Professor and the Nanny (Silhouette Romance) (11 page)

How could she have insinuated herself into his very being in such a short time? And with him fighting it all the way? It didn’t make sense! He’d only known her a few weeks and already she was the very essence of his heart and soul.

The clock struck six and he finished off the whiskey in his glass. Thank God it was Sunday and he didn’t have to go to school. Instead he was going to bed and try to get some sleep. He didn’t want to think about what would happen the next time he confronted Brittany.

Brittany had had a bottle of beer at the concert and another one at the party afterward. Not much, but even so, it was enough to relax her and put her to sleep once she crawled into bed.

She seldom drank anything alcoholic at all but sometimes took just enough to be sociable, and that’s what she’d done last night. After that scene with Ethan she hadn’t expected to sleep at all, but here it was ten o’clock in the morning and she barely remembered falling into bed.

She stretched and yawned. Ethan was in charge of Nate and
Danny on the weekends, so she could take her time about getting dressed and going downstairs.

She wasn’t looking forward to facing Ethan. She knew he was angry with her for tempting him the way she had, and he had a right to be. What she’d done was unforgivable. How could she ever expect him to take her seriously if she behaved like an oversexed enchantress?

She sat up and swung her feet onto the floor. She’d made a mistake, but was it really so terrible? Yes, it probably was since he’d be the one doing the deflowering, but if she was willing to sleep with him, why should he care whether she’d had a lot of lovers or none at all?

After all, it didn’t matter to her that he’d been married for years, and she was pretty sure he hadn’t been celibate for the two years since his divorce, so why was he making such a big deal of her virginity?

She loved him and wanted to be with him, preferably married, but what was so great about a piece of legal paper that was easily revocable? There was almost one divorce for every two marriages in this country. He could always get out of it later if he wanted to.

That thought depressed her, but as she dressed she shook off the blues. If she ever managed to bring this stubborn man to the altar she’d make him so happy he’d never want to leave her.

His feeling for her might be just lust like he said, but she loved him enough for both of them.

Ethan was sitting at the breakfast table with a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper when Brittany walked in. He didn’t glance up and she didn’t know whether to greet him or not. He didn’t look as if he were in the mood for cheery conversation, but they had to talk and the sooner the better.

“Good morning,” she said blithely as she crossed the small
room and poured herself a cup of coffee. “Do you mind if I sit with you?”

“Mornin”’ he mumbled behind the paper. “Sit wherever you want to.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly a warm welcome, but maybe she could heat it up. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“No,” he said, then folded the paper and put it on the table beside him. “Did you?”

He looked as if he hadn’t slept in a week. His eyes were bloodshot and there were lines of fatigue around his mouth. She felt like a traitor for having gotten four hours of uninterrupted rest. After all, she was the reason he’d been awake all night.

“I…um, well yes, I did,” she confessed. “I slept very well. I guess it was the beer that relaxed me—”

He shook his head. “You don’t owe me an explanation. You’re entitled to have a good time and stay out as late as you please.”

She felt her lower lip quiver. “But I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

His features relaxed and his tone softened. “I’m not mad at you, Brittany. I’m angry with myself. I shouldn’t have carried on the way I did over the minuscule chance you were involved in that accident. I’m not your guardian, and I’m sure not your father. I had no right to assume either role.”

She felt all squiggly inside. “But I appreciate you worrying about me. Not many people have done that before. I was pretty much raised to take care of myself. I’m sorry I put you through such torment last night, but—”

“No, Brittany,” he interrupted. “I don’t want to hear you say you’re sorry again.”

He picked up his paper and stood. “When you’ve finished your brunch I’d like to talk to you in the library. Take your time. No hurry.”

He walked away, leaving her with an empty stomach and no appetite.

Half an hour later, after she’d checked on Nate and Danny, who were watching a Disney movie on television, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door of the library. Ethan called for her to come in, and when she did he reminded her that he’d told her it wasn’t necessary for her to knock.

She took the client chair he indicated and he slumped down in his chair behind the desk.

Taking off his glasses, he rubbed his eyes and said tiredly, “I’m afraid we have a real problem, Brittany.”

She’d known one of them was going to have to bring up this subject and she wanted to be the first. “Ethan, if it’s about last night—”

He nodded. “Yes, it’s about last night, but don’t blame yourself. I accept full responsibility and I’m deeply ashamed that I lost control the way I did.”

She blinked. “But I thought…that is, you…”

“I had the effrontery to blame you for my transgression,” he said, finishing for her although that wasn’t exactly the way she’d intended to say it.

“Ethan, you’re not entitled to all the blame,” she told him. “If you remember, I wasn’t exactly resisting. In fact, I was more eager than you were.”

She stood up and walked to the window, then stood there with her back to him. “Also, you’ll notice that the only thing I’m apologizing for is putting you through so much anguish when you thought I was in that car accident. I have no intention of apologizing for making out on the couch with you. I enjoyed it too much to regret it.”

She heard him slide his chair back. “This is exactly why older men have no business romancing much younger women,” he said. “You don’t know what you’d be missing if I tied you to me at such an early age.”

She heard him pacing the floor behind her. “From what
you’ve told me, I gather you’ve had a fairly unfettered upbringing. You’ve been allowed to do as you please, when you please, with few restrictions.”

She tried to agree but he continued. “Last night is a good example. It never occurred to you that I might worry, even if there hadn’t been an accident, when you didn’t come home until four o’clock in the morning.”

Again she tried to interrupt and again he stopped her. “I’m not blaming you, I’m just pointing out the difference a generation can make in viewpoint. You behaved like the liberated young woman you are who is of age and on her own, and I acted like the father who has nourished and protected you and now finds it hard to let go. Neither of us is wrong, but neither of us is right, either.”

Brittany seethed with frustration as she turned around to face him. “Dammit, Ethan, you’re not my father!”

He glared back at her. “I’m only too well aware of that!” he said grimly. “And that’s why this arrangement is impossible.”

Fear clutched at her heart. “Wh-what does that mean?” she asked shakily.

“It means I’m going to have to send you away again.” His expression and his tone were burdened with sadness. “And this time it will be for good.”

Brittany’s eyes widened and she sank down in her chair. “But…but why? I promise not to stay out so late again without letting you know I’m all right—”

Ethan sat down heavily into his chair behind the desk. “You still don’t understand,” he said dolefully. “I can’t live with you in the same house and not come on to you. You’re too beautiful, too sexy, and there’s too much magnetism between us.”

“But that’s what I’m trying to tell you, Ethan,” she said eagerly. “We’ve talked about this before but it bears repeating. I know you don’t want to get married again, but there
isn’t any reason why we can’t just live together, is there? Last night I met with a lot of the friends I hadn’t seen for a year and most of them have live-in arrangements.”

She noticed that Ethan looked as though she’d proposed they set off an atomic bomb or something, and hurried on before he could stop her.

“Now, don’t say anything until you’ve thought about it,” she urged. “Why should we waste all those lovely feelings we have for each other just because your first marriage was a miserable one? We’ve got a perfect setup. I’m already living here as a nanny. Nobody needs to know our sleeping arrangements.”

“Oh, hell,” Ethan groaned as he ran the fingers of one hand through his hair. “If the only impediment was my unhappy experience with marriage, I’d marry you as soon as possible, but that’s not it. It’s your age, Brittany. How can I make you understand. You’re too young for me!”

She breathed a huge sigh of regret. There was no way she’d ever get Ethan to change his mind. She might as well give up and accept the inevitable. He wanted her gone and there was nothing she could do but leave.

Oh, she could put up a fuss, get Nate and Danny on her side and make life so miserable for him that he’d finally give in and let her stay, maybe even marry her, but he’d never forgive her. And she’d never forgive herself!

A relationship, whether marriage or cohabitation, needed mutual love and trust in order to survive, and a forced relationship could never have either of those. If she seduced him beyond his control and they made love, he’d marry her. She was pretty sure he’d even insist on it, but it would be a bleak union.

Ethan’s voice cut through her musing. “Brittany, are you all right?”

Her body jerked slightly. “What? Oh, yes. I’m fine. Umm…when do you want me to leave?”

He looked surprised, as if he’d expected more of an argument. He probably had from past experience, but this time she just wasn’t up to it.

“As soon as you can find another job and a place to live,” he said.

She fought with herself not to ask the next question, but she had to. It was too important to her to know the answer. “And what about Nate and Danny? Do you have another nanny-cum-nursemaid lined up to care for them?”

Her tone sounded sarcastic, but she truly hadn’t meant it that way.

He winced. “You know I don’t. I just decided I’d have to let you go a few hours ago. If worse comes to worst I’ll cancel the classes I’ve scheduled to teach this summer and look after them myself while I search for more permanent help.”

She rose heavily from the chair, all of a sudden feeling ninety-one instead of twenty-one. “Well, you can start looking immediately, because it won’t take me long to find both a new job and an apartment. The college kids from out of town are going back home for the summer, which opens up both housing and employment here in Lexington.”

She turned and walked toward the door. “For that matter, I’ll go call my nursing agency right now. They can probably put me to work soon. They’re always short of—”

“No!” She had her hand on the knob when his voice rumbled across the room. “That is, I…I didn’t mean you had to leave immediately. I’m not throwing you out, for heaven’s sake….”

She turned to face him and he was standing behind his desk. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he looked as confused as she knew she did.

Ethan was as surprised as Brittany was by his outburst. She was doing exactly what he’d hoped she’d do, making it easy for him to get rid of her, and he couldn’t bear to let her go.
If she walked out that door she’d take his heart with her, and everybody knows you can’t live without a heart.

Surely she could put off leaving for a little while. He hadn’t envisioned her moving away within hours, or even days. If he’d given it any thought, he’d assumed it would be weeks at the soonest.

Now he was standing here with his objection noted, his mouth open and nothing coherent to say.

“T
here…there’s no reason to put it off,” Brittany suggested sensibly. “I have to work, and I need a place to live. Besides, I want to get resettled as quickly as possible. The longer I stick around here, the more attached I’ll become to Nate and Danny, and it’s going to be much too painful leaving them as it is.”

Ethan noticed she hadn’t included him in those she’d miss. Well, what had he expected? She wasn’t preparing to leave of her own volition, he was sending her away.

But it was all for her own good, he told himself as he had so often before. One of these days soon she’d meet a personable young man her own age, get married and start a family.

That thought was excruciating, and he turned his face away so she couldn’t see the pain mirrored on it!

“You’re welcome to come and visit us…uh…them,” he told her.

“No, that would only prolong the agony of separation,” she said. “Let’s get this over with as soon as possible. Have you told Nate yet?”

Ethan shook his head. “No, and that’s another thing I want to talk to you about. Please, come back and sit down.” He indicated the chair she’d just left.

For a minute he was afraid she was going to refuse, but then she walked slowly toward him and reseated herself. She crossed her long, slender legs, which were bare clear to the bottom of her short little royal-blue skort. Everything had been happening so fast since she’d entered the room, and he’d been so dreading the confrontation they were going to be having, that she’d come across as a beautiful blue whirl, but now he was aware of every inch of her shapely figure, classic features and rich dark brown hair that swung free to her shoulders.

It was a pleasure just to look at her, but he couldn’t sit here all day gazing. Folding his hands on the desk he tried to gather his thoughts about him enough to make a simple request.

He cleared his throat. “Brittany, would you mind doing me a favor? I know I have no right to ask, but…well…I need your help with Dad.”

Immediately her expression was filled with concern. “Nate? What’s wrong with him? I’ve made sure he’s been taking his injections—”

“No, no,” Ethan assured her. “It’s not his health, but you know the way he reacted the last time I sent you away.”

She looked as if she were going to object, but he hurried on. “Dad was always a caring father to Pete and me even before our mother died, and I have an immense amount of respect for him, but he’s got a stubborn streak a mile wide.”

Ethan squirmed in his seat. “Frankly, I don’t know how to deal with it. I was wondering if…well…if you’d tell him you’re leaving because you’ve been offered a better job. You know, more money, better benefits—”

He realized even before he’d finished the sentence that he’d made a big mistake.

“In other words, you want me to lie to him,” she accused as she stood up. “Make him think I don’t care about his and
Danny’s welfare as long as someone else is waving the almighty dollar in my face—”

He jumped out of his chair, too. “No, that’s not what I’m saying,” he interrupted. “Please, Brittany, sit back down and hear me out. I’m obviously doing this badly, but I haven’t had any sleep for over twenty-four hours and my brain is scrambled. Just let me try to make you understand.”

They both sat back down and Ethan ran his hands over his face. “I shouldn’t have tried to handle this until after I’d had a nap, but I knew if I kept putting it off I’d never do it.”

Her expression softened and she reached across the desk and put her hand on top of his. He turned his over and clasped hers, then raised it to his lips and kissed it. “This is very painful for me,” he rasped.

She closed her eyes for a moment, but then shook her head and withdrew her hand from his. “Yeah, tell me about it,” she said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry you feel that way,” he said. “You certainly don’t owe me any sympathy, but I really do want what’s best for all four of us. That includes not upsetting Dad any more than is necessary. You know what that does to his overall health.”

She settled back in her chair and nodded. “Yes, I do know, and I agree with you. I’m sorry for acting like such a shrew, but I’m afraid neither of us is at our best right now.”

He managed a tired smile. “You could never act like a shrew. I only wish I had your patience and understanding.”

She sighed. “Well, now that we’ve established this mutual admiration society, I’ve got work to do.”

She stood and again headed for the door. “I’m pretty sure the agency will be able to place me in another position soon. You’d better make arrangements for Nate and Danny as soon as possible. Meanwhile I’ll try to think of a way to tell Nate I’m leaving without upsetting him too badly.”

She reached the door and looked back. “I’ll spend the rest
of today looking for an apartment, so I’ll probably be able to move out of here sometime in the next few days.”

She opened the door and left.

Brittany stumbled out of the library just in time. No way was she going to let Ethan see how badly he could hurt her ever again. She was through crying over him. She didn’t know what he wanted of her, and for that matter neither did he. He drew her close with one hand and pushed her away with the other.

She knew he didn’t mean to torment her, but that’s what he was doing with his waffling. Actually, if he hadn’t fired her again she’d have quit. Just not quite so abruptly.

Her medical agency was available twenty-four hours a day so the first thing she did was call them. They were delighted to hear from her and told her they’d have an opening within a couple of weeks. That was okay with her since she still had to find an apartment and tell Nate she was leaving.

She walked across the hall to the kitchen and filled two thick mugs with coffee and set them on a tray, added a plate of sugarless cookies that Nate had made the day before, and carried the tray to the family room. He was sitting on the sofa facing the television, and when he saw her he picked up the remote control and shut the set off.

“Well, good morning,” he said cheerfully. “I was beginning to wonder if an elf had come in the night and carried you off. Do you know it’s nearly noon, girl? That must have been some party you went to last night.”

She sat down beside him and handed him one of the mugs. Apparently he didn’t remember greeting her not more than forty-five minutes earlier when she’d first come downstairs.

She hated it when he had a bad-memory day. Sometimes it came back, but other times it didn’t. Such as the time he wandered away from the university and got lost. Would a different
caregiver give him the close attention he needed? She couldn’t bear to think of him getting lost and terrified again.

“You got that right,” she told him lightly, determined not to let him know about the most recent lapse in his memory. He was pretty good about handling those things on his own if he later remembered them, but if they had to be pointed out to him and he still couldn’t remember it frightened him.

She knew he hadn’t heard any of the turmoil that had erupted down here last night. He was slightly hard of hearing, and he’d been asleep in his room upstairs. The house was nearly soundproof and he removed his hearing aid when he went to bed.

She took a sip of her coffee and set the mug back down on the coffee table. She had a difficult task to perform and she might as well get to it.

“Nate, I have something to tell you,” she began.

He scowled. “Do you have to? I’ve found that when a person starts a sentence like that it almost always turns out to be something I don’t want to hear.”

Brittany clenched her fists in her lap. Damn Ethan. Nate was his dad, not hers. Ethan was also a college professor, eminently more qualified to counsel people and handle difficult situations than she, but still he couldn’t admit to his father that he’d fired one of the household help.

She cleared her throat. “Oh, I don’t think you’ll mind hearing this. Actually, it’s good news.” She almost choked on that last sentence.

“I…I’ve been offered another job.” She felt Nate stiffen as he turned his head and glared at her.

“You’re not going to take it, are you?”

She looked away, unable to face him as she deliberately misled him. “Well, yes, I am. It pays more money and has better benefits.”

For a moment there was a strained silence, then Nate asked, “And what about Danny? Who’s going to look after him? I
guess I can take care of myself okay, but who’s going to look after Danny while Ethan’s teaching?”

She felt a sob rising in her throat and fought to hold it back. “That’s Ethan’s problem.”

She sounded callous, but it was grief rather than uncaring. “Believe me, Nate, I’m not as unfeeling as it must seem to you, but I have to take care of myself as well as my patients. In order to make a living in my field I have to take advantage of every opportunity.”

She sniffled. “You must know how much I love you and Danny, but I can’t afford to pass up this assignment. I have only myself to rely on, whereas you know that Ethan will take good care of you and his little son.”

“He’d take good care of you, too, if you’d let him,” Nate muttered.

Brittany turned to stare at him, unable to believe what she’d heard. “I beg your pardon?”

“Oh, can’t you see the man’s crazy about you?” Nate growled. “Even I can see that and half the time I don’t even know what day it is.”

It hurt her to hear him put himself down. “Don’t talk about yourself like that,” she scolded. “It’s too easy to slide into a depression if you don’t keep a cheerful attitude. You’re doing just fine and you know it, so quit trying to be a matchmaker and behave yourself.” She finished on a more upbeat note.

He fixed a stern eye on her. “And are you going to try to make me believe you don’t have feelings for my son?”

She felt her face flush but hoped it wasn’t too noticeable. “Of course I have feelings for him,” she blustered. “He’s sweet and kind and I’m very fond of him—”

“Oh, come off it, Brittany,” Nate grumbled. “Sweet. Kind. Fond of him. You and Ethan seem to think I’m an imbecile. Hell, I was young once. For that matter I’m still not over the hill, so why are you two sidestepping and sashaying around
the issue? Why don’t you admit that you’re in love with each other and get married. That would solve all our problems.”

Brittany was stunned. She’d been sure Nate was unaware of the electricity that flowed so freely between Ethan and herself, and here he’d known about it all the time. It was embarrassing and also a little maddening.

“I don’t see where that’s any of your business,” she said loftily.

“It is when it deprives me of the medical care I need,” he shot back.

“You’re not being deprived—” she started to argue.

“The hell I’m not,” he roared. “If you leave it will deprive me of the excellent care you’ve been giving me.”

How could she argue with a man like that? His memory might not be all that great but he had a sharp mind. He knew how to get his own way. But then so did his son, and when the two strong-willed men got on a collision course, who knows what could happen?

“Now you’re being ridiculous,” she told him. “You do a fine job of looking after yourself, and with a little supervision you’re able to take care of Danny, too. My main job lately has been acting as his nanny, and originally that wasn’t even in my job description.”

Nate set his mug back on the tray. “Tell me, Brittany, did you actively seek this new position?”

“Yes, I did,” she said, happy he’d asked a question she could answer without being evasive.

“Was that before or after Ethan fired you?” Nate asked innocently.

“After,” she answered just before she realized she’d stepped into a booby trap.

“That’s what I thought!” he chortled.

“Dammit, Nate, that’s not what I meant!” she protested vigorously. “Besides, you have no right—”

“If you’re telling me a lie, I have every right to expose it for what it is,” he said angrily.

She sank against the back of the couch and rubbed her eyes with her knuckles. “I’m not lying,” she demurred. “That is, not really. Maybe just a little, but—”

“Then let’s try to separate the truth from the untruth,” he said softly. “Did you quit or did Ethan let you go?”

She knew she’d never get away with any more untruths. “Ethan let me go.”

“Why?”

She took her hands away from her eyes and looked at him. “You’ll have to ask him that, Nate, but I hope you won’t. He’s entitled to some privacy.”

Nate was silent for a moment, then spoke again. “Okay, you’re right. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, anyway. Living in the same house with a beautiful young woman has got to be a temptation for a bachelor Ethan’s age. I’m proud of him for behaving like an adult and not giving in to that temptation.”

“Then you won’t put up a fuss about him sending me away again?” she asked.

He shook his head. “No. I won’t make things even more difficult for the two of you. I’d have understood the first time he sent you away if he had come to me and told me what was going on. It was being left in the dark with no explanation that upset me so.”

He sighed. “So, when are you leaving?”

“As soon as my agency has a new assignment for me,” she said. “Probably in a week or so, but I don’t know what Ethan is going to do about you and Danny. He said something about canceling his summer school classes and using the time to find permanent help.”

She stood up and stretched. “Meanwhile, today is Sunday and there are lots of want ads in the paper. I’m going to go through them and look for a place to live.”

Finding a rental that suited Brittany’s qualifications wasn’t as easy as she’d expected. A lot of them were in the wrong parts of town. She was going to live alone, and she wanted to feel safe.

Others were sublets, apartments or rooms available on a temporary basis by out-of-town students who would be coming back to them when school started again in the fall. Brittany didn’t want to have to move twice. Once was quite enough.

The few that really suited her were too expensive. She could never afford them on her salary.