Passion and Pain (Dancers and Divas) (35 page)

He shook his head. “Life is too short for that
,
Elena. There will be others.”

“There is no one else but you. Why don’t you believe me?”

“I love you,” Jay replied and kissed her again, “but I need to focus on my career right now. I’m going to Los Angeles and I have to leave you behind. But look, I have a present for you.” He gave her a copy of his promotional compilation CD,
which included
the songs they had written together.

Elena glanced at it and put it down. “If you loved me, you would make it work. It’s because of that
night,
isn’t it?”

“It is one of the reasons. At this stage of my life, I want someone who is wholly committed to me and you still have too many doubts.”

“You know that’s not fair.”

Jay shook his head. “See, I’m trying to be adult and talk to you about something important and you’re pouting like a child.”

She didn’t know what to do. She picked up the CD as a distraction and glanced at its contents.

“Hey, you didn’t put my name on the songs we co-wrote.”

“I couldn’t. It would look strange for me to be promoting my songs and having someone else’s name on
them
. Don’t
worry,
I will make sure you get credit.”

“It’s just that I would have liked to see our names together
-
a memory of what we
’d
shared. I wasn’t criticizing.” She could feel the tears prickling her eyes again. She had all these emotions pulsing through her heart
-
anger, hurt, disappointment. “I don’t want you to go!”

Jay got up to leave. “I’m really sorry Elena. I think it would be best.”

Elena said nothing, just played with the CD cover, desperately thinking of a way to make him stay but coming up blank. Jay continued walking and Elena didn’t move, staring at the table, fighting the tears, and feeling the vastness of the crowded café as she sat there alone, abandoned.

When Monday came, Elena stopped at Sebastien’s on her way to school. As they trudged through the snow, Elena gave him an idea of the conversation she had with Jay. She didn’t mention the awful birthday night, just the news of Jay leaving
-
leaving her and New York.

“Sorry Elena, but the guy’s an idiot. If I really cared about my girlfriend, there is no way I would break up with her simply because I had to go away for a couple of months.
”

“I guess he didn’t want to leave me hanging.”

Sebastien shook his head. “How can you defend him?”

“I love him, Seb. I can’t let it go so easily. I feel like I’ve done something wrong and I need to fix it.”

“
T
hat’s him making you feel like it’s your fault. But it’s not. Trust me, if I loved someone, I would move mountains to be with her. Anyway, what is so special about him? You could do so much better!”

“You don’t know him like I do. He’s tender and caring.”

“Right!
Let me get this straight. He lied to you about his past. He didn’t speak to you for three weeks over
winter break
, didn’t give you credit for co-writing songs with him and then dumped you for his supposed career.
Real sensitive.
He’s my hero.” 

“Don’t speak about him like that. You’re destroying all the moments that we had, making it sound like our relationship was trivial.
That I meant nothing to him.
It wasn’t like that. It can’t have been like that.”

“I’m sorry
,
Elena. I don’t want to see you blame yourself because you broke up. It happens. It doesn’t make you a failure. It makes him an idiot,” he said. He placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in, while she sniffed back her tears.

“I’m sick of crying,” she said shaking off his arm. “Have you learned your lines for
Jane Eyre
yet?”

“
Yeees
.”

“How’s basketball going?”

“Great. I’m aiming for top scorer this year. I like to shoot from the outside then get into it in the key with all those big guys ready to take me down. Even I feel small in comparison.”

Elena sniffed but still managed a small smile.

“Are you going to the party on Saturday?” he asked.

“Don’t know. I didn’t have much fun last time.”

“Oh go on. I’ll pick you up if you want and we can leave when you get bored.”

“The party is in the opposite direction
from
my place.”

“Oh yeah, my girlfriend
’s
coming
past in a cab to pick me up.”

“Charming Seb.
I am sure your girlfriend would love to pick me up, too. I might see if I can go with Veronika and stay at her place. I’m not really into the idea, though.” She wondered if Jay would be there. It was too soon. She had to at least pretend that she didn’t think about him. 

Forty-four

It was now the end of March and
s
pring was in the air. There were only a couple of months left to the end of year showcase and Elena approached her rehearsals with determination. She had to make it a success. She would feel like a complete failure otherwise
,
especially with Jay abandoning her
. Mondays were always the hardest, as
Jane Eyre
rehearsals were followed by
Love in the Cafeteria
rehearsals.

“Doing well
,
Elena,” Sebastien said. “Just don’t forget, you’re in love with me, okay?”

“It’s so exhausting!” Elena said
.

“The play or being in love with me?”

“Very funny.”

“Don’t relax too much, our scene is up next.”

“Ready, Elena?” Mr. Harding asked. “Do you need a break?”

“No, all go
o
d
,” she replied, took a deep breath and started on the next scene with Sebastien.

“Oh Edward, how could you ever think I would stop loving you?” Elena
-
as
-
Jane, said, standing above a seated Sebastien, stroking his face. “But I must leave or my heart will break. You have a wife.”

“But she is my wife only in name. She has been crazy the last ten years. I care for her and make sure she is as safe and healthy, but she is no longer here with us,” he replied, grasping her hand. “Please don’t leave me.”

“I must,” she cried, pulling
herself
away and fleeing the stage.

“Fantastic
,
kids!” Mr. Harding said.
“Really great job.
We can leave it there for today.”

“Thank God!”  Elena said. “I’m exhausted!”

“Round two,” Sebastien said as he dragged her to their next rehearsal.

“At least this play is more fun!”

“Look alive, Elena,” Veronika said as she entered the small room with Sebastien.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Despite her fatigue, Elena felt rejuvenated when rehearsing with this group. Everyone was a little bit crazy, from Veronika as the director, to the other cast members. But Leon was also in the play and Elena always expected Frankie to turn up any minute to throw in her dose of poison, but she never did.

They went through the slapstick scene
where
each couple is trying to hide their secret from the other couples who all happen to be at the same art gallery opening. It was quite physical as they moved behind props and timed their entries and exits to just miss each other. It was also incredibly fun especially when they
got it wrong
and
ended up in a mess, talking to the wrong person.
Two hours later, Veronika was clapping excitedly. “Brilliant! Let’s call it a wrap!”

“
Thank God! I’m starving,” Elena exclaimed.

“Snack time!”
Sebastien said.

Veronika, Sebastien, Elena and Leon walked down to their regular diner
for a snack.

“Burger and fries for me,” Elena said to the waitress.

“Thai
b
eef salad,” Veronika said.

“Pizza
,”
the boys called out.

“So Leon, I noticed Frankie was missing from the scene. Did she lose the leash?” Veronika said.

“I deserved that,” he replied. “I can’t even believe what I agreed to do for her last year. But we’ve come to a new agreement and are giving each other a little space.”

Veronika arched her eyebrow.

“And I have to keep her posted on everything at the end of each day, OK? I spend a lot of time at her place anyway.”

“That killed any integrity you may have gained,” Veronika said.

“Hey, he’s a guy. He does what he has to,” Sebastien said, earning him stern looks from both Elena and Veronika.

“But I have to tell you, the
Macbeth
rehearsals are insane! Letitia can’t remember her lines and she keeps correcting the teacher! I swear she’s going to get kicked off,” Leon told them laughing. “It’s almost impossible to take it seriously!”

“What about Frankie?” Elena asked.

“I feel bad for her. She’s a much better actress than Letitia but won’t stand up for herself. People think Letitia is cool, so Frankie feels like she owes her something for letting her tag along. I don’t know how to shake her out of it.”

“Hey Sebastien, aren’t you supposed to be cool?” Elena asked.

“Good point. I should probably wear my dark
sun
glasses around you,” he replied earning him a slap on the hand from Elena. “I hang out with whoever I want. Yeah I get invited to all the parties, but they’re all the same. Fun sometimes, but they get old.”

“Some of these parties get really wild,” Leon said. “I have to admit, it’s nice to be invit
ed, but I worry about
Frankie  -
she seems to be out of control, drinking to excess and I think she’s even started experimenting with cocaine.
She’
s
already been to rehab for her drinking. Obviously it didn’t work too well.
It’s too much for me. I mean I want to have fun sometimes, but I also want to be able to hold myself up at the end of the night and remember what happened.”

“Wow, I never thought Frankie would go there,” Elena said, picking at her fries. “I thought that I was her only problem but it seems, even without me, she’s miserable.”

“Somewhere along the line she decided she wasn’t good enough. Maybe it was her parents fussing over her older sister with her modeling contract. Maybe it was Letitia’s probabl
e
record deal. I don’t know but all her confidence and self-esteem just vanished! She was the most amazing person I ever met but can’t make her see that,” Leon said.

“I guess she has to work it out for herself,” Elena replied.

“Yeah, I’m sure Letitia is boosting her ego by the second,” Veronika added.

“You really care about her, don’t you Leon?” Elena asked.

“Yeah.
Love makes you do crazy things.”

“You mean sex,” Sebastien interjected with a mischievous grin on his face.

Elena thought about Jay. She loved him and she knew he cared about her and yet they weren’t together. Leon put up with a lot to be with Frankie. Maybe she just wasn’t fighting hard enough.

“How is everything else, Leon?” Elena asked.

“Grades are
steady but
my parents are
n’t
happy.
I still have time to pick them up.
I also got the part of one of the disciples in the school musical
theatre
production of
Jesus Christ Superstar.
Letitia is Mary Magdalene.”

“I bet she’d make a great Mary Magdalene, up to the point where she has to be sorry for what she’s done,” Veronika said as they all laughed.

“Frankie’s part of the ensemble,” Leon added quietly.

“What? Frankie is brilliant at musical
theatre
,” Elena said.

Leon merely shrugged.

“How about you guys? I feel like I’m the only one talking,” Leon said.

“That’s because you have all the gossip we don’t know about,” Veronika replied.

They all then updated Leon with what had been going on, including all about Anya and Darius. For a while there, it felt like they had the old Leon back. Elena wished she could have him as her friend
all
the time.

Elena missed Jay terribly. He never called her. It was like she no longer existed. Sometimes she caught glimpses of him at school, but they were always brief.