On Becoming Her Sir (18 page)

“Yes, prudent of you.” Luke scanned the passage in question. There was another reason for the alterations and he suspected the sudden change of heart had more to do with whatever had occurred between he and Jessie. Studying the contract, he looked at the pages without reading when he spoke. “Tell me, did you enjoy the photo shoot today?” The air suddenly turned chilly. As he gave Bart a look, narrowing his eyes, he was somewhat surprised the man had the good notion of appearing embarrassed. All a fucking act no doubt.

Bart exhaled slowly. “She told you. Of course she would. A good little slave.”

“She didn’t have to.” Raising his head, Luke narrowed his eyes. “And you and I both know she’ll never be a slave.”

“Yes, a formidable woman.”

Anger rushed through every cell in Luke’s body. For a few seconds a nasty vision of Bart fucking her, using her lingered in his mind. When he spoke his voice was strained. “What exactly did you do?”

“What did I do?” Bart gave him a look. “I did nothing.”

“You heard me. If you want me in business with you, then you’ll come completely clean with me.”

“That sounds like an or else situation,” Bart chortled, his eyes flashed.

“Don’t fuck with me!” Luke threw out. Jesus Christ. The asshole had touched her, tasted her. Bart wanted nothing more than to take what belonged to him. Over his fucking dead ass body. Rambling thoughts about the past rushed into the back of his mind. This wasn’t going to happen all over again. There was no fucking way he would allow the bullshit to occur.

Tipping his head Bart smiled. “What are you worried about, Lucas. Tell me? You’re so hell bent on fighting me that you might not see what’s really happening here.”

“What’s happening here? What the hell are you trying to insinuate?” A cold chill raced down his spine.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about. You can hide behind years of trying to live a vanilla life. You can pretend you aren’t the same man. My guess is you’ve managed to convince yourself you’re not that guy you were, the one who was a fuck up.”

Luke tossed the file and clenched his fist. “A fuck up? You have no idea what you’re saying. Why would you…”

“Why would I what, Luke? I mean really. Give me a fucking break. You destroyed more than just your life in that moment of anger.”

“Anger?” He was mortified. “There was no anger.”

“Oh you have to be fucking kidding me. You’re nothing but an enraged man and your fury killed a woman. Don’t you get hat? You killed her!”

“I did no such thing!” Luke snapped, visions of the horrible moment, the day he lost control as well as his precious Suzzana raced through his mind.

Bart took a long stride forward. “You’re such a liar, an arrogant man who really thinks he’s going to hide from the horror show he was?”

There was no way to answer, no words that could justify what happened. Bart was right. His head was throbbing, the hard pounding making him sick to his stomach. “No.”

“My God, Lucas. If you can’t face up to the facts then at least let Jessie go before you kill her.”

Rage and terror unlike anything he’d every known boiled to the surface and Luke was unable to think, unable to breathe. When he lashed out he heard his horrid cry, knew that there was nothing more he wanted to have happen than kill the motherfucker. “Asshole!”

Crack!

“Fuck!” Bart huffed as he went down.

Luke stood over him, his fist raised.

“What in the hell is going on? What?” Jessie screeched.

Bells rang in his ears, a hard thudding of his heart echoing to the point he was paralyzed. Luke stood shaking then was unable to stop his actions. Reaching down he wrapped his hand around Bart’s throat. “You fucking asshole.” He squeezed, his nails digging in. A sudden joy filled his heart as the man bucked, his breath coming in scattered rasping sounds. “You don’t know me or what I’ve been through.”

“No!” Jessie rushed forward. “You will not do this. Not over me. My God. No. Please stop. Luke, if you love me stop this.”

The way she said the words, the horror in her voice, the understanding was too much. Luke sucked in his breath and tried to get control. And still he squeezed.

Bart gripped his arms, his eyes never blinking. Instead they were goading.

“Let him go. Luke! For the love of God let him go.”

Shuddering, Luke jerked back, breaking the connection. “Fuck you.”

Bart coughed, the choking sound anguished. He rolled over, hovering on the floor. “Shit.”

“Are you all right?” Jessie offered, her eyes never leaving Luke.

Luke had never seen her expression so cold, her eyes utterly without emotion.

Sniffing, Bart managed to climb to his feet. “You’re a fucking madman.”

“Me? Can it. Aren’t you the one who tired to seduce her, fuck her?” Luke countered.

“As if she has anything special in you,” Bart countered as he wiped his mouth.

“Stop it! Both of you stop it.” Jessie hissed. “I won’t play this damn game with the two of you. I’m not a commodity. Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m not for sale.”

A few seconds ticked by.

“Why don’t you tell her, Luke,” Bart said quietly as he stared at her, his eyes flashing admiration. “Tell the woman you seem to want to be in love with, think that you can dominate, and honestly believe you can have the upper hand with the truth.”

“Let it go,” Luke snarled. He winced as cracks of thunder and lightning slammed just outside the windows. The wind was so strong as the torrents of rain pelted the siding. He was drenched in terror, the same emptiness that had stripped him of so much of his soul remaining.

“Both of you just stop this shit now!” Jessie folded her arms. “I don’t care what the hell happened between the two of you. You’re not going to use me for some game.”

“This isn’t some game, Jessie. He wants to take everything that I have, including you.” His head was pounding and he tried his best to control his raging emotions. Bart was goading him and… She was there, in front of him. She was watching him. She was…

“No, it’s not some game. This is life, her life. If you love her you need to tell her.” Bart moved closer until he was barely inches from Jessie.

Crack! Boom!

Jumping as the crackling lightning continued, Jessie took a step back and held out her hand. “Don’t. For the love of God, cease this.”

Luke could tell she was on the fringe, ready to shift into a shutdown mode. He flanked her side, his arm reaching out. He was shocked as well as concerned when she pulled away.

“Tell her,” Bart insisted. “If you love her, honor her enough to tell her.”

“Tell me what?” Jessie whispered.

Boom!

“Let it go,” Luke breathed. He blinked several times trying to get Suzzana’s face out of his mind, remove the swirling words and visions that had haunted him for so long. He was sweating hard, beads slipping down both sides of his face and as he looked at Jessie, the beautiful woman he loved, he knew she wouldn’t be able to handle this. There was no way.

Bart shifted. “Just tell her.”

“Tell me what? What? What in the hell is so damn hard to say? Why ugliness exists from your past so that two men are so damn bitter? Why is it that my entire life with you seems to be a lie?” She turned her hard gaze toward Luke as her body swayed.

Another jolt of lightning flashed, showering the entire room with an eerie glow. For a few seconds they were all in a moment of suspended animation, a place where horror met reality. Luke swallowed hard as he heard Suzzana’s laugh, witnessed her smile once again. For a few seconds he believed in miracles. “I can’t.”

“Tell her,” Bart insisted.

“Luke, please.” Jessie reached out, her hand shaking.

Luke opened his mouth, the words forming, the need to release the horror moving to the forefront of his mind. A wafting of air, the chill so cold he could see his breath, was a rolling emotion unlike anything he’d ever experienced. “I…”

Jessie swayed back and forth, her fingers almost touching his arm. For a few seconds she kept her eyes locked onto his, then slowly turned to face Bart. “What. Tell me.”

From somewhere in the far reaches of his mind he knew what was going to happen. “Don’t.”

“Ask him. Ask him what happened to Suzzana,” Bart pushed.

“Luke…” Jessie moaned. “I need to know. Please.”

“Ask him why he has trouble owning you, controlling you,” Bart said through clenched teeth.

“Tell me.” Her voice was barely audible.

Luke was unable to move, his system frozen by the weight of the past.

Bart huffed. “Tell her Luke. For God’s sake tell the woman you supposedly love what happened to your previous submissive.”

Luke hesitated.

“Talk to me. Please…” Jessie implored.

“No!” Luke growled.

Bart moved between them, his eyes never leaving Luke’s. “Tell her how you killed Suzzana with your bare hands, the woman you were sworn to protect and love. Tell her how your anger fueled you until you lost everything in a battle with the monster you truly are, the one you stop at nothing to hide, especially from yourself.”

There was no way to stop the way his mind and body reacted, no concept of halting what was about to happen. Luke was thrown into a pit of despair. As he heard the woman he loved, the special creature who’d been able to break down the walls of his desperation sobbing, he released the beast raging inside. “No!”

Wham!

In the next several seconds Luke could hear her anguished cries, knew that she’d seen the tortured soul he’d tried so desperately to keep locked away. And yet in those few seconds… He didn’t care. Humanity was lost.

****

Tell her how you killed Suzzana with your bare hands, the woman you were sworn to protect and love. Tell her how your anger fueled you until you lost everything in a battle with the monster you are.

The words lingered, the horror remaining. Jessie was lost, her mind filled with a roar of heartache as well as anger. There was no way Luke had lied to her. There was no concept that her entire life was a lie. None. She was cold, so very cold.

“No!” God no. God no. God… Jessie screeched as she slapped her hand on the steering wheel. Jerking the car to the left, she swung out of the neighborhood, every part of her body shaking. Suzzana. Dead. Yes. No. No! “What? I…”

Beep!

“Fuck!” She overcorrected and gasped as the car careened to the right. Lightning flashed and the second she blinked the car in front of her was gone. “God…”
Slow down. Calm down.
She wiped her eyes and leaned forward, struggling to see the road. Her thoughts drifted to the words, the ugly fucking words. How was she supposed to make anything of this? How was she supposed to make any sense and…

The tears continued to fall until her sobbing became ragged coughs. Jessie licked several of the salty beads, making a face from the taste, the fucking bitter taste. “Where the hell am I going?” Oh yeah. The interstate was up ahead. She could go to her… Well she could go and find…

Boom! Crack!

“Shit!” The rumble of thunder was far enough away yet she shivered to her core, her bones aching. No matter how hard she tried to push away the anguish, she became more and more despondent.

There wasn’t a way to make sense of any of this. How in the hell could she? What was happening?
You have to concentrate. You have to drive. You have to…to…
She sniffed as her eyes scanned the darkness. Everything seemed so out of focus. Gunning the engine she wiggled forward in her seat and attempted to adjust the windshield wipers. They couldn’t go any faster. They wouldn’t wipe away the rain, beads of water infused with a telling, a lost soul.

She rubbed the back of her hand over her mouth and shook her head back and forth. Nothing made any sense including the way Luke stared at her, the way his face held no expression. NONE. He was accused of killing a woman, being a monster, and he stood stoically as if nothing had happened – as if her entire world wasn’t crumbling into fucking Hell. She tapped her foot on the floorboard and squeezed her hands around the steering wheel.

Jessie was going to have to find peace, would have to go back and talk to him. Why had Bart done this? Why had he come to her house, their house and ruined a precious moment? Why? Because she refused to sleep with him? Because she pushed him back, treating him like the asshole he was? The photo shoot popped into her mind, the way she allowed her body as well as her soul to be manipulated. Flashes of the way the camera followed her, no them. Yes, Zaphne made sure the camera caught every moment, every single nuance. Would Luke notice the interest, the attraction? Dear God. No.

The way Bart had looked at her, the way the fire crackled and the way he held the whip was… “No fucking way.” She refused to relive the moment, the way Bart’s face looked, the admiration and the sensuality and the total dominance and the… “Oh shit.” She wiped her mouth and scanned the darkness, careening the car around an asshole doing less than fifty.
Get the fuck out of my way.
She was angry. She was incensed. She was…

As the rain pelted the car, the echoing sounds following the beat of her heart, she pushed the pedal down. She didn’t care how fast she was going. No… A laugh bubbled to the surface and for a few seconds she was almost giddy, the understanding that her life as she knew it was probably tossed, gone forever. There was no way she could recover from the way Luke… Lied. He lied to her. A cold chill settled in as the subtle yet powerful realization hit her. There had to be some explanation for what happened with Suzzana, but the fact he’d been lying the entire time, his failure to tell her, confide in her was just too much to bear.

But you didn’t tell him about Bart.
The ugly inner voice chided her, reminded her. Jessie changed lanes and some part of her heard the tires screeching. She wiped the tears furiously and yet they refused to stop. Drop after drop fell on her lips until she was scratching at her face, slapping the dashboard. The pain had to stop. Yes. She had to move past this and see clearly and…
Breathe.

One, two, three, four…
The counting helped. She could almost see clearly, think in a somewhat focused fashion. This wasn’t the end of the world. This was merely another step in their journey. Luke always reminded her of that. Gripping the steering wheel she sighed, a level of resignation flowed through every pore. There was so much to talk about with Luke. There were so many things to admit to herself. She’d been lying to the girl inside. There was no way she could hide the fact any longer. She turned up the radio and the sound of John Legend’s “All of Me” was chilling, the words would forever burn into the back of her mind. Jessie knew it was time to go home. No matter what they had to face, they would together.