Phoenix (3 page)

“It’s still disconcerting.”             

“I don’t think she was all there, Natalie. She wasn’t really vacant but there was something in her eyes. Fear or…something else.”

“And that was enough to get you to go in the room?”

It had been more than that. Some other force had guided him, not just her irrational behavior. If only he’d figured it out sooner. “Probably not the wisest move.” Jack swallowed hard. “She was pointing the gun at the troops who beat me in there but lifted it up as soon as she saw me. Buchanan grabbed it out of her hand and hit her in the head.”

Natalie winced. “Shit.”

“She was giving herself up,” he whispered.

“I realize that.” She frowned at him. “He could have killed her.”

When Caroline first slid down the wall, Jack thought he had. He shuddered. “I’ve been trying very hard not to think about it.”

“And the two of you talked.”

Jack didn’t want to tell Natalie the details of that conversation. Not when he felt so guilty about it. “We did.”

“And you realized it was her.”

Almost too late. “Yes.”

Natalie stood up. “Buchanan should never be allowed to interrogate anyone again.”

Maybe next time she’d tell him something he didn’t already know. He suspected he’d be talking to her again sooner than later. “Thank you for the advice, Captain.”

“You should start taking it.”

He’d seen people moving in and out of the examining room while they were talking, but his wife had yet to appear. “Will you please go check on Caroline?”

Her lips turned up. “You have very effective ways of changing the subject, Commander.”

Jack crossed his left leg over his right knee and leaned back in the chair. “Everyone needs to be good at something.”

Natalie took a step backward, grinning. “Head upstairs to the third floor waiting area. I’ll let you know when she wakes up.”

Caroline heard a faraway voice. Female. Soothing. Calm. Comforting. And very young. She blinked, her eyes adjusting to the light in the room. Her surroundings looked totally unfamiliar and she tried to get up.

“Hold on,” said the female voice, gently pushing her back down. “Don’t move.”

Caroline had been told to stay put far too often by far too many dangerous people to obey instructions that easily, and tried to sit up again.

“Mrs. McIntyre, stop,” the woman said.

Caroline glared at the blurry shape in front of her. “Don’t call me that,” she said. “You don’t get to call me that.”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Gerard. You’re safe. You’re at the rebel compound. Lay down.”

The woman, no longer fuzzy, sat down next to the bed. Her jet black hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail and her green eyes were filled with concern. She was wearing a sweater and jeans and had a stethoscope around her neck. She couldn’t have been more than thirty. And she was smiling, somewhat timidly, at Caroline.

“Who are you?” Caroline asked.

“I’m Captain Natalie Haddad, one of the doctors who works here. How are you feeling?”

“Like I had the shit beaten out of me.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but you’re probably going to have a nasty headache for a while. Your nose is broken and your cheekbone is fractured, but you’ll be all right. I can’t do much about the cheekbone except give you some painkillers as it heals. But we reset your nose.”

Like that was going to make a difference. “My nose has been broken more than a few times. Cheekbones more than once, too.”

“I’m no plastic surgeon but I can tell. I’m sorry.”

How many times was this woman going to apologize? “It’s not your fault.”

“You should see what you did to the other guy,” Haddad said, hiding another smile.

She’d forgotten the details of her little fistfight. But the events of the past day weren’t particularly clear. Caroline wasn’t yet able to make the distinction between the real and the imaginary. What had been Potbelly’s real name? Could she guess accurately? “I get the feeling nobody likes…Buchanan.”

“I don’t know him,” Haddad said. “I’ve only heard things. Apparently one of the guys you came here with tried to slug him in the hallway.”

Had to be Jonesie. Good for him. And Caroline felt a little proud that she’d remembered one insignificant detail correctly. Maybe she could sort out the rest of her memories as well. “I assume this isn’t a sanctioned military force, but aren’t there some standards when it comes to recruits?”

The doctor tugged on her stethoscope. A nervous tic? “There are. Closely modeled after the California Republican Army. I’m not familiar with all of them but as with any other group, there are always some people who don’t quite fit in. Buchanan isn’t very good at using his common sense sometimes.”

“Well, then. They should continue to allow him to interrogate newcomers. Because that worked out really well for both of us.”

“I’m sure there will be a change in policy after today. The commander will see to that. Jack will also be very happy to see that you’re awake.”

Jack? Her husband? Her head hurt like hell and she didn’t need anything else throwing her for a loop. That conversation had been real?

Her husband was the commander. He was in charge of the rebellion. And he’d interrogated her. Harshly. She thought that had been a dream. A very unnerving, upsetting dream. Knowing it was real made everything ten times worse.

Caroline covered her eyes with the hand that didn’t have a giant needle sticking out of it. “Shit. I forgot he was here. I just remembered getting hit in the head.”

“You’ve had a hard day. It’s understandable.” Haddad tapped her foot. “Is there anything you want to talk about before I bring Jack in here?”

Jesus, was everyone in this place as anxious as her treating physician? Caroline’s head spun again as the events of the last few hours reentered her mind. An unpleasant recollection. Let her husband in the room? That was the last thing she wanted. Not when those bits and pieces of conversation trickled back into her memory bank. “Where are my men?” she asked.

“They’re waiting outside. They’ve been very worried about you.”

Caroline tried to pull herself up right before she figured out she didn’t have enough energy to do much more than lay there. Haddad caught her before she fell back onto the bed.

“Take it easy,” she said. “You’re going to be here for a little bit, so relax.” She let Caroline down gradually, crossed the room, and retrieved a couple of pillows, helping to prop her up. “Is that better?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

This woman wanted something from her. Caroline just wanted to see her friends and be left alone. “Doctor-”

“Please call me Natalie,” she said.

Oh, she wanted to be pals. How quaint. Maybe if Caroline indulged her, she’d give her something in return. Bartering might prove more effective than argument. “Natalie,” Caroline said. “How long have you been here?”

“A little over a year,” Natalie said.

“Are you from California?”

“Went to medical school in Los Angeles and came here after it became clear that my skills were best suited to serve the cause.”

“Why are you helping the rebels?”

“I’m a native Californian but an American first. I love my country.”

Such a pretty speech. That seemed to be what the movement was about. Pretty speeches, empty words, and loads of doubletalk. Starting with the man in charge. Caroline was not amused. “That’s just adorable,” she said.

Natalie sat down again and crossed her legs. “You think I’m too young to be here?”

“How old are you?”

Natalie smiled at her. “You ask very strange questions.”

“How old are you?” Caroline repeated.

“I’m twenty-seven.”

“No residency, then.”

“I started one in San Diego but California seceded and I joined up instead. My family thinks I’m crazy.”

“I bet they do. I think you are too.”

“Why’s that, Ms. Gerard?”

Caroline might not want to be chummy but she didn’t want to be treated with a deference she didn’t deserve. “We aren’t going to get very far if you don’t start calling me by my first name.”

“I didn’t want to assume that was okay,” Natalie said. “Why am I crazy?”

“You’re dedicating your life to a cause that’s doomed to fail.”

“Then why did you come here?”

“I’m crazy too.”

Natalie laughed. “That isn’t the first word that comes to mind.”

“And what is?”

The laugh faded. “You’re a legend around here.”

That seemed a bit much. “Why’s that?”

“You’re not very self-aware, are you?”

Their conversation was rapidly turning into what felt like another interrogation. One Caroline didn’t want. “No. And you’re not very subtle.”

“I prefer being direct. It’s so much easier than bullshitting people.”

“I can respect that.”

Natalie leaned back in her chair. “Your ghost has been chasing every single one of us since Commander McIntyre arrived last March.”

Oh, please. “What a nice way to put it.”

“I’d find that level of devotion quite flattering. Particularly coming from a man like Jack, who tries not to feel much of anything.”

Caroline wished Natalie would stop talking about him. It was yet another reminder of all the things she’d been trying to forget. “Someone majored in psychology,” she said.

“No, I simply understand the human condition. And my brief residency might have been in psychiatry. There isn’t a soul here who doesn’t have great admiration for you and what you withstood while you were held prisoner by the government.”

“Does that include you?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, this is awkward.”

“For me. I hope not for you.” Natalie paused. “We all believed you were dead. You know you’re the only one who’s gotten out of that place, right?”

Caroline spent as little time as possible thinking about her time at The Fed. “I had nothing to do with it,” she said. “Luck of the draw.”

“I suspect that’s not the whole truth.”

Jesus Christ. Another attempt at gathering information. This woman had to be some sort of emotional tapeworm. “I’m not going to give
you
any details.”

Natalie tugged at her stethoscope again, never breaking eye contact with Caroline. “You’re just as warm and friendly as I have heard.”

A snippy tapeworm. “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

Natalie let out a hard breath. “Do you want me to get Jack? He really wants to see you. He was quite upset when he brought you in here.”

Jack was the last person she wanted to see. For a seemingly intelligent woman, Dr. Haddad hadn’t caught on to that fact. “Not particularly,” Caroline said. “I’d rather see Gabe and the others. You speak of my husband as if you’re friends.”

“We are,” Natalie said.

The doctor’s response was a smidge too defensive. “You think I’m jealous?” Caroline asked.

“I don’t know what to think about you right now.”

Caroline wasn’t about to help Natalie out, but maybe she could get her to back off. “I’m not jealous. Jack can be with whomever he wants. He always had a weakness for women your age. And younger.”

“We’re friends,” Natalie said firmly. “He’s been hung up on his dead wife for the past year.”

“Again with the subtlety.”

“It’s the truth.”

“You don’t like bitchy women, do you?”

“No, I don’t. However, I’m a bit surprised you’re acting this way, based on what I know about you. Bitchy isn’t what I expected.”

That was interesting. “Two weeks in a federal prison can fuck you up,” Caroline said.

“I can see that. I’m dating one of the officers here, even though you’re not jealous.”

Oh, the good doctor could hit back. How cute. “Are you calling me a liar?”

“No. You’re just not as bitchy as you sound. I have no interest in your husband.”

Maybe they could form a club with matching jackets. “Fine with me. Neither do I.”

“Why don’t you want to see Jack?”

Caroline didn’t trust anyone in this damn place, and sure as hell didn’t want to share any of her feelings with this woman. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Natalie looked uncomfortable. “Ms. Gerard-”

Oh, Christ. Was she still hung up on that? “Caroline,” she corrected. “Jesus.”

“
Caroline
,” Natalie said. “Do you want to talk about anything that happened before you got here?”

“Like what?”

Natalie looked her in the eyes. “I was the one who started your IV. I saw the scars on your wrists. I saw the other scars too, as I was examining you. No one else was in the room,” she added quickly.

Caroline had to get better at hiding her fear. If people could see it or smell it, she became a target. “Refer back to those few weeks in federal prison, if you want your answer.”

“I take it you don’t want to talk about it?”

Jesus Christ, this girl wasn’t going to stop, was she? Didn’t any of these people recognize when a person wanted to be left the fuck alone? “Not with you.”

Natalie looked away from her. “You might be here a little while,” she said. “Not long, but probably overnight. I assume you want to stay in the clothes you’re wearing as opposed to putting on a hospital gown.”

Now that she noticed, Caroline was still in her sweater and pants. “Huh?”

“Long sleeves, no exposed back.”

Caroline didn’t bother hiding a scowl. It took too much energy to pretend to be affable when she was in so much pain. “Aren’t you a thoughtful young lady.”

Natalie gave her a hard look. “I wouldn’t blame you for being permanently pissed. I would be.”

“I appreciate your support.”

“I’d merely suggest,” Natalie continued, “that you not take it out on people who are only trying to help you.”

She’d made her point. Caroline could play nice, force her voice to soften a little. Maybe this chick would back off if she did. “Look, Dr. Haddad-”

“Natalie,” she corrected. “Since we’re still playing that little game.”

Ooh, she was feisty. Caroline liked that. But she had her limits, especially now. “
Natalie
,” she said. “You seem like a nice girl. You really do. But if you think we’re going to be buddies you’re nuts.”

“I saw you speak at a fundraiser once,” Natalie said. “Back when I started medical school. For Senator Goldman.”

What a strange aside. “How nice for you.”

“You gave a great speech. You genuinely cared. You knew the issues. You connected with people. You understood what people wanted to hear, the hope they wanted to have. And the entire audience knew it. It affected me deeply, made me realize I had an obligation to more than myself.”