Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman (22 page)

But when I finally got back to her in the laundry room, she was laying there hogtied with a completely blank expression. I was expecting her to be insanely turned-on and ready for a spanking and a big fat kiss.  But she was just lying there.  Clearly, something was up.

My first thought was that something was going on with her physically.  Maybe she had been chained up too long and was completely numb or something. I ran several scenarios through my head but none of them added up to the way she was looking.  “Oh, Baby. Are you ok?” I inquired. But she didn’t answer.  Clearly, there wasn’t a single hint of sexual energy coming from her, no charge of any kind. The one thing that was clearly present in her was a foreboding sense of indifference. It was completely unlike her to ever be anything but beaming with full emotional expression.  So to see her like this gave me a pit in my stomach. Something was definitely up… and it wasn’t good. God, I just wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her I loved her.  I couldn’t wait to get her out of those chains. I wanted to cuddle with her and warm her with a solid connection. 

I asked another time, “What’s wrong?” But it was like I was invisible… persona non grata.  Realizing she was obviously still in the game, I changed tack with, “That was some kind of a crazy day I had.”  Instantly, she jolted back to reality and demanded in a icy, sterile tone, “Unchain me and get these handcuffs off me.” Absolutely destroyed by her tone, I began babbling sheepishly as I started to unlock her, “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m getting you out right now.  What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Can you share with me?”

Once she was free, she stood up, stretched out her aching muscles and then bolted past me without a sound. Ok. Now I understood. She was enraged at me.  I scrambled to keep up with her as she headed toward the front door; “Can you share with me what’s wrong? Let’s talk about this, Regina.”  But she wasn’t going to let me in at all and marched right out the door without uttering a word or giving me the slightest inkling of what had ticked her off.  She took off without ever even looking back at me.  Like I said, persona non grata.  FUCK ME.

The pit in my stomach swelled over my whole body and grew until I exploded in tears. What had happened? She loved to be treated badly. Why was she suddenly livid with me? What could I have possibly done that was that bad to elicit such a dramatic reaction? 

Then if flashed on me.  It must have been something with Victoria!  All these possible causes raced through my head. Had I said something to Victoria that Regina somehow overheard and was offended by?  Had I broken some unspoken promise by sharing about my new relationship? Maybe I had outted Regina as a lesbian when she wasn’t ready for that yet.

My mind kept racing to figure it out. Maybe I had outted her kink and wasn’t supposed to. What the fuck had I said? Or maybe I had forgotten that she had to leave at a certain time and left her too long. No. That wasn’t it.  Was she jealous that I had Victoria over? Did Regina think that I was too chummy with Victoria? As that thought crossed my mind, I started remembering back to her mood and tone. In retrospect, it completely felt like jealousy… a slighted lover. Crap. This was bad!

After waiting several agonizing minutes to allow time for Regina to travel home, I started calling to try to reach her.   Nothing. I tried texting and emailing saying, “I really need to speak with you. I love you.”  Nothing. Her lack of response felt like I was buried alive and suffocating in a coffin.

Feeling more desperate, I texted her, “We have too much invested in each other to cut it off in a single instant.  We owe it to ourselves to talk this through. We owe it to our hearts.”

Again, it was an excruciating black hole!  Shit.  I decided to take a shower. Feeling the hot water pour over my head, along with the repetitive water sound, tends to clear my head and pull me off a ledge.  But when I got in the water and exposed myself to those healing negative ions, I still felt buried alive. I left the shower to text her one more thought I had: “
One of our rules we set up was not to play emotional games in with our relationship
.”

The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t stand that she was playing this non-communication game.  My suffocation feeling turned toward anger. I thought, “Ok, maybe I screwed up somehow, but that doesn’t make the silent treatment okay. We had a freaking rule.”

I hopped back in the shower to try again. But my mind was still a swirling mess of sorrow, confusion, anger, and deep yearning.  All of the sudden, my phone started ringing!! Holy shit!   I jumped out of the shower and sprung for the phone. Sure enough, it was Regina calling. I stood there sopping wet for the conversation that went like this:

ME

Regina!

REGINA

(Clearly under emotional strain)

We had another rule, didn’t we?

ME

Regina. Thanks so much for calling!  What other rule?

REGINA

Think about it.

ME

No playing games. That’s all I remember.

REGINA

And no third parties in our slave game… EVER!

ME

Oh. Of course. But…

REGINA

Victoria was a third party.

ME

What? She just stopped by to catch up.

REGINA

While we were in the middle of a sexy scene with each other!

ME

Regina?  Really?  Are you really thinking I violated the rule by having Victoria over?

REGINA

I was chained up as your sexual slave. There was a third party involved.

ME

But she wasn’t involved. In fact, I ended up telling her that you were my life-long soulmate and sexual fantasy come true and that you were chained up in the laundry room. She really wanted to see you to check if I was lying or not.  But I told her I would never in a million years break that trust I have with you. I would never involve a third person like that. 

REGINA

She was involved.

ME

I feel terrible. I didn’t think you would take it that way.

REGINA

Feel that way? It’s like you don’t accept the fact that a third person was involved. Fuck.

ME

Regina. I swear to God I had no idea having Victoria over would bother you or be breaking the third party rule. I was just so excited to finally share with someone about our relationship. It felt good to admit that I am in love with you.  I think I needed to get it out into the open. I’m really in love with you.

There was a big, long pause from Regina’s side. I was starting to get really cold from standing naked and dripping.  The conversation continued:

ME

I must say
, I was actually getting really turned on that you were chained up as my slave while I was casually having lunch with a friend.  Isn’t that what you want in your sexual fantasies? Don’t you love the idea that you could be tied up and helpless while I am having a relaxing lunch as I completely “ignore” you? I thought it would be hot for you. You know, my slave isn’t worthy of being at my lunch and has to wait to suffer alone until I’m good and ready to stop her punishment. I swear, I was getting turned on by that idea and I thought you would too.

REGINA

Maybe that could be hot if I had agreed to it in advance.

ME

So it was the surprise that bothered you?

REGINA

Fuck if I know.  I just felt
stupid.

ME

I’m really sorry, Regina.  Do you think you would have felt differently if you had previously
met Victoria?

REGINA

I
dunno.

ME

Is it because she’s a girl? How would you have felt if I had my office buddy Pete over for lunch instead?

REGINA

(Thinking pause)

Maybe that wouldn’t bother me as much.

But I would still want to know in advance.

ME

I’m really sorry, Regina.  I guess I didn’t think it through very well. I swear I never meant to make you feel bad or
violate your trust by bringing in a third person.

REGINA

When we play the game, emotions are heightened.  As your slave, I feel a hundred times more vulnerable.  I started playing all these head trips on myself that you were flirting with Victoria the whole time and that I was the butt of a joke.

ME

Oh no. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me that I don’t feel anything like that for her!!  Nothing at all!! We have been buddies forever. That’s all it could ever be.  Do you believe me?

REGINA
Yes. I believe you. I realize you didn’t know it would upset me.

(Thinking a moment)

I want to meet her.

ME

Ok. I’ll arrange something. You’ll see that we merely have camaraderie and a history. Nothing else. I swear.

REGINA

It’s ok. I’m ok now, Meg.  Well, except that my face is all puffy and red from crying so much.

ME

Mine too.
  I love you, Regina.

REGINA

I love you t
oo.

(
Long pause)

Can I whip you?

ME

Whip me? You mean in the game?

REGINA

No. I want to whip Meg, not the Mistress.

ME

You want to whip me?

REGINA

Yes.

ME

Ok. You can.

REGINA

Leave a key under the mat and handcuff yourself to the bed
with your bottom up.

ME

Jesus. You mean right now.

REGINA

I need some catharsis.

ME

Ok. So, you’re going to come over to whip Meg?

But the call went dead. She had hung up on me. Never have I been so happy to have someone hang up on me.  We were going to be ok. We worked it all out. I felt like I could fly! 

I dried myself off as fast as I could and put a key under the mat.  I raced to my bedroom, found my new corset and put it on, and laced it as best as I could by myself. It was pretty tight, but nothing like the feeling when Regina had done it.  I handcuffed my wrists together to the lower headboard railing. My ass was exposed as she had requested. 

Can you say rollercoaster of emotions? That was the big fight and it looked like make-up sex was up next.  Then there was this whole confusion a
bout our slave game.  Clearly, she was going to dominate me. Did that mean she was no longer going to be my slave? Did that mean the roles had completely reversed in a single instant?  Even though I was excited to see what was going to happen, I really wasn’t ready to give up my slave. I wasn’t ready to stop topping her. Like I said, rollercoaster city.

I heard the front door open and I felt myself literally dripping with anticipation. I was super turned on to have myself exposed like that. I was so curious.

Regina came into the room, not saying a word. No bright smiles or forgiving expression.  She just looked at me coldly. But it wasn’t the same sterile expression she had when she was chained up and emotionally wounded.  This cold stare was full of emotion that read, “Hey you, Girl – The one in the corset; now you are going to pay.”

I really couldn’t believe this was all happening.  She went to my closet and pulled out a plain leather belt, then stood over me menacingly. Even though my face was down, I could feel her staring at me. Still, she didn’t say a word.