Omission (4 page)

“I just w
ant to get to know you, Payton. I am so drawn to you, and I can’t explain why.” His voice was soft and low. With that, he pulled himself back and dropped his hands back to his sides.

I was panting.
My heartbeat was irregular, and I was trying to figure out what just happened. I can’t remember a time when I have ever wanted to be kissed more. It had felt so good to have his hands on me, and I swear the skin where he had touched still tingled as we stood there.

“Okay
,” I whispered.

“Okay
, you’ll let me get to know you?” His smile seemed so genuine that I couldn’t help but smile back.

I nodded. “
I’ll try.”

I could see his body
physically relax, releasing a huge amount of tension. I started walking forward again and felt him slide in step with me. We walked in silence the entire way across the park. When we reached the sidewalk, I realized I wasn’t ready for him to go. “Do you want to come over for a bit?” I had never invited anyone into my apartment, not even Shelly, but I wanted him to say yes so badly.

“I’d like that.”
He smiled nervously. I was glad to see that he seemed just as out of sorts as me.

Good!
I walked the little ways to my apartment and crossed the street. “Here we are.” I opened the main door and walked up the stairs to the second level, unlocking my door and holding it open for him to walk through.

I closed the door and leaned
back against it, watching him look around before he turned to look at me. His brown eyes were so gentle, studying me, almost like he knew this was a big step for me. On the outside I was strong, but on the inside I was so scared to death that I might fall for him.

She looked so small and frightened, and all I wanted to do was
gather her up and wrap her in my arms, never letting go.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“I’ll just have water, please.” I didn’t need any more alcohol tonight. I sat down on the couch and looked around a bit more. She came back with two bottles of water, and handed me one as she sat on the other side of the couch.

“Thanks
, Payton.” I took a quick drink and screwed the cap back on. “How long have you lived here?”

“About three years.”
She looked around. Her apartment was small, but practical. She seemed to have everything she needed. It was obvious that she had taken some pride in taking care of her space. It felt cozy, but I noticed that there weren’t any pictures on the walls or photos of family and friends—it just seemed very impersonal.

“Ever thought of ha
nging a picture or something?” I smirked, and she shot me a wide-eyed look.

“I guess it ho
nestly hadn’t occurred to me.” She giggled, and I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful her smile was, and how her blue eyes almost twinkled when she laughed. It made me smile just watching her.

“Nobody h
as ever told you that before?” I grinned at her as I took another drink.

“Nobody
else has ever been in my apartment before.” She shrugged.

“Nobody?” She shook her head.
Wow. Three years and she had never had anyone over?
There was obviously more to the story, and I hoped she would feel comfortable enough with me to share it sometime. I wanted to know everything about her. I reached out and laid my hand on hers that was resting on the couch. As soon as I touched her, my skin came alive. “Thanks for inviting me up.” I squeezed her hand and let it go, not wanting to push things quite yet.

We spent the next hour
talking. She told me more about wanting to be a CPA after she was done with college, and we talked a bit about my goals and where I might like to work. It was nice and relaxed, and I saw an even more intriguing side to Payton—one I couldn’t wait to get to know better.

I was never the gu
y that followed a girl around. Even in high school, I had the pick of girls. I never stayed with any of them long. It drove my mom crazy. She wanted me to bring a girlfriend home to meet them, to have dinner with our family—one that she could get to know. That never happened.

I was focused on my lacrosse and my social life.
I was self-important. School was always easy for me so I didn’t need to study a whole lot. It was amazing how quickly things could change. How one minute I was a college kid with no cares in the world, partying, drinking, hooking up with random girls, and then one day it all came crashing down. Now I was a college student with the world on my shoulders and one fragile young man—my brother—who needed me more now than anyone else does.

Jackson.
Shit! What was I doing?
“I better get going.” I stood up and grabbed my jacket. I could see the questioning look in her eyes. My behavior was erratic, I knew that, but I needed to get my head on straight, and I couldn’t do that with Payton in front of me. She made me question everything I thought I knew.

“Okay.”  She walked with me to the door.
“Um, thanks for hanging out.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and I felt like an ass. I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, and she bit her lip and looked at me. God, she had no idea how hot she looked when she did that. I wanted to take that lip into my own mouth, teasing and sucking it. Shit, I needed to get out of here. “Thanks again.” I turned and walked out, not giving myself a chance to change my mind.

***

I woke up Saturday morning, well almost afternoon, with a raging headache. I felt like total shit for being so hot and cold with Payton, and I knew deep down that I shouldn’t be spending time with her, not after Jackson had attacked her, but I couldn’t seem to fight the urge. There was something about her that just made me want to be around her. There was still that sense of vulnerability, yet she was so strong and in control. She made me step outside of reality, and that was dangerous. I needed to just stay away from her. It was the right thing to do.

The phone rang
, and I grimaced at the way the ringing plowed through my head. “Hello?”

“Hey, wha
t the hell is wrong with you?” It was Ryan.

“Not
hing, just nursing a headache. What’s up?”

“We’re throwing together
a party tonight at the house. You better be there.” 

That was just what I needed. I could get my mind off of Payton, have some fun and meet some new girls
.

“Of course I’ll be there!” I sounded more excited than I felt.

“Cool! See you later.”

By the time the evening rolled around, I had taken a hot shower, four
ibuprofen tablets, and had one beer. I was definitely ready for the party.

The house was buzzing with activity whe
n I arrived early to help out. I may not have been living there anymore, but I knew the party routine, and I jumped right in. We had furniture to move, breakables to store and doors to lock. By nine o’clock, we had the keg tapped, and the party was starting to take off.

Ryan had jumped into the host role like he was Hugh Hefner or something
, and Ethan rode his coattails as his wingman. It was entertaining to watch. If Ryan had shown up in a red velvet smoking jacket, sporting a brandy and a cigar, I’m not sure I would have been shocked.

“I’m surprised you aren’t sitting down at
Pastimes tonight.” Lucas handed me another beer as he leaned against the counter, watching the college girls dance and flirt with anything that moved. I couldn’t fathom being with any of them right now.

“Na
h, I think it’s better if I stayed away for awhile.” I shrugged.

“An
ything you want to talk about? It seemed to me that you were pretty into Payton.” 

I took a swig of my beer and sighed. “Yeah,
but sometimes it’s not enough. It isn’t a good idea for me to be around her,” I confessed, knowing that I had just opened the door for questions.

“I don’t get it.”
Lucas stared at me waiting for an explanation, and I realized I really wanted to talk to someone about it.

“It’s a long story
, man. Not one for the middle of a party.” Just as I said this, Ryan walked up.

“Hey, you g
uys mind going on a quick run? We need tequila. I’m going to whip up some awesome margaritas for my friends over there.” He pointed to a group of girls, who had obviously had a head start and didn’t look like they really needed too many more margaritas.

“Sure.”
Lucas slapped me on the shoulder and we headed out. The closest liquor store was about five blocks away, so we started walking.

“So?
What’s the story?” Lucas shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Remember the day I took Jackson
up North?” I began.

“Yeah.”

“Well, something happened the night before that.” I slowed down a bit, trying to figure out how to explain everything.

“Okay
... What?” Lucas was obviously confused.

I took a deep breath, knowing tha
t this was going to sound bad, but also knowing there was no other way to say it. “Well, he attacked someone in the park, tried to rob them, but they passed out before he could, and he freaked. He called me crying, and when I found him in the park, he was leaning over a woman who was unconscious.”

“Shit
, Garrett!” Lucas shook his head.

“
Yeah, I know, but that’s not the worst part.” I looked at Lucas as I spoke so I could gauge his reaction. “The woman was Payton.”

“What the fuck?”
Lucas stopped walking and looked at me with his mouth open.

“Shit!
I know man; don’t look at me that way! I know it’s seven ways of fucked up, trust me.”  I rubbed my hands over my face and through my short hair.

“I can’t believe she is so relaxed
having you around after that.” Lucas stared at me with wide eyes.

“Well, she doesn’t exac
tly remember who attacked her. She just knows I saved her.” I lowered my voice, clearly feeling guilty.

“What the
hell are you thinking, Garrett?” Lucas was right. I knew it was a bad idea to be around her. Shit, I knew this, but I was weak when it came to her. “How could you lie about that?”

I
sank down on the small retaining wall along the sidewalk. “I don’t know. There’s something about her … I can’t get her out of my head.” I put my head in my hands. “I didn’t really lie, I just left out some important details.”

“You can’t seriously believe that, Garrett. You omitted some
very
important details, I would say.” Lucas sat next to me. “Dude, you can’t keep seeing her. What happens when Jackson comes home?” Lucas stared at me.

“I know
, you’re right. That’s why I’m here tonight and not there.” I stood up. “Come on, let’s get the stuff and get back.” We walked the rest of the way to the liquor store, got a few bottles of the cheapest tequila we could find and headed back to the party.

“Hey
listen, Lucas, please don’t repeat this stuff about Payton.” I stopped right before heading into the house.

“You don’t even have to ask
, Garrett, you know that.”

And I did.

In the last week, it seemed as if every time the door opened to the bar I looked up—hoping that I would see Garrett walk through the door. He didn’t.

“Are you okay
, Payton?” Shelly was staring at me.

I couldn’t
begin to figure out what happened. Everything seemed fine—better than fine. I was pretty sure I didn’t imagine his interest in me. I must have missed something somewhere. I was so inexperienced with all of this, so it was very possible that I misread the situation. This was exactly why I didn’t open myself up to people. I had let my walls down for a short while, but I wasn’t about to do it again.

There were very few people in my life that I trusted wholeheartedly. Trust didn’t come easy to me. It was a way of self-preservation. When you
were a child, you trusted your parents because that is what you were supposed to do. Children loved their parents unconditionally, until they were finally pushed too far and the security of the world they lived in crumbled. It’s hard to fight your way out of that, and it was easy to get buried alive if you let it consume you. I’m stronger than that. Now.

“I’m fine.
Just tired today.” That wasn’t really a lie—I
was
tired. I had a headache, and my throat was a bit sore. I just felt completely run down. I figured I was probably coming down with a cold or something.

Shelly nodded and walked off.
She was pretty good at leaving me alone when I really needed to not have to explain myself, and honestly, I think both she and Rob were a bit tired of me being out of it the past week. It was Friday night, and the crowds would be building up soon. I wiped down the dark mahogany bar and made sure we had plenty of ice before I stepped away to take a bathroom break. It would be the only time I would get away before the night was over.

As
I glanced at myself in the mirror, I realized I looked as bad as I felt. My cheeks were flushed, and I had dark circles under my eyes. I splashed cold water on my face and took a couple deep breaths. I just needed to get through the next few hours, and I could go home and sleep whatever this was off.

“Are you sure you’re okay
, Payton?” Shelly placed her hand on my shoulder and gave it a small squeeze, sending an ache through my sore body. I was convinced I was getting sick. I was so achy and cold.

“Shelly, I’m fine,
although I think I might be coming down with a cold or something.” She frowned at me, and I tried to smile. “Really, let’s just get through this night,” I begged.

I headed to the other side of the b
ar where a group had gathered. I had just finished filling their drink order when I saw a familiar face walk in. My heart jumped, and I stared as I watched Lucas come in with the other two guys who had been with him and Garrett before. I waited to see if Garrett would walk through the door, but he wasn’t with them. Lucas looked over at me, and I gave him a small smile before turning around, feeling utterly defeated.

“Payt
on?” Shelly looked concerned. I just shook my head.

“Hey
, Payton.” Lucas was smiling at me. “Can I get three beers?”

“Sure, Lucas.”
I grabbed the glasses and filled them, setting them down in front of him. He handed me his money and frowned at me.

“Are you okay?” I wasn’t okay.
I felt like total crap, and to top it off, I was pissed at myself for getting my hopes up again with Garrett.

“Not really, I think I’
m getting a cold or something.” I smiled weakly as I gave him his change. “How are you?” I avoided asking about Garrett, even though my mind was screaming at me to do so.

“Not bad, I guess. Hey
… I hope you feel better.” Lucas patted me on the hand before turning around to return to his friends.

“Thanks
,” I mumbled.

***

By ten thirty I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. My whole body ached, I had chills, and I was keeping up with the crowds—just barely, but I felt so damn bad that I was almost in tears.

I was re-stocking the beer cooler when
I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Payton, honey, go home.” I turned around and saw Marie, the bar owner. She wasn’t here much, but she didn’t really need to be. Shelly ran a tight ship and managed the bar extremely well.

“Marie, what are you doing here?”
I frowned, knowing something must be wrong if she came down on a Friday night.

“Shelly called me and told me you were sick
, honey. She knew you wouldn’t leave if there wasn’t coverage, so I’m here now, and you need to go home, and don’t come in tomorrow or Sunday. I want you well, and I know you will push yourself until you can’t move if we let you.”

I coul
dn’t even argue. I nodded and grabbed my bag from under the bar. “Thank you.” Marie smiled, and Shelly gave me a small wave as I headed to the door. Rob gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. “Get some rest, baby.” The tenderness from my friends almost had me in tears.

The cold air hit me
, and I shivered as I pulled my jacket tight around me. I must be running a fever. I set out across the park, just willing myself to move forward. My legs felt so achy. The walk across the park took much longer than it should have, and by the time I reached my apartment I was so weak that I could hardly make it up the stairs. I threw the mail, unopened, onto the counter and headed straight for the bathroom. I managed to get myself in a hot shower to try to warm up, and then I crawled under the covers and fell into a restless sleep.