Reconcilable Differences: A 'Having It All' Novel (28 page)

Kate enjoyed observing the sharp spark of triumph that
darted fleetingly across Madame Duchamp’s features, with a curl of her lips and
a narrowing of her eyes in anticipation. “I admit to having a
prior
relationship with Mr.
Sharpe, which I failed to disclose the day he walked into the boardroom at
Flannigan, Searle, Meacham & Beckett. We hadn’t seen each other for almost
fifteen years and quite frankly I was shocked and embarrassed.” She paused, and
met D’arcy’s eye, wondering if she would find an ally or opponent there. She’d
been surprisingly mute, her smoky eyes darting back and forth. “I regret that
now, though I still have no idea what I should or could have said in the
moment. Perhaps a simple, ‘Blow me away, it’s my old lover, Simon,’ would have
sufficed, though the way Ms. Beckett has been carrying on, I strongly doubt
it.”

“Are you suggesting Ms. Beckett has been biased in her
assertions, Miss. O’Day?”

This was a touchy area. Kate pursed her lips and met
Madame Duchamp’s eye steadily. “I’m not interested in retaliating with
allegations of my own. I would only suggest that Ms. Beckett, too, has known
Mr. Sharpe for many years and has, in my opinion, been overly eager in her
attention to the matter, despite my reassurances.”

Madame Duchamp’s interest was piqued. “Handsome man, this
Simon Sharpe?” she queried D'arcy for confirmation of this, a lively sparkle in
her eye. D'arcy sat upright, an expression of feigned innocence on her face and
shrugged.

Kate leaned forward, her hands open on the table, ready
to make her case in earnest. “The point is, the mediation was entered into in
good faith despite the erstwhile relationship. And in response to your
assumptions, first of all, in mediation, there are no ‘sides.’ I am not a judge
and I don’t view D'arcy and Eli, or their legal counsel, as opponents. I’m a
facilitator and I believe —and D'arcy can confirm this— that I’ve done an
excellent job facilitating communication and reconciliation between them. Hence
my excellent reputation. Mr. Sharpe may have been a distraction,” she shook her
head, concluding with her assurances in the spirit of confidence, “but there is
no way possible his presence can have affected my objectivity or ability to
work for my clients —
either
of them.”

D'arcy spoke up finally. “It’s true Mother. Kate’s been
wonderful.”

“Yes, I see.” Madame Duchamp acknowledged dryly, eyeing
her closely, reluctant to give away her advantage. “And what of your relationship
with Mr. Sharpe now?”

Kate pressed her lips together and shrugged. “To be
perfectly honest, I really don’t know. I can’t deny that we have some… ” she
waved her hand vaguely in the air, “…unfinished business between us. But it’s
very complicated. I can promise you that whatever it is will wait until my
clients’ needs are met. To the extent that it is within my power, I can also
promise that I will not see Mr. Sharpe privately or socially outside of our
sessions until the case is concluded. You see, there is no
affair
.” Kate had not planned
this, but surely it was a commitment she could keep, and was worth something. A
little more time to think and a bit of distance was probably a good thing. And
her promise to Eli would not be broken, only postponed.

“That’s not really necessary is it?” D'arcy said she was
not worried about Kate’s objectivity —that she had already proven herself.
D'arcy petitioned her mother, “They’re both such lovely people.” Despite the
sweet kindness of her words, D'arcy regarded Kate with deliberate intensity.

Kate didn’t answer, but smiled wryly and eyed D'arcy and
then her mother.

“And what of Ms. Beckett’s complaint?” enquired Madame
Duchamp.

Kate shrugged, making light of it. “Nothing for you to
worry about.” She smiled, knowing she herself had plenty of worry ahead.

“Hmph.” Madame Duchamp appeared to be satisfied. “Shall
we ring for tea, girls?”
Girls?
Kate interpreted this as a good sign.

While she waited, her thoughts drifted to Simon and how
compatible they really were, how attuned and well-matched their tempers, how
safe and comfortable she felt with him, despite her irrational fears, and they
were irrational, she realized. Events and experiences from long ago affected
her mind and her emotions, but had no bearing on what they had together. It was
up to her to keep the past in perspective and to move beyond it.

She pondered his call this morning, and the tender
feelings it triggered.

Already, her life felt dull and barren without him. She
missed his erudition, his spiritual questing, the charmed and warm-hearted
humour with which he regarded people, but most of all his perceptive insight
into the human soul. If a relationship with him didn’t pan out, she would miss
his friendship, his companionship, and something more, something intangible she
couldn’t put her finger on, an irresistible force that defied words. She had a
compulsion to slip out and call him, just to bring him somehow nearer, but
realized this was a foolish longing. She had no reason to call, for the meat of
the discussion was yet to occur.

Minutes later, room service having been bidden and D'arcy
having made a visit to the toilet, they faced each other again as allies.

Once more, Kate resumed the discussion in the driver’s
seat. Using her summary notes, she guided Madame Duchamp through the key points
of the case and the essential terms of the draft resolution. Normally, Kate
would not provide such detail to a third party, but it was clear this woman
played a pivotal role, and besides, Kate needed to butter her up.

It was evident from her comments and questions that D’arcy’s
mother was very loving and doting and, in her efforts to protect her daughter,
this came across in hard-driving expectations with regard to Eli. It was no
wonder he could never measure up. Kate didn’t envy him membership in this
dynasty.

“The bottom line, ma’am, is that D'arcy isn’t a little
girl anymore. She’s a grown woman capable of managing her own affairs, despite
her trust fund.” Kate pulled back, precluding rebuke, as she drove her final
point home. “But D'arcy and Eli can’t make their relationship work unless you…
” she paused, looking for the best word, “ … agree to abdicate responsibility,
so to speak.” Eyes darting from Madame Duchamp to D'arcy and back, she resumed
in an upbeat tone.

“I think what’s needed is a fresh start. You got off on
the wrong foot with Eli seven years ago, and…” Kate watched Madame Duchamp’s
eyes narrow suspiciously. “Well, he’s more than proven himself worthy, but the
present is tainted by the past.” Even as the words left her lips, Kate reeled
with the significance of her statement, which echoed in her head. She
continued, determined. “You need to clear the air, and then, start again. I
believe you and Eli need to meet, to talk, and come to some kind of
understanding. After all, there’s the baby to consider.” This fact still
stunned Kate as she looked pointedly at D'arcy but it occurred to her that it
would likely work in her favour.

“And you, Miss D'arcy, need to tell your husband about
the baby in question. I can’t believe you’ve kept it from him, and from all of
us, until now.” She raised both hands, as if to contain the wonder in her head,
and shook them.

D’arcy’s expression was pained, but then she explained
that she didn’t want Eli to compromise out of guilt or a sense of duty. She was
waiting for him to commit to her as an individual. She needed him to declare
his love and devotion to her and to their partnership without that added
pressure.

“I can understand that, but relationships are built on
trust. I don’t know what Eli’s going to say or do when he learns of this. This
adds a whole new dimension to our discussions. We’ll have to tread carefully
and you need to be prepared to accept an emotional response, to which… he is
fully
entitled.” She reached for
D’arcy’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t judge him too quickly on this.”

Kate tried to understand D’arcy’s position, but it was
difficult not to view her secret as unfair and dishonest, not just with Eli,
but with everyone. They had worked so hard, for so many weeks, and all the time
she’d harboured this secret. It was astonishing. Thinking back, it seemed
obvious now. All the signs were there, the changes both physical and emotional.
All along, Simon had known something, had insisted that D'arcy was hiding
something. She should have trusted his intuition, should have listened.

On D’arcy’s agitated insistence, Kate promised to keep
the baby secret until D'arcy had found the right moment to confide in Eli, but
urged her to do it soon.

“Eli has a right to know. He’s not a child who needs to
be manipulated, whose feelings can’t be trusted.” Kate challenged D'arcy on her
own condescension toward Eli. She had no doubt of D’arcy’s affections but noted
that because of the power imbalance in their relationship, D'arcy had always
judged him inferior or immature. Madame Duchamp showed a particular interest in
twirling her wedding band and checking her diamond-encrusted wristwatch at that
moment. “You have to accept that he is a grown man, as capable of understanding
and responsible decision-making as you are. Give him a chance, and,” Kate
nodded, “he might surprise you.”

“My, look at the time,” came Mme. Duchamp’s predictable interjection.
“I’m afraid I will have to excuse myself shortly.” Her armour remained intact
as Kate pointedly raised her eyes to meet her adversary’s.

“There’s just one thing, Madame Duchamp, before we–”

“Call me Helen, please.”

“Helen,” Kate did not break her pace, “your work is not
done, I’m afraid.” Madame Duchamp, Helen, froze in place, her eyes locked on
Kate’s. She would not mention the bribe. It was not her place to share this
secret with D'arcy. “If you care about your daughter’s happiness and hope for a
stable, healthy home for your grandchild, then you must commit to repairing
your damaged relationship with Eli. It’s up to you.”

Her face tight and blanched, Helen seemed at a loss for
words. Hesitantly, she sidestepped, “I expected you to resume your sessions
first, assuming he… Eli… will agree.”

“He’ll come back. I can promise you that. He wants to as
much as D'arcy does. He also knows that it’s time to face his responsibilities.
He wants to meet with you first, Helen. Alone. I said I’d make the arrangements.”
D'arcy appeared shocked and confused. Helen pulled her mouth into a tight line,
and gripped a thumb with the other hand, rubbing it repeatedly. Her eyes closed
on a long blink, and opened with a flutter. Kate could well imagine why she was
ill at ease. Her past had returned to haunt her and here she was, cornered,
forced to atone for her sins and without her husband beside her. Kate would
have put money on the fact that she’d be on the phone to him the moment she was
alone. After extracting a commitment to make herself available to meet with Eli
within the next few days, Kate wrapped up the meeting and bid them farewell.

On her way home in the taxi, Kate stared blindly at the
rhythmic swipe of the windshield wipers, almost as though they had contributed
to her hypnotic trance. She thought again of her apropos comment to Helen and
D'arcy.

The present
is tainted by the past.

She missed Simon. The desire to find him and fall into
his comforting arms, to tell him every detail of her day was so powerful her
chest ached with it, and her head felt so light and woozy, she thought she
might faint. Waiting until the case was concluded before pursuing her
relationship with him was going to be excruciating. There was no denying it,
she loved him. There was no other way to describe the overwhelming breathless
feeling that swelled inside her when she thought of him. It was something more
than that wild, pulse-racing flutter she felt when she was near him, more than
the mindless heat she felt burn through her blood when he touched her. She
loved him deeply, over and above being as much
in love
with him as she ever had been.

Kate
hustled past the Four Seasons
Hotel toward the domed glass structure of the mall entrance just as pinpricks
of snow materialized on the chill evening air, the first of the season. Dusk
came early this time of year, and stores were staying open late already in
anticipation of the Christmas shopping madness yet to come. She was glad she
had only one or two more gifts to find.

The snow fell gradually, and picked up speed as she
approached the mall. She stopped in her tracks, suddenly struck by the serenity
of the scene. Tiny twinkling white Christmas lights twined around the reaching
silhouetted branches of several small trees on the corner plaza, and contrasted
against the deepening indigo of the evening sky with its screen of small
snowflakes drifting gently in all directions, they were as yet so
insubstantial, the air so calm.

Finding a bench under one of the trees, she perched for a
moment, allowing the nascent snowfall to land on her upturned face and bare
hands, enjoying their gentle, cool caress. She was glad of the snow, though in
this mild maritime climate, the odds were it wouldn’t be here when Christmas
came around. But one could still hope.

Her mood was one of elation and optimism. Her mind was
extra alert and active, with a sparkling, fizzing character to her thoughts, as
she reviewed her week. It was almost as though some of those cold, spiraling
ice crystals were dancing around in her head. After she’d waited by the phone
for most of yesterday, Eli had called at last to report on his meeting with Helen
on Friday. With Kate’s help and urging, they’d managed to schedule a luncheon
meeting in an acceptable location for Friday noon. Predictably,
she
would not go to his studio,
and
he
would not set
foot in the Hotel Vancouver. Kate had suggested a pleasant bistro they would
both find acceptable, and finalized the appointment. Then she could do nothing
but wait.

When Eli finally did call late last afternoon, she
immediately sensed that it had gone, if not very well, then not too badly.
Eli’s voice was strange, filled with strain and substance, his words sparse and
he announced gravely that they’d come to an understanding. Kate’s impression
was that it had been difficult for both of them. He seemed changed and, though
he offered few details, she trusted him.

“Have you told D'arcy?”

He told her Madame Duchamp had promised to fill her in.
“It’ll be alright, Kate, don’t worry,” he had said with the weight of new
authority that gave her a curious confidence. Whatever particulars had
transpired, Eli was explicit in one thing. He was ready to resume
reconciliation if D'arcy was. Kate was ecstatic and promised him to schedule a
meeting for the coming Tuesday. She could hardly wait to tell Simon.

Lost in her evening reverie, only gradually did she
become aware of the shoppers moving in silent, colourful pantomime through the
glass of the brightly illuminated mall, like a scene trapped inside a snow
globe, with the snow on the outside.

Busy shoppers bustled to and fro, laden with their
shopping, emerging and disappearing from the mouth of the escalator like ants
from an anthill, rainbow bright baubles and strands of green metallic tinsel
suspended from the domed ceiling. She squinted her eyes. There was one very
pretty family that her wandering eye kept returning to, they seemed so idyllic
in their pose and delightful mood, perched as they were on the landing by the
doors. A father in a toque and his young child sat on a bench with their backs
to her, laughing and talking animatedly with the young and very beautiful mother,
with her fashionable leather coat and tall boots, her long, shining chestnut
hair. She bent to put something away and then turned to lift her little girl,
for now Kate could see the brown pigtails, to give her a kiss and a tight
squeeze, as though in parting.

Kate’s breath caught in her throat with a hitch. It was
at this precise moment that she realized she knew the players in this little
drama only too well.

She watched, horrified and transfixed, as Simon rose,
laughing, from the bench to pry Maddie’s clinging arms from around Rachel’s
slender neck and lifted her into his arms, allowing Rachel to button her coat
and hoist her many bags into her arms.

When Simon bent to kiss Rachel on the cheek, and she
moved away, almost as if in slow motion, and pulled her graceful gloved hand
from his grasp, Kate felt a fragile perspiration clinging to her lip and brow,
her stomach a churning, poisonous chemical brew.

Here she was again, on the outside, watching.

When ready, Rachel leaned in to kiss Maddie once more,
and then exchanged words and nods with Simon at close quarters, their eyes
meeting in common understanding. His family. They looked so beautiful together.
Why couldn’t they have stayed in Richmond, where she would never have to see
them together like this.

Kate felt all the breath collapse in her chest, her heart
shrinking and folding in on itself, and her vision narrowed, dark spots
appearing at the fringes. More than panic, this was pain, deep and sharp,
slicing through her, eviscerating her. This is what she had been guarding
against with every new affair of the heart. But against Simon himself she had
no defense. She stood frozen as darkness fell, clutching her fists to her ribs,
shivering uncontrollably, convinced she would never draw a full breath again.

Rising and backing away from the glass, she had lost
interest in any further shopping. Spinning on her heel, she hurried away into
the deepening night, the swirling vortex of the falling snowstorm swallowing
her. She strode fretfully away, trying to slow and deepen her breathing.
Shanti-mukti-shanti-mukti
.

On the way home, the image of Simon’s complete family
flashed again and again in her mind’s eye. How could Kate mess with that?
Though he had never hinted that he might yearn for a reunion with his wife,
maybe that’s what would be best for Maddie, and for him as well. What loving
father, who had once worshiped and idealized his beautiful, clever wife, wouldn’t?
The fact that she still had the power to undo him, to drive him into a
passionate fury or a melancholy funk was evidence enough that he still cared
about Rachel. That was as it should be. Wasn’t it? She felt a prickling
sensation behind her eyes, and blinked it away furiously.

Was there a place for Kate in such a perfect picture? Is
that what she wanted? Was it simply jealousy? It was a humiliating but
undeniable truth that she could not, even at her best, compete with either the
fantasy or the reality of Simon’s exquisite wife. Even if she had character
flaws, which she undoubtedly did, she was still his child’s mother, the one
that he had chosen.

Confused, Kate determined to keep her distance, and at
least give him the chance to reconsider his duty to his family. Getting in the
way went against everything she believed. It was the right thing to do. Despite
her promise to Eli, she was perfectly capable of choosing right over expedient,
however tempting the alternative might be. It was a heartening thought, though
it left her feeling cold and hollow.

Around her, the snowflakes converged and coalesced,
covering the darkening sidewalks with a fine blanket of white. If Simon wanted
to be with her, he’d have to first be free.

~*~

Yesterday’s
pristine white city had
begun to disintegrate, as pearly cloud cover moved in over the city,
temperatures rising just enough to half-melt the freshly fallen snow. Slush lay
on the sidewalks and roads, pushed into furrows by car tires, with inches of
icy water accumulating next to the curbs.

Though it was still only early December, Kate had put
considerable effort into decorating her loft over the weekend, and was glad to
set a warm and celebratory stage for D'arcy and Eli’s reunion.

She’d found a Grand Fir tree worthy of her high warehouse
ceilings and had it erected in the corner of her space, filling the room with
the fresh, pungent outdoor fragrance of evergreen forests. To this was added
both colours and layers of rich aromas reminiscent of the season, the cinnamon and
orange and brown sugar reflected in the reds, golds, russets and greens that
signaled the arrival on her doorstep of all the bounty of the Silk Road.

It took her mind off the fact that her hopes with regard
to Simon were muddled. She’d even considered going to spend Christmas in San
Francisco with Mom, Dad and her brother’s family, just so she wouldn’t have to
sit here alone, feeling like a castoff.

But she had to set her personal grief and disorientation
aside, and be strong. This was a momentous occasion for Eli and D'arcy. Eli had
dug deep and gathered his courage, garnering tremendous respect from Kate. That
Eli could rise to the occasion, and draw on some previously unknown inner
strength to achieve what he had not been able to do for seven years, gave her a
terrific boost in her faith in human nature. It reinforced her personal beliefs
about people, and relationships.

When Simon arrived, Sharon and Eli were already seated
with Kate, and D'arcy hadn’t yet shown up. He took his seat, leaned in to help
himself to an assortment of tempting Christmas gingerbread and shortbread from
a platter, and accepted a cup of sweet-smelling hot, spice tea, catching Kate’s
eye and smiling in appreciation. She smiled shyly but quickly looked away,
resisting the temptation of melting into the warm embrace of his familiar blue
eyes.

Everyone exchanged polite greetings, and well-wishes, and
somehow by unspoken consensus did not ask Eli for details about his meeting
with D’arcy’s mother, though of course they all knew about it. Nor did anyone
make reference to Eli’s angry outburst more than a month earlier, which seemed
like old news and no longer carried any emotional punch. He hadn’t said
anything yet about the pregnancy, so she didn’t raise it. It was a shy awkward
reunion, and everyone was on their best behavior. Even Sharon didn’t mention
her complaint, which Kate was grateful for. An undercurrent of tension and
expectation awaited D’arcee’s arrival.

Eli had grown his hair longer, and wore it bound back
with a ribbon, and also sported a thin goatee and mustache. It gave him a
swashbuckling appearance,
a la
Johnny Depp. Instead of a leather tunic and a shirt with puffed sleeves,
however, he wore a fine black turtleneck sweater and jeans, but was no less
dashing. He also seemed to carry himself a little straighter, his shoulders
squared and his chin proud.

When the buzzer sounded D’arcy’s eventual appearance,
they all jumped slightly, and then shuffled and squirmed to hide their unease
as Kate went to let her in. She was back in top form, with precisely groomed
hair, makeup and fingernails, and stylish clothing. She wore a bulky sweater
and slim jeans under her thick winter coat. She said hello to everyone but had
eyes for only Eli, and sank slowly onto the sofa, crossing her legs and
twitching her pointed high-heeled boot.

As Kate sat down, she locked eyes with D'arcy for a long
moment, and tried to sense the status of her big secret, to which D'arcy
responded with rising colour, and looked away. Kate had a sinking feeling, and
went on red alert.

She opened the meeting and spoke for a few minutes,
recapping where they were when they were interrupted, and what new issues she
thought needed discussing. She wanted everyone, Eli and D'arcy in particular,
to ease back into the rhythm of the sessions without being put on the spot. She
wove her discourse in and about the sticky issues that precipitated Eli’s
outburst and even made oblique reference to Eli’s meeting with D’arcee’s family
without making either event seem too sensational or traumatic. She ended on a
note of expectation meant to buoy everyone’s mood.

Kate concentrated firmly on her methods. She had to work
to avoid Simon’s searching blue eyes. He kept attempting to catch her eye, and
she could see that he was confused by her aloof manner. She didn’t know how
hard it would be. She had to remain cool, tried to send polite smiles but
inside, she was crying, and could only manage fleeting eye contact.

At last, the discussion came around to the issue of
family, and Kate invited comment. “Does anyone want to start the discussion in
light of what I’ve said?”

Simon leaned in to speak, earnest, as though he’d been
waiting for his opportunity to pick up where he left off a month ago. “I’ve
maintained that every couple needs a supportive family network to help them
through. It’s even more important during difficult times. And if there are
children, believe me, you need family even more.”

“I absolutely agree,” said Kate.
You have no idea
, she thought
sadly, wishing she'd had the nerve to call him as promised to fill him in on
D'arcy's condition. Now she realized she was the only one who was in on the
secret.

“But what if there’s a history of abuse? How can you
support it then?” Sharon seemed poised to make an elaborate argument to defend
her point, leaning forward, her face earnest.

“There are exceptions, of course.” Kate kept her voice
soothing. “In the case of absent or estranged parents, the counseling
profession always advocates substitutes. That’s how important a social support
network is.” Kate stopped herself, not wanting to stray too far from the key
point. “Anyway, we’re not talking about estrangement, only conflict that can be
resolved. Is being resolved.”

Eli nodded, and cast earnest eyes at D'arcy, who met his
gaze directly, and her gratitude and love was plain for everyone to see. Eli
visibly sat up taller.

“We’ve— D'arcy and I have always planned to start a
family in a few years. It was just a matter of getting a bit settled first.”