On Becoming Her Sir (13 page)

“Mr. Trevone. It seems the two businessmen have things to discuss. Would you mind accompanying me to the bar?” Jessie intervened, her glare towards Bart harsh.

“My oh my. The best offer I’ve had in quite awhile.” Trevone took her arm. “I must admit I enjoy the attention.”

Bart clucked his jaw and watched them walk away. He knew there were many things to be said to his soon to be partner, but he’d be happy to bide his time. All things came to men who laid in wait. He shoved his hands into his pockets as Jessie and Trevone walked away. The sexy woman knew what she was doing and there wasn’t any amount of her behavior that wasn’t pissing him off. He turned to watch every move, every inflected emotion and regretted that he had. Vaguely becoming aware of movement he bristled.

“She’s beautiful, a woman who knows what she wants but has difficulty knowing how to ask the right questions.”

“And she loves a man who has equal difficulty being able to adjust to the fact she’s a strong woman, one with her own needs.”

“True enough. Jessie is…” Luke stopped short and turned to face him. “She’s the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. But then you knew that already, which is why you’re hell bent on taking her from me.”

“As if I have that much time to waste,” Bart said, every breath sound on purpose.

Luke rubbed his mouth. “There is no need to explore this crap and you know it. You want to fuck her, my guess is own her until you grow weary, and you lord this sick need over me. When you take an toss you then you’ve won.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad to me.” Bart laughed out loud. The man was delusional if he had any thought about a concept of a conscience. There was no fucking way. This was a game to win. “What you don’t understand is how much I truly like Jezebel.”

“I would guess so and you don’t have the right to call her Jezebel.”

“Interesting. Come the fuck on. You think you are the perfect man for Jessie?” Surprised to a point, Bart continued laughing.

“Yeah. I am. And see, here’s the difference. She and I know and understand. The rest is just bullshit.”

Bullshit?” This was moving to the fascinating stage.

“Yep.” Luke turned toward him. “You might think you know her well enough to slide your cock into her pussy. You’d be wrong. She abhors you.” Luke grinned and tipped his head before walking off.

And for the first time Bart knew he could kill his friend in cold blood.

****

Jessie stood quietly, her hand on the window. All in all the evening had been spectacular. A new contract signed and a festive party until the wee hours of the morning. She’d been fairly quiet after Trevone had agreed to become a client. Bart had certainly done his part about sucking up to Luke, saying such flowery bullshit she almost vomited on the man’s shoes. But to his credit he’d been the catalyst to allow Trevone the comfort level to sign on the dotted line. She’d watched Bart interact and while only appeared later for a brief period of time, she could tell there was tension between the three of them. Something was going on.

Her questions as they drove away from the event had been met with a whole lotta quiet. Luke had clammed up for half the ride. Then out of the blue Luke had mentioned the pictures. Posing for the magazine? The question had caught her so off guard she hadn’t been able to say anything for the first few minutes. Jessie wasn’t even certain how she felt about posing, but what she did know is that the request didn’t come from Luke. No, Bart had his hand in the middle and she was certain one reason was Trevone and his support of The End Game. But there was another.

So she’d sized up the concept and made her decision. Being a good actress wasn’t necessarily her forte but she was going to learn fast. She wasn’t certain what had shocked him the most, the fact she didn’t fight, didn’t even say a word to him or the moment when she simply said she had no problem posing for them. Since she’d agreed he’d shut down completely. He hadn’t said anything but good night and rolled over.

This morning wasn’t any different. Luke stood out on the deck, coffee cup in hand, and was simply reading the paper. They were leaving in less than twenty-four hours and he was acting as if she didn’t exist. She had tears in her eyes as she watched the brooding man. This was getting old. How often was she emotional? Too often. And what about this trip? He hadn’t told her enough for her to be prepared. Not even close.

Folding her arms, Jessie walked to the French doors, hesitating before opening one. She slipped outside and knew he was aware of her presence, but he didn’t react, didn’t even flinch. He sat in his chair and flipped to another page. She was fighting her building anger. She was just so emotional lately, completely overwrought and while a portion of her angst was about work, pretty much the majority of her anxiety had a name attached to the nasty concept. “Please talk to me.”

Luke remained quiet. Didn’t move. Didn’t answer.

She moved toward the railing and leaned over, pretending to study the back yard, one she used to love. Now, she barely paid any attention. “What is it? Me? The trip? The job?” When there was nothing but a slight sigh she pulled out the big guns. “Bart? Do you think I’m attracted to him?” The rustle of paper meant she was on the right track. Why were all men the same?

Turning slowly, she studied his face. He looked terrible, as if he hadn’t gotten any sleep in so long. “You don’t honestly think I could have anything to do with that…that pompous jerk. Do you?” His eyes registered a fleeting emotion, one she couldn’t catch. “I’m sorry. I know he’s your friend and I understand in this BDSM world I’m supposed to respect him, call him Sir and all. Right? I just can’t. I have no respect for him. Your other two friends are fine but I don’t know them, not really. I do know you. And if you think I’m interested in him at all you’re dead wrong.”

Luke took a sip of his coffee and set the mug down on the table next to him. He flipped pages and didn’t blink.

“Luke. Come on. At least tell me what I did wrong? Was I expected to serve him last night or something?” The question was merely thrown out. She knew better.

Sighing, Luke sniffed.

Jessie allowed a full minute to pass by before complete frustration settled in. “Fine. Have it your way. I’m going to the photo shoot then last minute shopping for this trip I don’t understand. If you need anything,
Sir,
you know how to get me.” Stalking back toward the door, she was surprised at the level of sorrow in his voice when he spoke the few words.

“I’ve been thinking about us, about our life together,” Luke said quietly.

“I have too.”

“Good. Then you know we need to talk.”

She tilted her head so she could see him. “What are you trying to say?”

Luke rose from the chair and moved against the railing. “I’m not trying to say anything other than I think I’m not a strong enough Dom for you.”

“Wait a minute. Wait a freaking minute here. Why are you saying that?” Her heart raced, her mind reeling from the words. She’d heard this before and the words had terrified her then, but this time he was so calm about saying them. They weren’t uttered out of anger or frustration because of something she’d done or ugly words of her past life. This time she was pretty certain she hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Because there’s some things I need to work through and you deserve better than what I’m able to give you.”

Jessie took two long strides and stood in front of him. When she reached out he looked away. “Don’t do this. Don’t allow yourself to fall into something that you can’t talk to me about. Please. You remember one of the very first things you said to me when I told you I wanted this was that we had to talk all the time, open up and tell each other everything. Communication is the only way we’re going to stay grounded. Do you remember telling me these exact words?”

The sound of silence was terrifying.

“Luke. Did you forget this? Did you? I didn’t.”

“Jessie, of course I remember. This isn’t something I am taking lightly. This isn’t an overnight decision or…”

“A decision?” she interrupted.

He looked at her, his eyes darkened. “Listen to me. Please. I am reevaluating my life and what I can bring to what we have. I don’t think I’m resilient enough.”

“What did I do wrong?” No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. Jessie knew her voice was filled with exasperation. “I can fix whatever behavioral issues you think I have. I know I’m still willful. I know I’m mouthy and continue to give you a hard time. I’m just... I can be better and of a drain. Honestly.”

“Stop! You did nothing wrong and you’re no drain. This time this isn’t about you. Okay? It’s not always about you or your behavior. This time this is about me. This is about…” Luke groaned and shook his head. “Bart said something to me last night and…”

“Bart!”

“Don’t interrupt me. Yes, Bart. For all his bullshit that we both see, he does have a heart. He isn’t just an arrogant asshole. He’s my friend too.”

Jessie sniffed, a sliver of shock running through her. Really? “With friends like that I would think your enemies would put you six feet under. He challenges everything about you.”

“Yes, he does. We used to push each other. Now, it’s. I don’t know how to describe what we have,” Luke whispered.

“I not sure what you think you have or why you need to do this venture with them, but I suppose you have your reasons. As I mentioned to you, I’m not trying to stop you from doing this magazine. I just know something is terribly wrong.”

“Wrong is a strong word. What Bart helped me understand is that you’re one hell of a woman, formidable and the headstrong behavior is merely you acting out with something that’s imbedded deep inside of you. I thought my nurturing would help, but I don’t seem to be able to bring that side out of you.”

“Like the dark side you’re hiding? Like the truth about Suzzana?” Instantly Jessie realized she’d struck another nerve. “I’m sorry. It’s not my right to pry and when and if you feel like you can tell me what happened I’m willing to listen. One of my many faults is that I have no patience and I want what I want when I do. You know that. When things nag me I nudge back. I’m sorry. I’m…sorry.” She thought about what Aimee had told her and regretted spurting out anything about his ex. She had no right.

Sighing, Luke remained quiet for a full minute. “There are methods within this lifestyle where another Master handles certain aspects of training.”

“What?” Instantly the hair stood up on the back of her neck.

“The shift can be beneficial.”

“No way.” Jessie took a giant stride back.

Luke pulled gripped her wrists and pulled her forward. “Jessie, stop speaking before you hear what I’m trying to help you understand.”

She bit her lower lip until she tasted blood. Of course she knew what was happening here. He’d offered her up like some prize. “Fine. Go on.” His groan of frustration was the usual sound but she couldn’t help the anger and fear bubbling to the surface.

“Truly a few days spent with another Master can bring about a new perspective. He sometimes is able to offer a different point of view enabling the submissive to see something she hasn’t been with her owner.”

“Said like I’m a commodity. And I suppose we’re talking about Bart. Aren’t we? Is this payment for the new client you fawned over last night.” Another nerve struck.

His eyes opened wide and a single bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face. He walked to the end of the deck and turned away from her.

My God. She was right. Echoes bounced in her ears and for a few seconds she was taken back to another time, another life. This wasn’t going to happen. “You want me to fuck him?” The words were blurted out.

“No!”

“You want me to be a whore?”

“What?” In two seconds Luke had her in his arms and while she fought to get away, he held her tightly. “No. God no. That’s not what I was saying at all. He merely pointed out I was struggling with certain aspects with you and where we are with our relationship. For all the arrogant bullshit I hear from the man, this is the truth. I am struggling. I can’t make the final connections with you.”

“You can’t?” She hissed and managed to jerk away. “Or you won’t? There’s a huge difference, Luke. Huge.”

“You’re right,” he said through clenched teeth.

“Then which is it so I know? I mean you’re offering me up to a man who already has two women he’s…training. Does that take the pressure off of you, Luke? Does that give you time? Does help ease whatever demons are floating around in your brain?”

Luke’s eyes were cold, his face expressionless.

Jessie knew she’d gone too far. A deep-seeded sadness filled her and she was suddenly very cold.

“In the years I’ve studied this I realize there is a hell of a lot more to being a good Master than just issuing edicts and rules to follow. A Dom isn’t true to the relationship if he can’t bring as much in as he’s asking his submissive to offer. He has to be completely open as well as honest in order to be trusted. His role is tremendous and can’t be taken lightly, ever for any reason.”

“All right I’ll agree with that. And you do.” She could tell he was having such difficulty saying the words.

“No, I don’t, Jessie. You know as well as I do I’ve had trouble sleeping and when you and I talk I listen and I’m happy to because I want to learn everything about you. I want you to share your fears and your angers, your worries and frustrations. I want to know when you’ve had bad as well as good days and in those I know I need to continue disciplining you, but there’s so much more. I crave the times when you open up like a flower and when you do, I am so honored and pleased to know I had a hand in allowing you the freedom to do so. You make me feel explosive inside each moment I’m with you, every quiet day as well as our nights of intense passion. I love you, Jezebel but I need you to cross that final threshold, the one where you completely let go, trusting me implicitly.”

“And I want to be able to as well. You have to know how much I do. I wear this collar with pride and joy. I long to be branded and tattooed or whatever you want to indicate I’m yours, all yours.” Swallowing hard, she could swear she saw tears in his eyes. Inching as close as she thought he’d allow, she resisted touching him, but she could see his right hand was shaking. He was so distraught, so on edge. “When we make love I have never been so fulfilled from a relationship. Never. It’s like I see my life, my future and true love, burning passion for the first time. Do you know that?”