Phoenix (22 page)

won’t care if I bring you along,” Devon said, thumbing over

the broad expanse of muscle.

After a few moments of silence, Riley spoke, “You know

what, fuck it. I’ll go home with you this spring break. I’ll

make it up to my mom somehow.”

“That’s my boy,” Devon said with a smile, tilting his head

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up and kissing him firmly, glad that the tension between

them dissolved with the embrace.

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lake was with Riley and Devon at a local bar and grill,

B thanks to Riley’s persuasion powers. Honestly, though,

he was feeling a lot like the third wheel. It was nice to see

that Riley and Devon had resolved whatever was going

between them. He also felt the emptiness beside him and the

fact that the other couple was laughing and joking, and he

was picking at his food.

“Hey, Blake. C’mon, man, it’s gonna be okay,” Riley told

him with a friendly nudge, and Blake smiled tightly at him.

“I know you’ve got a lot on your mind right now, but maybe

try relaxing for a minute?”

“The funny thing about that is that I’m trying,” Blake said

with a laugh, shaking his head and taking a bite of his

burger. “I’m not naturally all that social, guys. I’m sorry.”

“Sure you are,” Devon interjected. “I think you’re a lot

better at socializing than you think you are. You just get in

your own way a lot.”

Blake let out a nervous chuckle, but honestly Devon was

probably right. He spent more time thinking about other

peoples’ perception of him and less time just being himself.

He’d just gotten lucky with the small, tight-knit band of

friends he did have. “Maybe you have a point,” he

murmured.

“So just talk to us, man,” Riley encouraged with a bright

smile before taking a swig of his beer. The light brown color

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winked at him in the light, and the restaurant looked a little

distorted through the glass.

Such a strange thing for him to be focusing on.

He shook himself out of it and smiled a little. “Talk about

what? Give me a subject and I’ll see what I can do,” he

suggested.

“C’mon, dude, that’s cheating,” Riley laughed, putting his

drink down and taking a big bite of his food. “Just talk about

whatever’s goin’ on in your head, that’s all.”

“But I don’t wanna be a downer, guys,” Blake frowned,

toying with his fork and furrowing his brows a little. “I’m

just thinking about the surgery.”

“Obsessing is more like it,” Riley said, not unkindly.

Blake let out a soft laugh and shook his head. “Look, dude, I

know it’s scary as fuck, but it’s not the end of the world.”

“I know, I’m just terrified, I guess,” Blake said with a sigh,

putting his silverware down. “Y’know, you’re right. I don’t

wanna talk about this anymore. I’ve talked it into the

ground. Let’s talk about something else. How about those

Dodgers?”

“Oh, man, they suck this year, don’t they? They keep

getting their asses kicked by the Giants,” Riley replied.

“Fuckin’ Giants.”

“The Giants aren’t really their toughest competition,

though. Those fucking Diamondbacks are playing brilliantly

this year,” Blake offered, chewing thoughtfully on the notion

that talking sports like this with Riley really was fucking

awesome.

“Okay so I officially hate the Diamondbacks more than

the Giants. What the fuck is the world coming to?” Riley

laughed.

“Hey, the Giants are my team, dork,” Devon cut in, and

Riley let out a booming laugh. “Don’t badmouth them or I’ll

be forced to try and kick your ass again.”

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“Of course they are, NorCal boy,” Riley teased. Devon

scowled at him playfully, and Riley just grinned and tilted

his chin up so he could kiss him. “It’s okay, I still love you

even though you’re a Giants-lover.”

“You know what they say, though — better Giant than

small,” Devon retorted, and Blake snorted in pure

amusement, shaking his head.

“Good one,” he told his roommate, who smiled brilliantly

because he was so damn proud of himself for that little quip.

“Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week,” Devon said,

dissolving into laughter as Riley nudged him in the side

with his elbow. It seemed he was incredibly ticklish there,

that or it was just funny the way Riley nudged him. Either

way, it seemed like he enjoyed that a little bit too much for

Blake’s comfort.

Devon got a hold on his laughter after a moment and

asked, “So wait, Blake, what’s your team of choice?”

“Well, I like the Dodgers well enough, but—I’m so

ashamed to admit it—but my heart will always belong with

the Chicago Cubs,” Blake admitted with a light laugh. It was

always hard for him to admit his home team to baseball fans

because it really was straight-up common knowledge how

cursed the Cubs seemed to be the last few years. They

weren’t as bad as the Red Sox had been before 2004, though.

“God, they suck. They seriously suck,” Riley said

automatically, shoving a big bite of mashed potatoes into his

mouth, washing it down with a swig of beer. “No offense

meant or anything, but
God
, they fucking suck. Like, so

fuckin’ bad.”

“Trust me, I am well aware of how much they suck. It’s a

family thing. I’ve cheered for the Cubs since I was a kid, and

so did my dad, so it’s kinda like carrying on the family

legacy,” Blake explained.

“Got it. Ever thought about switching to the White Sox?”

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Riley asked, and Blake let out a derisive laugh.

“Fat fucking chance of that. Fuck the Sox, they’re a bunch

of douchebags,” Blake replied, shaking his head at himself

with a smile. He sounded just like his dad, and he wished

that his father would see how similar they were. Maybe after

his top surgery, he’d see it a little better. Maybe not. He

could only hope.

“Spoken like a true Cubs fan,” Devon piped up before

shoving six or seven fries into his mouth unceremoniously.

“Damn right,” Blake replied, biting into his burger and

chewing, speaking while he did so. It was nice to be able to

do that and not be scolded by his father because it wasn’t

appropriate
behavior for his gender. It totally was. “I also root

for the Red Sox, because I’ve always been told that they’re

the better Sox team, and so it’s kind of a given. Even when

everyone said they were cursed, I was pullin’ for ‘em. I

guess I just go for the underdog teams.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense,” Riley laughed, mouth

full of mashed potatoes. Blake was so tempted to just lean

over and push Riley’s cheeks together to make the potatoes

come out.

Devon beat him to it, pushing his palm into the side of his

cheek and watching as the potatoes came out of Riley’s

mouth back onto the plate. He cackled, while Riley choked

on his potatoes because he’d started laughing just as hard.

Devon slammed his hand onto Riley’s back, which cleared

up the choking.

“That was fuckin’ classic,” Blake said through his

laughter, putting his fork down and letting himself laugh.

“I’m glad you got a kick out of it,” Riley said in a poor

version of a sulky voice, because he was grinning like a

maniac as he wiped the potato off his chin.

“You did, too, don’t lie,” Devon said, nudging his

boyfriend again. Riley nudged him back, so hard it knocked

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him out of the booth onto the floor. He started cracking up

again, as did Riley. He knew Ethan would have found it

fucking hilarious.

Blake was smiling, but his mind had already drifted off

again.

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fter dinner, Blake was trying to read and failing. Riley

A and Devon had offered to take him out to a club, but

he’d declined. He’d never been a big fan of alcohol or

dancing or mingling with that kind of crowd, so it was kind

of a lose-lose-lose situation. The only way he’d go would be

if Ethan was there, too.

He sighed and just dropped his book on his face in

frustration, letting it sit there as he tried to calm his racing

mind. He was worried about Ethan, worried about the

surgery, and his midterm scores. Dominic still wouldn’t shut

his mouth even though the paperwork in the front office had

been changed from Jillian to Blake on Friday afternoon. It

was Saturday.

His transcripts now read Blake Michael Weber, so

Dominic could shove it. He’d told him as much earlier and

had almost gotten punched if he wasn’t as fast as he would.

He could just imagine the frustration on the other man’s face

once he realized his one defense for him being female was

eradicated.

He was knocked out of his thoughts when he heard his

phone ringing, and he scrambled to pick it up, knowing

from the ringtone it was Ethan. He was out of breath by the

time he picked it up, and it showed by the way he answered,

“Hey, baby.”

“Hey, you,” Ethan said, a small smile in his voice as Blake

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collapsed back against his bed, his back against the wall

instead of back against the bed. It always went in stages

whenever he did that. “Everything okay?”

“Mmm hmm, my phone was just across the room,” Blake

replied with a laugh, forcing himself to breathe in and out,

slowly. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, babe,” Ethan said. It sounded like his

partner was lying on his stomach probably on his childhood

bed, phone cradled between his ear and his shoulder.

“How’s Matt?” Blake asked Ethan in a concerned but

eager voice, laying back in his bed and staring idly at the

ceiling.

“He’s stable for now. They had to do a surgery because

his lung collapsed due to the crush of impact, but they got

him stabilized after that,” Ethan replied, worry evident in

his tone. Blake frowned and threw his arm over his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I wish I could do something to help

out,” he expressed, worrying on his bottom lip as he shut his

eyes.

“It’s okay, babe. There’s nothing anyone can do right now

except pray,” Ethan said with a sigh. “Which I’ve been doing

a lot of. I don’t know if I’m gonna make it back by Monday.”

The words were like a punch to the stomach, drenched in

ice, cold radiating through his body in the guise of fear.

“It’s okay, Ethan. Don’t stress yourself out about it,” Blake

offered in support, but he really felt like he’d missed a

couple steps. He’d kind of gotten his hopes up about Ethan

being back for his surgery.

“But I am, you know that,” Ethan replied. The weight of

the stress was obvious in his tone and all Blake wanted to do

was ease that. “I want to be there for you and I hate that I

might not be able to.”

“Babe, you have enough to worry about without me in

the equation. Worry about your mom, I’m sure she’s a

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mess,” Blake replied, but it felt like a switch had flipped in

his head and he’d slipped into automatic mode, his voice

duller than it had been as they’d talked.

“Are you sure? I’m worried about you, despite what you

say,” Ethan told him, and Blake sighed, shaking his head.

“I promise, it’ll be fine,” he told him, trying to quell the

emotions rising up in him and convince himself that it

would, indeed, be fine.

“Okay,” Ethan reluctantly relented, and Blake shut his

eyes with a soft sigh. He didn’t want to think about the very

thing he’d been obsessing over for the past day. He just

wanted to shut his mind off and think about something else.

“How’ve things been since I left?”

Awful? Terrible? Insane? Hectic? Stressful? All were

words he could have used to respond, but instead he said,

“They’ve been okay, I guess. I miss you a lot and I’m always

thinking about you, but it’s been…okay.”

“Why do I not believe you?” Ethan countered his lie

without even so much as a slight hesitation, and Blake

rubbed at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. “Come on,

baby. Talk to me.”

“Like I said, I just miss you,” he started, but after he