Only Yesterday (38 page)
nests, nor the paints he used to paint his bed, until he threw it out and made himself a bed of cans like most of our other comrades in the Land of Israel) and two more upright boxes served as a table and closet. But Isaac is a bachelor, and as long as a man is a bachelor. . . Who’s coming? Shifra? And in fact, as he had guessed, so it was. Shifra came in and brought bread and salt and a knife, and Reb Fayesh came in behind her, with his hands washed. For it was Reb Fayesh’s habit when he came in to eat to dip his hand outside and Shifra comes and brings him bread and salt and a knife and he sits down and eats. Reb Fayesh made a blessing on the bread and sliced it and sighed and ate, closing his eyes and directing the intention of a served table to rise and repair the sparks that fell into the sin of the First Adam and were swallowed in the heart of the dust. Isaac looked at him and saw that he was enraged, and didn’t know that the thrust of the host’s rage was the guest. The day Isaac came the second time, Reb Fayesh was already annoyed, and now that he came a third time he was enraged. Anyone who knows how fond the Children of Israel are of the Commandment of hospitality will be amazed at Reb Fayesh’s rigor, but anyone who knows Reb Fayesh won’t be amazed. Even if Isaac were an ordinary Polak, Reb Fayesh wouldn’t be easy about him, but especially since Isaac wore short jackets and a freethinker’s hat on his head and didn’t grow sidelocks and a beard. Even though a razor hadn’t passed over it for a few days, you could see on his face that he was clean-shaven. Even those who are more moder-ate than Reb Fayesh aren’t easy with fellows like Isaac, and especially Reb Fayesh, who regarded all those wearing short jackets as criminals.
Shifra came back in and brought her father a cooked meal and a spoon to eat it. For Reb Fayesh, anything that was not ab-solutely necessary was a luxury and a person who guards his soul will keep away from it; therefore Reb Fayesh gave orders in his house not to bring him any utensil unless he needed it, a knife for bread and a spoon for food. Reb Fayesh took a spoonful of soup and said something to Shifra. Since he spoke in the Hungarian tongue, and Isaac didn’t know the Hungarian tongue, he didn’t pay any heed to the words. If he had been in control of his eyes and they weren’t gazing at Shifra’s face, he would have recognized from the way the host
twisted his lips that he meant him. Meanwhile, Isaac sat and pondered, If I were clever, I would have worn the long coat I brought from my hometown. It’s hanging in my room on the peg and no one enjoys it except the spiders who spin their homes on it.
Meanwhile, Shifra left and Reb Fayesh finished his meal. He shook the crumbs out of his beard, put the knife away, and drummed his fingers on the table. Shifra came and brought him the fingerbowl and a towel. He dipped his hands and closed his eyes, and said, By the rivers of Babylon, in a sad, lamenting melody. Finally, he recited verses of thanks and blessed the food in a melody of supplication. After he recited the blessing, Shifra came and removed the cloth. Reb Fayesh said something to her. Isaac didn’t know the Hungarian tongue, but he recognized that he wasn’t wanted here. He stood up and left.
The sound of a dog shouting Arf Arf Arf was heard. The hair of Isaac’s beard stood on end for he hadn’t shaved in honor of Reb Moyshe Amram and was sorry that Shifra saw him in disarray. Arf, Arf, Arf, the dog shouted again. Isaac recalled the dog on whose skin he had written Crazy Dog. He turned his face to Reb Fayesh’s house and said, Crazy Dog should have been written on you and your skin.
On the way, Isaac saw Reb Moyshe Amram walking with his wife. Isaac turned aside. Disha said to her husband, Look who’s walking here. Reb Moyshe Amram took off the new glasses and called, Isaac, you’re hiding from us. Said Isaac, I heard that you are about to go on a trip and I didn’t want to delay you. Said Reb Moyshe Amram, You heard right, we’re going to Meron. What did I want to tell you, many times I asked about you. I thought you were angry at me because of what I said to you. It’s impossible to talk here with a person and not offend him. Outside the Land, every Jew is a Jew. And if he’s strict about observing the Commandments, he’s called a kosher Jew. And if he’s very careful, he’s called a Saint. But here the whole community are holy people, and because of too much holiness in them, each person sees his fellow man as if he doesn’t fill his obligation, for holiness has no limit. How is your work? For thou shalt eat the labor of thine hands, says the Scripture, but plumb the depths of the Bible, Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine. And you are still without a wife.
The Lord will send you your mate. And so we’re leaving here. And I don’t know if I’ll see you again. As the proverb says, A mountain and a mountain will never meet, but a man and a man will, but my legs are like two mountains, and I too am like them. When I saw you on the ship, I didn’t like you, and now that I do like you, I am leaving here. Where are you, Disha? Here? And I thought you had left me and went on your way. The new glasses don’t want to get used to my eyes.
Back to Balak
I
Balak found rest for his body, but consolation for his soul he didn’t find. He was sorry about what had slipped away from under his feet and was not happy about what had come into his hands. The entire world was not worthwhile for him as was the place he was exiled from. Between one thing and another, he settled down among the nations and was melted among the Gentiles and defiled himself with the cooking of the heathens and his heart was numbed and he couldn’t distinguish between Jewish holiday and Christian holiday. But a convert for spite he didn’t become, and he would still wake up in the second watch of the night and shout properly, for in the sec-ond watch, dogs shout.
The evil men of Israel are like dogs. But the evil men of Is-rael sometimes repent and sometimes don’t repent. And even those who do repent don’t repent on their own, but repent because of the Shofar on the Day of Judgment, for when they hear the sound of the Shofar, they tremble in fear and dread, while Balak did repent on his own, and it was in the month of Tamuz when the Shofars are still sleeping that he decided to repent. He had enough of the goodness of the Gentiles and was fed up with them. That month when the An-gels of Destruction direct the sun, and because of its heat, offenses increase and sparks of purity succumb to the evil spirits, that month whose sign is Cancer, which engenders hot and bad air and all those who are afflicted with cancer are never cured, but will die of it, that month of Tamuz didn’t kill Balak’s heart, but on the contrary, Balak donned so much strength in it that he flung insolent words to the heavenly Cancer. What did Balak say, Cancer, Cancer, Crab, you
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311are full of legs and yet you recoil backwards, and I who have only four legs my whole desire is to go forward.
Balak was still lying on his belly and eating and drinking more than his fill. But he was willing to give it up and throw away all his pleasures. And when he looked at his belly bursting with too much food and pulling him down, he barked and said, My belly, my belly, you’ve got it good and I’ve got it bad. You fill yourself up while my mind flies away from me and becomes empty. His belly growls at him like an army drum, as if all the hosts of the Sultan came down on him in war. Balak pulls his tail between his legs and barks to himself and says, Wouldn’t it be better if this belly that stuffs itself on the food of pagans would enjoy the food of the Jews.
From too much thinking, his soul grew weary and he dozed off. The Lord of Dreams came to him and showed him things in his dream that he had thought about when he was awake. And when he woke up from his sleep, he didn’t know what was real here and what was a dream. And since he was tired from so much eating and drinking and so much sleep, his senses were lax about distinguishing things. To make a long story short, both awake and dreaming, and dreaming and awake, he saw himself coming and going in the houses of the children of Israel. Here he snatched a piece of Kugel and there they threw him a spoonful of Cholent. And they also tossed him unkosher slaughtered animals and unkosher food, for the Torah says, Ye shall cast it to the dogs, etc., for there weren’t yet many sinners in Is-rael eating unkosher slaughtered animals and unkosher food, who steal from the dog and eat what is his.
Balak was especially fond of the chickens called Kapores, with which the children of Israel atone for their sins, and they throw their guts on the roofs or in the courtyard. But even on other days, Balak didn’t lack anything. Sometimes he filled his belly with the dough they used as glue to paste up posters against the secular schools, and sometimes with the dough they used to paste up all other excoriations, for he pulled off the dough and ate it. Like those dogs mentioned by our Sages of Blessed Memory to illustrate the verse, Sin lieth at the door. There are dogs in Rome who can make a living cleverly. How? The dog goes and sits in front of the bakery
and pretends to doze off so the baker won’t be on guard against him, and so the baker dozes off for he trusts the dog, and the dog gets up and drops the bread on the ground, and by the time the baker gets up and picks up the loaves, the dog has already eaten and gone on his way.
But the Lord of Dreams who granted him good dreams at first turned away from him. When Balak entered the courtyard of Jews and stretched his mouth toward the guts of Kapores, a few strange four-legged birds came and snatched them away from him. He went to the posters and found them put up not with raw dough but with nails.
Balak didn’t heed his bad dreams, and resolved to return to Meah Shearim. But like that animal of the sign of Tamuz with many legs who retreats its body backward, so did his legs retreat him backward and postponed his return.
I
The days of heat were at their height, Jerusalem was enveloped in hunger and thirst and dust and all kinds of diseases, God Forbid, malaria, dysentery, and influenza were going around the city and all kinds of flies and mosquitoes and fleas and gnats sport with the blood of the children of Israel. A person sits in his house like a corpse without a family and without a grave, a person goes out to get medicine at the pharmacy, and by the time he stands before the pharmacist, a dust storm comes and covers both of them. And they stand facing one another like a heap of dust. This is the dust of Jerusalem that doesn’t cease throughout the days of heat.
There is no bad without good. This dust covered Balak’s skin and concealed his writing so that he looked just like any other dog. Balak had no calmer days than those days when Jerusalem was enveloped in dust and the children of Israel were weary from heat and thirst. Balak didn’t hate the children of Israel, but as he realized that when the children of Israel were depressed and despondent, they were dangerous, he rejoiced at their calamities and said, Those calamities know who deserves them and they visit those folks in abundance. And when he came upon a single Jew, he would bark at him
to scare him. Things had come to such a pass that once upon a time, there was a Jew from the Society of Libeshow, the most destitute of all societies, where a person’s entire income was no more than twenty Rubles a year, with which he bought for himself and his household a piece of herring as big as an olive, and Balak encountered him and barked at him. The pauper was scared and threw the herring away. And even though Balak was naturally disgusted by herring, which was all the rage in Jerusalem, nevertheless he poked around in it and refused to eat it just to spite the Jew. Lo and behold, said Balak, all the time I didn’t provoke the Jews, they irritated me, now that I provoke them, they are meek with me and don’t tease me. Balak knows he’s not acting nicely, but his evil instinct incites him to bark. What does the evil instinct tell him? They’re ingrates, they kick the chari-table and give Charity to those who do evil, show them your teeth and they’ll respect you. Not like your father who said, Be nice to folks, and not like your teachers who said, When the dog is trying to please folks and doesn’t bark what does a man say? I am the ruler over the animals, there’s something in my eyes that shuts up a dog’s mouth. And since he knows that there isn’t anything in his eyes that gives him dominion over the dogs, he flatters them and gives them whatever they need. And not like your mother who said, Endear yourself to folks and you won’t have to raise your voice in vain, but like Sam-mael who is called Dog and is in charge of Hell and shouts Arf Arf. Yet his heart shrieked at him, Will a mouth that ate their bread snap at the hand that feeds him?
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But in those days when he resolved to return to Meah Shearim, he taught himself to subdue his mouth and not to snap if he didn’t have to, but he just sat and considered what he would do and what he wouldn’t do. And when at last he came to that conclusion that he had come to many times already, that he had to go to Meah Shearim, he started finishing up his affairs and leaving place after place he had inhabited. Within a few days he was ready to go.
He went out of Jaffa Gate to Jaffa Road. And why didn’t he go through Nablus Gate, for that would have been shorter? But near
Nablus Gate are more than two hundred houses called the Houses of Nissim Bek. Georgians live there and Aleppans and Babylonians, and the Lord gave the Babylonians an angry heart and they can get angry at him and stop him, and the Aleppans who naturally go along with all folks will certainly join the Babylonians, not to mention the Georgians, who are ignorant of Torah and do what others do, because they think that’s what’s written in the books. Therefore, Balak chose to go through Jaffa Road, where there are banks and businesses, and human minds don’t have time for things that have no cash profit.
And so he went to Jaffa Road and turned neither left nor right, not to the Pool of Mamila and not to other places, but went straight ahead until he came to the bathhouse of the sect of the Sabbath Keepers. And when he came to the bathhouse of the sect of the Sabbath Keepers, he didn’t turn to Hotel Kamenetz to rummage in the garbage bins, nor did he turn aside to the Russian Compound to fool around with the monks, but went on the road that leads to Meah Shearim. He took one pace and went back two paces, he went back two paces and took half a pace, amazed that he was going and wasn’t afraid. With so many thoughts, he grew weary and sat down to rest. He thought perhaps he should go back the way he came and go to Meah Shearim some other day. Balak, who wasn’t one to dis-miss his thoughts, immediately turned his head back. His tail came and went in front of him. Balak picked himself up and went behind his tail. His head came and returned behind him. The long and short of it is, all of Balak’s reversals at that time happened all by themselves, as if his limbs ruled him and he didn’t rule them. He looked at them harshly but didn’t bark. His limbs sensed his anger and compromised with one another, and went back to walking until they reached Mus-rara, a place close to Meah Shearim. He saw a big house surrounded by an iron fence and stones and trees surrounding the house and leaning over to the public. And even though the dust covered them and their greenery couldn’t be seen, his sense of smell recognized that they were trees. He said to himself, Until the day cools off, I shall sit in the shade of a tree and rest a bit and deliberate my course. He looked at his feet to see if they were willing to go with him. They obeyed him and went with him.
