Paying the Price (16 page)

"No."

"At the trial, will you use the collar to keep me silent?"

"Yes."

"Will you promise me something? On the last day, when your mother sentences me to die, will you let me speak?"

She looked at me sharply then came to a conclusion. "Would you believe me if I said 'yes'?"

"I don't know, but if you said 'yes' and then don't do it, at least you will know you betrayed me again at the end. It
's about the best I'm going to g
et."

"Yes, on that day, I won't compel your silence."

"One more question." I paused. "Do you believe this is about justice, or vengeance?"

"Vengeance. You were right all along about everything."

"Tell your mother she has won."

Dareena looked at me, then reached out and caressed my face. "She hasn't won,
Meorie
. You and I know the truth. She isn't worthy of respect."

She stood up and walked to the door. "I will be back as soon as I can."

"Dareena, if you tell her too much-"

"I won't."

"Dareena."

She turned around.

"Your mother is between a rock and a hard place. I don't know if she is taking joy from this. She may be doing what she feels is necessary, perhaps to secure her own throne, perhaps to secure peace. This may be petty cruelty on her part, but it may be what she feels is required. It may even be the peace is real. I will never know, but you will."

She turned around, and there were tears in her eyes.

"You knew this all along?"

"Yes."

"You knew this when you saved my life."

"Yes."

"And when you built the boat."

"Yes."

"And when you didn't kill all of us when you could."

"There has been enough killing. Maybe this will bring peace. I don't believe so, but nothing else I can do will bring peace. Maybe this will."

"I didn't listen."

"You wanted to believe in hope.
I don't blame you for that.
"

"I am sorry." And then she was gone, and the door closed behind her.

Dareena did not return again that day. I was sad about that, but not necessarily surprised.

The guards treated me to another shower when they brought dinner. I was actually surprised they hadn't raped me yet. Thank the gods for small favors, I guess. I'm sure that was on the plate eventually, or would have been if I hadn't capitulated. We would see.

I wondered whether the queen was changing her agreement with Dareena.

I slept, surrounded by my nightmares. Breakfast came along with another shower. Some time after that, Dareena came.

"I'm sorry," she said when she entered the cell. "Mother wanted to be sure you understood the situation."

"Did you tell her I understood the situation as soon as I knew I'd been kidnapped by Tendaria?"

"No. I thought it was best to keep our secrets."

I nodded. "Did she change the agreement?"

"No, actually." Dareena paused. "The peace might be real."

"Did she tell you how I am to die?"

Dareena looked away.

"Please, how bad is it?"

"It will be humane. That's all I want to say. Please don't ask further."

I thought about it. "All right. I won't ask again. Will you see to it that it's humane?"

There were tears in her eyes when she looked at me, and she nodded.

We stared at each other for a moment. "Now what?" I asked.

"The guards will clean you up."

"And rape me?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

She sighed. "No." She paused. "I will stay with you. They will clean you up. You will be dressed very simply. You will be shackled and brought to court. There will be a very large number of people. You will follow me, and you will kneel when I tell you to kneel. I will step away, and then you will beg the queen to give you to me."

"Does she have words she wants to hear?"

"If she does, she hasn't
indicated to me what they are.
Unless she changes her mind, she will tell me to collar you. The collar is permanent."

I sighed. "Justice in Tendaria."

Dareena looked away.

"Will you treat me well?"

"As well as I am allowed. Publicly I will need to abuse you."

I sighed. "We may as well get this over with. I am expecting to be raped. I am expecting your mother to change the terms of this latest agreement. I am expecting nothing but the worst. I haven't deciding how much of it I expect from you yet. I can't tell if you're a really good actress, or if you're being honest with me."

"I am being honest."

"If so, then maybe there is still hope."

She stood up and called to the guards. Two of them came in. Dareena stepped aside, and they walked over to me. Their distaste was clear. They grabbed me by the arms and yanked me to my feet, banging my head against the wall once in the process.

I was dragged out of the room and down the hall, Dareena following behind me.

I was crying.

They dragged me into another room. Two of them held me up while another approached me with a knife. He used the knife to slice my clothes from my body, leaving me wearing only the amulet and my shackles. I stood in front of them in all my nakedness. The men were grinning.

Dareena said something to them. Then she told me, "I reminded them I will be queen one day."

I looked at her. "Thank you."

The dragged me to the corner of the room. Two of them held me in place, and suddenly I was being flushed by frigid water. The men laughed at my obvious discomfort. Then one of them dumped soap over my head. It stank of lye and stung my eyes. Two of them approached with rough brushes and began scrubbing my body fiercely.

Though all of it, I cried, but I didn't say a word. It was nothing but what I had expected.

One of the men thrust his hand between my legs. Dareena yelled at him
and he stepped away. She walked up to me and said quietly, "I am sorry. I must wash you."

"I understand," I said through the tears.

She reached down and washed me where the man's hand had been. She was gentle about it. When she was done, she stepped away, and then I was being flushed with the frigid water again. They let the water run for a long time. I was shivering uncontrollably by the time they were done.

They didn't dry me. One approached with a rough cotton shift. It was sleeveless and had buttons up the front. They could put it on me without removing my shackles. Finally they presented me for Dareena's inspection.

She turned around and led the way from the room and up into the main part of the palace, two guards dragging me by my arms. We reached a door and stopped. Dareena turned to me.

"Are you being honest with me?" I asked her.

"Yes."

"Then I will show you what honor really is."

The door opened. Dareena turned around and stepped through. The guards released me, and I shuffled slowly after her. She set a pace I could follow in my shackles.

We had entered the court room via a side door. There had been people in the way, but they parted for Dareena. She led me slowly to the center of the room, then turned right to face the queen. We stepped forward to just in front of the dais. Dareena knelt, and I fell on my face trying to kneel in the shackles.

It hurt.

The court was silent.

"You have to kneel," Dareena said looking over at me from her own kneeling position.

I struggled to rise to a kneel. It was difficult, but eventually I achieved it, kneeling on both knees instead of one like Dareena was. I kept my head bowed.

"Do I beg now?" I asked as quietly as I could.

"Not yet."

The queen descended from the dais and stood in front of me. I could see her feet in front of me. I stared at them.

She said something, loudly enough for the entire court to hear. It was in Tendarian, so I didn't understand. Then she said something much more quietly, and Dareena spoke to me.

"She asks why you have begged to see her. You should apologize for your behavior."

So I did. "Your Majesty, I wished to beg your forgiveness for my behavior the last time I was in your court. It was inappropriate, rude, and didn't offer the sort of respect you so richly deserve. I am so, so very sorry."

The queen didn't respond, so I lowered myself slowly to the floor and kissed her feet. The audience made a noise, then stopped suddenly. The queen allowed my kisses for a moment then stepped back a half step.

There was silence for a moment, then she spoke again, loudly.

"She says you are forgiven," Dareena said quietly. "She asks if there is anything else you wish before you are returned to your quarters."

"Queen Fridara," I said. "I beg of you, give me to your daughter. Let my service to her be my penance for my behavior, and for the troubles I have put you all through. Please, give me to Princess Dareena, I beg of you."

The crowd began to murmur. Clearly many of them understood my words. Then the noise stopped suddenly.

The queen spoke for a while. No one translated, but when she was done, Dareena said quietly, "She has agreed. You need to kneel again."

I slowly pulled myself back to a kneeling position. Beside me, Dareena rose to her feet and stepped in front of me. I felt her wrap the collar around my neck. She put her lips near my ear and said, "I am being honest with you." Then she straightened up. "Repeat these words. I bind myself to Princess Dareena from now until the end of my days."

I repeated the words, and the collar's familiar magic began sweeping through me.

The queen spoke again, quietly, but I didn't understand it. Dareena responded, and it sounded like a question. The queen spoke just two words, and they were clearly an order.

Dareena took a deep breath, then she told me, "
Meorie
, break your shackles."

"What?"

"Do it. Now."

I struggled to break the shackles, I really did. The collar gave me an opportunity, then it began to punishing me for failing to follow Dareena's order. I continued to struggle, but soon the punishment grew and grew, and I was writhing on the floor, screaming and begging for it to stop.

The pain kept going and going, an
d I screamed until I was hoarse, begging and screaming. No one else in the room spoke, and I was too dazed from the pain to look at anyone.

Then the queen spoke one word, and Dareena was instantly kneeling beside me. "You are forgiven," she said several times. "You don't need to break the shackles. You are forgiven."

The pain receded slowly. I continued to lie on the floor, my arms still shackled behind my back, panting and moaning.

And then the room broke into applause.

I looked up at Dareena, kneeling over me, and she had the grace to look embarrassed. "There is your justice," I said very quietly.

She closed her eyes for a moment then opened them, looking at me.

The queen spoke. Dareena stood up, knelt once more briefly, then two guards stepped forward and dragged me first to a kneeling position, then to my feet. Dareena led the way, and the guards dragged me after her.

Dareena led us through the palace. I was lost immediately, and we moved too quickly for me to walk in the shackles, so I was dragged. We ascended a set of stairs and followed another corridor before we came to a set of double doors. Dareena
opened the door and stepped in
side, the guards dragging me after her.

She spoke to the guards, who set me on my feet.

Dareena turned to me. "They will remove your shackles in a moment.
Meorie
, you will make no attempt to escape. You will make no attempt to harm yourself or anyone else.
You will kneel when in the presence
of the queen unless she gives you permission otherwise. You will kneel when I enter the room. You will play none of your games. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Then she spoke again to the guards, and they removed my shackles. One of them hit the back of my head with his elbow before walking away. The guards left, closing the door behind me
.
I stood in front of Dareena, studying her.

"I am sorry. She ordered me to punish you. I suspect she will do so again in the future."

I looked away. "When is my execution?"

"I don't know. They still need to stage a trial. The date hasn't been set."

"What else does your mother want?"

"She knows you aren't beaten yet. She is counting on me to do it."

"She has so much hate for me."
I turned around. "What are you supposed to do?"