again when he left. 

             
Ruthann didn’t hesitate to return to the office and find out why I was avoiding Jolon like celebrities avoid paying taxes.  She approached me with a look of concern.  “What’s going on?  Did he do or say something to upset you?” 

             
I closed my eyes and shook my head.  “Nothing like what you’re thinking.  It’s just…..I just don’t like him.  Does that sound bad?”  I asked.  “He’s rude and short with me all the time.  And Saturday was bad too.”

             
She pulled up a chair and sat across from me to listen.  “What happened Saturday?”  I looked up from the floor and into her eyes, finding her reminding me more and more of my mom now that she was worried about me.

             
I paused while I thought of how to translate my feelings into words.  “Well, I went over there to give him the stone sample and he was cold as usual.  But then his brother came out, Elan, the nice one.  He invited me in for a drink and Jolon was just…..well, he was Jolon.  He went out of his way to make me uncomfortable and then, out the blue, he springs this insincere apology on me like I’m supposed to just forget about everything.  I don’t operate like that.”  I was out of breath when I finished speaking.  The situation exasperates me to no end.

             
Ruthann was silent and I could tell that there was something she wanted to say to me, but wasn’t sure how or even if she should say it at all.  I waited while she deliberated and finally decided to speak.  “Solei, sometimes people change.  They start out one way and then either time, or circumstances, or even other people can completely make them into someone else.”  She paused and reached across to put her hand on mine.  “I’m not making excuses for anything Jolon’s done or how he’s treated you.  He owes you that apology and then some it sounds like.”  She took another breath.  “But just be very, very patient with him.  He doesn’t mean to be the way he is, but he’s dealing with a few open wounds that haven’t had a whole lot of time to heal just yet.”  Her kind smile made me feel terribly guilty.  Maybe I’d been too self-absorbed to consider that there might be some reason behind Jolon’s faults.  If anyone could understand that, it’s me.  All of a sudden I was comparing the gaping hole in my heart to the one that Jolon might be trying to hide too. 

             
I nodded and looked back at the ground, feeling a lump in my throat that I hadn’t felt in so long that I almost didn’t recognize what it was.  Ruthann put her hand beneath my chin and raised my gaze back to hers.  “And whatever it is that
you
haven’t healed from will eventually get better too.”

             
I had no idea how she saw through me to that place that I keep covered up at all times, but she did and I felt overwhelmed.  Time and time again, I’d heard people tell me that after a while I’d be able to cope with losing my mother and sister, but not once did I believe them.  Sometimes, I think that Shalon was a bigger part of my identity than I am which would make sense seeing as how I feel like less than half a person now.  Sometimes, the sound of my own laugh catches me off guard, because after that day, it changed too.  Sometimes, I find myself just going through the motions, not really wanting to live anymore, but not having the guts to do anything about it.  All of these thoughts are a part of the horrible mixture of fiction and reality that I have to sort through each morning that I resentfully wake up.  It wasn’t until Ruthann softly wiped my cheek that I realized I was even crying; it’d been so long since I’d allowed my defenses to be down that much.

             
“Solei, I think you’d be surprised to find that you and Jolon share a similar hurt.  It’s a shame you two don’t get along; maybe you could’ve helped one another.”

             
I laughed a sarcastic laugh at Ruthann’s words as I wiped my face again.  The thought of me and him ever being anything more than cordial was farfetched.  “Don’t hold your breath for that,” I replied.

             
She smiled that same optimistic smile and rubbed my arm.  The door chimed and I grabbed the sides of the chair to go help the customer.  “Sit here for a while and get yourself together.  I’ve got everything under control out there,” Ruthann assured me and then left the room.

             
With her gone again, I thought about what just happened.  I’m sure to her, I was just another emotional teenage girl who needed a good cry, but she had no clue what a breakthrough this was for me.  All these years, I’d held in the tears that I wanted to cry everyday but had somehow forgotten how to let out.  But sitting here, talking to her, those barriers came tumbling down and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel that I once thought didn’t exist for me.

             
The rest of the day I kept thinking about our talk.  Maybe it was my fault just as much as it was Jolon’s that we didn’t get along.  It could be that I was wrong not accepting his apology when he offered it; it’s not really my place to judge whether someone’s being real or not.  Now I felt bad.  All this time I was so willing to put all the blame on him.  Although I was innocent at first, I made myself equally as guilty by snubbing him on Saturday.  There was only one way to set things straight; when he came in again, I’d have to take back what I’d done.

             
There weren’t more than five customers the whole day which made this the slowest day I’d had since starting.  Ruthann decided to close up an hour early because no one had been in for about two hours.  Instead of having me call my dad to pick me up, she gave me back her car keys and told me to take it. 

             
I was glad to be back at the house.  The day was far more emotionally draining than I anticipated.  There were two things that happened that I never saw coming; I cried and I admitted I was wrong about something.  It honestly made me nervous to think of Jolon not accepting my apology now because I’d done him so wrong.  But that was something I’d have to deal with when the time came.  For now, I just kept running over what I’d say in my head.

             
When my dad finally got in, I was both starved and lonely, so I greeted him with a hug at the door. 

             
“Either you need money or you broke something,” he stated, and then did his best to close the door with me hanging around his neck.  “Which is it?”

             
“Neither, I just missed you.” 

             
When I pulled away, he had a questioning look on his face.              “Is that a crime or something?”  I asked.

             
“No, not a crime, just…..different I guess.  But I missed you too.”  He held up the box in his hand.  “I brought pizza.”

             
I hurried to the cabinet to grab out a couple plates and set them down on the table.  We ate in silence at first, but then my dad asked about Ruthann’s car in the driveway.  “So, your boss let you get the car again?”

             
I nodded.  “Yeah, she let me leave a little early and told me to take it so you didn’t have to bother coming to get me.”

             
He looked up from his food.  “She seems to really trust you, huh?  I mean, people don’t usually hand their cars over to just anyone.”

             
I shrugged.  “I guess you could say that.  She’s pretty cool.”  I finished chewing my food before continuing.  “We had a nice talk today.”

             
“Bout what?”  He asked.

             
“Mmm…..just stuff.  She made me feel better about some things I was dealing with at work, but it’s fine now.”

             
He stared while he ate, but didn’t say anything right away.  “Everything going ok?  Do I need to come up there and set anybody straight?”

             
I smiled.  “No, Dad, everything’s good.  Trust me.”

             
“Just checking,” he said defensively.  “What about the boys.  I know you probably have them buzzing around the shop likes bees on honey.”

             
We both laughed.  “Uh….no.  Not at all. I just go to work and come back to the house.  The only person I really talk to that I met there is Kaya.”