Read Bottom Up (14 page)

 

 

 

Subject: Question!

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Fri, May 16 at 2:45 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Do you seriously think they're gonna charge me for this robe? You can't stock your hotel room with robes that soft and not expect people to take them. It's entrapment!

BTW—when I checked out, the lady at the concierge was like, “Did you and your girlfriend enjoy your stay?” Sounded nice. :)

 

Subject: Re: Question!

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Fri, May 16 at 3:15 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Ha! I think the robe is the one thing that they do charge you for, barring ripping a sconce off the wall. Yes, I said “sconce.”

WELL. 4 out of 5 concierge ladies can't be wrong, can they?

P.S. Yes, the robe did look awesome (especially when tossed on a chair), though now my boss is going to think my Norwegian cookbook author is a robe thief and that is coming out of her budget. Just FY to the I. x

 

Subject: Re: Question!

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Fri, May 16 at 4:22 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Did we just get you fired? Please don't get fired—I'm fairly certain I don't make enough money to support us. And while I'm enjoying bf/gf status right now, I'm not sure that taking the next step and getting married to get us tax breaks is the right move just yet . . .

 

Subject: Re: Question!

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Fri, May 16 at 4:52 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Oh, no worries. I can get fired and we can live off the phat of the land. “The land” in this case being the stretch of grass when you come off the subway at Houston. Or a median barrier on Park Ave. I can forage for nuts and berries and pigeon meat and you can cook it. “The Median Food Movement.” Boom: Styles section profile. Boom: Food truck. Boom: Triplex.

xo

 

 

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Fri, May 16 at 8:30 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

So . . . how was it?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Fri, May 16 at 8:58 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Okay, kind of amazing. We just played . . . well, we also had lots of the sex. But we literally bounced on the bed and ordered room service and prank called other rooms like 13-year-olds. Straight out of a romantic comedy.

But a decent indie romantic comedy. It was just . . . easy. And reminded me of why I like him so much.

It reminded me of the time my 19-year-old cat was dying. Stay with me here: my mom called and I went home to say good-bye to said cat and unfortunately got there the moment it died. So I had this visual of a dead cat that overrode half my memories of the cat when it was alive. Last night was like a dead cat . . . in a good way, in that it overrode 80% of my insecurities. I know they are there. Just like I remember the cat when it was alive and kicking. Follow me?

Conclusion: he is the dead cat of my dreams.

He did, annoyingly, steal a bathrobe from the room though. And I will, equally annoyingly, have to explain that. I think he genuinely thought the Four Seasons wouldn't notice. They charge for WiFi in the lobby. They'll notice.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Fri, May 16 at 9:08 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Oh hey, remember that time you compared your relationship to a dead cat? Hahahaha.

Honestly, psyched for you. I think you guys are actually maybe good for each other after all I love to see you all beam-y. Even if it's weird Madeline beam-y.

Um . . . but also? WHO THE FUCK STEALS THE ROBE? Has he never stayed in a hotel before? Is he a homeless chimney sweep? Hope you don't get in trouble.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Fri, May 16 at 9:15 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Seriously, I skip off to work and leave him in the room (all very reverse “Pretty Woman”) and that's what he tells me. Most of his friends are kind of high-functioning wastrels, so maybe it's normal behavior for them. Who knows.

Actually that's not entirely true—his lawyer friend David is alright. You guys should meet at some point.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Fri, May 16 at 9:20 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Wow. A bunch of “high-functioning wastrels” and a guy who's “alright.” I guess my Mojave dry spell continues on.

xo

 

 

 

Subject: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:06 AM

To: David Meyer

Holy shit.

You will never guess who I just ran into.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:43 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

Anna Kendrick??

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:48 AM

To: David Meyer

What? No . . . Ellie.

Why would I have run into Anna Kendrick?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:49 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

Just saw on TMZ that she's filming a movie right around the corner from your apt. Wishful thinking.

Ellie is way less exciting. She probably can't even do the “Cups” song. What happened?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:51 AM

To: David Meyer

So I'm grabbing coffee at Bluebird, still recooperating from the Four Seasons, when who do I see tied up outside? Iggy. I was actually gonna leave because I didn't really feel like doing a whole song and dance when she came out.

We only spoke for like two secs—she said she was on her way to go style some shoot (couldn't tell if she actually was or whether she was lying to appear busy)—but she texted me this right after:

“Good seeing you . . . Was actually just talking about you with my therapist. Go figure. :) ”

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:55 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

LOL. “Just talking about you with my therapist.” Equal parts casual, intimate, funny, unsettling, and intriguing, all in an economical seven words. That is classic Ellie right there. Does she knows you're seeing someone?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:57 AM

To: David Meyer

She still follows me on Instagram so I'm sure she has some idea.

She also said she's gonna be at Hayley and Justin's wedding . . .

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sat, May 17 at 11:58 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

Are you taking Madeline to that?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sat, May 17 at 12:02 PM

To: David Meyer

It's weird—Ellie was invited as my plus one, but obviously she's good friends with them too, so she's still going. But I don't know if that means I get a
different
+1. This etiquette is very complicated.

Guess I should ask Justin . . .

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Sat, May 17 at 4:06 PM

To: David Meyer

Justin said it's cool if I bring someone, but that Ellie's coming solo.

Huh.

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: David Meyer

Date: Sat, May 17 at 4:15 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

Well if Ellie
was
bringing someone, I have no doubt you'd be bringing Madeline. But since she's not, now you don't know?

 

Subject: Re: (no subject)

From: Elliot Rowe