Pulled (34 page)

love you,” into the darkness, certain now that he always sensed my distant thoughts and words.

My eyes darted open from my half-conscious state, jarred by the sudden alternating vibrating and buzzing coming from somewhere deep within the bed. I had a text.

Frantical y, I shuffled through the twisted sheets, searching for the offending object. I hadn’t cal ed Katie today, so she was probably worried, and Katie worried translated to Katie being just a tiny bit pissed. The red, blinking light served as my guide, and I reached deep into the covers to grab the missing phone. I pressed the rol er bal to retrieve the message. Not Katie.

My stomach did a flip-flop, and suddenly I felt like a teenage girl again, butterflies making an appearance for the first time in nine years. The sender was unknown and the message simply asked if I was there, but I knew it was Daniel.

He told me he missed me and loved me, that he couldn’t wait to see me again, and then he bid me goodnight. Knowing that tomorrow we didn’t have to wake to feel the same emptiness and hopelessness we’d felt for nine years, I knew it would be a very good night.

I was soaring.

I had awoken rested, refreshed, feeling loved and wanted. I’d read the text that had been patiently waiting for me as I slept, one sent hours before wishing me a good morning.

Yes it was.

I replied, tel ing him I couldn’t wait to see him again. I had no idea when that would be, but I knew we wouldn’t be able to stay apart for long. I careful y erased al of our messages, feeling a little guilty about doing so. Every single one of his words was precious to me, but knew I was going to have to be cautious if I was going to pul off this ruse. My phone immediately vibrated and I grinned, expecting his reply. Instead, a snarky message from Katie il uminated the screen, demanding to know what was going on.

Crap.
That’s where Daniel had gotten my number.

I’d had every intention of cal ing her this morning, but she beat me to it. Instead of explaining myself on the phone, I asked her to meet me for lunch. Three hours later, I arrived at our favorite deli.

As I walked through the door, I found Katie already seated. Her eyes flooded with relief when she caught sight of me. It lasted only moments before a whole lot of curiosity washed it away. Apparently, Nicholas was not the only one who noticed the difference in me. I smiled as I crossed the white and black-checkered floor and slid into the red vinyl booth opposite her.

“Look at you.” She shook her head in disbelief, reaching both hands across the table to take one of mine.

Then she muttered, “Unbelievable,” under her breath, making me uncertain whether she’d intended for me to hear it or not.

Our regular waitress greeted us, and we ordered our usual chicken salad and iced tea. The moment she walked away, Katie assaulted me with questions.

“What the hel happened? I’ve been freaking out al night! Did Daniel cal you? I mean, obviously, look at you.” She waved her hand at me, exasperated, before continuing. “He cal ed Shane and asked for your number and asked to have a meeting with him.” She was nearly panting by the time she finished. To the casual onlooker it would have appeared that Katie was upset with me, but I knew she was just dying to know what was going on. She did not like being kept in the dark.

“I was busy yesterday.” I spoke softly and slowly, communicating to her more by tone than with actual words. I watched as comprehension flickered in her features.

“So, he didn’t...just...cal .”

I slowly shook my head, and I felt a blush make its way up my neck and onto my cheeks, confirming Katie’s unspoken question.

“Tel me everything.”

And I did just that, unable to keep myself from crying, once again, when I went into detail about how we’d been cheated out of the last nine years.

“That’s...awful.” Katie reached across the table to grab my hand with hers, gently squeezing. “See, I told you that you were his
more
.”

I nodded, this time without doubt.

“So?” Katie prodded, bouncing in her seat, impatient for me to get to the good part. She gaped as I described the most incredible day of my life. I thought I’d be embarrassed, but there was nothing embarrassing about what Daniel and I had shared yesterday.

“I’m so happy for you. Al I’ve ever wanted for you is to see you happy, and I can
see
it. It was obvious when you walked through the door that you were—alive. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

She might not have recognized me, but I definitely did.

“So, what’s the plan?” She hesitated, lowering her voice. “I mean what are you going to do about Nicholas?

That asshole isn’t going to take it very wel when he finds out you’re leaving him for another man.”

“Yeah, I know. Daniel was al set for me to leave with him yesterday, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even imagine what Nicholas would have done had he come home and found me gone. I needed some time to think about the best way to go about it.” I leaned in closer, hyperaware that the people around us could hear our conversation. “I feel terrible, but I misled Daniel. I told him we had to talk to Shane first and make sure it wouldn’t affect the building in any way. If I had told him the real reason, I know he would never have let me stay.”

“Oh, thank God, that’s what the meeting must be about. Shane’s been pissing his pants since Daniel cal ed.

He was convinced Daniel wanted to cancel.” She grimaced, stopping short. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.

Seriously, we would happily let the building go if it meant your freedom.”

your freedom.”

I shook my head, dismissing her worry. The building was a real y big deal, life changing for them. Of course, they would be worried about it. “No, it’s fine. You guys have been there for me more than you could ever know, and I want the building to happen too. Regardless of whether I stay in that house or not, I can’t see Nicholas letting that kind of money go.”

Katie took a bite of her salad, thinking about what I’d said. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I just don’t know what it’s gonna take for him to let you go. I don’t see him taking subtle hints. I mean, look what happened the last time you told him no. The guy’s a tyrant.”

I sighed, shifting uncomfortably. “It wasn’t the last time.” I pushed my sleeve up to reveal the very green and blue ring encircling my wrist.

Katie’s eyes darted to my wrist and reached across the table, taking my hand into hers.

“I’m going to kil that asshole,” she said, her voice seething as she careful y inspected my wrist. “What led to this?”

I couldn’t contain the smug feeling I got when I described the altercation I’d had with Nicholas the previous evening. It’d left me feeling in control. Yeah, I’d been scared, real y scared. But I won.

We sat silently for a few moments while we ate.

Katie, it seemed, wanted to say something else because she paused every few moments and chewed more on her lip than on her food, and Katie was never at a loss for words.

“What?” She was making me nervous.

She exhaled heavily, sitting back in her seat. “I just know this must be real y hard on you.”

I looked at her, puzzled.

“The baby,” she clarified, “How do you feel about that whole situation?”

Oh. How did I feel about the baby? Jealous? Yes.

Scared? Yes. Sad? Very. Very, very sad. Truly, it was devastating. Every single insecurity I had was wrapped up in the fact that I couldn’t give Daniel a child. It was the reason that for nine years I had believed he didn’t want me.

More than that,
I
wanted a child. I desperately wanted to be a mother. Yeah, they’d cut me open and removed the ability, but they couldn’t remove the ache, the need to hold, feed, and nurture. The pangs of envy I’d feel as I’d walk through a store and hear a child cal mommy as if no one else in the world existed. The way she’d pick up that precious little person and ease his or her fears. The way she loved and coddled. I wanted to be her, and I would never be.

What troubled me most was the way Daniel felt about it. I’d never al owed myself to real y consider how broken he was over Eva. It was as if when I lost the ability to become a parent, he did too. That scared me because he was actual y going to be one, and I wasn’t sure he could handle it.

But if I put everything together, that question was easy to answer.

“I wish he was mine.”

“I wish he was mine.”

After lunch, I sat in the office checking my e-mail when that welcomed tingle ran down my spine. My phone vibrated with a text, asking if it was clear.

Daniel was here. I bounced in excitement. Yep, official y fifteen again.

I skipped out of the office and raced to the front door, swinging it open the very moment he topped the stairs. As soon as the door closed behind him, he swept me into his arms, and buried his face in my hair as he breathed me in, my heart thrumming in contentment.

“Hi,” I whispered into his chest, the buttons of his black dress shirt pressing into the side of my face.

“Hi.” His lips pressed into the top of my head.

“Look at us, sneaking around again.”

“We can’t win, can we?”

He pul ed back, just enough so that I could see his gorgeous face, his hazel eyes bril iant and fil ed with fire, the sorrow of yesterday gone. “We already won, Melanie.” He was right. Maybe the battle wasn’t over, but it was already won. We had each other, and that was the only thing that mattered.

“I can’t stay, but I had to see you.”

I squeezed him tighter. “No, stay with me.” He groaned, holding my face as he kissed me, his lips lingering. “You have no idea how badly I want to take you up on that, but I have a meeting in a half hour that I can’t

miss. Can you get away tomorrow night? I want to take you to dinner.”

“Like on a date?” I laughed at the absurdity of the whole situation.

He grinned down at me, red-faced. “Yeah, like on a date.”

He was too adorable. And truly, there was something real y appealing about pretending we were just a normal couple for a few hours.

“Wel , in that case, I’d love to.”

He tore himself from me when our chaste kiss goodbye evolved into five minutes of much, much more. His voice was low and rough against my ear. “I love you.” I stood in the middle of the living room, gasping, trying to bring myself down from the high I was riding as he walked out the door.

I scrambled to my phone, fumbling through the numbers with my trembling fingers. “Katie, I need your help.”

I stood in front of Katie’s ful -length mirror, appreciating the way the simple, black, jersey dress hung on my body. The scoop neck revealed just a modest amount of cleavage, and the three-quarter length flared sleeves brushed against my forearms. The only problem was the skirt; it was a bit too tight and short—real y short.

Of course, Katie paired it with four-inch heels.

“I don’t know, Katie. It might be a little much.”

“Are you kidding me? You look amazing.” The doorbel rang, declaring that the time to worry about my appearance was over. Katie pushed me toward the door.

“Go. Have fun.” She smiled warmly at me, giving her encouragement. I hugged her, thanked her for taking care of me, and moved to fol ow her from the bedroom. I stopped short as I reached the threshold, reaching for her arm.

She looked at me over her shoulder, confused.

I mouthed, “Wait.”

Something didn’t feel right.

We both stood silently, straining to listen as Shane unlocked the door. A very familiar voice cut through the air. My fingers curled into the tense muscles of Katie’s arm when we both realized Nicholas was here.

“Yeah.” Shane sounded irritated. “No, that’s fine…

Yeah, she’s here, that
is
her car...I don’t know, they rented movies or some shit...Why don’t you just cut her a break for once?” Shane was arguing with Nicholas—over me. I desperately fought to hear the other side of the conversation but couldn’t with Nicholas’s hushed tone. I’m sure I looked terrified because Katie squeezed my arm, reassuring me it would be okay.

Tonight was the first time I’d ever left Nicholas a note saying I was going out for the evening. In my mind, this was just one of the painful steps I would have to take to extract myself from his control. Little by little, I would free myself.