Phoenix (5 page)

Jack stood up so quickly that his chair toppled over. “I couldn’t go through that!” he yelled. “I couldn’t get my hopes up and have them dashed. I’m sorry, Caroline. I really am. But you came in here looking nothing like yourself. I have documents saying the government had executed you. Every other piece of information and intelligence I’ve received confirmed it. I remembered – I knew what condition you were in the last time I saw you. How was I supposed to take you at your word?”

“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think.”

He set the chair upright and sat down again. “You look like a skeleton,” he whispered. “Your face-”

She curled her fingers around the mattress. “Yeah, I’m pretty fucked up.”

He stole a glance at her hands. “What happened to you, sweetheart? You’ve been hurt. Badly.”

“That’s none of your business,” Caroline said. “And I told you not to call me that.”

“It is my business. I’m your husband.”

Oh, because it was that easy. Some spousal obligation for her to bare her soul to him when he’d done nothing to deserve it. “In name only. It’s pretty clear we didn’t have much beyond that. Not after that little show you put on for your men.”

“It wasn’t a show. They couldn’t even hear what I was asking you about.”

Bullshit. She flashed back to the interrogation room again. Remembered the disbelief. The mistrust. The fucking third degree while she was in dire need of medical attention. Her head hurt almost as much now as it had then. “That entire thing was a sham,” she said. “Just like our relationship.”

“If I hadn’t asked you those questions, I would have had to do it later. Standard procedure. We have to figure out who we can trust.”

“Always the king of rationalization, aren’t you, McIntyre?”

“Ask anyone here. We have rules even though you think we’re making it up as we go along.”

Oh, they had rules. Shitty goddamn rules. “I’m starting to discover that this movement has a lot of procedures I don’t like. I don’t care much for their leader, either.”

He hung his head. “Caroline, please stop acting like this. I want to talk to you. About everything.”

Sure he did. “There’s nothing to talk about,” she said.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he said softly. When he looked up at her his eyes were wet. “Please let me explain myself.”

She didn’t have the time or the inclination to listen to his false apologies. “I don’t want to hear it. I want you to leave me alone. Treat me as you would any other prospective soldier.”

“You know that’s not possible.”

“It is if you try hard enough.” Caroline shifted away from him. “See, I’m going to pretend like you don’t exist. It’s easy.”

Jack let out an audible sigh. “So, that’s it? You apparently thought I was dead and now that I’m alive, it makes no difference to you?”

Maybe if she kept pushing, he’d leave her alone. “Not a bit. Makes it worse, actually.”

“Well, aren’t you a colossal bitch.”

His resentment was obvious. And refreshing. She hadn’t expected him to jump to it so soon. Caroline turned to face him, a bitter smile plastered to her face. “Congratulations. You figured that out a little slower than I expected but you did reach the finish line eventually.”

He flushed again. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It always took a little poke before you told me what was really on your mind. Kudos for not holding back.”

Jack clenched his fists. “You’re acting like a spoiled brat right now.”

Like he was one to lecture. “Don’t tell me how to fucking act.”

“Caroline, please. Talk to me. Don’t be this way.”

“I want you to leave,” she said.

“No,” he said. “I refuse. We’re going to talk this out whether you like it or not.”

“I’ll get the staff in here. I’ll tell them you’re threatening me.”

“I’m in charge,” he reminded her. “You think they’re going to believe you?”

“If these walls are as thin as I think they are, they already know you’ve been yelling at me.”

“And you’ve been cowering in the corner, haven’t you?”

“That’s it,” Caroline said, pushing the call button. “I want this IV disconnected. I want to leave. You people can’t keep me here.” She pushed herself up with her free hand, swinging her feet over the edge of the bed. Jack was instantly at her side.

“Lay down,” he said.

“Don’t tell me what to do. I’m fine.” The bed was taller than she’d anticipated, and her feet dangled above the floor. She looked down, trying to ignore the head rush that was making her woozy.

“Caroline-”

Why were there two of him? She had a hard enough time dealing with a single Jack. She didn’t want more than one. “Leave me alone,” she said.

He grabbed her shoulders. “You can swing at me all you want but I’m not going to let you hurt yourself. Lay back down,” he said. “Now.”

Oh God. She didn’t want his hands on her. She’d lose her angry momentum if she started focusing on the way it felt when he touched her. “Don’t tell me what to do,” she repeated.

Natalie burst into the room. “What’s going on?”

Caroline shook her head, regaining her equilibrium. “I want this…
man
to leave.”

“I’m not leaving,” he said.

She tried to shake him off but he wouldn’t let go. “Fuck you. Get out of here.”

Natalie put her hand on Jack’s upper arm. “Commander McIntyre, let go of my patient.”

He gave her a pointed look. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Let her go.” She turned to Caroline. “Lay down, please.”

Caroline was sick of people trying to tell her what to do. “I don’t-”

“Please. Before you pass out and hit your head or something worse.”

Jack reluctantly released Caroline. Natalie helped her ease onto the pillows, glaring at both of them in turn. “Anything you two want to talk to me about?” she asked.

“No,” he said.

“Fuck no,” Caroline mumbled.

Natalie sighed. “Commander, I think you should leave.”

“Captain, I don’t think-”

Her voice turned cold. “Please leave, sir. So I can tend to Ms. Gerard.”

Jack gave Caroline a wounded look. “This discussion isn’t over, sweetheart.”

Did he think those puppy dog eyes would sway her? Not a goddamn chance. “Don’t call me that,” she said. “You heard the doctor.”

Natalie grabbed Jack’s arm as he headed toward the door. “Please don’t come back in here unless Ms. Gerard requests it.” She leaned closer to his ear. “I warned you,” she whispered. “Give it time.”

Jack shook her off, pushing through the door without another word.

Subtlety wasn’t anyone’s strong suit in this place. “I heard what you said to him, Doctor,” Caroline said.

“Maybe I meant to be overheard.” Natalie moved toward her. “Are you okay?”

Caroline stared up at the ceiling. Far from it. Her entire upper body hurt and she was desperately close to breaking down, which would only make the pain worse. Pain in her head, in her body, in her soul. The pain that never seemed to go away. “I told you I didn’t want him in here.”

“I know,” Natalie said. “I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. But I thought-”

“You thought wrong.”

“I know that now. Are you sure you don’t want to talk?”

Caroline was tired. And angry. And sad. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not now. Not ever. She turned to Natalie, a hot, angry tear rolling down her cheek. “I don’t need anything from you, Dr. Haddad. Or anyone else.”

Natalie smoothed the blanket on the bed anyway. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll make sure that all visitors are cleared with you beforehand. Is that acceptable?”

Caroline rolled over so that her back was to the door. “It’s fine,” she mumbled.

Natalie squeezed her shoulder. “I’ll be here most of the night if you get lonely.”

Caroline flinched. “I’m fine by myself,” she said, burying her face in the pillow. The pulsing pain in her cheek was going to be hard to ignore but it was better than making eye contact with anyone.

“Doubtful,” Natalie said under her breath, and headed for the door.

Jack told himself to leave the hospital. To go find himself a stiff drink or two. He settled into a chair in the hallway anyway. To clear his head. Not because he was waiting for his prospects to change. Natalie shoved her way out of Caroline’s room so fast that it caught him off guard.

“Oh,” she said. “You’re still here.”

“Does she want to see me?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

Stupid of him to think Caroline wanted him back in that room. The drinks were starting to multiply in his head. He stood up. “I’m going home.”

“Wait,” Natalie said. “I want to talk to you about something first.”

This could mean nothing good. “Make it quick, Dr. Haddad.”

She frowned. “I should have the commissary cut you off.”

He forgot she knew his most effective ways of self-medicating. “That isn’t your concern and it’s certainly not within your authority.”

“Jack, listen for a minute. I need you to be objective.” Natalie took the seat next to him. “Given what I’ve seen so far, I believe Caroline would benefit from a psychological evaluation.”

What? “My wife isn’t crazy,” he snapped.

She smoothed out her ponytail, tugging on the end. “I didn’t say that. But we don’t know what she’s been through and she’s suffered significant physical trauma. An exam wouldn’t hurt, especially if she intends to train with the other troops.”

Jack didn’t want to think about that yet. Caroline might have said she wanted to be treated like a regular soldier, but she had no idea what that actually entailed. “Can she be medically cleared in her current mental state?”

“Once she’s released, yes. But Jack-”

Something had happened after he left the room. He knew it. And he didn’t want to hear it. What would a psychological evaluation accomplish anyway?
Diagnosis: Patient hates her husband. For possibly valid reasons.
He didn’t want Natalie to know any more than she already did. “Caroline doesn’t need to be analyzed.”

“Fine,” Natalie said. “But she should talk to someone.”

Jack knew she was right but wasn’t about to admit it. The woman he’d seen in that room had been almost unrecognizable. Her tone, her demeanor, her mood. But it was a fluke. Caroline needed time to recover. To regroup. “She doesn’t need a shrink. If she’s going to talk to anyone, it’ll be me.”

Natalie turned toward the wall. “You have to consider whether that’s going to happen,” she said quietly.

“This is ridiculous.” He rose to his feet. “I’m not listening anymore.”

“Honestly, Jack. I saw her practically throw you out of her room. She would have physically done it if she were mobile. Something is going on.”

“Nothing is going on. She’ll be fine once she has time to rest and get her bearings. She’s in shock. That’s all.”

“Fine,” Natalie said. “Do what you want. You’re in charge.”

“Thanks for the reminder,” he said, and spun around and marched down the hall.

*              *              *              *              *

“That was a bullshit move,” Gabe said.

Caroline stretched, hiding a wince the best she could. Her face ached but she wasn’t about to break down and ask for any more drugs. Not when she knew Dr. Haddad was probably prowling outside her door. “What are you talking about?”

“You used me to make your husband jealous.”

Of course she had. “Oh, I did not.”

“Then what exactly were you doing?”

“Letting you know how much I care about you?”

Gabe shook his head. “Caroline, you can try and continue this little game as long as you like. It’s not like you haven’t fooled the guys. But fooling your husband is cruel.”

He didn’t know the half of it. And what little he knew was completely erroneous. “No, it’s not.”

“It is. And it’s not fair to me either.”

“In what sense?”

“I know we’ll never be more than friends.”

She’d been killing him slowly ever since they left Washington but she’d never heard it in his voice before. Caroline had the grace to feel badly about it even if her next words were a lie. “You don’t know that.”

Gabe gave her a skeptical look. “Come on, now.”

Caroline had lied so often she wasn’t even sure if she was capable of telling the truth. “We’ve talked about this. No, I can’t handle anything deep right now. It doesn’t shut the door completely.”

“Now that we’re here, maybe it should.”

“What are you saying?”

“Your husband loves you. That’s what you should be latching onto. Not me or the guys.”

Gabe couldn’t reject her. Not when he was one of the few people she could trust. “I need you. I need you to help me with this. I can’t – Jack and I are over.”

“Could have fooled me.”

What could he have possibly observed other than her anger? “My marriage is over. If it were up to me I’d never want to see him again. Understand?”

“I
don’t
understand,” he said. “It makes no sense. What the hell happened between you two?”

“None of your business.”

Her tone didn’t faze him. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t compete with him. I know that.”

Gabe was slipping away too. Everyone was slipping away and before long she wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone. Especially if she couldn’t keep her temper in check. “I wasn’t aware I was a prize to be won.”

“You know what I mean. Even if we were starting out as equals, I wouldn’t stand a chance. You’d always choose a guy like him over me.”

Caroline didn’t like this conversation. At all. “That’s not true. Don’t have such a negative opinion of yourself.”

“I understand reality,” he said. “Maybe you don’t.”

“My reality is yet another series of broken bones and a stint in the hospital,” she said. “It’s getting terribly repetitive.”

Gabe ignored that. “You should have seen him while we were waiting for you to wake up. He was worried. Really worried.”

Every politician knew how to put on a convincing performance. Jack was nothing if not a skilled actor. “No, he wasn’t. He was concerned that I brought a bunch of men here with me. He’s always been jealous.”

“And possessive?”

Poor Gabe. He’d inadvertently walked into a romantic firetrap and Caroline had no desire to steer him away. “Yes.”

“Beating people up possessive?”

Jack had never reacted well when people insulted her. She could only imagine what he’d do if more than just words were involved. “I don’t know. Shall we test that theory? You could take him in a fight. You’re like twenty years younger than him.”

“Shit,” he said. “We need to stop this, Caroline.”

“Why?”

“Didn’t you see the look on his face when he saw us together?”

Jack had been as pissed as she’d ever seen him. “Yeah.” Caroline laughed. “That was awesome.”

Gabe leaned his chair away from the bed. “I am not going to risk serious bodily harm because you enjoy toying with your husband. Stop playing games.”

“I don’t want to,” she said. “It’s fun. And I have so little fun. Won’t you grant me this?”

“It’s not right.”

His moral compass would get him nowhere, but his heart was too good to abandon her completely. “Gabe, I need you,” she said. “I can’t – you know I need you.”

“Your husband should be the one helping you right now.”

She didn’t want that kind of help. “You’re the only one who understands,” she whispered.

Gabe scooted closer to the bed and took her hand. “Damn it. I’m going to hate myself for this, aren’t I?”

That had been easy. Lowering her voice, trying to sound vulnerable. It wasn’t right, taking advantage of a man who was so much better than her. So innocuous. Earnest. Decent. But she was going to do it anyway. “You don’t have to do or say anything,” she said. “I just need you as a friend. I need all of you. Jonesie, Crunch, Gig, but most importantly you.” She glanced over at the door, afraid that Natalie might come bounding in. “You’re the only ones I can trust around here.”

“You don’t think we can trust the other rebels?”

She wasn’t sure about any of them. Not yet. “We need to be cautious. Take our time. Stick together.”

“I guess they’re gonna give us the lowdown tomorrow. You up for it?”

She would drag herself to that meeting even if her head were pounding and her legs gave out. “Absolutely.”