Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (26 page)

“Are your eyes closed?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel good?”

“Yes…but…”

“No buts. Just let me touch you. Trust me.”

I could barely hear his words over the soft roar of the bubbles. I felt my shoulders relax against his chest and my arms floated down in the water next to his legs. I took a long, even breath as I tried to do what he wanted. His hands pressed tenderly against the skin on my stomach and I felt his pinky slide beneath the waistband of my swimsuit. I instinctively began to move but then calmed myself by trusting him. This was one of the hardest things I’d ever done—not turning my body toward him and forcing my lips to his.

His other hand began an upward motion and I knew he was going to touch my breast so I tried to prepare myself, hoping that my noises were contained. I called it. His left hand covered my bikini top on the right side. He had grazed over the top last night and cupped it the night we were busted by my parents. But this…this gentle massaging was not only incredible but second base, right? When his hand slid beneath the material, it was official.  I smiled to myself and held my breath.

Before I could fully exhale, his hands ran over the material of my bottoms and down between my legs. My body ached and blood rushed to where his hands touched. I wanted to yell stop because I was scared of what I was feeling, but I knew he would and I wasn’t sure I wanted him too.  The material between him and my body was suddenly aggravating to me. I brought my hand up out of the water and rubbed my steamed face. Maybe I was unintentionally trying to cover it—embarrassed of the panting that always accompanied this. Could he hear me?

“Lay your head back,” he whispered, though I hadn’t realized it had come up. I did as he said and he nuzzled his nose into my hair. Then he kissed me softly, tracing the length of my neck with little pecks.  I’d never been touched like this and I was suddenly afraid I’d never be again.

“Does it feel good?”

I nodded. I think.

And in that moment, I realized that now there was no material between his hand and me.  Third Base!

“Zach. I’m scared…” I whispered as I grabbed his hand and gripped it tightly. 

“Don’t be,” he comforted pulling his hands away. “
Em. I need you to trust me and know that I wouldn’t hurt you or do anything you don’t want to. ”

God I loved it when he said my name and this time, his voice was a rough whisper. I couldn’t really move or speak.

“Being out here, I knew it couldn’t…wouldn’t get out of control. I didn’t have to worry about it going too far. I just wanted you. You don’t know how incredible it feels knowing you want me.” I heard a low groan deep in his throat and I draped my hand behind his neck and pulled him to my mouth. His kiss was hungry; mine seemed weak…physically weak…I wasn’t sure if my lips even puckered before I rested my head against him.

He massaged my fingers. “You’re skin is shriveled up. Let’s get you inside.”

And, just like that we were up and out of the water.              

When she stepped out of the bedroom in my USC shirt and her sweats, an instant smile spread across my face. She swam inside the gigantic shirt; it hung past her knees. She met my gaze, blood invaded her cheeks and she looked away. I didn’t like that, but I assumed she was embarrassed about what happened in the hot tub.

Never had I been concerned about a girl’s feelings before, but I wanted to assure this one that I was going nowhere.  Less than an hour ago, she trusted me with her body. And given the way I had violated girls in the past, I didn’t deserve her trust.  Thank God she didn’t know. For whatever reason, she saw the good in me. I wouldn’t let her down.

Simply thinking about what happened in the hot tub, made my lower half react more than I wanted, and I was glad a down throw covered me. I patted the pillow next to my head as she approached the sofa. To my relief, she smiled. Her tiny little body curled up next to mine.

The bedroom doors were shut and things were quiet. This was our last night before returning to my own living hell without her. I’d barely made it two weeks without going insane and still had two months left. It had to be done or I’d lose her for good.

Her eyes were my best gauge for her emotions, but she wouldn’t meet my gaze. I needed to see in them. I tried to remember this was new to her. No one had ever touched her before and that made my heart tingle.

I lay flat on my back on the oversized sofa, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her onto me. Her head rested on my chest and moved up and down with each breath. We watched
Sportscenter on ESPN. The muted TV previewed upcoming BCS bowl games.

An anxious, unfamiliar feeling grew inside of me. Another foreign feeling when it came to Emma. Something was wrong. Usually after fooling around with a girl, I found them needy and pathetic for attention. But—she wouldn’t even look at me. Roles had been reversed. I was the pathetic needy one!  Had I pushed her too far?  I only wanted her to know she could trust me. She was one girl I would never push into something she wasn’t ready for.  My hand instinctively rubbed her back, soothing her? Then I
propped my head up with my other hand and purposefully cleared my throat. Finally! She looked up at me planting her chin in my chest. The little V between her eyes was there again, and this time I didn’t know why.  Shit! I didn’t know what to say, and I turned back to Sportscenter.

“I love you,” she spoke softly.

Shocked, I glanced away from the TV. “What? Where did that come from?” 

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Coming from her, those three words were music to my ears. With my other hand, I ran my fingers through her tangled hair gently working them through. “And I love you baby girl,” I whispered as my thumb traced over her eyebrows and softly caressed the V away. Her eyes closed.

“Zach?”

“Hmm?”

Her face turned red before the words came out. “Why did you…” she shook her head.

“Why did I what?”

“In the hot tub. Why…” 

The corners of my mouth turned up. She liked me touching her? I stared at her patiently praying for that to be confirmed.

“What made you?” She lowered her head and buried her nose in my chest.

“What made me…what?”

She lifted her right foot and kicked my left shin. “Stop…you know.  What made you do that?”

I hugged her tightly. “I’m not sure I had some grand plan to do
that
if that’s what you mean.”

“I wasn’t saying that.” She was embarrassed and laid her cheek against my chest. I think I hurt her feelings. “It was a stupid question.”

I cradled her cheeks in my palms. “Haven’t you ever heard no question is a stupid question?” I smiled. “I don’t know why tonight, Emma. I wanted my touch to feel good. Did it? ” I whispered.

“You just proved your theory wrong.
That
was a stupid question,” she said biting her lip.

So it did feel good.  Relief again.

“Maybe. But tell me anyway. Did me touching you feel good? ” Her innocent eyes seduced me without her even realizing it. 

She sighed. “Well, it was…nice.”

“Nice?” I questioned a little too loudly because Brett stirred on the other sofa. “A picnic is nice, Emma.  A walk in the park is nice. My boyfriend touching me…
nice?
” I asked sarcastically.

Suddenly, she rose all the way up on her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Are you kidding me? It was…it was…perfect.”

I smiled on that one.  “All right. Better.”

She leaned in and brushed my lips with a kiss. “Zachary Dale Owens.”

“Uh, oh. The full name,” I chuckled.

“Sometimes…I feel stupid…and young and I feel like I don’t deserve you and that you should be with someone who can offer you more.”

What?? “Baby. What more could I possibly want?”

“Someone who knows what they’re doing.”

I positioned my body more upright. “Who’s kidding who now?  I don’t care what you know or don’t know. I enjoyed that just as much as you. Believe me.”

She scratched her head and didn’t say anything.

“Listen.” I paused. “You wanted to know why tonight. I’ll tell you, but you can’t get mad.”

She pouted and I could tell she was unsure if she could make that deal. “Kay.”

I studied her beautiful face. “Every time you and I—touch. I feel so bad. When I touch you…” I stopped and looked at her. Her eyes were scared. I had to soften the words. “You…your body…it’s response to me. I don’t know if I scare you or if you’re nervous.”  

“I’m not scared.”

“Are you sure? Because your quivers measure an 8.4 on the Richter scale,” I teased, grinning. Thank God she smiled.

“I’m not scared,” she repeated. “I can’t help it.” She rested her nose on my sternum and I forced her chin up with my finger.  When our eyes met she said, “I’m sorry.”

“Emma. Baby. Don’t be sorry. You have no idea what it does to me when you tremble.”

“Well. I’m not scared. It…” She shook her head. “It drives me crazy.”

“Crazy?” I asked.

“Wait! Not crazy
crazy. Ryan has always said that guys don’t like crazy. So, not crazy like that. A good crazy,” She corrected quickly.

I understood, and a cheesy smile took over my face. “I
want
to drive you crazy. When I hear just the slightest whimper come from you, I swear to God, I…” Truth be told, I couldn’t tell her what those whimpers did to me. They reminded me of her innocence. They reminded me of what I wanted to take from her. But I also knew that it had to be when she was ready.  “I just needed to know that you weren’t scared.”

“Well. Maybe a little,” she giggled. “But not of you, and I don’t quiver
that
bad.”

Her smile was beautiful and gentle and her teeth glistened even in the flash of the TV. 

“Yes you do. And it is
so
cute.” 

“Whatever.” She flipped her head over and refused to look at me. 

He massaged my shoulders. “There is something you could do for me.”

This was it.  Of course he expected reciprocation. Duh! In twenty minutes, we cruised from first base to second and he tried to steal third before I stopped him.  Though he did touch me, I wondered if I could consider that totally third?  I wondered what he wanted…a blow job? I knew of girls who had done it and I had overheard Ryan talking about it with his friends but I didn’t really know what to do. But, I would try.  I’d do anything for Zach. 

“What do you want done?”

“If I could have one thing tonight, it would be for you to tell me what happened with Grant.”

My smile faded. Not at all what I expected.  “Um, OK.”

“
Em, he upset you. That pisses me off.”

“I don’t want to think about that. And besides, he’s off
scroggin Claire somewhere.”

He laughed loudly and Brett stirred again.

“Shh.” I covered his lips with my index finger.

“
Scroggin. Where did that word come from? And if he is, does that make you jealous?”

Was I jealous?  “No. I am not jealous. Claire can have Grant.”

“Please, tell me what happened.”

I sighed. “After the incident on the mountain and the whole Chloe thing,” I rolled my eyes, “he asked to see me at the hospital.”

“Yes, I know. I was there. And he knew exactly what he was doing by doing that.” 

“Anyway. He told me he was going to back off. That he knew I liked you.” I paused.

“And?”

I took a long deep breath. “He said that it drove him nuts that our—yours and mines—bedroom door was shut all night long and that he waited and waited for it to open last night. That he stayed up and watched it. He said he realized I was serious with you given that we’d slept together. SO…being the idiot that I am, I told him we hadn’t
scrogged.
” I giggled then turned serious again.