Reckless Destiny (18 page)

He gently traced her delicate jaw with his finger. “No matter what you said, you’ll feel bad about giving yourself to me without benefit of vows. You’ll want me to make an honest woman of you, Cady Tanner.” She sighed in her sleep, and he touched his lips to her forehead. “I hope in time you’ll understand what I have to do. For your own good, I can’t marry you.”

When Cady awoke, the first thing she heard was the quiet. It took her a moment to realize the rain had stopped. There was sunlight beyond the cave opening. Kane stood there with his back to her, leaning a shoulder against the rock. Her heart pounded at the sight of him.

She stretched and groaned as every muscle in her body ached. Between her legs, a very different sort of discomfort reminded her of what they had done. She tried to shrug off the knot of guilt that tightened in her stomach, but she couldn’t. The fact was, she would never be the same again.

She didn’t regret her night with Kane. She had never felt more alive in her life. It was just difficult to forget twenty-one years of rules, regulations, and moral teaching. But she would. She’d told Kane she didn’t want promises he couldn’t freely make. And she had meant it.

She sat and pulled up the blanket to cover her naked breasts. “Kane?”

He was dressed, with the tail of his uniform shirt hanging over the waistband of his pants. He glanced over but didn’t move to touch her. “Morning.”

His gaze slid away. The line of his shoulders was tense, and she wondered if he had regrets.

“It stopped raining,” she said, trying to make conversation.

He nodded. “Looks like another storm’s coming, though.” His voice was tight, clipped.

She stood up, wrapped the blanket around her, and moved to stand beside him. Fragments of rock on the cave floor bit into the tender soles of her bare feet. Outside, drops of water glistened in the branches of the junipers. The air was crisp and cool, the sky above blue. But Kane was right. As she stood beside him, she saw the clouds of an approaching thunderhead gathered, black and billowing in the distance.

“What are we going to do?” She clutched the blanket tightly at her neck.

His eyes mirrored the approaching storm. “Get dressed, Cady.”

Each word was like a knife pricking her heart. He was angry at her. What right did he have? She had given herself to him without asking for anything in return. Because she loved him.

“Blast you, Kane Carrington, what do you have to be angry about?”

“You’re imagining things,” he said, his tone cool.

“How dare you treat me like a stranger after we—after what we—well, you know what I mean.”

He slapped the boulder with the flat of his hand; the sound made her jump. “I thought you understood that I wasn’t making any promises,” he said furiously. His indifference was gone in a heartbeat.

She took a step back, then lifted her chin and glared at him. “May I remind you that I’m the one who’s ruined.”

“I can’t marry you.”

“Who asked you to?”

“That’s what you’re getting at, isn’t it? Why are you so fired up about marriage all of a sudden?”

“Me? You’re the one who brought it up.”

“I told you right off that I was married once before and I’d never subject another woman to army life.”

“Why, Kane? Because she was unfaithful?”

“I don’t blame her for that.”

“You should. But if you don’t, it doesn’t make sense. Why are you so set against sharing your life with someone?”

A look of soul-wrenching pain leaped into his eyes before he could shutter them. But he didn’t say anything.

Cady sighed. “I once told you I wouldn’t ask any questions about your wife. But now I think I have a right to know. You’re not married, but she still has a claim on you? Where is she?”

“She’s dead. Murdered by Apaches.”

“Dead?” Cady’s eyes grew round. “What—” She took a deep breath. “It’s obvious you blame yourself. You must tell me why.”

“When her infidelity was discovered, her lover was court-martialed. None of the other women would speak to her. She finally left the fort in disgrace.”

“You mustn’t blame yourself for that.” She reached an arm through her blanket and touched his arm. “Everyone suffers the consequences of their actions. She made her own choices.”

He shook his head. “Don’t you see? Because of my job I was away on patrol a good part of the time. She was alone and going out of her mind from boredom. I drove her into the arms of another man.”

“There are other ways to relieve monotony besides—that. And as for the Indians—you had nothing to do with her death.”

He looked down at her with an intensity she could almost feel. “If she hadn’t married me, she’d be alive today. This land is not for the faint of heart. I told you
from the beginning you didn’t belong here. You should have taken a safe teaching job back east.”

Teaching! Her eyes grew round. Who would let her near their children now? Had he realized that before he—before they—?

“Did you bed me so you could have me fired from my teaching post?” As soon as the words left her lips his expression turned hard, as if she had betrayed him in the worst possible way, and she wished she could take back what she’d said.

“I did everything I could to talk you out of what we did last night.”

She hated that he was right and wanted to apologize for accusing him. The most humiliating part was that she had practically begged him to take her. Practically, nothing. She
had
begged.

“You’re right. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m ruined.”

“Would you quit saying that? You’re not ruined.”

“Yes, I am.” She did her best to control it, but her lips trembled. She was afraid. She was taking it out on him. She knew it and she couldn’t seem to stop. “Not that I mind,” she added quickly. “Not really.”

Pain—deep, dark, desperate—flashed across his face, sharpening the angles, forging more shadows. “You’re better off without me, Cady.” His voice was hard.

She lifted her chin. “You’re damm right. I
am
better off. I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last man on earth.”

It was nearing sundown when they returned from the Verde River after confirming what Kane already knew: After the rain it was too deep and dangerous to cross. He couldn’t leave Cady alone, so she had gone with
him. And the devil of it was that another storm had moved in and they were soaked all over again. At this rate, they’d be stuck here half naked forever.

He built a fire while she huddled in a blanket. Still in his wet clothes, he scattered hers over the rocks to dry.

She had been quiet all day, upset about their fight that morning. Kane knew he should have been glad she wouldn’t have him, but somewhere deep inside a part of him died. He started to say something to her when he heard the sound of rocks sliding below them.

He looked at Cady, her wide eyes telling him she hadn’t missed the noise.

“Get back,” he said, pointing to the rear of the cave. “Behind that rock.”

“Give me a gun.”

Admiring her courage, he grabbed the Colt from her saddlebag. Quickly, he flipped open the chamber, spun the cylinder to check the load, then held it out to her.

“There’s six bullets. Make sure you save one.”

Fear swirled in her eyes, but she nodded, walked behind the boulder, and huddled down in her blanket.

Kane grabbed his own revolver and moved to the cave opening, careful to keep himself hidden from whoever was out there. Sliding rocks and dirt told him the man made no attempt to hide his approach. Then a long shadow crept across the ledge in front of him. In spite of the brisk air, sweat beaded on his forehead.

The shadow stopped and Kane cocked his gun.

“I know someone’s in there.” The voice sounded familiar to Kane, but he stayed under cover.

Cady gasped and stood up. “Jack!”

“Cady, stay down,” Kane called out.

She moved from behind her rock, tripping slightly over her blanket. “But it’s Jack!”

“Cady? That you in there?”

“Yes, Jack.”

With his thumb, Kane eased the hammer forward and lowered his gun to his side. Tanner had grown a beard since they’d last seen each other, or he’d have recognized him. Cady had known him instantly from his voice.

She moved forward, through the small arc of the cave opening, and stopped in front of her brother. “I’m so happy to see you, Jack!” She started to lift her arms and hug him, but she couldn’t and maintain her modesty.

Jack hefted a rifle in his right hand, and Kane noticed the disapproval on the other man’s face when he took in his sister’s state of undress. He could imagine what Tanner was thinking, seeing her clad only in a blanket.

“I’m so happy to see you, Jack.” Cady said again. “I’m so glad you’re all right.”

“‘Course I am.”

“How did you find us?”

“I was headed back to the fort and looking for shelter from the rain. Smelled the smoke from your fire and found the horses down below. I saw the army brand on them and knew it was safe to come up.”

He looked down at her, then glared hard at Kane. “You’re supposed to be looking after my sister, Carrington. There are renegade Indians on the loose. What are you doing out here with her, in the middle of nowhere?”

Kane saw the frown on her face when Cady looked up at her brother. “Jack, listen.”

Jack never glanced at her. “Carrington, this is a dangerous place for a wedding trip, and pretty irresponsible if you ask me. But if you aren’t married to my sister, you’re in a hell of a lot of trouble.”

Cady watched the two men eye
each other like warring wildcats. She had to do something before her brother really lost his temper.

“For pity’s sake, Jack, calm down,” she said.

“I’m not talking to you.” Jack narrowed his gaze on Kane. “You didn’t answer my question, Carrington. You married? Or is my sister standing there, wearing practically nothing, in front of a man who’s not her husband?”

“You had
better
start talking to me,” Cady said, even as she self-consciously tightened her grip on her blanket. “And the answer is no.”

“No what? I can see that you’re wearing only—”

“No, we’re not married. But you don’t need to get so excited.”

Kane set his gun down on a rock, then stood up straight, tall and strong, not backing down in the face of her brother’s displeasure. Cady’s heart swelled with pride and love. It didn’t matter that all day she had wanted to throttle him with her bare hands.

Kane stood a foot away from Jack. “Stay out of this, Cady. This is between your brother and me.”

“There’s no way I’m staying out of this,” she said.

“So you’re taking the blame, Carrington?” Jack said, completely ignoring her. He cradled his rifle in his arms like a newborn baby.

“If there’s any blame to be had, it’s mine,” Cady said, looking at first one man and then the other. “I came out here on my own to find you. None of this is Kane’s fault.”

“I take full responsibility.” Kane met the other man’s gaze squarely, also disregarding her.

“My father always said a man who apologizes when there’s no need knows something you don’t.” Jack’s eyes were black as coal.

Kane calmly met his look. “That was no apology, Tanner. It’s a fact.”

Cady moved forward and gripped a handful of her brother’s linen shirt. “
Listen
to me, Jack!”

He looked down at her, and she knew she finally had his attention. She shivered as a chill wind found its way inside her blanket to her bare skin.

“Let’s go inside by the fire. Are you hungry? I know I am. I was just about to make some coffee.”

“You plan to put some clothes on first?”

She looked down. “About my clothes. You see, Jack, this is what happened. I came to look for you because Cuchillo has sworn to kill you, to get even with you for taking his brother’s life.”

Jack’s jaw looked hard as the rock ledge they stood on. He took a step toward Kane. “You brought her out here knowing there’s Indian trouble? I ought to break your neck.”

Cady pressed her hand against her brother’s chest. “For pity sake, Jack! That’s not the way it happened. Will you please calm down and listen?”

Jack shot Kane a deadly look. “I’m all ears.”

“Kane didn’t bring me out here. In fact, he locked me in the guardhouse to keep me from leaving the fort. I came by myself. You were in trouble and I came to warn you. He followed after me because he was worried about me.”

“That’s the truth?” He studied her carefully, to see if she was lying.

“I swear it. I love you, Jack. You’re my brother. I couldn’t stand by and do nothing, knowing there was an Indian somewhere who’s sworn to kill you. I was afraid for you.” Her voice caught and she bit her lip.

“Sounds like my little sister,” Jack said, and his expression softened. It lasted until he looked at Kane. “If you locked her up, how’d she get out?”

Cady released his shirt. “R. J. helped me. You know him, don’t you? Major Wexler’s son.” She sucked air between her teeth as she shivered again. “It’s chilly up here in the mountains. I thought I’d never be cold again.”

“So why are you standing there in a blanket?”

Cady looked down at her bare feet. Jack had always been able to read her easily, and the last thing she wanted was for him to know what had happened the night before. She turned away from him as she felt the flush that crept into her cheeks.

“What’s wrong, Cady?” Jack’s voice was hard.

“Not a blessed thing. I’m wearing a blanket because my clothes are soaked. Last night it took hours just for my underthings to dry.”

She heard the words and too late wished to have them back. She whirled around, and even in the deepening shadows she could see Jack eyeing Kane with nothing short of murder in his expression.

“What were you wearing during the night?” Jack asked. If his tone was hard before, this time it was like steel.

“A blanket. My clothes were soaked from the rain.
I’d have caught my death if I didn’t get out of them and let everything dry. It was a matter of survival, Jack.”

The story was true as far as it went. Her brother didn’t have to know the rest. He wouldn’t understand.

Jack ran a knuckle gently over her cheekbone. His eyes smoldered with an emotion she didn’t understand. It was especially puzzling when a hint of a tender smile lifted one corner of his mouth. “What happened last night, Cady?” he asked softly.

“Nothing much.” Her gaze rose to the top of his shirt, just below his bearded chin. She couldn’t quite look him in the eye. “I started a fire so we could get warm. Then we went to sleep.”

“You never were a very good liar.” He rested his rifle against a rock, took her upper arms, and kissed her forehead softly. “I’m sorry,” he said gruffly.

Then he moved her out of the way, stood in front of Kane, and punched him in the eye. Cady was horrified.

Kane staggered back, then caught himself and raised his fists. “I don’t want to fight you, Tanner. Let it go. What’s done is done.”

“So you admit you bedded my sister.”

“I never denied it.”

Jack moved forward as swiftly and gracefully as a cat. He grabbed the front of Kane’s shirt with one hand and brought his fist back and punched him again.

“Jack, stop it!” Cady screamed, shocked at his violence.

Kane lowered his head and grabbed Jack around the waist so he couldn’t land another blow. The two men struggled, each trying to get the upper hand.

“Stop it!” She was shouting at both of them and they ignored her, as usual. She moved forward and pulled on Jack’s arm. The distraction made him drop his hold, allowing Kane to pull free.

Jack stood there for a moment with his boots braced
wide apart, breathing hard. He brushed his forearm across his forehead and glared at Kane. Then he leaped at the other man again and hit him in the mouth. Kane grabbed him again, and even to Cady it was obvious that he wasn’t throwing punches. He was merely trying to contain the other man, to keep him from inflicting damage.

Once again she was proud of Kane. At the same time, she couldn’t help feeling that if he hauled off and knocked Jack’s teeth down his throat, she wouldn’t have blamed him. But he didn’t. The muscles in his arms bulged and strained against the material of his uniform as he exerted every ounce of energy trying to immobilize a man of his own size and strength. Their grunts and panting mingled together and echoed through the rocks.

Cady couldn’t stand by and do nothing. She moved forward and grabbed Jack’s ear, pulling as hard as she could.

“Ow!” he cried, reaching up to cover it. “Let go, Sis. What the hell are you doing?”

“There’s a foolish boy sleeping in many a grown man you’d call sensible.” Cady hung on and pulled until he went still. “That’s something else Father used to say. But
I’m
telling you this: If you’re going to act like a schoolboy, I’ll treat you like a schoolboy. And I’ve had my share of practice with this sort of thing.”

“Ow!” he cried when she yanked again. “Dammit, Sis, you made your point. You can let go now.”

She glared at him. “Can I? Before I do, I want to make it quite clear that I don’t need you to fight for my honor. Whatever happened or didn’t happen between myself and Captain Carrington is my business. I will take care of it. I don’t need you to behave like a ruffian on my behalf. I will not permit it.”

“I get the message,” he said, his head tilted to the side as she held his earlobe.

Kane watched brother and sister and admired the
hell out of Cady. Jack Tanner was over six feet tall. The top of her head barely reached the underside of his jaw, yet she had him at her mercy. He couldn’t help smiling.

“At ease, Cady. Let him go. It’s over. Right, Tanner? We’ll handle it.”

Jack nodded, then winced when she pinched his ear tighter.

“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, either of you.” Cady glared from one man to the other. “What makes you think I want you to handle anything? There’s nothing to handle. I want you to stop fighting, that’s all.”

“I won’t lay another hand on him,” Jack said, trying to ease out of her grasp.

“Do you swear?” Cady asked.

Jack nodded, then grimaced. “Let me go.”

Cady released him and he backed away, standing beside Kane as he rubbed his ear.

She looked at both of them. Kane’s split and bleeding lip made her wince and his eye was beginning to swell. She was partly to blame for what had happened and she felt guilty. But she pushed the feeling away. Second-guessing was a waste of time.

“Now then,” she said. “I did what I set out to do. I found Jack and I warned him. I don’t much care what the two of you do. But I’m going inside by the fire and make some coffee.”

Kane watched the other man massage his sore ear and thought it prudent not to point out that her brother had found her, not the other way around. He met Tanner’s gaze and knew, in spite of what Cady had said about taking care of herself, that her brother wasn’t to be discouraged so easily.

Jack picked up his rifle and pointed the barrel at Kane’s chest.

Cady gasped. “What in the world are you doing?”

“Sorry, Sis. If Father were here he’d be doing this instead of me. But it’s got to be done.” He looked at Kane. “Choose right, Carrington, and we’ll have a wedding. Choose wrong and we’ll have a funeral. Doesn’t make much difference to me.”

“You can’t be serious, Jack!” Cady cried.

“Dead serious.”

Cady stepped in front of Kane. “Then you’ll have to shoot me first.”

“You don’t understand, Cady. Let me talk to Jack man to man.” Kane settled his hands on her arms and tried to move her out of the way. She wouldn’t budge.

“My future is at stake too. I will not have it decided without putting in my two cents.” She glared at her brother. “The truth is, Jack, I refuse to marry him. You’re going to have to shoot me. But heaven knows how you’ll explain that to Mother.”

Jack nodded thoughtfully. “Can’t argue with that. But have you considered your reputation? You just spent the night alone with him. Everyone at the fort will know it. If you don’t marry him, do you really think anyone will let you teach their children?”

She trembled and Kane squeezed her arms in a reassuring gesture. “The parents at the fort are glad to have me there to teach and they’re happy with my performance. They wouldn’t stop me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t threaten her, Tanner.”

“It’s not a threat.” Jack lifted his steely-eyed gaze to Kane. “And what do you suppose will happen to your career when Major Wexler hears about this?”

“The major knows I followed Cady to bring her back safely.”

“Does he know you planned to bed her while you were at it?”

Kane’s hands went still. “That’s not the way it was.”

“Doesn’t matter. The major will see to it that you do the right thing by my sister, especially if my brother calls in some favors from his Washington contacts.”

Cady went rigid. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me. You’re my brother, Jack. Don’t you care about what I want? Don’t you care what’s best for me? Doesn’t it matter to you that Kane and I don’t love each other?”

“Some things are more important. Come hell or high water, there’s going to be a wedding when we get back to the fort.”

Kane sat behind his desk and looked up from his paperwork. His eye was not swollen so much, but now it was turning every shade of purple. He wished for the hundredth time that he’d put in for a transfer the day Cady had arrived. If it came through now, it would be too late.

Someone rapped sharply on his office door. “Come in,” he said.

As if his thoughts had produced her, Cady stepped inside, slammed the door, and marched across the room and stopped in front of him. This was the first time he’d seen her since they’d returned the day before.

His gut clenched and his pulse quickened at the sight of her beautiful flushed face.

“Hello, Kane,” she said.

“Cady. What are you doing here?”

“You have to put a stop to this wedding.”

Stunned, Kane put down his pen.

“Why?”

She looked him straight in the eye. “Because you don’t love me. And I”—her gaze lowered to just about the level of the button at the neck of his uniform”—I don’t love you.”

Jack was right. She was a lousy liar. She loved him, all right. She just wished she didn’t.

An odd sense of loss came over him. She was a beautiful, spirited woman. She had risked her life to protect Jack, and Kane knew she would do the same for any other man she loved. If only he could be that man!

The fact remained, they were stuck with each other.

“There’s more to consider besides love,” he said.

“Like what?” She lifted her chin slightly.

“Like what you want more than anything else in the world. Do you know what that is, Cady?”

She hesitated, then said, “To teach.”

“Then you have two choices. You can leave Fort McDowell and try to find another position without references. If you’re asked why you left here, you’ll have to tell them what happened.”

“And my second choice is to marry you.”

He nodded. “To protect your reputation.”

“What if I don’t?”

“Then none of the women on this post will give you the time of day, let alone allow you near their children.”

She began to pace restlessly. She stopped, looked out the window, then turned back to him. “I can’t believe this is happening. I came to the Territory to have a say in my own life, and now look.”

“You said yourself that everyone suffers the consequences of their actions.”

Her skirts swished as she walked over to his desk and placed her palms down on the wood. “So this is my fault?”