Omission (10 page)

By the time I
broke through the other side of the park, I saw Jackson running toward me on the sidewalk. “What’s wrong, Garrett?” Jackson followed me up the steps to Payton’s door, trying to catch his breath.

“
Shh.” I took the stairs quietly but quickly until I heard the crash from inside her apartment. “What the fuck?” I didn’t even stop; I just rammed my shoulder into her door, sending it cracking against the wall.

The large man was standing right over Payton who was crouched against the wall on the floor. She was hurt and bleeding, and it took me only two steps before I plowed into the man, knocking him onto his back. I took advantage of the upper hand and started swinging, connecting with his face, stomach
—basically anything I could.

“
You fucking hit her? I’ll fucking kill you!” I screamed as I continued to land punch after punch. “Jackson? Is she okay?” I hollered without looking over. Without stopping my assault.

“She’s unconscious. I’m calling ambulance
,” he shouted back.

“Garrett!” I felt arms wrap around me, pulling me off the bloodied man. I almost started swinging at the owner of the arms until I realized it was Rob and Lucas holding me.

I started shaking uncontrollably from the adrenaline. “He hurt her,” I gasped, turning for the first time to see Payton’s limp body lying against Jackson. I dropped to my knees next to her, rubbing my finger across the rapidly swelling bruise on her cheek. “Payton?” I whispered. “Baby, you’re okay now. I’m here. I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”

***

The next few hours dragged by between giving our statements to the police and getting everything figured out with the hospital. At first, it was hard for us to get any information about Payton because none of us were family. Finally, Shelly was able to get access to her. I was a freaking mad man to say the least. I just wanted to see her—touch her. She needed to know I was there.

“Garrett, you need to calm down. Shelly said she would come out and let us know everything as soon as she could.” Lucas squeezed my shoulder. I let my head drop
into my hands as I sat down.

“You want to get someone to look at your hands while we are here?” I glanced at my swollen hands, straightening and bending my fingers. I shook my head at Lucas. Nothing was broken.

“Fuck, Lucas. I wanted to kill him. I just might have if you and Rob hadn’t shown up.” I closed my eyes, trying to shake the memory of how Payton looked when we arrived. Who the hell hits a little woman like that? What kind of sick bastard was he? After talking with the police, I think I had a pretty good idea of just what kind of monster he was. They said he was in jail for raping a child. I couldn’t bring myself to ask if it had been Payton. I didn’t know if I could handle that. There was so much I didn’t know about her, but I wanted to know everything. I wanted to protect her, to love her. I had to find a way to get her to take me back.

Shelly walked through the doors
, and I jumped to my feet. “How is she?”

“She’s okay, Garrett. They are keeping her overnight for observation due to the concussion, but other than that
, she is just bruised.” I sighed. The relief practically dripped off me.

“Can I see her?” I asked.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Garrett.” Shelly smiled sadly.

“Bullshit, Shelly.” Lucas grabbed my arm with enough pressure to let me know I needed to back off. “I’m sorry, Shelly. Please. I need to see her. I won’t stay long
,” I pleaded.

She nodded. “Fine. She is in room two-twelve. Don’t upset her, Garrett.” I didn’t answer as I took off, walking briskly through the white hallway toward the elevator.

I stood outside her room trying to calm myself before walking in. I knocked softly and pushed the door open. She was looking out the window, although it was dark, and I think her view was a wall. “Payton?”

She looked at me, surprised that I was there
. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you kidding me? Where else would I be?” I walked slowly to the side of the bed, pulling a chair up so I could sit by her. I didn’t trust my legs to hold me right now.

She turned back to the window. “Thank you.”

“For what?” I asked.

“For helping me. How did you know?” She turned back, looking at me with her sad blue eyes. She looked so lost.

“I was there when you called Shelly. I just knew in my gut something wasn’t right, so I told Jackson to meet me at your place. When we showed up, I heard the crash from when he
…” I couldn’t say it. I closed my eyes and tried again. “I heard the crash and just reacted.” I shrugged.

She nodded. “Well, thank you. I’m glad you showed up when you did.”

“How’s your head?” I wanted so badly to reach out and touch her. The swelling in her cheek looked like it had stopped, but there was a pretty nasty bruise there as well as a small cut that had butterfly strips on it.

She smiled. “I’ll survive. It’s not the first time.”

“Payton, why didn’t you tell me about your dad? You said he was dead.”

“He is dead to me
,” she whispered.

“The police told me why he was in prison.” She looked at me, searching my eyes. “Can I ask you something?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer, but I couldn’t help it. I needed it. “Was it you? Did he … um
… did he …” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

“No
,” she whispered. “It was my friend.” I sighed audibly.

To my surprise, she continued
, “I never had anyone over. My dad was always a loose cannon. He was forever yelling at Mom and me. We couldn’t do anything right by him.” She tried to sit up, and I stood to adjust her pillows so she was more comfortable.

“Did he hit you before?” I asked as I poured her a glass of water.

She took a sip and handed it back to me. “Thank you. Yes, he did, but almost never in the face. Katy was the first real friend I had. She knew my dad was strict, but she said she wanted to stay over anyway.” She closed her eyes for a moment. “My dad was so nice that night. He hung out with us, played games, and watched a movie, too. I was almost in shock at how he was acting, but I liked it. For the first time, I felt like I had a normal family.”

I woke up that night when I heard something. I went looking for the sound and found my dad in his office. He had Katy under him. He yelled at me to leave, and I did.” She started to cry
, and I couldn’t resist anymore. I took her hand into mine, rubbing soft circles with my thumb over the back of her hand.

“It’s okay, Payton
,” I soothed.

“It’s not okay, Garrett. I should’ve stopped him. He
raped her, and I walked away,” she sobbed.

“Payton, you were a child. He was a sick tyrant. You were a victim as much as she was
,” I stressed. Suddenly I was wishing I finished the job with him earlier. I never wanted to hurt someone as much as I did him.

“I know that. Really, I do, but I hate that Katy had to go through that. All I wanted was a friend—a normal life.” She wiped her tears.

“What happened to Katy?” I asked.

“She was incredible, Garrett. She was so strong. She was instrumental in putting him behind bars for as long as they did. I guess you can do anything when you have a loving family by your side.”
I hated that she had to go through so much.

“What happened to your mom, Payton?”

“She killed herself on my thirteenth birthday. I found her.”

“Jesus
,” I groaned. She was so young—so small and all alone. “So that is when you went into foster care?” She nodded.

“Payton, you are so strong. I am amazed by your strength. You have pulled yourself through the darkness and come out on top.” God, I loved this woman so much.

“The darkness has a way of consuming you when you least expect it,” she whispered. I watched as she visibly shut down. It was almost like I could see the walls going back up.

“Garrett, I can’t thank you enough for saving me, but I can’t do this. Nothing has changed. You still lied to me.”

“Payton, don’t do this. I know I kept things from you, but you did, too. Please,” I pleaded. I couldn’t lose her again.

“The difference is that my secrets didn’t hurt anyone else but me.
You knew it was your brother that night, but you didn’t say anything. The worst part isn't just knowing I was lied to, but knowing that I wasn’t worth the truth. The truth can be forgiven a lot easier than a lie, Garrett
.
I guess sometimes silence says everything louder than any words could ever be said.”

“Payton, please.” I pushed down a sob.

“I’m sorry, Garrett. I just can’t do this.” She wouldn’t look at me anymore. I knew I’d lost her.

***

“Why are you doing this?” Lucas asked as we walked toward Pastimes.

“She may not be talking to me, but I’m not letting her walk home alone. I’ll walk behind
her if I have to.” I shrugged.

“You’re like a knight in shining armor, Garrett.” Lucas laughed.

“Fuck you,” I chuckled back.

We walked through the doors of the bar. Rob shook my hand and nodded. We seemed to have come to an agreement of some sorts. I knew he was only protecting Payton, and he knew I loved her and was doing the same. I don’t think he knew the details of why Payton didn’t want to be with me, but he knew I’d hurt her somehow, so he was weary.
Not every problem had an easy way out. Sometimes you needed to face the consequences of the mess you'd created. Reality is a hard pill to swallow, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet.

I grabbed a table and Lucas grabbed us a couple of beers. “How is she?” I asked as he sat down, sliding my beer toward me.

“She seems good.” I looked up and locked eyes with Payton. Tonight was her first night back to work since the incident at her apartment. The bruise seemed to be fading, but the light in her eyes was still gone. She looked away first.

“How do you think she is going to react when you walk her home?” Lucas smiled. He knew full well how that would go down.

I tipped my beer back, taking a long draw before answering, “She’s going to be pissed.” I grinned.

“What is
he doing here?” I asked as Shelly poured a beer from the tap. She looked at me and smiled.

“I don’t
know.” She shrugged.

“What are you up to,
Shel?” I demanded.

“I know nothing.” She grinned as she walked to the other side of the bar.

Garrett hadn’t been back to see me after he left the hospital two days ago. I didn’t expect him to. I basically told him not to. I looked over to the table where he and Lucas were sitting. They seemed to be having a good time. Garrett was grinning. God, I missed that smile. I missed everything about him—his arms around me, his kisses.

It was killing me to be away from him
, but I couldn’t allow myself to go there again. I had been so wrapped up in this budding relationship with Garrett that I missed my dad’s parole hearing. If I had been paying attention to what was important, I would have never missed that letter. I had gotten a letter about the parole hearing after all. I’d found it after coming home from the hospital in the random piles of mail that I had ignored for a few weeks while I was out goofing off. At least I didn’t have to worry about missing another parole hearing letter. The prosecuting attorney was confident that he would have no possibility of parole again.

I struggled through the evening, finally making it through to close the bar. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Shelly.” I grabbed my purse and headed for the door. “Goodnight, Rob.” I kissed him on the cheek and walked out into the cold night.

I had barely made it across the street when I heard footsteps behind me. My heart started beating faster, and I could feel the panic setting in. I turned around quickly and gasped. “Good grief, Garrett! You scared the shit out of me!” I tried to calm myself.

“Sorry.” He smiled.

“What are you doing?” I put my hands on my hips. Why was he standing there smiling at me?

“I’m walking you home
,” he said so simply that it just fueled my fire.

“The hell you are!” I snapped and started walking. I heard him chuckle behind me
, and I knew he was following me, but I wouldn’t allow myself to look back at him. I just kept walking.

When I finally made it to my door, I snuck a peek and saw him standing on the sidewalk watching me. I shook my head and went inside. I let myself in the apartment, locking the door behind me before turning on the light and walking to the window.

He was still there. I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. He raised his hand, smiled and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk toward his townhouse. He was infuriating!

The next night it was the same. Garrett waited until I left and walked behind me. “Are you stalking me?” I finally asked halfway through the park.

“No, Payton. I’m just walking you home.” He grinned at me.

“God, I want to just smack that smile off your face
,” I mumbled, turning around and continuing. He waited until I turned on the light in my apartment and waved at me before leaving again.

The next three nights were the same. He walked me home after work every night. He never tried to make conversation, he just walked behind me.

“He’s driving me crazy,” I complained to Shelly. Garrett sat across the bar with Lucas. When he saw mw looking at him, he raised his beer to me and smiled. “Ugh!” I groaned and turned around. I smiled, event though I tried not to.

“Why are you smiling, Payton?” Shelly nudged me as she walked by.

“I’m not,” I argued, grabbing the dirty glasses and washing them. I couldn’t help it, I started smiling again. He was crazy.

I grabbed my coat when we had finished closing, stood by the door
, and raised my eyebrows at the grinning fool walking my way. “Goodnight, Rob,” I mumbled as I walked by. I heard him chuckle behind me.
Great! Now even my friends were amused by this.

I walked across the park and paused when I reached my stairs. “Goodnight
,” I mumbled before walking through the outside door.

“Goodnight, Payton.”

He smiled and waved when I looked through my window after getting into my apartment. I shook my head and tried to turn before he could see my smile.

The next week was more of the same. Garrett walked me home every night I worked, but now he walked beside me. We still never said anything other than “Goodnight
,” but he was there, nonetheless.

Winter break was starting, and I was looking forward to the break from school. I walked home from my last class until the
new year. The weather was cold, but the sun was out.

I'm not sure what made me stop. Maybe it was how small and sad he looked as he sat on the chipping brick stairs
, or maybe I was just that crazy. I would venture to say it
was the latter.
I walked up to the stairs, pausing for just a moment before sitting down next to him. I was only about a foot away from him, clearly vulnerable if he wanted to hurt me again, but I knew he wouldn't. To be honest, I'm not sure how he did it in the first place.
I heard him take a deep breath, and without even looking up at me, he started to speak.
“I'm not sure how things got so messed up.” He paused and took another shaky breath. “It was my fault.”
I wasn't sure what we were talking about. I thought it might be about what had happened in the park at first, but I quickly realized it was much deeper than that.
“I killed my parents. Did Garrett tell you that?” Jackson looked at me for the first time, and the pain and anguish I saw in his eyes was almost like looking in a mirror. That haunting look was one I'd seen many times in my own reflection.
I shook my head. “I'm not sure why you would think that, Jackson, but I'm pretty positive that Garrett doesn't see it that way.” I held his gaze and, for the first time, I was able to see the scared young man that he was.
“I know he doesn't think that, Payton, but he wasn't there. I ran a red light. I was so caught up in thoughts of my own social life, that one mistake took away everything I have ever known—everything I loved.” A single tear trickled down his cheek, and I had to restrain myself from reaching out and wiping it away.
I knew about guilt. I knew it would eat away at you until you were just a shell of a human being that moved through life out of sheer survival instinct. I knew that it could destroy a person, and I also knew that most of the time it was irrational.
“It was an accident, Jackson. I don't know why, but bad things happen to good people.”
“Do you think what I did to you was an accident? Do you think I even gave a thought to how my actions would impact you?” His voice trembled.
“I'm not sure why you did it, but I can't imagine that you truly meant to hurt me.”
He looked at me, clearly shocked. “How can you even say that?”

“
Jackson, what happened to you?” I whispered.
“That night ... The night my parents died, I ended up in the hospital. By the time Garrett got there, I had been bandaged up and put in casts. I felt numb. I told Garrett I didn't remember what had happened, but I lied.” He stopped and gauged my reaction before continuing.
“After the car came to rest and the shock of the actual accident cleared a bit, I looked over and saw an empty seat. The same seat my mom had occupied just seconds before. My dad was groaning in the back seat, and I couldn't move. I was in so much pain that I couldn't even go look for my mom or reach out to my dad.” Jackson shuddered at the memory.
“I glanced out the window and saw my mom. She was lying on the dirty road, alone. The report said that she died instantly, but she didn't, Payton. She reached for me, and I couldn't go to her.” Jackson sobbed, and I finally allowed myself to put my arms around him, letting him sink into me.
“Why didn't you tell anyone this?” I stroked his hair as he continued to cry.
“I don't know. I didn't want it to hurt Garrett like it did me. Knowing that she suffered. It was too much already knowing how much my dad suffered before he died.” He pulled back and wiped the back of his hand across his face.
“I was on pain pills, and between the physical pain from my injuries, and the emotional pain of losing my parents, I allowed myself to get lost in them. Before I realized it, I was addicted to them and could only think about getting more.”
Garrett tried to get me help, but I refused, so he just did his best to keep me out of trouble. Until that night in the park, I hadn't been a danger to anyone other than myself, but I found myself so desperate, that I just acted without thinking.”
Jackson grabbed my hand and looked me straight in the eyes. “I'm so sorry I hurt you, Payton. It's no excuse, but I was so messed up. I've never hurt anyone before that night, and I couldn't even finish what I started. I panicked. Garrett came to help me when I called, and you know the rest.” He shrugged.
My heart broke for him. Jackson was so young to have to deal with this consuming guilt. I know. I had done so for far too long also. “Jackson, I forgive you.” I squeezed his hand and smiled gently at him.
“Thank you, Payton. I don't deserve it, but I am so glad you do.” He sniffled.
“You haven't had the easiest life either, have you?” I chuckled at his comment. He and Garrett had been thrown into the disaster that my father had brought here. I was so thankful they were there, but I hated having them see that part of my messed up life.
“You're so lucky to have Garrett. He loves you so much. I've never had someone love me unconditionally like that,” I thought out loud.
“That's where you are wrong, Payton. You do have that; you just have to give him a chance to show you. I've never seen Garrett care so much for a girl. He would lay down his life for you.” Jackson took my hand in his. “You do have that kind of love, Payton. You just need to accept it.”
I nodded, more to myself than him. “I'm so scarred from my past, Jackson. I'm not sure I'm capable of being loved,” I mumbled.
“We all have scars, Payton. Not all of them are external, and I think that sometimes the scars we carry on the inside, the ones that no one else can see, are the ones that truly impact us the most, don't you?”
“I do, but Jackson, how do we heal those scars?” I asked. With my whole being, I wanted to know the answer to that.
Jackson stood up and stretched and then looked at me. “Love,” he stated simply. “And fortunately for us, my brother has more than enough for both of us.” He rubbed his hand over my head in such a tender move that I almost started to cry. I heard the door close behind me. I sat there on the steps for several more minutes before I finally got up to leave.