Phoenix (4 page)

“Is that why you’re here?”

“Partly. I suspect it’s why you’re here too. Even though you might have taken longer to arrive.”

“The woman who gave that speech doesn’t exist anymore,” Caroline said. “And Senator Goldman is dead. So you can keep your dreamy idealism to yourself and tell me how long I have to stay in here.”

“Fine,” Natalie said. “Be that way. I can’t stop you. I’d be angry too. Extremely angry. But if you ever need to talk, I’m available. There aren’t a lot of women on this base. Sometimes it helps to know that the others can help.”

“I’ll keep that in mind the next time I have a slumber party.”

“You’re really good at pushing buttons. Have you always been this way? Was that nice woman portrayed in the media an act?”

“Probably. Chrissy-”

Her voice caught. She’d thought about her best friend. Dreamed about her. Grieved her. But she hadn’t uttered that nickname aloud since a snowy night the previous February. One of many nights she tried not to think about.

Caroline closed her eyes. If dealing with Jack would be hard, thinking about Christine was ten times worse. “An old friend used to tell me that deep down inside I was a giant bitch. Maybe she was right.”

“No, she wasn’t. I don’t think Senator Sullivan ever believed that, either.”

She wanted to ask Natalie to stop mentioning her friends. Especially the ones who were gone. And she definitely didn’t want her mentioning her husband again. “Please don’t talk about her,” Caroline whispered, clutching the sheet on the bed and taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.

Natalie put her hand on Caroline’s, keeping it there until she released the sheet from her grip. “I won’t.” She squeezed Caroline’s hand. “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much.”

Caroline shook her off. “I don’t want to talk about it. Any of it. Stop trying to trick me into opening up.”

“I’m not. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here.” She stood up. “Can I go get Jack?”

Caroline opened her eyes again. How could she find a convincing way to get Natalie to listen to her? “I really don’t want to see him. I mean it. I don’t know what kind of rights I have in this hospital, but I’d prefer he not be allowed in here.”

“Can you maybe indulge him for a minute? He’s been bugging me every time I’ve stepped out of this room. It’s not my place to say anything about your relationship with him, but he’s been quite concerned about your condition.”

That meant any efforts she made to avoid Jack would ultimately be useless. Shit. “I’d rather see Gabe and the others first.”

“Jack is going to be very unhappy about this.”

Huh. She was going to listen to her? “But you’re going to do it?”

Natalie grinned at her. “Only because I’m desperate for you to like me. I need more girlfriends. There’s too much testosterone in this place sometimes.”

“Maybe I do like you. You don’t know.”

“If you do, you might want to think about working on your social skills. Most people are going to have a hard time reading you and they’ll probably err on the side of staying the hell away.”

That was perfectly fine with Caroline. “How long do I have to remain here? Doesn’t this base have barracks or something?”

Natalie’s grin faded. “Overnight should be sufficient. I ran some blood work and I’m waiting on some of the results. And you have a mild concussion.” She stared at Caroline’s hands. “I assume you haven’t had spectacular medical care lately.”

At least she hadn’t stared at her face. Caroline wasn’t about to give Natalie the rundown. “I’m alive. I guess that’s all that matters.”

“Jack can explain the policies we have in place once you’re discharged. You’ll probably get a top notch housing assignment.”

Natalie finally seemed to have caught on to the fact that Caroline wanted her own space. “I don’t care about that. I don’t like hospitals.”

“Does anyone? Besides people like me?” Natalie patted her knee. “It’s okay to smile, you know.”

Caroline rubbed her forehead. “Can you please go get the guys?”

“All right,” Natalie said. “But don’t forget this favor I did for you. Jack’s still coming in, though. I won’t be able to keep him out. He is the boss, after all. You just get to see the others first.”

She’d happily take that concession. He’d learn soon enough where he stood. “Great.”

*              *              *              *              *

Jack got up as soon as he saw Natalie scoot out of Caroline’s room. “Is she -?”

“She just woke up.” Natalie glanced at Jack before eyeing the other men sitting nearby. “Sir, may I speak with you for a moment? In private?”

That wasn’t a good sign. Jack let her lead him to an unoccupied room. “What is it?”

Natalie rubbed her chin. “She doesn’t – wow, I don’t know how to say this.”

His heart sank. Surely she would have asked him to sit down for bad news. “Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. Her broken bones need to heal and she’ll be in some pain for a while but all her tests have come back borderline normal. Although I think she needs to gain at least fifteen pounds to be on the safe side. She – she doesn’t want to see you.”

That made no sense whatsoever. “What?”

“She wants to see her friends first.”

Natalie had picked a hell of a time to mess with him. “I’m going in there,” he said. “Are you putting me on?”

She slid into one of the chairs in the room. “Do I look like I’m putting you on? Caroline didn’t want to see you at all but I got her to agree to it if I let her friends come in and talk to her first.”

He took the seat next to her. She had to be mistaken. And try as he might, he couldn’t keep the dejection out of his voice. “My wife doesn’t want to see me?”

Natalie squeezed his arm. “I’m sorry.”

Dr. Haddad only made physical contact when she felt guilty or protective of him. Or when she was trying to keep him calm. Other than that, it rarely occurred. He should have seen all of this coming. “What did she say to you?”

“She wouldn’t tell me about anything that happened. I tried to build a rapport, tried to ask her about you, but she wasn’t having it. I think-” Natalie stopped. “I think you should let her dictate the terms of your interaction for now.”

That seemed like a rather extreme response to the situation, which meant things were very fucked up indeed. He shouldn’t have left Caroline alone in that examining room. He shouldn’t have left her at all. Jack put his head in his hands. “She blames me.”

“Don’t say that. None of us have any idea what she’s gone through the past year, and she’s now recovering from a nasty whack on the head. One that could have killed her,” she added. “Give her time.”

He lifted his head up. He was the goddamn man at the top. And he’d play that card whenever he needed it. “I want to see her,” he said. “You can’t keep me out of there.”

“You
will
see her. But let her have control over this. If she doesn’t want to talk, don’t force her. She’s changed. I never knew her aside from speeches and what you’ve told me but she’s not the same. You can’t walk in there and expect everything to be the way it was.”

Did she really think he was that foolish? “I wasn’t going to do that.”

“I’m not saying you would. Just be prepared for whatever comes your way. Don’t get your hopes up.” Natalie squeezed his arm again. “I’m sorry, Jack. I am. And I want you to prepare yourself for what you find, because it’s going to upset you. Hell, I didn’t even know her and I’m a little upset.”

He hadn’t been able to tell much when they’d been in the interrogation room. “Is it that bad?”

“She’s angry. Distant. Cold. It was worse than I thought.”

Jack let out a harsh breath. Natalie was mistaken. She didn’t know Caroline. His wife hated hospitals and had taken her stress out on the nearest medical professional. “Thank you for your concern, Captain. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

“Commander-”

He stood up. “You’re wrong,” he said. “She wants to see me. I know it.”

“Please let her friends go in there first. I promised her. I don’t want her to think I’ve breached that trust.” Natalie glared at him. “Don’t do that to me. I want to help her and I can’t do that if you go barging in there before she’s ready.”

Jack sighed. He’d give her a little something, just this once. “Fine,” he said. “Ten minutes tops. Then I’m going in. You tell them that.”

Caroline sat back against the pillows, her eyes closed. She heard a soft knock. “Come in,” she called.

Jones peeked his head in. “Hey, Princess. How you feeling?”

She smiled a tiny smile. It was easier to ignore the pain in her head if the guys were with her. “I’m okay. Get in here.”

The four men shoved through the door, with Jones leading the way. Gabe was instantly at Caroline’s side, sitting down next to the bed.

“Are you really okay?” he asked, taking her hand.

“Yeah. Takes more than an asshole with an anger management problem to beat me. I have to stay here overnight, though.”

“They’re setting up a temporary room for us,” Gig said. “Just until we can have a little orientation tomorrow. Will you be able to make it?”

“As long as Little Miss Sunshine lets me out, I’ll be there.” Caroline turned to Jones. “I heard you almost went off on that jackass who put me in here.”

Jones grinned sheepishly. “If it hadn’t been for Gabe here, I might have succeeded.”

“Thank you for defending my honor,” Caroline said.

“It wasn’t just Gabe,” Crunch said. “The commander held him back, although I think he was tempted to join in.”

Caroline didn’t want to hear a damn thing about Jack. Tick tick tick, she couldn’t avoid the topic forever but she could try. “Don’t talk about my husband.”

Crunch stepped back from the bed, surprised by her response. “Sure thing.”

“We all wanted to beat the crap out of that guy,” Gig said. “But the rest of us can hold our tempers better than Jonesie.”

“Or me,” Caroline admitted.

“Dipshit had it coming to him,” Jones said. “He gets to lie in the comfort of his own bed while Diana – I mean, Caroline – is here in the hospital.”

Caroline sat up a little straighter. “I broke his jaw,” she said. “And kicked him in the crotch.”

Gig laughed. “I think you broke his nose too.”

Jones gave her a fist bump. “Nicely done. Even if the damage to his man junk makes me a little queasy.”

“Is that why you listen to what I say?” she asked. “Because of my mad combat skills?”

He let his face relax into a grin. “Don’t get a big head. I taught you all your best moves.”

Crunch shoved Jones in the side. “I taught her too, asshole.”

“Were you the one who helped her perfect the technique of turning men into eunuchs?” Gig asked him, amused.

“No, that’s pure Princess,” Crunch said.

“What’s a eunuch?” Jones asked.

Crunch rolled his eyes. “Are we back to calling you Caroline now?”

It would be easier that way. “I guess so. It might get confusing otherwise. I have a feeling the people here are going to want to call me by my given name.”

“You’re Gerard to me,” Gig told her. “Easier to remember.”

“Cop mentality,” Caroline said.

Gabe stroked the back of her hand. He’d been disturbingly quiet. “How are you really feeling?” he asked.

She wasn’t going to get into the emotional stuff, but she could answer questions about her physical condition. “I have a monster headache.”

He cleared his throat. “I was afraid that something bad had happened to you.”

He looked so upset that she reached up to caress his cheek, leaving her hand there. The kind of intimate gesture she would have never engaged in before they arrived in California. “I’m fine.”

Jones scowled. “Get a room, you two.”

“They
are
in a room,” Crunch pointed out.

“If they wanna go in for hospital makeout fantasies, I ain’t having no part of it,” Jones said.

“Maybe we should give them some alone time,” Gig said, trying to be diplomatic.

Apparently the guys
did
think they had something going. Was now the time to correct them? There was a knock at the door and before Caroline had a chance to acknowledge it, Jack burst in.

“It’s been more than a few minutes. I told you gentlemen I-” He stopped short when he saw Caroline and Gabe. “I told you I was coming in,” he finished.

She didn’t bother hiding her scowl as Gabe hastily pulled away from her.

“We should go,” he said. “I’m sure Commander McIntyre wants to talk to his – to Caroline.”

The scowl evolved into an eye roll. “I want you to stay.”

“We need to get settled anyway.”

At least he was trying to sound apologetic. Ditching her like that. “Come back and visit me later tonight,” Caroline said.

“I don’t know if that’s-”

“Come back later.” She forced the scowl into a smile. “I’ll be waiting.”

She’d caught him by surprise. Gabe stepped back. “Let’s go, guys.”

“Captain Schroeder is down the hall,” Jack said, his voice a low growl. “He will help you find your room and tell you more about the briefing tomorrow.”

The room was silent for a moment, with no one willing to ease the growing tension. Finally Jones spoke up.

“We’ll see you tomorrow, Princess. Sweet dreams,” he said, winking at her.

Gig and Crunch came over to give her hand a squeeze.

“See you later,” Crunch said.

Gig started to say something, then backed away from the bed without a word. The four men slipped past Jack and out the door. He was standing on the outskirts of the room and started to move toward the bed but froze when he saw the look on Caroline’s face.

“May I come in?” he asked.

“You’re already here,” she said. “Not much I can do to stop you.”

“May I sit down?”

Caroline gestured toward the chair Gabe had vacated. “Whatever.”

Jack sat down next to the bed. She wondered if he’d leave if she didn’t speak up, but she doubted it. Best to get this over with as quickly as possible. He began to remove the chain around his neck. Her wedding ring. She’d forgotten he was wearing it. Just like she wanted to forget their entire conversation in the interrogation room.

“This belongs to you,” he said.

“I don’t want it.”

Jack stopped. “What?”

Oh, of course he wouldn’t believe her. He seemed to think everything was hunky fucking dory. “You heard me. I don’t want it.”

He hesitated for the briefest of moments before tucking the chain back into his shirt. “Why’s that?”

Kisses and presents and promises. Lies upon lies upon lies. All stacked on top of each other and eventually they’d have to come tumbling down. Jack had to know damn well that she didn’t want him in there. That doctor would have been smart enough to set him straight. And he had to know the reason why. He wasn’t an unintelligent man.

She could be nice. Diplomatic. Maybe even truthful. But that would take too much effort. Maybe a blunt dose of reality would yank him away from her the fastest. “It doesn’t mean anything to me,” she said. “So you go ahead and hold onto it.”

He stared down at his hands and didn’t say anything.

Was he really going to play dumb? “You’re looking very…alive,” she said.

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s one way to put it.”

Caroline fiddled with the IV, checking the bag beside her to make sure it was still full.

“I can have Natalie check on that for you, if you want,” he said.

“It’s fine. I have a call button. Speaking of Natalie, your perky little buddy was trying to make friends.”

“She’s concerned about you. As am I. And she’s just a friend.”

“I’m not worried about that.”

“She likes you,” Jack said. “I can tell. When I first got here I gravitated toward her quickly. She reminded me of-”

He wasn’t wasting any time, was he? Pulling at her heartstrings as soon as he walked in the door to get her to soften up. Caroline didn’t need anything else to upset her just yet. “Please don’t say who,” she whispered.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I won’t. But you know who I mean.”

Bullshit interrogations. Emotional triggers. No doubt about it, Caroline hated this so-called rebellion. “Natalie’s a bit too Pollyanna for my tastes. But she seems to harbor some pretty strong feelings for you.”

“We’re just friends,” he repeated. “I don’t want to talk about her. I want to talk about you.”

Because God forbid he talk about himself. His own flaws, his own faults, his own mistakes. “I don’t.”

“I – how are you?” Jack whispered.

My head hurts. My heart hurts. Existing hurts.
“Fine.”

“Caroline-”             

“Did Natalie tell you I don’t want you in here?”

“She may have mentioned that.” He sighed. “I was hoping you’d give me a couple of minutes.”

He had an ego and a half. “You didn’t believe her, did you? That’s why you just charged in here like you owned the fucking place.”

Jack brought his hand to her face but pulled it away when she glowered at him. “No,” he said, twisting his fingers in his lap.

“I don’t want you in here,” Caroline said.

“Why not?”

“We have nothing to say to each other.”

“I think we have plenty to say. What was that between you and Mr. Morton?”

She’d made him jealous without doing much of anything. One tiny victory for the day. “What do you think it was?”

“Are you two involved?”

Extremely
jealous. “Use your imagination.”

“Are you going to answer any of my questions?”

“I’ve answered enough of your questions already,” she snapped.

Jack started twisting his fingers again. His occasional silences were almost amusing. 

“You know,” she said, “when I first woke up I didn’t remember any of our…Q and A. Yes, that’s what I’d call it. It came back to me as I was waiting for the guys to arrive. I’m trying to decide my favorite part. Was it when you squeezed my broken cheekbone out of anger, or when you caused me to relive the trauma of the last time I saw my children alive? Maybe it was when you used that nice rapid fire method to try to trick me into admitting that I was lying.” She let out a short laugh. “Hell, let’s not limit it to one portion. How about I congratulate you for the whole fucking thing?”

“Caroline-”

Fuck his cheap attempt at an explanation. She had a point to make. “Is that what you people call a friendly chat? Was that an interrogation? Or were you getting your twisted little kicks by asking me about the most agonizingly personal parts of my life?”

He ran a shaky hand through his hair. “Caroline, I didn’t recognize you. I was afraid someone had planted you to fool me. You have no idea how strict we have to be around here. I couldn’t-”

“Couldn’t ask me to take my contacts out? Couldn’t ask to get the guys so they could tell you how they got me out of that prison? Jesus Christ, Jack. I have a tattoo on my ankle. I have a bullet wound on my left arm. I have any number of personal identifiers that can’t be replicated. That you should have known and believed.”

“Sweetheart, please-”

His favorite pet name. A sneaky way to weasel his way into her psyche. How predictable. “Don’t call me that,” she said. “You could have handled this in a million different ways and you chose the shittiest method possible. Has anyone else showed up on this base claiming to be me?”

Jack lowered his head. A small patch of red appeared across his cheeks. Well, that was her answer right there. But she wanted to hear him say it out loud.

“How many people have showed up claiming to be me?” she asked.

His gaze went all the way to the other side of the room. “None.”

“Well,” Caroline said. “Fuck you.”

He flinched. Good. He felt bad. She waited for him to try to sneak a word in, to try to apologize and justify some more, but he kept on staring at the wall.

“I sound exactly the same as I always have but that wasn’t enough for you, was it?” she said. “You couldn’t have asked me those last two questions to confirm that I was who I said I was? You know damn well that no one else would have known the right answers. No one.”

Jack was still avoiding her gaze. “You’re right,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I just – I had to make sure it was you. I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”

There were a great many things he didn’t realize. The longer their conversation went on, the more Caroline came to the understanding that perhaps he never would. “Of course you didn’t. For fuck’s sake, the least you could have done is take me to the damn hospital and worry about your precious conscience later.”

“You think that’s why I asked you those things? To protect myself?”

“You can’t pretend that was for my benefit. That was emotional abuse, pure and simple.”

“Caroline-”

He was starting to get defensive. “Was it fun tormenting me like that?” she asked. “Did it make you feel better?”

“That wasn’t what I was doing,” he said urgently.

“You knew it was me.” Her voice started to rise. “How could you not have known it was me? Why didn’t you just believe me?”