On The Floor (Second Story) (31 page)

"Like I could give more notice for a fucking stroke, Rachel! Be fucking real! Don't make any plans next month because Gramps is going to have a heart attack! Hope you don't have plans to go braid your sister's hair!"

"Jake! Stop being cruel. You know that is not what I meant when I said I need more notice."

"Go up tomorrow then, after we know what is going on with Grams. She loves you too, Rachel. You can go to the gravesite with your family. Just be here with me today. I need you... I've never needed anyone like I need you now," he finishes, his voice cracking.

"Don't make me choose between my family and you, Jake. I want to be both places, but I can't... I just... I don't know what to do." I love my family and I love Jake. It feels like they both need me equally right now. But maybe he's right. I can go up tomorrow...

But before I can make a decision, Jake makes it for me.

"You know what, Rachel? Never mind! Go fucking home and be with your fucking family and make fucking dinner and tell fucking stories," he says walking to the door and grabbing his keys on the way. When he gets to right in front of the door, he stops and turns around. "I changed my fucking mind. I don't need you here. I don't
want
you here. This is a mistake,” he says quietly, almost calmly.

“Jake…”

“You've just been one big fucking mistake…” he says with a hard, blank look on his face. He turns back around and opens his door, leaving his room and slamming the door behind him.

Slamming the door on
me
.

I sit in complete shocked silence for a whole ten minutes. What just happened? And then I start crying. This day has turned into utter shit. It's the anniversary of my mom's death. I already have enough going on emotionally for the whole
month
. And then Grams has a stroke. The sweet, kind, loving woman who welcomed me into her home and her heart. And wormed her way into mine as well.

And then this with Jake. What even happened? Did he break up with me?

The tears become sobs and I curl up on Jake's bed while I ride out this wave of total misery.

I lie there for around an hour, before I get up and make my way down the hall to the bathroom. I have to leave soon if I want to make it home in time for dinner. I go to the sink and wash my face before going to my room. I grab my phone and try calling Jake. He should be at the hospital by now and I want to see how he, Grams, and Gramps are. But the call goes straight to voicemail. He probably had to turn off his phone when he got into the hospital, so I decide to leave a message hoping that he'll check it and call me back.

"Um... hey, Jake. It's Rachel. I just... I hope everything is going okay with Grams. I'm leaving to drive home in a few, so I won't be in the dorms." I take an audible breath before I continue. "Just please call me so I know everything is okay. I wish I could be there for you and I hate the way we left things. Just... I love you," I finish, hanging up before I start crying on the message.

I call Jenna right after I hang up with Jake and her phone goes to voicemail after it rings through. I don't bother leaving her a message where I am crying and she can't understand anything I say. It would probably freak her out. Instead, I send her a text letting her know that I am leaving to drive home and I'll call her when I get to my dad's safely.

I put my phone in my purse, take a deep breath, dry my eyes, and grab all my bags before I leave my room headed towards my car. I try Jake once more before I leave the parking lot. Straight to voicemail again. I leave him a simple message. One that conveys more than I could say with a long one. One that means more to me than anything else I could ever say.

"I love you, Jake."

I sit in the car for a few minutes thinking about everything we said to each other back in his room. I've been putting my family before myself since before my mom died. I haven't told them how I feel about certain things, afraid that I would rock the boat too much. I haven't taken time to express how I am feeling at family therapy sessions because I don't want anyone to worry about me.

Jake's right. Why haven't I told my family that I feel like Mom would want the dinner to be on her birthday? Why can't I go up tomorrow, after we know everything is okay with Grams? I know it is kind of short notice to change plans like this on my family, but it's not like I'm going to a concert or on a date.

Grams is in the hospital. And I barely took a second to see things from Jake's perspective.

I pick up my phone and dial my dad's number. He picks up on the third ring.

"Hey, Rachel. Are you leaving now?" Dad asks.

"Actually, Dad, I wanted to talk to you about something really important before I head up there.”

"Sure, Rach. You don't want to wait and do it tonight when you get here? In person?"

"Well, that's kind of what this is about." I pause, thinking about how I want to word this, but instead I just blurt it out. "I think we should be doing the dinner on Mom's birthday. Not the anniversary of her death."

Real smooth, Rachel.

Dad takes an audible breath before he says, "Okay. Why can't we talk about this when you get here?"

"Well, Jake's grandma got taken to the hospital. She had a stroke and he wanted me to go with him. I told him I couldn't because I had to go to this dinner with you guys. We had this big fight and now he thinks I don't care about him or his family," I say as tears start to fall from my eyes. "I mean, I want to go up there, but if things are serious with Grams I want to be here for Jake. Dad, I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt
anyone
, and I feel like I'm hurting someone either way."

"Rachel," he says, trying the calm me down. I'm near hyperventilating because this situation has stressed me out so much. "I think doing the dinner on Mom's birthday is a great idea. I don't know why you haven't said anything about it before, but that doesn't matter right now. Even though I want to be with you this weekend, Jake needs you. We have been grieving for years, Jake's pain is new and fresh. And, god forbid, if this situation with his grandma takes a turn for the worst, you should be there for him.
With
him."

Wow. My dad is right. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too. Let me know how his grandma is when you can."

"I will."

I hang up with my dad and instead of heading home, I head straight to County General Hospital.

Chapter 23

I walk into the main entrance of the hospital not sure where I should be going. I know that they came in through the ER, but it's been a couple of hours and I'm not sure if they're still there. I called Jake before walking in, but his phone is still turned off.

I head to the information desk where I am met with a young girl in a candy striper uniform. "Hi! How can I help you today?" she asks enthusiastically.

"Um, I'm looking for someone that was brought here in an ambulance. Would you be able to tell me where she is?" I ask.

"Well,
I
can't give out any patient information, but if you head over to the nurse's station down the hall, even if she's not in that unit, they can help you. Unless the person you are looking for said that they don't want anyone to know where they are. Then they can't help you because if the person you are looking for said that she didn't want anyone to know which room she was in, or what unit, then they can't release that information. You know?" the girl says in practically one breath. Where does she get this energy?

"Um, sure. Down that hall?" I say pointing in the direction I think she told me to go.

"Yep. That's the one. Have a great day!" she says, once again very enthusiastically.

I head in that direction and quickly come across the nurse's station she was referencing.

One of the nurses looks up as she is picking up some files. "Can I help you?" she asks. She's not unfriendly, but I can definitely tell she is busy.

"I'm looking for someone. The girl at the information desk told me to come here."

She moves quickly to the computer, setting the files down before asking, "Name?"

"Patricia Price. She came in through the ER, but I don't know where she is now."

She starts tapping on the keyboard. "Third floor, room 328, bed B. Have a good day," she says barely glancing at me before grabbing her paperwork and heading away from the nurse's station.

I head back down the hall to the entrance and find the bank of elevators. I press the up button and wait. The elevator comes quickly and when it opens I step in and look to press three, but it is already lit up.

"Rachel?" I hear someone say from behind me.

I turn around and see Jake's grandpa in the back of the elevator with a cup of coffee and bag of food in his hand.

"Gramps?" The elevator dings and most of the other people exit, leaving just Gramps, me, and another woman. The doors close and we look at each other, the woman between us, as we come up to the third floor. We all exit when the doors open and the woman heads down a hallway at a hurried pace.

Gramps gestures to a bench near the elevator and we both take a seat.

"I didn't know you were coming. Jake said something about you going up to see your family...?" he says, as a sort of question.

"I was, but I called and let them know I wouldn't be able to make it tonight. I wanted to come and check on you guys. Make sure everything was okay. How's Grams?" I ask, my voice full of concern.

"Better than we thought. She had a stroke, but it was mild. She'll be in overnight, at least, to be monitored. But it could have been much worse. The doctors think she should be fine," he says. I can hear the relief in his voice. See it on his face. Feel it in the air.

"That's so good to hear. Is Jake in there with her?"

"I sent him home about a half hour ago. Visiting hours are over and she can only have one family member in there at a time. He was so tense he seemed like he was going to throw something, so I told him to go home. Hang out with his friends. Grams is fine and he can't do anything sitting here rubbing holes into the arm rests. Plus, he was making Grams worry with the way he was acting."

"Okay." I'm not sure what else to say to that. I tried called him less than ten minutes ago and his phone was still off. I assumed he was still at the hospital. "Can I come back tomorrow and see Grams during visiting hours?"

"You can see her now. She would love to see you," he says, a smile on his face.

"But only one family member is allowed at a time."

"She can see her granddaughter first," he says winking at me. "I'll wait out here until you are done."

I smile at him. "Thanks, Gramps."

I head down the hall, following the signs leading me to room 328. I knock and hear someone call "Come in," from the other side of the door.

I enter the room and see that, thankfully, Grams doesn't have a roommate. When she sees me, her face lights up with a brilliant smile. "Rachel! I'm so happy you came to see me," she says, as if she's welcoming me to a party instead of her hospital room.

I smile back and am a little surprised when my eyes get a little teary. Even though I know she is going to be okay, it's still hard to see such a strong woman in such a fragile state. "Grams," I say going over to her and moving into her outstretched arms to give her a hug.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you, but I thought you were going to your family's house today?" she questions, just as Gramps had. Even though I haven't known Grams for long, I instantly connected with this woman. And she is all the more special to me because of how special she is to Jake.

And because I connected with her so fast, I felt comfortable talking to her about things that I don't normally talk about with people other than Jake and Jenna. I told Grams about my family's tradition and I told her how I felt. I told her how important it was to me. I've even told her things I haven't told Jake. Things about how I have a hard time prioritizing things in my life. I'm always looking at how the things I do affect other people and sometimes I even do things that are good for other people, even if they aren't good for myself. Especially when it comes to my family.

"I called my dad and we talked about moving the dinner to Mom's birthday. He agrees and he told me to stay here this weekend. Not to stress about being home. He wanted me to make sure the people I love down here are safe and healthy."

"I'm glad that you're here, but I'm fine. You should head up to be with your family," she says, gesturing for me to take a seat next to her bed.

"I'm glad you're fine, but I'm actually a little worried about Jake and where we left things before he came to meet you at the hospital," I say, remembering the last words he said to me before he slammed the door on me. On us...

"Oh sweetie... What happened?" Grams asks, reaching a hand towards my face to wipe away a tear I didn't even know I had.

I suck in a jagged breath. "Jake and I had an argument about me coming here. I was going to come and then leave to go home in time for the dinner, but Jake didn't like that plan very much. He said some hurtful things. I didn't take into account how he was feeling about everything. And while we know you are fine now, we didn't know then. I shouldn't have hesitated. Jake needed me and I just froze. I went back to what I've been doing the last few years and thought about what my family needed. I didn't take into account that there are other people I love now. And they have needs too," I say, sniffling.

"Rachel, it's not wrong for you to think about your family. Jake will see that," she says, taking my hand in hers.

"He sounded like he was breaking up with me. I know how hard it is for him to open up, for him to love. There are only a few people who he loves and you are one of those people. He was completely broken when he got that call from Gramps. I should have seen that as the most important thing. Should have seen him as the most important thing." I pause trying to process how I am feeling and what I am thinking. "I don't think he'll trust me the same way he did before. I don't think he'll be able to give me his whole heart if I am so willing to choose someone else's over his."