Queen (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (41 page)

“Wait- you said Jamie,” I cut into his story. I hold my breath hoping that I
’m wrong.

“Yeah, he’s the Jamie you know too. I live next door to him,” he admit
s and it’s a shot to my heart.

“Why didn’t you come t
o me in the past year,” I cry.

“Regina, why do you think?” He replies. Hi
s voice is tight with emotion.

“I don’t know why you wouldn’t. I don’t want to think of why. It’d hurt
too much,” I murmur in shock. 

“It’s not like that Regina. You made someone take promise a long time ago and he’s kept it. Marc said no. I tried to see you the first night you came over. I stayed in the doorway holding Jamie back. You know Marc’ rule is law. I was keeping your wishes.”

“How much have you seen?” I ask disparagingly.

“I wasn’t allowed in the house when you visited. Your schedule mirrored mine at Transcend. I wanted to see you, but knowing that you were okay was enough for me,” he says quietly and takes my hand and squeezes reassuringly.

“I only made that promise because if you died it would have killed me and if you lived I would’ve been tempted to be with you. I’ve missed you every day. A day didn’t pass that you weren’t in my mind,” I admit. The ache in my voice surprises me and him.

“Mine, too. I was lucky because I cou
ld see you and ask about you.”

“Okay,” I brush off the past because once
it’s over you can do nothing but move on from it. “Tell me your story.”

“Jamie helped me get into
Transcend
as a mentor and motivational speaker against street violence. I used the money you gave me to go to school to become a counselor. Now I help the kids who were like us. I find them scholarships. I show them outlets for their creativity. It’s very fulfilling.”

I can hear the passion in his voice and it trills happiness into my soul. I want him happy. I need him to be happy. I listen as he speaks of the kids at
Transcend,
how much he loves working there, and how great his coworkers are. His voice is full of hope when he tells me he never thought he deserved a normal life. He explains how he met Kris and how much fun they have together. His voice charges with adoration as he speaks of a man named Jamie who helped him make the changes in his life. He says he inspired him and helped him find his true worth. I want to know that Jamie and I’m suddenly jealous out of nowhere. But I can’t help the huge grin that spreads my lips as we walk and I listen to him talk.

“I didn’t know you were
Empowerment
. Sweetheart, six-three of my kids are on scholarships because of the money you donated, just this year alone. They speak of you as a saint down at the program.” He sounds awed of my success. It reminds me of the tone my mom would take on when she spoke of the elite. As if they weren’t normal men walking the streets, but Gods. He now speaks of me this way and I don’t understand the weird emotions the tone elicits.
“I’m so glad you got out of there.” My voice cracks. “I didn’t know if you were dead or alive. I didn’t want to hear of your death. I couldn’t have lived through it,” I cry and suck the sob back in. 

“When Kristal described your lives to me, she called you Regina. But it’s a popular name. I never thought it was you. I’m a bit pissed at Marc, Jamie, and Kristal. They all knew it was you and failed to tell me. I don’t think I would’ve dated her if I’d known. She said you were a widow with two kids? Is this true?”

I nod my head unable to speak for a moment. He saves me the trouble.

“I remember why the car picked you up. I didn’t put it together when Grant Whittenhower and his wife passed away. I’m sorry,” his voice breaks because it holds so much pity. I hate the sound of it.

“Thank you,” I sob out and he takes both of my hands trying to lend me strength to go on.

“I don’t have my son. His Grandfather made me sign my rights away before he was conceived. They don’t know about my daughter. I’d had just found out I was pregnant when Grant died.”
“I thought you were to be a surrogate. How did you end up with him?” There is a furious edge to his curiosity.

“Grant’s father misle
d me into signing the contract- the contract that made me a whore; worse, a whore who gave up her children. I tried- Grant and I both tried to keep our family together. We could see the finish line and poof- game over. I lost Grant, my son, and a young man I fell in love with in a split second. I haven’t seen them since. I wasn’t even allowed to see Grant’s body or attend his funeral. Contract,” I sing. 

“Are you alright?” The corners of his eyes wrinkle with concern.

It makes me sad that I’ve missed so much time with him. Last time I saw him he was twenty. Now he’s over thirty and his life is etching his face. Last time I was pleased to see he had whiskers as laid in ICU. I’ve missed so much, and not just of his life, or the boys- I’d been missing out on my own, too.

“I’m doing better than last year.” I shrug. “I’m living now, instead of existing.”
“About how you looked when you came home tonight. I heard some of what you said…” He trails off.

“I don’t know how to explain that to you. My life isn’t built for a conventional li
festyle. Men don’t notice me.”

“Someone noticed you,” he grumbles under his breath and I ignore it. “Marc seems to have noticed you.”

“I’m not cut out for what most people would call normal. I love my daughter and I provide a stable loving home for her. But I can’t see myself married and only caring for my husband and kids. My life’s work is too important. It’s selfish, but I’ve given a lot up and I give even more back to everyone. I volunteer and donate my time and the majority of my money. The bond between my daughter and me is solid. I don’t allow certain things to influence her or enter our home.” I take a deep breath and explain what he saw the easiest way I can think of.

“Have you heard of the club Restraint?” I g
rit my teeth for his reaction.

“Yeah, I know what goes on across the hall from me. I’ve never been to that club. Is that what you’re up to, Sweetheart?” He remains calm, but looks stunned.

“Yes. I’m not allowed to go there until I’m properly trained. Marc’s obviously training me. I’m surprised they haven’t told you.” I am and I’m not surprised. What happens at the Brownstone stays at the Brownstone, but Roman is there too.

“I just can’t see you like that,” he says in mystification and rolls hi
s blue-green eyes up to mine.

“Well, this is me. This is the girl you picked on. The girl you gave money to. The girl you held hands with while her mother died.  This is the girl who gave you her first kiss. She does weird things to get off. She found a unique family when she had none. And her name is Queen. Take her as she is or don’t take her at all.” I wait for him to respond.

I’ve dumbfounded him into silence. My body jolts with an unseen force. My breath rasps out sharply and I quiver. I have to flex and relax my hands into a fist to release some of the violent energy teeming in my veins. His silent judgment brings my dominant nature to the fore.

“It’s not that. I just can’t see a woman kneeling down and groveling for attention. I don’t know why they’d like it.” I want to tell him to take
a long look at his girlfriend.

“Roman, I don’t do that for anyone but my Master. And he doesn’t want me to grovel and beg. He likes to see me strong. I’m the woman who stands towering over the cowering submissive. He’s training me to be his equal. I bow to no man.” My voice isn’t my own. It’s the voice that would erupt from nowhere and speak words I never thought possible. It was the voice I used as I dominated Grant.
Throaty, husky, and sultry- Queen’s voice.

I back him up against a tree and glare into his aqua eyes. His judgment over my lifestyle infuriates me. His eyes dilate and glaze over, and his nostrils flare as he tries to come to terms with the need I just fired in his belly.

He wants to fall to his knees for me and he’s fighting it. A war rages inside him as I press his back into the tree. He wants to fight back, and simultaneously, he wants to submit. I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry. Roman’s a switch and I want to fuck him against this tree out in the open. I want an audience. I want to mark him as mine. I want to see if he can get the upper-hand. I’ve never felt so close to my Master as I do now.

I close my eyes to the sight of him. I wish I was in the sensory deprivation room. His scent is stronger with his arousal. A new sensation is born inside of me. Queen erupts from my soul. Marcus hasn’t allowed me to play with a submissive yet. Only, Roman isn’t a submissive, he’s a challenge-
a challenge I long to accept.

Marcus’s jealous because he foresaw this happening. He and I are equal and we can’t give each other what Roman could give me. Roman can give me so much more than Jamie can give Marcus.

My eyes snap wide open and connect with his. He’s gripping the tree and leaning away from me as far as he can get. He looks frightened and pissed and painfully aroused. He involuntarily presses his hips to mine proving that he’s starved with arousal. He presses and releases his bulge against me and whimpers.

He’s fighting his needs and I’m proud of him. I need to fight mine too. I’m the one who’s supposed to be in control. If he was a submissive he would gain his control from me. I thank God that he’s a strong Switch and he’s fighting me and himself. I, however, am failing miserably.

I back off and shake my head to clear the lust fog. This is what Marc meant about once you say yes, there’s no shutting him down. No is a hard concept when the predator sights its prey. We aren’t running bunnies either. We’re tigers hunting lions. The thrill is a better pay off.

“I’m sorry. That’s never happened before. I don’t know what came over me. I apologize. Please don’t be frightened of me,” I beg.

I don’t dare look at him because I feel mortified by my brazen behavior.

I know why Marcus trained me so thoroughly, I’m a menace. Dexter trains the ones that won’t harm their prey. I almost took down a childhood friend on the sidewalk like a wounded antelope.

We walk back in silence. He follows me a step behind and to my left as if he’s worried that if he walks next to me, I’ll attack.

“Where’d you guys go?” Kristal asks the second I open the front door. She and Fate are seated on the sofa. She looks very guilty and Fate
looks worried.

“We just went for a walk to chat about the past. See, I brought him home in one piece,” I smile sweetly and innocently- I’ve never been either.

I want to add that I just corrupted your boyfriend on the walk. That I’m pretty sure I just awakened something in him and he’ll never be able to turn off again. Once the sleeping beast is awakened, it will never sleep again. I quickly look at him.

He’s staring at me with unadulterated lust in his eyes. His pants are bulging gloriously. He angles his hips near me like a divining rod pointing to water. My mouth waters and dries up at the same time. I know he’s offering. I can’t take, not when he’s drugged with lust. And I have no permission from my Master. While it may feel exceptional for many reasons and I’d love to feed Kristal a dose of bitter medicine, my Master always comes first. I drag my eyes from his crotch to witness Kristal following my gaze.

“Oh dear,” Fate whispers as she runs to hide in her room. She really is the perfect submissive.
I grow a pair of cojones the size of wrecking balls and just as strong, too.  I wreck their sham of a fake romance that lies built. Kristal the innocent- Her jaded makes mine look positively virginal.

“Roman’s staying the night. You can thank me in the morning after he fucks you like a lunatic. I’m sure he’s never really fucked you like you’re used to. As much as it pains me to say that he will be inside you, pleasuring you with his body, I’m flattered that I put the steel in his cock tonight. Enjoy your switch, Kris. And if you lie about me again, I’ll punish you to the likes you’ve never imagined. I am, after all, created in our Master’s image. G’night.”

I leave them stunned. I walk away and wink at Fate as she grins from her cracked bedroom door. I feel extremely close to Marcus now. This is how he felt this afternoon when he marked me two dozen times. Who knew- Queen is a territorial creature.

My sister-code list only ever included Roman, Grant, and the boys. Sister-code: do not touch what’s mine. With Grant gone, how hard was it to avoid one man, a young man, and a boy? Ade’s list is only Ezra. Fate and Kris have no issue with sharing what is theirs because of their submissive natures. There’s no need to for a feeling of propriety when you’re the property.

It’s an unspoken understanding and we’ve always abided by it, until now. We know Ade would kill us if we touched her cell phone. I can’t imagine the fallout if we had the pleasure of Ezra inside our body. She’d kill. I breathe through the fury, pain, and arousal because I know Roman’s going to fuck my best friend under my own roof and it’s going to be the best sex he’s ever had.

I’m under no delusions that Kristal didn’t know who ‘Alex’ was.

If she touches anyone else on that list it’s going to get personal.

I’m going to go one step farther than my Master; I’m going to deny myself the pleasure of hunting Roman. It will solidify my control. One day Roman will see Kristal for who she is and he may or may not come to me. A good hunter is nothing, if not patient.

Marcus has taught me well. He has been patiently hunting Cort since they met.

Chapter Thirteen

“Why so pensive?” Cort’s question momentarily cuts through my musings.

Last night was one of the worst and best nights of my life. My body rolled with power. I wanted to hunt, kill, and fuck something. It took everything in me not to smash my belongings in a fit of rage. It felt even better to control the emotions. I channeled everything into a sense of euphoria. I finger-fucked myself to number fourteen and screamed my climax loud enough for my ex-best friend and my childhood friend to hear it in the guest house. I was about to have another go when my phone pinged an incoming text message. I spent six hours texting Jamie. If I thought it, I sent it. It was a new kind of intimacy I’ve never experienced. I opened up and said words I’d locked inside myself. He helped me come to terms with what was happening to me.