Omission (5 page)

“Next
week, Jackson, I will come up.” Jackson had finally been able to call me. “How are you?” 

“Okay.
It was a bit rough the first few days.” He sounded better—stronger—somewhat like the brother I knew before.

“And now?” 

“Not bad, Garrett, really.” He sounded very reassuring, and I felt relieved.

“Do you want me to bring you anything?” 

“No. Wait, bring me a few Snicker bars.” I laughed. That was an easy request. I planned to throw together a nice junk food care package for him.

“You got it. I’ll see you next week.
”

“Garrett?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, little brother.”

I hung up the phone with a lump in my throat
. I can’t remember ever telling Jackson that I loved him before. It hit me a little hard knowing that he was all I had left of my family. I would do anything for him.

I threw on my sweats and decided to go for a run. On the w
ay back, I swung by the house. I let myself in and went to the kitchen to get some water.

“Hey!”
Lucas was sitting at the table eating cereal. His hair was down and hanging in his face.

“Hey
, Garrett. What’s up?” I took a seat across from him and opened my water, draining half of the bottle with the first gulp, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand.

“Just out for a run. How was last night?
What did you guys end up doing?” I had been an ass all week. I wanted so badly to see Payton—to talk to her again, but I knew I shouldn’t. The guys had put up with my attitude all week, and I decided to give them a break and stay in last night and wallow in my own self-pity.

“We went to
Pastimes.” Lucas watched me closely as he said it.

“Oh.”
I didn’t trust myself to say anything else, so I just sat there staring at the table.

“Are you going to ask me about Payton?” Lucas leaned forward, pushing his empty bowl out of the way.

“I shouldn’t,” I said as I picked at the label on my water bottle.

“I k
now, but I’ll tell you anyway. She looked like shit.” My head shot up, and I actually felt a little pissed off that Lucas was talking about her like that.

Lucas he
ld his hands up. “Hold on, man. She looked bad because she was sick. She actually left around ten thirty, and she could barely move. I don’t know how she made it home.”

“Why didn’t you help her?” What the hell? He should have offered to walk her home or something.

“Garrett, do you seriously think she would’ve let me? She seems to be as stubborn as you.” He was smirking at me.

“You should have fucking called me.”
I ran my hands through my hair. “Damn it!” I was so frustrated and torn.

“Hey, if it makes you feel better, when we walked in she loo
ked hopeful as she watched us. I’m pretty sure she was looking for you, and when you weren’t there, she looked very disappointed.”

“Now why would that make me feel bett
er?” It actually did in a way. It felt good knowing she was still thinking about me, too, but I hated the thought that I’d caused her to be upset. I didn’t want her disappointed. I just wanted her to not want to be around me. That would make it much easier to stay away.

“Well,” Lucas stood up and stretched, “I spoke to the red head, and she said Payton
wouldn’t be back until Monday. I guess they told her to stay home and get better.” He raised his eyebrows at me before turning and walking down the hall. “Just thought you might want to know,” he hollered over his shoulder.

I sat there for a few more minutes before I made up my mind on what to do.

***

I had three bags of groceries in my hands as I walked up the
stairs to Payton’s apartment. I heard her shuffle to the door after the third knock. I smiled at the peep hole, knowing she was probably looking through it.

T
he door swung open. “Garrett?” She was bundled up in sweats. Her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, and her eyes were so blue against her pale face, that they almost looked like sapphires, yet sullen. She looked beautiful standing there, but I could tell she was sick. Her cheeks were flushed, and she had dark circles under her eyes.

“Hey, can I come in?”
I handed her the stack of mail that was in the box outside the main door.

She frowned at me.
“I’m sick, Garrett, it’s probably not a good idea.”

I held the bags up. “I know you’re sick, I’m here to take care of you.”

Her face was so cute, and I almost started laughing at her expression. Finally, she stepped to the side without another word. I followed her in and set the bags on the small table.

“Have you eaten anything?” I looked over my shoulder.

“No.” She tossed the mail into a growing pile on the counter before she walked over to the couch and sat down, curling her feet up under her and laying her head back on the worn sofa.

I went to work heating up some soup and arranging s
ome crackers on the plate. I poured her a glass of Gatorade and brought it all over to the coffee table in front of her. “Have you taken anything?” I placed the back of my hand on her forehead. She was definitely running a fever.

She shook her head
again, and I frowned at her. I went back to the table and pulled out some cold and flu medicine.

“
Here.” I handed her the pills and then gave her the glass of Gatorade to wash them down. After she took them, I set the bowl of soup on her lap. She looked at me like she might argue, and I raised my eyebrows at her. She just shook her head and sighed, lifting the spoon to her mouth.

“
Mmmm,” she moaned softly, and I felt a small pull in my stomach at the sound she made.

“Does it taste okay?” I smiled as I asked.
Based on her reaction, it did.

She looked at me and n
odded. “Yes, thank you, Garrett. I’ll be fine, you can go now.”

I sat b
ack and folded my arms. “Nope. I’m not leaving.”

Her mouth fell open
, and I bit my lip so I didn’t laugh. She lifted her chin slightly and mumbled, “Really? You seemed pretty good at that before.”
Ouch!
I totally deserved that.

“I know
… I’m sorry.” I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. This was a bad idea.

“
It’s fine, Garrett. You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t
need
you here.” She set the bowl back on the table.

“Maybe not, but do you
want
me here? I can tell you that
I
want to be here.” I stood up and grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her, kneeling in front of her so I could look at her. “Well?”

She shrugged her shoulders
. “Whatever.”

I smiled,
sitting back down next to her. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. “Anything you want to watch?”

“It doesn’t matter.”
She leaned back and closed her eyes.

“Do you want to go lay down in your bed?” 

“No, I’m tired of being in there.”

I started flipping through the channels and finally stopped on one of those
restaurant/bar rescue shows where they fix up the place and re-launch the business. There wasn’t much else on.

Within fifteen minutes I felt Payton shift slig
htly as she leaned against me. I could smell her shampoo—cinnamon and vanilla—and feel the warmth of her feverish body. I carefully lowered her so that her head was on a small pillow in my lap. She curled her legs up and slept. She looked so incredibly peaceful. I ran my fingers over her hair, smoothing the dark, wild strands that escaped her ponytail. Her puffy, chapped lips were parted slightly as she breathed so softly in a steady rhythm of little puffs of air. She was beautiful, and I knew right then that I should have known all along. I couldn’t stay away from her. Maybe she didn’t need to know about Jackson. After all, she never saw his face or anything, right? I struggled with the internal argument for quite some time before just giving in.

I watched her sleep for almost an hour before she stirr
ed and opened her eyes. “Hey,” I spoke softly so I didn’t startle her. I expected her to move when she realized she was lying on my lap, but she didn’t. She just looked up at me, blinking. “Are you really here?” she mumbled sleepily.

I chuckled, “Yes, Payton, I’m really here.
How do you feel?” I brushed her hair away from her face. It appeared that her fever had broken while she slept as her hairline was damp with sweat and so was her shirt that was now sticking to the front of her stomach and breasts, defining every curve. She didn’t appear to be wearing a bra, and I instantly became aroused as I took in the beautiful sight before me, quickly chastising myself for being such a jerk and perving on her when she was sick.

“I think a little better.” She sat up and looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes
. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.”

“I’m not.”
I laughed when she looked up at me with her mouth open, making sure to keep the pillow strategically placed on my lap. “Do you want something to eat?”

“No, I think I want a shower
, though.” She pulled on her shirt, frowning, when she saw how clingy it was.

“Do you need help?”
I waggled my eyebrows at her, and she giggled.

“No, I’ve got this. I’ve managed to wash myself alone for many years now.”
She stood up and walked down the hall. I sat back on the couch and flipped through the channels. When I heard the shower turn on, I decided to make her a sandwich so she could eat something.

By the time she came out I had soup and grilled cheese sandwiches made for both of us.

“Wow! That actually smells good.” Her hair was lying damp against the back of her shirt, and I don’t think I’d ever seen grey sweat pants and a t-shirt ever look so good. She had rolled the waist of her sweat pants down and they hung low on her hips. The t-shirt looked worn and soft. She looked comfortable and cozy, and so incredibly sexy.

I handed her a couple more pills as she sat down at the little table to eat. She popped them into her mouth and swallowed them down with
a drink and then looked at me. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”
I wasn’t sure where this was going, but I wanted her to talk to me.

“Why now? I mean why avoid me all week and then just show up when I’m sick—by the way, how did you know I was sick?”
She raised her eyebrows as she studied me.

I rubbed my face and groaned.
How did I begin to explain this? “I got scared.” This was obviously not what Payton was expecting because she paused mid-bite of her sandwich and put it down.

“What do you mean?”

“Payton, I can’t explain it. I just know that I want to be around you, and I … shit!” I was frustrated trying to explain it without letting on why I shouldn’t be with her.

“I want to be around you
, too.” She reached over and placed her hand over mine. “This isn’t easy for me either. I’m not used to letting people in.” She released my hand and sat back, picking up her sandwich again.

“
Why don’t you have any pictures of your family?” I regretted the question immediately after it left my mouth. She froze and sucked in a deep breath before schooling her features and looking back at me.

“Um, my family is dead.”
She pushed her plate away from her and looked at me. I could see the pain in her eyes.

“When?” I whispered.

“When I was thirteen.” She looked away.

There was so much about this girl that I didn’t know. She was haunted by something
. I could see it in her eyes as she sat across from me at the worn oak table with mismatched chairs. That explained the lack of family pictures in the place. She obviously still carried some sort of pain regarding her family, and I felt a pang of hurt shoot through me, knowing that we had the loss of family in common. The big difference was that Jackson and I made a point to remember our parents, but Payton looked like she wanted to bury the ghosts of her past deep below the surface.

I wasn’t ready for these questions, and my guard came up abruptly. I waited for the pity—the look everyone gives you when they find out you have no family. I hated that look. Part of me ached for the mom I used to know. The one who took care of me and loved me. The mom she was before my dad took all of that away and left her just a shell of a woman. Before he stole innocence that wasn’t his, and in many ways, mine too.

I know I’m not completely forthcoming. My dad is still very much alive—rotting in prison
right where he should be—but he is dead to
me
, and if I had my way, he would stay there forever without parole.

“I’m fe
eling much better now, Garrett. You don’t have to stay,” I snapped, slightly more snarky than intended.

“Shit
, Payton, I’m sorry. Don’t pull away from me now. We don’t have to talk about it, okay?”  He pleaded with me. He furrowed his eyebrows like he was in pain.

“I don’t
know if I can do this, Garrett.” I put my head in my hands. I couldn’t look at him. If I did, I would buckle.

“Payton, look at me.” Garrett wasn’t
sitting across from me anymore, he was now right in front of me. I shook my head. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to feel vulnerable.

“Please, Payton.”
I allowed myself to look up at him. “We need to stop pushing each other away. If we are going to make a go of this, we have to talk.” He pulled me up and into his arms.

“A go of
what
Garrett? As of last week you were completely ignoring me!” I pushed him back, struggling to free myself from his arms. I felt like we were playing a game here, and I didn’t know the rules.

“Damn it
, Payton! I’m trying to figure this out, too. I don’t know what is going on with us. All I know is that I like being around you, and as much as I love that feeling, it scares the hell out of me.”

“Garrett, you have no idea what
you’re getting yourself into. I’m a freaking mess!” I could feel myself starting to shake. Too many of my emotions were coming to the surface. I hadn’t thought about or allowed myself to feel anything like this for years, and it scared the ever loving shit out of me.

“Payton, I bet the skeletons in my closet could kick the shit out of the skeletons in yours.” I looked
up at him and started laughing. He smiled and kissed me on the head. I seriously doubted it.

“It’s been a long da
y, and you still need to rest.” Before I could protest, he pulled me down the hallway to my room. He pulled back my covers, and I climbed in.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He ran his finger down the side of my cheek
, and it gave me chills. I watched him turn and leave. I held my breath until I heard the door close.

What was I doing?

***

I woke up on Sunday m
orning feeling so much better. I had a very restless sleep worrying about what Garrett and me were getting into. He had no idea what an emotional mess I was. I had so much mental and physical baggage, I wasn’t sure if I would even be capable of having a normal relationship—not after all the crazy shit I’d been through.

I hopped into the shower, enjoying how wonderful the hot water felt on my skin—washing away the sick
that I felt the last two days. I wrapped myself in my robe and ran my fingers through my towel-dried hair. Coffee. I needed a cup of coffee before I got any further.

I had just taken
my first sip when the doorbell rang. I opened it to a smiling Garrett. “Good morning, Payton.”

“Come in.”
I smiled as he walked in the door. I couldn’t help but admire him. He was gorgeous standing there in my living room. His hair was short, but still slightly messy, and his eyes were just amazing—brown and warm—rich like chocolate and caramel. I was drawn to his lips that were in a slightly crooked smile, and I wondered what it would be like to kiss them. All of that was exquisite, but his body took the cake. I could see his strong biceps under the sleeves of his Henley shirt. His waist was firm and defined, and his jeans sat low on his hips. I could seriously look at him all day.

“Payton?”
I snapped my head up at the sound of my name.

“I asked how you w
ere feeling.” His smile was huge, and I knew I’d been caught ogling.

“Oh, sorry. I am feeling so much better.”
Not only was I gawking at him, I realized that I was standing in front of him in my bathrobe. “Give me a minute, I’m going to go change.” I turned down the hallway. “I just made coffee, help yourself,” I hollered over my shoulder.

I grabbed my panties
and bra and started to dress. I pulled out my favorite jeans and shimmied them up as I stood there staring in my packed closet trying to figure out what top to wear, finally deciding on a blue v-neck sweater. I pulled on some boots and walked out the bedroom door. I slipped around the corner to the kitchen and found Garrett sitting at the table. He glanced up and smiled when he saw me.

“You look nice.”
He was staring at me.

“Thanks.”
My cheeks heated a bit from his compliment.

“Do you feel like getting out of the apartment
today?” he asked while his eyes followed me around the kitchen.

“What did you have in mind?”
I refreshed my coffee cup and sat across from him.

“Something low key, I don’t want you relapsing n
ow that you’re feeling better. How about lunch and a movie?”

“That sounds good to me. Do you mind waiting while I
blow-dry my hair?” I asked.

“Nope, take your time.”
He sat back and sipped his coffee.

I walked to the bathroom
, feeling slightly giddy with anticipation of spending the entire day with him. It was silly, but this was actually my first date, if you would call it that. I had been so focused in high school, trying to get good grades so I could get into college that I missed out on most of the typical teen years. It was pretty pathetic.

Twenty minutes later my hair was dry and pulled back into a loose ponytail. I put on some ligh
t makeup and brushed my teeth. When I walked out Garrett was standing by the window. He looked deep in thought.

“Ready?”
I asked and smiled as he jumped. He obviously hadn’t heard me approach. “Sorry.” I giggled.

He walked right up, stopping in front of me and standing so close that I coul
d feel the heat from his body. I looked up at him and smiled as he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ears. His touch was almost electrifying to me, sending chills through my body. Part of me wanted to just lean up and kiss him on those soft lips, and the other part wanted to run away. I did neither. I just stood there instead.

“Let’s go.” He took my hand and led me to the door.