Reckless Destiny (7 page)

“Not all lessons are learned in the schoolroom.”

He placed his palms on the wall beside her shoulders, trapping her in his sweet prison. He lowered his mouth until their lips were barely an inch apart. His breath fanned her face.

“What would you do if one of the men wanted
private tutoring?” he asked huskily. His breathing was ragged and uneven.

“I—I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

“What if he kissed you like this?” He moved his mouth a fraction closer.

“Stop.” She pressed her palms flat to his chest and pushed firmly. She couldn’t let him go on. She wouldn’t be able to resist him if he did. Beneath her hands he was broad and muscled. She didn’t have the strength to keep him from what he wanted. But she had to try.

“What if I don’t?”

“You know I have brothers. They showed me what to do.” She took a deep breath. “Don’t make me prove I can.”

His body relaxed and she slipped beneath his forearm, away from him. With his arms still braced, he lowered his head, taking deep breaths as if trying to compose himself.

“Are you ordering me not to organize a literary society?”

He straightened and shifted uncomfortably. The danger she saw in his expression made her want to back away.

“No. But when it blows up in your face, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I’ll think about what you said. But I know you’re wrong.” She was tired and confused. She wanted to be alone. “If you’ll excuse me, captain, I believe I’ll retire now. I’m getting up early to ride tomorrow.”

“Are you going by yourself?”

“Yes.” She saw disapproval flicker across his face.

“I still don’t like it.”

She had left home because all her life her father and brothers had been telling her what to do. Now Kane
was doing the same thing, only worse. Not only was he ordering her around, he was sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.

She straightened her shoulders. “I think it’s me you don’t like, captain. Why is that?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous?” She touched her still tender cheek and eye. “You think I’m incompetent in the classroom, don’t you?”

“Cady, I—”

“You think I’m not cut out to be a teacher, don’t you?” “I never said—”

“You think I don’t belong here, isn’t that—”

He took a half step toward her and put one finger over her lips. “May I talk now?”

Her heart raced, not from fear—well, maybe just a little. But mostly because she couldn’t think when he was this close.

“Are you ready to listen to what I have to say?” he asked.

She was still for a second and met his gaze, then nodded. He pulled his hand away from her mouth.

“Actually, I don’t need to hear what’s on your mind,” she said. “You’ve made it pretty clear that you think I don’t belong here.”

“It’s not you, Cady. No woman does.”

“That’s not your decision to make. Miss Biddle says—”

His hazel eyes flashed with anger. “Dammit, don’t quote your spinster teacher to me. She has no idea what it’s like out here in the Territory.”

“How do you know?”

“I know. She sits in her comfortable parlor drinking tea and filling young women’s heads with pretty dreams and romantic notions that are nowhere near the truth.
She fires them up and sends them west, completely unprepared for what life is really like.”

“So tell me what it’s really like.”

“Dangerous.” His gaze lowered to her mouth, then he looked past her to the parade ground. “If the snakes, scorpions, and poisonous spiders don’t get you, the ants and the unbearable heat can make you wish they had. If that doesn’t drive you crazy or kill you, the Indians will.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“Then you’re a fool.”

“Am I?” she asked, narrowing her eyes.

“Women are a liability out here.” He lifted his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. “You need comforts and conversation with other women. The army discourages men from bringing their families along. When they do come, there’s no such thing as putting down roots. Soldiers move constantly from fort to fort.”

“Don’t you see, Kane? That’s why I want to start the literary society.”

“To settle the frontier?” he asked dryly.

“To bring some culture—”

“It won’t work. We can’t offer you the niceties you had back east.”

“Just what do you think I did?”

“Chamber music. Landscape painting,” he said.

“I can’t believe what a dreadful opinion you have of me.” She put her hands on her hips.

“You’re too damned naive for your own good. Don’t you realize half the men on this post can’t even read?” A muscle in his cheek contracted as if something had suddenly made him even angrier.

“That’s why I’m here,” she said softly.

“You did make it clear it wasn’t because of me.” He laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“I’ve come to teach, believe it or not, like it or not. The frontier is where I’m needed most.”

“This land will break you. Arizona’s not for amateurs.”

She glared at him. “What makes you think you know what will or will not break me?” “I’ve seen it happen.”

The raw emotion in his tone caught her attention, and her anger evaporated. She recognized his pain and sensed that he was going to tell her what had caused it.

With a deceptively casual movement, she leaned back against the pole bracing the overhang. Every part of her tensed, every sense sharpened.

“Tell me, Kane. Who did you see broken?”

“I knew a woman once, born and raised out here. She married a soldier, and when he was away for weeks at a time on patrol, she turned to another man for … what she needed.” He stopped and laughed, a sound so full of bitterness it chilled her in spite of the warm breeze.

She almost didn’t want to know, but her curiosity got the better of her. “Who was this woman?”

“My wife.”

“Your wife?” Cady stood upright
, at attention, away from the cottonwood pole.

Kane heard the astonishment in her voice. He’d intended to shock her, but now he took no pleasure in it.

“Yes.”

“And she was … unfaithful? How can you be so calm about it?” Her small body seemed to vibrate with outrage.

“It’s ancient history. Doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Well, it should.” Her righteous anger surprised him. “That was a despicable thing to do.”

“Let it go, Cady.” The woman had paid a high price for her sins. “Army life,
my
life, drove her to it. What happened to her was my fault.”

“Fiddlesticks. It’s a hard life, I’m learning well enough, but that’s no reason to turn to another man. Not when she had you—” She stopped suddenly and turned her back to him. The line of her shoulders went rigid.

“Don’t pity me, Cady.”

“I don’t. It’s just that the woman obviously had no sense.” She shook her head. “And you call
me
a fool.”

At first he couldn’t believe that she’d take his part. Then he realized that no matter what she said about this being a hard life, she still had stars in her eyes where the reality of the frontier was concerned. Time would show her how hard it was to carve out an existence in this godforsaken land. Then she would leave like Annie.

If only he didn’t feel such gut-churning temptation for Cady. She’d rekindled the ache she’d created the first time he saw her, only now it was even stronger.

“You
are
a fool if you think you can make a difference out here,” he said, deliberately cruel.

She whirled and stared up at him. “I get the feeling, captain, that you’re hoping I’ll fail. Is that why you brought Reynolds to school the first day and then stayed? Were you hoping I’d fall on my face?”

“I stayed because I know R. J.’s temper. I had a suspicion there would be trouble.”

“How does it feel to be right?” she asked. An edge of irritation cut her voice.

It was partly true that he’d been watching to see if she could stand up to R. J. Was he hoping she’d fail? Maybe.

In the shadows, he couldn’t make out the bruises around her injured eye, he could only see how beautiful she was, standing there in the moonlight. His gaze dropped to her mouth and her full lips. If he didn’t know their touch and texture from a long-ago memory that still haunted him, maybe he wouldn’t be tempted. But, God help him, he
was
tempted.

Pressure built inside him, and he looked up at the sky until he could regain control. The stars twinkled and glittered gaily, just like Cady. Tonight at the reception
she had sparkled until every man in that room had been dazzled.

Including himself.

He didn’t want other men looking at her. The primitive feelings shook him; he would bloody the first man who even made a move to do the things to her that he was thinking about. He wanted to hold her, touch her, kiss her. He wanted to know if she tasted as sweet and innocent as she had two years ago.

He folded his arms over his chest. “I take no satisfaction in being right about the fight.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. The parents I met this evening didn’t seem to care. They were genuinely happy that I’m here. And they all knew what had happened. Apparently they don’t doubt my abilities the way you do.” She stepped around him and opened her door. “Nothing you can say or do will sway me, captain. I’m staying. That’s final.”

She went inside, slamming the door shut.

He stared long after the door stopped vibrating, then smiled. He never knew what to expect from her. “Good night, Cady,” he whispered.

He should have been relieved that she’d slammed the door in his face. Half a minute more and he would have kissed her senseless. Her spirit and fire made her even more beautiful than that night at Fort Mohave when she’d been dressed like a princess in the green satin dress that matched her eyes.

He stepped out from under the ramada and crossed the plank over the acequia on his way to the enlisted men’s quarters. He was hot and tired and irritable. He hoped like hell no one got in his way.

It would be another uneasy night for him, just like all the others since Cady Tanner had turned up. What had he done to deserve this? To have her this close and
know he didn’t dare touch her. He thought of Annie. Maybe he’d done something after all.

Cady was his hell to pay.

He resigned himself to many more sleepless nights, until she gave in to the inevitable and went back where she belonged.

The morning after the reception, Cady reined her horse in at the top of a rise. She looked around quickly and, in the distance, spotted the fort. Good. It was barely in sight, she couldn’t make out the sentries around the perimeter, but she knew they were there, alert, watching, holding their rifles.

She had taken the major’s warning to heart but couldn’t resist giving her restless mount his head. When she’d felt him tiring, she’d turned back the way she’d come, relieved to see the fort soon and know she hadn’t gone too far.

She was in high spirits this morning. The wind in her face and the smell of mesquite and sage exhilarated her. Above her, a cactus wren flew and jabbered. She knew how he felt, understood his sense of liberation. She felt free and alive.

She settled her big black hat more securely over her hair and pushed the floppy brim up so she could see where she was going. As her horse walked slowly toward the fort, she thought about her conversation with Kane the night before. It had upset her, at first, because he was trying to get rid of her. Then she’d realized that he did want her gone, but not for the reason she’d thought. After learning of his unfortunate marriage, she thought he wouldn’t want anything to do with a woman ever again. That’s when it hit her, like a lightning bolt.

He wanted her to leave because he
liked
her!

If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have bothered to tell her to go back to where she came from. He wouldn’t bother with her at all. And he wouldn’t care whether she stayed or not.

In some way, she mattered to him.

That made all the difference. The next time she saw him she planned to test her theory, though she wasn’t quite sure how. But he didn’t hate her. The knowledge of that made her smile.

For the last two years, whenever she remembered the way she’d thrown herself at him, she wanted to crawl in a hole. She’d been childish and impulsive. If he’d called her a fool then, she would agree with him. Now he called her foolhardy for wanting to make a difference. That’s where he was wrong, and someday she’d make him admit it.

But that wasn’t the part of their talk that had kept her awake. It was what he’d said just before calling her a fool.

She patted her horse’s neck with a gloved hand. “Is he still married, Prince? I never asked him. If he is, where is his wife?”

He hadn’t said what happened to her. He had turned the conversation away from himself and told Cady she was wasting her time here in Arizona. That had goaded her into anger, and she had stalked inside without knowing what had become of his wife. As far as Cady knew, he might still be married to the disloyal little tart.

The wind picked up, strong and fragrant with the scent of creosote bushes, and pressed her cotton shirt against her, molding it to her breasts. The wide brim of her hat fluttered and flapped low over her forehead. Prince dipped his head and shook it, rattling his bridle and snorting loudly. Thoughtfully, she patted his neck again.

She had better find out if Kane still had a wife or she could wind up looking like a bigger fool than he already thought she was.

She turned her face to the sun, letting the warmth seep into her skin. The morning was still comfortable, but it was beginning to heat up. She had decided to take her ride early, before it got too uncomfortable.

To her left, she saw dust from another rider and figured someone else had had the same idea. She waved and saw a responding gesture. As the rider approached, she saw it was a man in uniform. When he was closer, she recognized Kane. As he wheeled his horse up beside hers, the animal shook its head restlessly.

“Good morning,” she said, giving him a big smile.

He nodded. “Morning. You’re up bright and early.”

The sound of his deep voice washed over her, raising gooseflesh on her arms. Her saddle creaked as she shifted. He looked wonderful on a horse, she thought. Straight and tall, strong and sure. She searched for something to say.

“I couldn’t sleep.” Would he know it was because of him? His expression didn’t change. “I figured I might as well get up and ride Prince.” She patted the animal’s neck. “He really needed the exercise.”

“I saw you let him have his head.” A grudging note of admiration wrapped around his words. “You ride well.”

A ripple of pleasure skittered down her spine. “Thanks. I love riding. Jack taught me. He used to let me tag along with him when I was a little girl.”

He folded his hands on the pommel of his saddle. There was a bemused expression on his face, but he didn’t say anything.

“What is it, captain? I took your advice. I’m wearing a hat.” She pointed to the low-crowned black felt covering her hair.

“Looks a little big.”

“There’s just no pleasing you. The other one was too small; this one’s too big.” She smiled. “Actually it doesn’t stay on unless I stuff my hair up underneath. It’s Jack’s. He gave it to me when I was eleven, after I begged and pleaded.”

“Do you always get what you want, Cady Tanner?”

She thought about his question. He should know better than anyone that things didn’t always go her way. If they did, he’d have listened two years ago when she tried to convince him he needed her.

“My father always said, When you want something, go after it with everything you’ve got.”

“What if things don’t work out the way you hoped?”

“Then he’d say, Sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you.”

He chuckled. “Did it make you feel better?”

“It made me laugh. So, yes, I guess it did.”

They stared off into the distance for a few moments without talking. A tumbleweed skipped and rolled across the desert floor, propelled by the wind. The only thing Cady could think about was his wife. She was bursting with curiosity, but that wasn’t the sort of thing she could just blurt out.

“You said you were watching me ride. Why didn’t you join me?”

“After you slammed the door in my face last night? I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t shoot me today.”

“Oh, that.” She tipped her head slightly. “You should know something about me. I’m quick to anger, and just as quick to get over it.”

His eyes were in shadow, but the corners of his mouth turned up. “I’ll remember that.”

She bit her lower lip. Beneath her the horse shifted restlessly. “Easy, boy,” she said, smoothing her gloved
hand over his neck. She looked at Kane. “I guess he’s tired of standing. I’m going to walk him around for a while and cool him off before I take him back.”

“Good idea.”

Nervously, she cleared her throat. It was now or never. She might as well see if her theory was correct. “You probably have a hundred orders to give at the fort, but I’ll ask anyway. Would you care to join me if I promise not to shoot you? I don’t have a gun, and even if I did, I wouldn’t know how to use it.”

Kane scanned the desert around the fort, and his expression turned grim. “I
will
join you because I
do
have a gun and I know how to use it. In spite of what Major Wexler said, it’s not safe for you to be out riding alone.”

A feeling started in the pit of her stomach, something like a warm glow. He was concerned about her safety. Would he bother if he disliked her? Common sense told her no. He could have made an excuse and left.

But that pesky common sense she prided herself on also told her he was first, last, and always a soldier. He would make certain any woman was safe. Had he agreed to join her because he wanted to be with her or because she was a female alone? Did he only feel obligated to do his duty as an officer and a gentleman?

Instinct—or maybe wishful thinking—told her he had joined her because he wanted to ride with her.

A grin built inside her, but she didn’t let it show. He had just passed the first test. Now she had to find out if he was still married.

Side by side, they rode in silence for a while. Finally, Kane looked over at her. “What’s on your mind?”

She thought about denying his question and decided not to. “A lot of things.”

“Want to talk about anything in particular?”

“I’m afraid to bring up unpleasant memories for you.”

“Why don’t you let me decide.”

“All right.” She stared straight ahead as she rolled gently from side to side with the horse’s gait. “Are you still married?” From the corner of her eye, she saw the muscle in his cheek jerk.

“No,” he said simply.

“Is that all you’re going to say?”

“Yes.”

“Then I won’t ask any more questions.”

“Good.”

“About your wife, that is.”

One corner of his mouth lifted. “So that’s not all you had on your mind.”

“No.”

“Is it something else that will bring up unpleasant memories?”

“Only for me, I think.”

His horse danced sideways, restless and high-strung. Kane pulled in the reins and skillfully used his body to keep his seat. The corded muscles in his thighs rippled and stretched against the material of his uniform pants. She swallowed at the sudden tightness in her throat.

“Easy, Soldier Boy.” He met her gaze. “Sorry. He’s a little skittish. Independent. Doesn’t like to be told what to do. Not unlike someone I know.”

She smiled. “I’ve been that way all my life.”

“What makes you think I was talking about you?” He grinned.

She blinked. “Weren’t you?”

“I meant R. J. Soldier doesn’t get along with him. I think it’s Prince’s scent that’s setting him off.”

Finally, the animal calmed and they moved forward again. Kane sat a horse as if he were born to it. His
powerful masculinity set her pulse to racing as if she were flying across the desert, low on her horse’s back, with the wind blowing her hair out behind her. Kane was big and strong and he made her feel safe. It would be so easy to let herself rely on him.