Only Yesterday (43 page)
So they sit, our comrades, and talk about themselves and about others, about the parched sun in Jerusalem and about the big sea in Jaffa, about the sweat and about the sand, about the Distribution and about work and about Judea and about the Galilee, about Jerusalem and about Jaffa.
That day, Isaac left his work and took a holiday to show his comrades Jerusalem. He showed them anything and everything. The shining lighthouse built especially to see the sun rise from its top and the houses and the courtyards that don’t see the light of the sun. The Tiferet Israel Synagogue whose roof was built by the donation of the Austrian Emperor, and the four synagogues of the Sephardim and the cave where Elijah the Prophet was discovered. The Beth El Synagogue and the ruin of Rabbi Judah the Hasid. The Yeshivas and the Karaite Synagogue, and needless to say, the Western Wall, the remnant of our ancient splendor. And before Isaac led our comrades in-side the Old City walls, they visited the streets of the Bukharans and the houses of the Yemenites, the Bezalel art school and Ben-Yehuda. Mrs. Hamda Ben-Yehuda treated them nicely and showed them the table she brought to Ben-Yehuda in prison, and she also showed them the big cabinet where the entire Hebrew language was gathered in, from, In the beginning God created, to the words she herself created. A lot of things there are in Jerusalem, the eye is not filled with seeing.
The two days Isaac spent with his comrades seemed to him like one long holiday. As he led his comrades through the streets of Jerusalem, Isaac felt how fine that city was. What is Jaffa, and even the sea of Jaffa. Jerusalem is unique, for all the space in the world, he wouldn’t have changed his dwelling here for any other city. Suddenly, his heart clenched, like a person who has to go on an urgent journey. Why do I have to go, and where do I have to go, Isaac asked himself. And before he replied to his own questions, he knew he had to go down to Jaffa and see Sonya, for as long as he hadn’t finished his business with her, he wasn’t free. Why do I have to be free, Isaac asked himself. And before he replied to his question, he shifted his mind from the trip and started thinking about Shifra, as if he had already finished all his business with Sonya and was permitted to think about Shifra. And since he was permitted to think about Shifra, he thought about her, as if Sonya didn’t exist. Since he recalled her, he said to himself, Tomorrow or the day after, I’ll go to Jaffa and finish my business with her.
c h a p t e r t w e n t y - t w o
From Place to Place
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As usual on most summer Sabbaths, Isaac kept to his room because of the dust and because the restaurants of Jerusalem are locked to customers. He ate what he ate and drank what he drank, things that bore a person’s kidneys, stretched out on his bed and took himself off to another place. He began imagining the room where he was born and the room where his mother died and the room where he lived before he ascended to the Land. And for every single room, he recalled what happened there, until he came to think about the na-ture of time.
Time is divided into several times, past, present, and future. Past and future are two definite periods separated from time as one thing is separate from another, but the past has a beginning and an end, while the future has no end. He who is confident looks forward to what is to come, he who is not confident worries about his future. The optimist forgets the past, the pessimist doesn’t forget the past. But the present, even though it is separate from time, is not really time, but is the median between past and future and supports and is supported by what was before it and what will be after it. Now I’ll come back to my starting point, to my city and my place. What is my city doing at this moment? At this moment, my city is waking up from the Sabbath sleep and drinking something hot or something cold, tea or fruit juice, and eating cakes filled with fruit or with sweet cheese and raisins. After they have eaten and drunk, they put on Sabbath clothes and go in a group to the forest and sit in the shade of trees and fear neither the dust nor the sun. Afterward, they go back to their houses and from the cellar they bring up jars and pitchers of sour milk and
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sour cream, and they eat the Third Meal and drink cold sour milk before and after.
Isaac lies on his bed and in his heart he accompanies the people of his city. Flies and mosquitoes come. He shoos away the mosquitoes and the flies, and all kinds of thoughts come. Isaac ruminates about things he has already pondered and doesn’t want to think about. And here, here in the Land of Israel, a person sees neither sour milk nor sour cream, neither butter nor cheese (for the children of Israel were not yet producing dairy products in the Land of Israel). Once, Isaac was in Rishon LeTsion. He caught cold and feared for his throat. He asked for a glass of warm milk. He saw the landlady giving the infant tea mixed with egg yolk instead of milk because there was no milk there. And the Arabs’ butter is full of hair and filth, and their cheese is hard as a rock, and its smell—washed goat hide smells better. And even if they scald it with boiling water to get out the filth, its smell doesn’t go away.
Isaac shuts his eyes but doesn’t really shut them, like a per-son who shuts the window and leaves a little crack open, and once again he looks over his city and the forest of his city and the trees in the forest. Hordes of mosquitoes come and assault his eyes. When he shoos away the mosquitoes, hordes of thoughts come and with them Jaffa with Sonya. Says Isaac to himself, It looks like I’ve got to go down to Jaffa. That thought started rattling in him, and he knew there was no way of getting out of the trip, that he had to finish his business with Sonya, for as long as he didn’t finish with her he seemed tied up. And when Isaac saw that there was no way of getting out of the trip, he put his head on the pillow and shut his eyes. But sleep didn’t come. He put on his clothes and went out.
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A white hot sun turns white over the city and inflames the dust. No bird chirps, no bird flies, all the streets are silent and mute, you don’t even hear the hum of the telegraph poles. And packs of filthy dogs are lying prostrate, and flies and mosquitoes are dancing between their eyes. If Isaac veers toward the houses, bad smells come out of them, if he veers toward the street, carcasses of cats and mice stink.
He walks in the middle, and the sticks in the roads smite his feet. Isaac walks without knowing where he will go. So, he goes to the Peo-ple’s Center. In the People’s Center they are busy arranging benches and tables, for on Saturday night, Falk Shpaltleder will lecture on Peretz’s folk tales. And because the organizers don’t need him, Isaac withdraws. He plods along to Jaffa Road. The shops are locked because of the Sabbath and the houses are closed because of the heat, and the whole street is like a wasteland with no inhabitants. He turned and went to Jaffa Gate. As he went so he came back. And as he came back, once again he didn’t know where he wanted to go. In fact, Isaac did know where he wanted to go. But an iron wall stops him. It’s strange, he’s from Galicia and Shifra is from Hungary and the Lord summoned them to Jerusalem, and he can’t get to her. Since the day he knew Reb Fayesh’s house, Isaac hadn’t seen as clearly as at that hour how far he was from there. And after all, sometimes Rebbeca was nice to him, but even when she was nice to him she was thinking, How many saintly men and women live in my neighborhood and the Holy-One-Blessed-Be-He didn’t find anyone to be gracious to a sick man except Isaac. And Shifra, what does she think? Shifra’s heart is blocked like a virgin and she doesn’t think of Isaac. If her father told her, Go and marry him, she wouldn’t have refused. Now that he is bereft of his words and doesn’t say anything, who is she to think about Isaac.
In his mind’s eye Isaac reviewed everything that happened to him. He wanted to ascend to the Land of Israel and he ascended. He thought he was alone and Sonya was given to him. And here he skipped over everything that happened to him until his mind came to Shifra. He thought and walked and as he walked he came to Meah Shearim.
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Meah Shearim is vanquished by the sun and steam rises from every house and every courtyard, and in every room and on every bed a per-son is dozing. Balconies overhang the windows, and women’s kerchiefs and men’s cloaks are spread out on them because of the heat, and the sleepers of the Sabbath are resting from the annoying heat
and from the Sabbath food. And the entire town seems to be sleeping the sleep of the Sabbath, and the Sabbath itself is also sleeping. And if not for the sound of the study houses twittering and reciting the Tractate Shabbat and the Tractate Aboth, you would think the Eternal Sabbath had arrived. Isaac enters a study house to hide from the sun. There he found Ephraim the plasterer sitting with a group of children and reciting Psalms with them.
Ephraim had no children, but he did have many troubles, and every single trouble that came to him, he shook his head and got rid of it. Every midnight he gets out of bed and walks around Meah Shearim and calls and wakes people to serve the Creator, and every day he does his work, and half of every cent he earns he gives to holy things. With that money he rented himself a prayer room and hired a preacher to study the portion of the week in public. And since a person has to do repair by himself, aside from the things he does with his money, on the Sabbath afternoon Ephraim gathers little boys from the street and recites Psalms with them. And since the little ones are little and don’t know how sweet are the songs and paeans David King of Israel recited to the Holy-One-Blessed-Be-He, Ephraim attracts them with sweets, and after every book they finish he gives them candy.
Ephraim stands before the children and recites Psalms with them. He reads a verse and they read a verse. Ephraim reads, I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord. And they read, Our feet shall stand within thy gates, O Jerusalem. And he snatches the words and savors them in his mouth as if he suddenly felt that he too was worthy to stand in Jerusalem, and he repeats the verse a few times. Isaac looks at him and Ephraim notices him. He hunches his shoulders and looks at him affectionately, and repeats in a beautiful melody, Our feet shall stand within thy gates, O Jerusalem. Jerusalem is builded as a city that is compact together. Isaac felt that he was keeping the children from reciting Psalms, for they were looking at him and not looking at the book. He withdrew. Isaac hesitated in the courtyard. He looked at the announcements and proclamations and warnings and at the posters to stir souls and at posters of excommunication and at the memorial
stones, and read the names of the donors who donated money for the building, or to restore the house. Some of those tablets he had re-painted. And so he ambled from one wall to another and from one door to another, with neither wish nor will. At last, he went into a study house as they were reciting the afternoon prayer. Bent before the Ark an old man was intoning the prayer, You are One and Your Name is One. The sun was declining and the study house was filled with darkness. The congregation finished the afternoon prayer and sat down and sang, O Lord my strength, until it was time for the evening prayer. After the prayer, Isaac left the study house and went wherever it was he went, and as he went he came to the valley of Beit Israel west of the Hungarian quarter.
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The sky above is bereft of light and the earth below is so quiet that Isaac heard the sound of his own footsteps swallowed up in the silence and falling of the rocks. From the distant houses steeped in gloom sparks of light are twinkling. They have already celebrated the end of the Sabbath with wine, and the women are lighting fires to heat water. Isaac looked toward the lighted windows, but in his heart he contemplated things that have nothing to do with those houses or those windows, about his trip to Jaffa and about Sonya, who he had to finish his affairs with, and about his father, who chastised him that the time had come to take a wife, and about Yudele, who wants to ascend to the Land of Israel, and about thoughts that come to you on their own.
And so Isaac walks around in a gloomy land under a sky bereft of light. And between heaven and earth, moving like living clouds, is a herd of goats that came to the Jews’ neighborhoods to be milked. The goats follow the goatherd and watch for the women who will come and relieve them of their milk. The goatherd kneels and milks into the women’s jars and the fragrance of warm milk wafts among the rocks like the fragrance of field and village.
A girl came holding a jar. Isaac called in a whisper, Shifra. Shifra raised her head and was amazed. Who said, Shifra, and who called her by name on this night when you can’t see your comrade
in front of you. Her ears must have deceived her, even though she clearly heard someone calling her. Isaac called again, Shifra. Shifra lifted her eyes and looked in front of her.
Said Isaac, A good week, Shifra. Shifra replied in a whisper, A good and blessed week. And out of the sleepy darkness Shifra’s sweet essence sparkled. Never had she been so close to his heart and never did his heart hum like that. His body trembled and he almost fell down. He held out his hand and said, From heaven were you summoned here. Shifra raised her eyes upward. The sky was black and coils of gloom rolled from the firmament to the earth, and not a trace of anything was heard there. Her soul grew frightened and her spirit was faint. She lowered her eyes to the jar in her hand and said, I came out to buy an ounce of milk for Father, and she lifted the jar to Isaac and said, I’m in a hurry to bring the milk to Father. Isaac put his hand on his heart and said, If only I could talk with you. Shifra stood in amazement, Here he is talking with me and finally he says, If only I could talk with you. Amazed as she was, she wanted to hear more.
His strength gave out and his heart struggled to come out. He feared that if he were silent, Shifra would go away and leave him. He pulled himself together and said, Is that the only reason you’re in a hurry? Shifra had already forgotten what she had said at first and waited for him to say something to her, maybe his words would relieve her a bit. Said Isaac, I know what’s in your heart, Shifra. His words frightened her, for she saw that Isaac knew the secret she hid even from herself. She lowered her head and dropped her eyes and her ears flamed as if they were on fire, and they heard not a trace of a word. She wanted to comprehend but didn’t.
Isaac stood still and was sorry, for all the days he hadn’t seen Shifra he had talked with her in his heart, and now that she appeared before him he was silent. Such a moment of opportunity won’t fall into his hands again. If Isaac stands still and is silent, she’ll go away and she won’t come back, and he’s got a lot of things to tell her. And if not now—when?
The Holy-One-Blessed-Be-He took pity on Isaac and did not send Shifra away from him. But if the Holy-One-Blessed-Be-He took
pity on Isaac, He did not take pity on Shifra. He took away the strength of her legs and slackened her arms so that even the little ounce of milk she bought for her sick father started quaking and pouring out of the jar. Shifra lifted her eyes and looked grudgingly at Isaac who was blocking her way like that darkness that closed in on her.
The Lord saw her troubled soul and put words in Isaac’s mouth. He talked about anything and everything. Things he didn’t want to say and things he did want to say. He told about his father and his mother, about his brothers and his sisters. Then he started telling about himself, about the days he had spent in his hometown and the days in the Land of Israel.
Shifra was agitated. Even if Isaac had talked with her about things in general, she would have been agitated, but how much more agitated she was that he told her such personal things. As if everything she knew up to that time was nothing compared to those things she heard from Isaac. Isaac suddenly groaned and said, Tomorrow I’ll go to Jaffa.
Shifra heard and was amazed. Why did he have to go to Jaffa, and if he did go—so what? Shifra hesitated and didn’t find any reply. Shifra asked Isaac, Is it hard for you to leave Jerusalem? As soon as she asked, she regretted, lest he think she was sorry he was going. Between him and her, he took the jar from her hand and took her hand in his. Shifra pulled her hand out in panic, for never in her life had she given her hand to a boy, and she took the jar and went on her way. Isaac watched her as she went down to the valley and climbed up on the rocks and disappeared in the dell and appeared on the hill and once again disappeared until she disappeared and he didn’t see her again.
Isaac was sorry she had gone before he could tell her all that was in his heart. And even though he had spoken a lot with her, the most important things he hadn’t said. Isaac stood like a person who has entered a dark house and wants to light a candle but his matches have fallen out of his hand. He started groping forward, once he veered to the right and once to the left. And even though it was dark, he saw her, as if she were walking in front of him and he were still holding her hand, and all the things she said stirred his heart seven—
fold than when she talked with him. And even though she went on her way and was far from him, he knew she was close to him. He picked up his feet and took two or three steps. It seemed to him that she hadn’t gone so far and he started running after her. And he didn’t know that she had already gone far away, and that creature he saw walking wasn’t a human being, but a stray dog. Isaac didn’t see that it was a dog, but the dog saw Isaac. And when he saw him he barked at him. And when he barked at him, his mind became confused and his thoughts flew away.
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At that time, Shifra went home. She recalled what she had done and was shocked. She looked all around. Not because she was afraid her neighbors had seen her talking with a man, but because her whole world had changed. She stood still and lifted up her eyes to ask mercy for herself and forgiveness for that transgression and she wanted to swear that she wouldn’t repeat her acts. And she saw that the firmament was silent, and calm was spread over the earth. Calm came into her heart and she knew they weren’t angry with her. But she still wasn’t reconciled with herself, for he had talked to her and she had answered him. She resolved to ignore this thing and uproot it from her heart and not to run into him ever again. And she immediately began running with all her might lest he come back. And even though she knew that if he talked she wouldn’t listen to him, even so she was scared lest a few of his words would reach her ears, for even now that he was far away from her, his words pounded in her ears. She felt her ears, which were blazing like embers, and said, Thus far and no farther. And if he comes to our house, I’ll go out of the house and leave him. Let him talk with Mother, let him take care of Fa-ther, let him do what he wants, with me he won’t talk.
As she said that, another thought came into her heart that was better than the first. I won’t leave the house, but on the contrary, I’ll sit down and do my work as if he weren’t there. And if he says something to me, I’ll answer him, but from my answer he will learn that he isn’t important to me. Meanwhile I’ll take my revenge on him for that shame he has caused me. And in her mind’s eye, she already saw
him coming in and saying Good evening. When she seemed to hear his voice, her heart was stunned in her and she knew she wasn’t strong enough to resist him, for even now when she didn’t see him face to face, her decisions were canceled and everything she had decided to do she didn’t do, she didn’t leave the house and she didn’t say things that would show him he wasn’t wanted. But praise be the name of the Lord that all the ways of the hated one were only in a vision. And praise be the name of the Lord that she had already reached her house and didn’t have to be afraid, for her mother defended her.
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