Passion and Pain (Dancers and Divas) (21 page)

“Freedom to do what?”

“You
know,
all those bad things I plan to do.”

“Yeah whatever,” he said. “Knock yourself out. What about workshops? What are you up to this summer?”

“There is this amazing acting workshop with a woman named
Terry
Cummins. Apparently she’s a psychologist and an actor/director. She says that by touching different parts of your body, you can draw on certain emotions. Say, if you touch my right arm, that’s my anger etc. You can then use this when you need to draw on emotions f
or a performance. And” - she inhaled -
“I’ve been doing classes at Alvin Ailey Dance Company. They are some of the most brilliant dancers ever!”

“Sounds intense.
Glad you’re keeping busy for a change.”

“Not as much fun as making a movie.”

“It’s not all that exciting. The idea is, but there’s lots of standing around and waiting which is a bit annoying. But the idea of having a film at the end is pretty cool.”

“I also have been doing some song—”

“Sorry El, I have to go! They’re calling me. Ciao. Talk soon. Kiss.”

“Bye,” Elena said to a blank screen.
“
Aagh
.”
She rolled over onto her back. She still hadn’t managed to tell Sebastien about Jay. That was now the second time she had tried. She hated having secrets from him.

Jay was true to his word. He called her and they agreed on a time to meet.
At his apartment.
To write songs of course.
That was where his studio was
,
after all.

She was nervous. What if Letitia was there? What would his parents think of her?

“Hi
,
gorgeous,” he said as he greeted her at the door and kissed her on the cheek.

“Hi
,”
Elena said. She tentatively walked through the front door of his Greenwich
Village
apartment.  She glanced briefly at the stylish furniture and spacious living room. Glass doors framed one side of the room, offering an uninterrupted view of the city below.

“Wow. This place is amazing.”

“Glad you like it.”

She kept her hands in the pockets of her denim jacket as she looked around the apartment.

“Um, is Letitia around?” Elena whispered.

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” he said. “She’s in Europe with my mother.”

“Oh, so there’s no one home.”

“Yeah.
My dad is at work so we have the whole place to ourselves.”

Elena gulped. Parental supervision was trust rule number one with her mom.

“So where’s your studio?”

“Upstairs. Come I’ll show you,” he said and offered her his hand. Elena knew she was placing a lot of trust in someone she
barely
knew. But she took his hand anyway and followed him upstairs to his studio.

“So why didn’t you go to Europe, Jay? I mean it’s Europe!”

“Oh, we go every year
,
so it’s not that exciting anymore. Plus my mom and my sister together can be a bit of handful. I wanted to work on my material and get focused for senior year.” 

“Makes sense.”

As they reached the top of the stairs, Jay opened a room and there was a small, fully equipped studio complete with keyboards, guitar and microphone.

“You weren’t kidding.”

“What? You thought it was a trick?”  Jay shook his head. “I’m not that type
,
Elena.”

Elena blushed. She really didn’t know what she was doing. “So what did you want to work on?”

They sat in the studio and worked like they did at school, working through different songs and improving the lyrics as they went. Though she sat next to the keyboard instead of beside him, Elena could still feel his electricity. At times, when she stood over him to point out something, her lips were inches from his face. All she wanted to do was reach out and touch it, kiss it. But she didn’t.

After about two hours of stomach somersaults, Jay declared it lunch time.

“Hungry?” he asked.

Elena nodded. He took her downstairs and placed some sandwiches and drinks on the terrace outside. They both leaned back in the chairs and stared at the view before them.

“How come you and your sister are so different?” Elena asked him.

“Like any other people can be different I guess. She likes the limelight, I like creating music. I have no interest in becoming a famous singer, just a great writer and producer.”

He glanced at Elena and smiled. “To be honest, it works out better that we are different. We’re not competing and we can help each other out. I can help Letitia become a great singer by giving her good songs and she can help get my songs heard.”

“I don’t have any brothers or sisters. It’s me and my mom. Not sure if that’s good or bad.”

“And your dad?”

“No idea. He left before my mom even had me
,
so I’ve never met him.”

“Ever wanted to meet him and know what he’s like?”

“Not really. Not at this point.
Maybe later.
My mom was a dancer, so thankfully I have her genes.”

“Dancing, is that what you want to do?”

“I love dancing and I love acting. But I’m not sure I could do either as a career. There are so many people who want to be actors and dancers and I don’t want to be always broke and desperate for work. It’s important for me to have financial security as well. I’ve seen how my mom’s struggled.”

“I can’t imagine doing anything else but writing songs. If I couldn’t earn a living from that, I don’t know what I would do. Teach, I guess?”

She stood and leaned against the railings, taking in the city. He followed her and wrapped his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. She forced her body to relax.

“This is such a great view
,
Jay. I love New York.”

“I do too. I come out here a lot to think, especially at night with the lights,” he whispered in her ear. “It’s incredibly romantic.”

He turned her towards him, placed her face in his hands and kissed her gently on the lips before pulling away. She offered no resistance, so he moved in closer again and kissed her more intensely, pressing his body a bit closer to hers.  Elena held onto his biceps, completely lost in his touch. All these sensations pulsing through her body were so new yet fascinating. She hadn’t experienced anything like it before.

“What was that for?” she whispered.

“Because you’re special.”

She felt completely overwhelmed and started to panic. She didn’t want to stop but she knew she was way out of her league.

“I should go,” she heard herself say. Where that voice came from she didn’t know
,
as her body was craving his touch. He didn’t say anything
,
but dropped his hands and backed away, allowing her to walk to the door.

“So
I’ll
see you in a week?” he asked.

She nodded and he gave her another gentle kiss as she left his apartment.

How she forced her body out of that apartment she wasn’t sure, but as soon as he had closed the door, she leaned against the elevator door to hold herself up. She never knew her body could feel like that and it scared her. She needed a reality check.

Elena was relieved to receive a text from him
by the time she got home
.
“Can’t wait 2 c u again.”
At least it was something to him too.

“Elena, is everything
all right
?” her mom said when she saw Elena walk through the door.

“Yes Mom.”

“Where were you?”

“Just writing songs with a frien
d, Mom.
T
hat’s all.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, it’s a boy and he
’
s cute,” Elena said.

“Where are you meeting him to write these songs?”

“At his apartment.
His sister and mother are there, too.”  She couldn’t believe she had just lied to her mom.

“Make sure that at least one parent is around. You know the rules and I trust you. Don’t throw away your entire future for a boy. The rules are there for a reason.”

“Yes mom. You know you can trust me.” Liar! Her brain was turning to jelly and she was now a liar. What was happening?

She ducked into her room and pulled out her phone.

“
Roni
, I need your help. I don’t know what I’m doing. All I want to do is touch him. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

“
Did
you really think a seventeen
-
year
-
old
-
guy has a fifteen
-
year
-
old girl over in his apartment, alone, and doesn’t plan to make a move?” 

“But we write music and talk and hang out.”

“So why doesn’t he ask you out on a real date, outside his apartment?”

“I don’t know.”
I don’t know anything
, she thought. “What do I do?”

“Lay it on the line. Ask him flat out what he wants and what he’s doing.”

“Really?
I feel really dumb doing that. Like a baby.”

“In these things, you are a baby.” Elena looked up at the ceiling. At least Veronika seemed to have a clue.

“OK, you’re right. I’m going ask him straight out how he feels. Yes, I will do that.” 

“Good. Keep me posted and keep your head about you.”

“OK, thanks
Roni
.”

Elena met with Jay a week later. As usual, they spent time in his studio writing
songs
and working on her singing.  She stood about a foot away from him as they worked on her solo piece, a powerful love song.

“Yes!” he cried out. “That’s sounding fantastic. Letitia won’t know what hit her.”

“Thanks
,
Jay. I appreciate your help with this. Singing solo has always been my greatest fear. I still get nauseous thinking about it.”

“It’s the least I can do for all the help you gave me,” he said.

He rose from the piano stool, walked towards her
,
and held her face in his hands. “You are one of a kind and don’t ever forget it.” He leaned in and kissed her gently before moving in closer. He caressed her back as the kiss deepened. She heard a moan and couldn’t believe it was coming from her.

“Jay, wait, this is too fast.”

“I’m sorry, Elena,” he said sincerely, “I thought you felt the same.”

She gently pushed him off, trying not to react to the feel of his chest on her hand. “I like you a lot, Jay, and I’m attracted to you, but this doesn’t feel right. I want more.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his brows knitted.

“It’s like you’re hiding me in this apartment of yours. Are we dating or are we just hooking up? I’m not that type of girl, Jay. I’m confused!” Elena blurted out.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it look that way. I thought that helping each other was the only way I was going to spend time with you. Please forgive me,” he said clasping her hands and bringing them to his lips.

He gazed sadly into her eyes and Elena melted inside.

“Why do you never call me? What am
I?
Friday’s girl?” she whispered.

“Elena, there
’
s no one else.” He released her hands and sat back down. “I’m just not that good at dating
,
I guess. I was with my previous girlfriend for two years and we had known each other since third grade. I’ve never really dated anyone else.”

“Well,” she continued, sitting next to him, “How about I leave now and when you’re ready, you can call me for a real date outside your apartment.
If you want to, okay?”

“Sure,” Jay said, fidgeting with his fingers.

It seemed like a small victory, but Elena left th
e
apartment feeling uncertain. As the door closed behind her, she was tempted to run back and bang on it, beg him to kiss her again, but she lifted her head proudly and pressed the elevator button repeatedly.

By the time she reached the ground level and exited the building, her phone rang. It was Jay.

“Hi,” she answered, biting her lip nervously.

“Hi Elena.
I was wandering if you were free on Friday night. I would like to take you out for dinner and a movie,” he said in his low sexy voice.

“That would be nice.”