Omission (9 page)

The bar was closed on Mondays, and I was excited to have the day off. Garrett had been gone all day yesterday, and I missed him terribly. My classes were excruciatingly slow today. It was hard for me to even make it through them.

By the time my last class rolled around, I couldn’t bring myself to stay. I rarely missed class, but I wanted to see Garrett, and I couldn’t wait for dinner tonight.

I grabbed my bag and headed across the campus.
The air was freezing. A cold front had moved in, and they were calling for snow. I pulled my scarf around my neck and tightened up my coat. The walk wasn’t long, but with the chill in the air it felt like it took forever.

I rounded the corner and saw Garrett’s townhome. I hadn’t heard from him today, and I wondered if he made it back safely from visiting his brother
.

I climbed the front steps and knocked on the door with my gloved hand. I heard footsteps approaching
, and my heart started to flutter, but when the door swung open it wasn’t Garrett.

“Hi.”
I smiled.

The young man before me stared at me with familiar eyes. There was no mistaking the resemblance. Although he was slightly shorter than Garrett and had a leaner build, it was obvious that this was his brother.

“Is your brother home?” I smiled at the man before me. His face paled, almost like he was going to be sick.

“Are you okay?” I reached out and laid my hand on his arm.

He shook his head and closed his eyes. “Oh. My. God,” he whispered as he covered his face with his hands.

“Are you okay?” I asked again as I stepped forward
.

“I’m sorry.”

I froze. That voice. Those words. They hit me like a sledgehammer. My eyes shot up and took in his face. The face that didn’t belong with that voice. The voice belonged on a monster—someone who was violent, who attacked young women—not on a clean cut young man.

“You?” I stumbled back.

“Please.” He reached toward me.

I felt like I was going to be sick. ”You
… you attacked me,” I gasped, shaking frantically.

“Please
, wait … I’m sorry.” He moved toward me again, and I fell back as my foot missed the bottom step. I scrambled backward, trying to stand up.

“Stop saying that.” Every
time he said, “I’m sorry,” I felt that night engulf me. The fear I felt when he grabbed me.

“Payton?”

Turning, I saw Garrett climbing out of the car. I shook my head; sure this was all a dream—a nightmare. It wasn’t possible.

“Your brother?”
I spat. It couldn’t be Garrett’s brother, and if it was, there was no way he could have known, and was there?

“Payton,
what happened? What’s wrong?” Garrett helped me up, clinging to my arm. I couldn’t answer—couldn’t find the words.

“Jackson, what happened?”
Garrett looked to his brother who was frozen at the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m sorry
, Garrett. I didn’t realize … I didn’t know.” He was rambling.

“Your brother?” I asked
again, searching Garrett’s eyes for answers.

“Payton
, please, come inside so we can talk.” 

I pulled my arm out of his grip. “Inside? With the guy who attacked me? You can’t be serious?” 

“Please, Payton, let me explain,” he pleaded, but it was too late.

“Explain what? That your brother attacked me? That you knew?” I felt like I was going to be sick. “Oh God
, Garrett. Please tell me you didn’t know,” I sobbed.

He did know.
I could see it in his expression. “Your admittance isn’t necessary, your silence says it all,” I whimpered.

“Payton
, please let me explain,” Garrett pleaded again.

“Stop! Just stop! What could you possibly explain? Were you there
, too? Was this all just a fucking game? I trusted you! Damn it, I let you in.” The fight left me. I felt empty. I closed my eyes as the first tear fell.

“Nothing
...” I shook my head. “
Nothing
you can say will change this.” Tears were running down my face, and there was no stopping them. “What your brother did to me that night was nothing compared to what you’ve done to me.”

The pain I saw on his face almost crumbled my reserve—almost. I turned and walked away
. Feeling more alone than ever, I barely made it into my apartment before getting sick. After retching until there was nothing left, I crumbled to the floor and cried for the loss of one more part of my life.

I watched Payton walk away, knowing I couldn’t do anything to stop her. “Hel
p me with these bags, Jackson.” I felt numb as I went to the car and grabbed a few of them and walked to the house. I wandered around the kitchen aimlessly putting things away and organizing things, trying to not feel or think.

“Garrett?”
His voice trembled.

”Yes
, Jackson?” I placed my hands on the counter. I knew I owed him an explanation, too. I just didn’t know how to begin.

“What happened out there?” I walked around the table and sat next to Jackson.

“I really screwed up, man.” I put my head in my hands. “That night, after you went home, I took her to the bar where she works. I ended up back there a few days later with the guys, and I couldn’t seem to stay away from her.” I looked at Jackson and saw the sadness in his eyes.

“This is
entirely my fault, Garrett.”

“No
, Jackson. What you did was wrong, but Payton was right. What I did was worse. I lied to her out of pure selfishness. I fell in love with her, and I didn’t know how to tell her the truth.”

I felt Jackson’s hand on my shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

I closed my eyes tightly to keep the tears from falling. “Nothing. I have to let her go.”

***

“Dude, it’s been three weeks, you need to talk to her.” Lucas had been on my ass to make things right with Payton, but I didn’t know how.

It was killing me to not go see her. I missed her like crazy. I felt like I lost a piece of myself when she walked away that day, and it hadn’t gotten any better as the days went by.

“I can’t Lucas. She won’t want to see me. You didn’t see her that day.”

“Yeah, well I’ve seen her since, and I can tell you she’s not doing any better than you.” Lucas had started seeing Shelly, so he had been to the bar several times. I refused to ask him about Payton. I couldn’t torture myself like that.
I also couldn’t seem to muster the courage to go back to the bar.

“I can’t hurt her anymore Lucas.” I sat down on the couch and leaned my head back
. “I don’t know what else to do.” Staying away from Payton was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I love her. There was no doubt in my mind.

“I get it
, Garrett, I really do, but you both are miserable. There has to be a way to work this out.”

Lucas went to the kitchen to get us some beers
. When he came back, he changed the subject, and I was incredibly grateful.

“How’s Jackson?” Lucas handed me my beer.

“Good. He’s still going to counseling and will be starting classes in January.”

“That’s great
, Garrett. It was a really rough time, but I’m glad he’s getting past it.” Lucas tipped his beer back and turned on the TV. College football. That was exactly what I needed to keep my mind off of her.

***

“I’m not sure this is the best idea.” We had been standing out front of Pastimes for over ten minutes. The guys were getting restless and irritated with me, but quite frankly, the idea of seeing Payton again had me freaking out a bit.

“I thought you two broke up.” Ryan was ready to bail. I glared at him, not sure how to explain it
. I hadn’t shared the circumstances of our meeting with anyone but Lucas. I didn’t want to. The guys would have some sort of dumb shit comment, and then I would get pissed off. I had already hit Ryan once over Payton; I didn’t need to give myself the need to again.

“You two go in, we’ll be right there.” I watched Ryan and Ethan walk through the door before turning back to Lucas.

“Thanks.”

“Listen
, Garrett, I know you love this girl, and I know she is a mess without you, too. I’ve seen her enough to be confident about that. Let’s just play this by ear. If you want to talk to her, do. If not, don’t.”

“You make it sound
so simple.”

“It is
. You’re over-thinking it. Now let’s go.” Lucas walked to the door and shook Rob’s hand. I got a nod from him, but it wasn’t very friendly. I couldn’t blame him. He was just protecting Payton, and to be honest, I was grateful for that.

We found Ryan and Ethan by the pool tables
. They were already putting the moves on a group of girls. “I’ll grab us a couple of beers.” Lucas headed for the bar, and I glanced quickly to see if I could see her, but she must have been in the back or something.

“You can stop freaking out, she’s not here.” Lucas handed me my beer and sat down.

“What do you mean she’s not here?” Payton would never miss a Friday night. “Is she sick?”

Lucas shrugged
. “Not sure, Shelly can’t get a hold of her.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I stood up before Lucas even had a chance to answer and walked over to talk with Shelly.

“Shelly, where’s Payton?” My gut told me something wasn’t right.

“I don’t know
, Garrett. She hasn’t answered her phone.” Shelly passed a drink to a customer and turned back. I could see the concern in her face, and it made my stomach bottom out.

“I’m going over there.”
I downed the rest of my beer and set it on the bar just as Shelly’s phone rang. I waited to see if it was Payton, watching as Shelly answered the phone.

“Payton! Where are you?
Jeez, girl! I have been freaking out!” I calmed myself slightly knowing she was okay and listened to the one-sided conversation.

“Do you need us to bring you something?” Her eyes got wide. “No, Payton, are you sure you are okay?” Shell
y was obviously still worried. Her eyebrows were pulled together. “Okay. Call if you need anything.” Shelly pushed the end button and looked up at Lucas and me.

“Um, she says she’s sick.”
Shelly frowned.

“But?” Shelly didn’t seem convinced.

“Shelly! Phone.” One of the waitresses hollered.

“I’ll be right back.”

“Something’s wrong Lucas. I can feel it.” I didn’t know what it was or why I felt it, but I knew in my heart that something was wrong, and if Shelly’s face and the way she grabbed Lucas’s arm were any indication, she knew it, too.

“What’s wrong
, Shell?” Lucas put his hands on her arms, gently rubbing them.

“I
don’t think she is okay, guys. That was the prosecuting attorney over her dad’s case. Her dad is out on parole. Apparently Payton has never missed a hearing before, and the attorney was concerned.”

“Her dad? I thought he was dead.”
What the hell was going on?

“No
, Garrett, her dad has been in prison. He is a sick bastard from what I’ve heard. The attorney alerted the local police, are on their way to check on her, but she wanted to let her know, and she couldn’t reach her on her phone either.”

I didn’t w
ait for any other information. I just ran. I dialed the phone as I crossed the street to the park.

“Jackson! I ne
ed you to meet me at Payton’s. She’s in trouble.” I hung up knowing he would do exactly what I asked.

So many things ran through my
mind as I ran across the park. I thought about how helpless she looked that first night. Our first kiss. The trust she had for me when she told me about her past, and the hurt I saw on her face when she found out the truth about Jackson. After everything, I still knew without a doubt that I loved her, and the thought of someone hurting her made me move faster than I’d ever run before.

I threw myself into every aspect of my life with
one hundred percent of my energy. It was the only way I could keep myself going.

Schoo
l was routine and so was work. The time I had the most trouble was when I was home or alone. There was entirely way too much time to think. I felt like I was a defective person ... unwanted, unloved, and alone.

The days immediately following my encounter with Garrett
and his brother at their house were the hardest. I couldn’t help but want to go back—to hear why. To know what made his brother attack me that night. The voice did not match the face. In my mind, he was a monster, not a scared young man who honestly didn’t look capable of hurting anyone.

I wanted to go back, but I didn’t
. Shelly kept telling me that there was an explanation. That I owed it to myself to find out, but I was afraid I wouldn’t like the answer, or even worse, that it wouldn’t matter. I was in love with Garrett, and I knew that no matter what the reason was, I was still going to love him.

I never understood how people could st
ay with someone who hurt them. I had to remind myself of that every day that I was away from him, but deep down, I knew. I knew Garrett would never intentionally hurt me.

Every time Lucas came to the bar I
secretly hoped Garrett would be with him. I just wanted to see him. I didn’t ask Lucas about him, and he didn’t offer any information either, but he was still so nice to me. Even without mentioning him, it was the only connection I still had to Garrett.

I stuff
ed a couple of things in my bag, just about ready to leave for work. I was so glad it was Friday. I needed a busy night to keep the thoughts away.

The doorbell scared me, and at the same time my stomach
flipped. Who could that be? Was it Garrett? I tried to compose myself and then realized it was futile. I swung the door open.

“Hello
, beautiful.” It wasn’t Garrett.

***

“Are you going to just stand there
, or are you going to let your dad in?”

It took me a minute to shake the shock and fear, but I
couldn’t show him that. I was determined to stand my ground.

“What are
you
doing here?” I gasped. How was he out of prison? He was supposed to be there for several more years. I knew this because I had been at all of his parole hearings. I had visited my dad a couple times over the years, but if he wasn’t already a sick bastard before he went in, he certainly was even more so now. He blamed me for what happened, even though I wasn’t the one who told. He was crazy—narcissistic. It was always somebody else’s fault. He had even told me at one point that it was my fault for putting him in that situation.

“I’m out on parole.” His grin sent chills up my spine. How was that possible? I
had always gotten a letter to notify me of his parole hearing dates. I would have never missed it if I had.

“No.” My voice didn’t sound nearly as strong as I’d hoped.

“No?” He smiled at me, which made me feel sick. “It isn’t really something you have a choice in, my dear.” He stepped forward, and instinctively I stepped back, not wanting to be near him. I didn’t want him close enough to touch me. He kept moving, though, and before I knew it he was shutting the door behind him and locking it.

“What do you want?”
I croaked.

“I need
your help, my sweet Payton, and this time you are going to give it to me. This time you don’t get to hide behind the parole board and throw lies at me.” His smile sent chills up my spine.

“I never lied
,” I mumbled.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” He stepped closer.

“I said I never lied.” I pulled myself up taller. “I saw you. I walked in, you sick bastard, remember?” I was shaking, and it pissed me off. I didn’t want to allow him to make me cower.

His hand moved so quickly that I didn’t
see it coming or even have time to react, taking the full force of it across my left cheek. I recoiled, slamming against the wall. I touched my cheek, staring at the blood on my fingers as I pulled them away, completely shocked. Who was this man? How could he be my father? He was a sick monster.

“How could you do it? How could you throw everything away? You didn’t even think about what
it would do to your family—to
her
and
her
family.” I squared my shoulders, pulling myself up, staring him in the eye. He could beat me down physically, but I wasn’t going to let him tear me down and take my soul. I’d worked way too hard to build myself back up.

“You killed her. Your own wife.” I saw the flash of anger register through his eyes.

“I did no such thing. She took her own life. She was a coward,” he spat.

“A coward? Do you even have any idea what we went through?
” For just a moment I saw something flash through his eyes. Guilt? Was he even capable of having a conscience? I had not seen anything that resembled regret over the years. “I was thirteen when I found my own mother dead, although you might as well have killed both of us the night you raped my friend in our own house.” I was trying to control my sobs. I didn’t want to be weak in front of him.

He was a sick fuck! I had to live with the
fact that I walked away, back to my room, all those years ago when I knew something was wrong—when I saw the frightened eyes of my friend. If I had been stronger, I would’ve stopped him, but I wasn’t. I was scared of him. He had never touched me sexually, but there was no limit on his emotional and physical abuse. I should have never asked my friend to stay over. I basically threw her right into the lion’s den. That was mine to own, even though she and her family never held me responsible, I did. That is why I did everything I could to keep my dad behind bars. It was the only thing I could do to right the wrong I felt I’d committed.

“Payton, I’m not going to stand here and arg
ue with you. I need money, and since you didn’t stand by me before, I’m pretty sure you more than owe me now.” Before I could answer, my phone rang again.

“They’re going to keep calling. I’m supposed to be at work.” I nervously licked my lip, realizing that it was rapidly swelling from the hit.

“Fine, call your work and tell them you’re sick, but so help me, little girl, if you even indicate you are not here alone, I will make you regret it,” he warned.

I picked up my cell phone and dialed the bar
, letting Shelly know that I wouldn’t be in and then hung up. I wanted to tell her I was in trouble, but my dad stood right next to me the entire time. I took a deep breath and faced him. “Fine, what do you want?”

“I told you, I need money. I need to move on, and you are going to help me
,” he demanded.

“How in the hell do you expect me to help you? I don’t have any money. Do you think they give foster kids money?
Well, let me help you out, no they don’t. They give it to the families that are stuck with you when your selfish bastard of a dad ruins your fucking life!” The next hit came harder than the first, and slammed me into the wall, knocking the air out of me. My head felt like it exploded as it hit the wall. I could see black spots in my vision as my dad walked toward me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even raise my arms to protect myself.

The crash made me jump, and
for a moment, I was positive he had hit me again, until I looked up and saw Garrett. The next thing I knew, I was looking into the eyes of the same young man who attacked me in the park, but this time he wasn’t hurting me, he was protecting me. “Thank you,” I managed before everything went dark.