Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (22 page)

“Hmm?”

“Why do you always have to test my strength or this
mutual
agreement?” His words blew out of his mouth.

“Is that what I’m doing? Testing you? Believe me you passed the test long ago.”

He wrapped his arm around me, held my hips in place and twisted me over till I was on the bed and he was on top. Brushing the hair from my face, he smiled at me. “I believe someone wants me to fail the test.”  He pressed his lips to mine, the familiarity of his kiss so distinct after the kiss with Grant. I felt his body’s response as he rubbed against me. My head spun as his tongue delved into my mouth for only a moment, then he brushed a soft kiss over my lips and arched his throat. I kissed his Adam’s apple, then his chin, then our lips met again—the kiss was much more powerful this time. He reached down and grabbed my knee and pulled it up to his hip and his body fell deeper between my legs. I lifted my T-shirt over my head exposing my single tank nightshirt. My cheeks burned with the blood that raced to them.

“Emma.” I heard the more formal warning.

I smiled. I wanted to please him, didn’t he understand? 

“Zach.” I mimicked him with a deep voice. “How strong are you?” I slid my hand down his back below his waistband. Boxers?

He gripped both my wrists with one hand shoving them over my head. “Not strong enough, apparently. Especially if you keep taking your clothes off.” He raised my tank exposing my stomach and he kissed it softly, rubbing his nose across the pale skin. He inched upward closer to my breasts and his nose brushed over the top of my bra and a shudder rippled through me.

“Oh, Zach.”  At the same time, he traced under my waistband with his finger. No one had ever touched me like this. I couldn’t breathe or I was holding it—I didn’t know which. Nothing was clear—except that I wanted him. Finally, his thumb replaced his nose on my bra and his other hand went farther south brushing over my cotton Jockeys.

There was no room for my mother in this bed but she was with me in spirit. As I was touched down there for the first time over my panties, I heard her saying things like: ‘when you’re caught in the moment, you’ll do anything,’ ‘hormones are a powerful thing,’ ‘Emma, you won’t want to stop.’  My mother couldn’t have been more right. 

I breathed or tried too—a long, heavy, broken breath that resembled crying, I think. He took his hand away and stared at my face. My expression must have been miserable because his eyes widened with concern.

“Are you all right?” he asked, his tone colored with worry.

I couldn’t breathe right—a quivering pant mixed with a sob came from my mouth. What was happening to me?  I couldn’t control it. I was so scared of what was happening between us. He released my wrists immediately and propped himself on his elbow at my side.

“Em?”

Your noises…
I hid my face with my palms embarrassed at my body’s lame reaction.

“Please don’t stop.” My voice was weak and I’m sure unconvincing. It sounded like I was crying, but I wasn’t.

He turned me onto my side and pulled my body snugly into his—one spoon much larger than the other. “I’m sorry. I let that get too far. I should have known better.”

My breathing still hadn’t returned to normal, but I thought I could speak. “Why are you so afraid to be with me? I’ll be sixteen in a little over four months. Most other girls have done it before now.”

He was quiet and I couldn’t see his face. But I could tell he was contemplating his words. “Well, outside of the statutory rape thing…”

His words made me feel sick. It would never be rape, unless I was the perpetrator.

“What if it was
me
that raped
you
?” I tickled his under arm.

He chuckled and hugged me tighter. He started to speak and then stopped. He seemed to struggle with the words, which made me anxious. I broke the silence. “I am too young?” If he agreed with my assessment, I thought I would be sick.

“No. Not in May. But that’s not all.”

“OK, what else?” I didn’t like not being able to see his face. His beautiful brown eyes told me so much.

“You know earlier, when you straddled me, and I think your words were ‘dude, you are big.’”  He paused and kind of laughed. But I couldn’t respond because I didn’t understand.  “
You
are so little and I don’t mean that to be mean, Em. But you are in fact tiny.”

“Zach, when you are on me, I don’t even feel you.” I was going to make him understand. I had all the confidence in the world that he wouldn’t hurt me. He closed his eyes and shook his head like I didn’t understand. I didn’t.

“OK.” He let out a frustrating sigh. I bit my lip. “You—are littler and I—am bigger and you’ve—never done this and…I don’t want to hurt you.”

I felt like a first grader and the story problem just made sense after being explained by the teacher. He was afraid of hurting me with his…body. I shuddered and he buried his face into my hair. I pulled his hand up and kissed it. He was worried about physically hurting me when we made love. I couldn’t argue with that one, but it also never crossed my mind. And I didn’t care. I would be fine. How bad could it hurt? 

“I think I’ll be fine,” I whispered.

“You will be when the time is right.”

We lay there for the longest time not talking. Just the two of us. I remember looking at the clock at 1:15 the last time. And then I must have given in to sleep.

The sun came through the window and I squinted and glanced at the clock. It was 8:15. Zach and I had slept through the night on the king-size bed and hadn’t moved. He still slept. His deep breaths behind me were slow and relaxed. I limboed under his arm that held me hostage to escape from the room before others woke.

When I freed myself, he muttered something, then rested peacefully again. I opened the door and snuck out.

By 11:00 everyone was up, dressed and ready to go. Zach and I rode the ski lift together and I felt restricted as I sat on the bench. I was going to be too hot…I could barely move. We were headed to Coyote Butte, which meant two lifts, certainly not my favorite thing. Ali and Ryan were in the seat in front of us and Grant and Claire were behind. Now that Claire had given up on Ryan, I think she’d set her sights on Grant, which I didn’t like.

I’d never been boarding with Zach but was relieved he was a boarder too. I’d slow down or do what I needed to keep pace with him.

“Hey
Em!” Grant yelled from behind.

I turned around in my seat. Zach grabbed onto my arm. “Yeah?”

“What’re ya gonna take? Diamondback or Black Bear?”

“It doesn’t matter, Grant, she’ll kick your ass either way,” Ryan shouted from in front of us.

“Notice how Meiers doesn’t call you Runt anymore. Guess he thinks Emma is more endearing,” Zach added. I nudged him in the ribs.

“I was thinking of Sticks and Stones,” I responded to Grant.

“That’s not funny,” Grant said seriously.

“What’s Sticks and Stones?” Zach asked.

“It’s just a tricky black.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” His tone was concerned.

I shrugged. “I’m not worried about it. But please understand, for Grant and me, it’s all about competition. It’s been this way for the past six years and he hasn’t beaten me yet.”  He wouldn’t win either.  I smiled just thinking about it. He knew it and I knew it.

“Believe me. I like the thought of you beating him but don’t do something foolish. I’m a surfer turned snowboarder so I’m not quite as good as you. But, I’ll try and keep up.”

Ryan and Ali had gotten off the lift and it was our turn. We slid off the ramp, joined my brother then waited for the rest of the crew. Zach carried my snowboard as we walked to the slope.

Grant came up on the opposite side of me. “Hey.”

“What?” I asked a little annoyed. I didn’t want to hassle with jealousy today. I could feel Zach’s eyes on us, though it was kind of funny knowing he didn’t want Grant around.

“You were kidding about Sticks and Stones, right?” His goggles rested on his forehead and his eyes were serious. He was really bothered by this.

“Why? You nervous?”  I winked at him, trying to keep the competition real.

He grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. “
Em!” He barked. “Don’t!”

“Let her go!” Zach snapped, dropping our boards and wedging himself between Grant and me.  “Now.” Zach’s jaw was rigid. His nostrils were wide and his lips were tight.  My heart pounded and I was suddenly frightened for Grant’s safety. I shouldn’t have joked about it. Grant released my arm and started on Ryan.

“Ryan. Do not let her go down
that
slope.”

“Runt. Stick to one of the other three. OK?” Ryan requested. Uh-oh. Big brother intervention. It must be serious.

Zach’s face was still tense with anger. I reached up and touched him with my gloved hand. “Relax,” I tried to laugh it off. “He wouldn’t hurt me. You know that.” I certainly knew that.

Zach released a breath and a puff of steam came from his nose. “He’s getting on my last nerve.”

“I told you…it’s kind of a competition thing.”

“I’m starting to see that. I’m not sure
you
are.” He handed me my board. “So what’s the deal with this slope that’s got him all worked up?”

“See
ya at the bottom!” Ryan hollered as he and Ali started down.  I waved.

“It’s rocky on one side. Kind of dangerous. But with the snow that fell, it’ll be fine.”  I rolled my eyes.

He took my gloved hand. “Let’s just say for the sake of safety, stay away from that one.”

“OOH. Siding with Grant?” I teased. That was a shock.

He nodded. “Maybe. No need to tell him that.” Zach winked at me and lowered his goggles. “He is waiting for you though. As much as I’d like to smack him with my board.”

I waved my finger at him. “Now. Now.” I glanced over my shoulder and Claire was with Grant. “Looks like you’re going to have a partner…so…keep your eyes on the slope.” I bit my cheek. Why was it OK for me to head down the mountain with Grant but jealousy oozed from my body at thinking of Zach boarding with Claire?

He propped his board in the snow, raised his goggles back up, wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in. “Let’s make it clear to both of them then.” He lowered his mouth to meet mine and his mouth was on fire. It was hard to kiss him because I was smiling so wide.

“You’re being mean,” I mumbled.

“And?” He laughed and dislodged his board.  I glanced over at Grant.

“You ready?”

“You’re not going with loverboy?” Grant’s goggles were down so I wasn’t sure if he was eyeing Zach or me.

I shook my head. “Nope. He understands all about friendly competition.” The wind was cold but the sun was making me sweat under my layers.

Grant engaged his board. “I’m not racin’. I’ve lost the mood.”

My boots were on my board and I was ready to go vertical. “OK…loser!”

A grin touched his mouth. But he still didn’t give in.

“I’m going in 10, 9, 8, 7,” I counted.

“OK! I’m in!” Grant shouted and went vertical. I bent my knees low and went straight staying right on his tail.  The fresh powder was awesome and sprayed up as we swayed. I glanced back to see Zach and Claire following behind.  Grant didn’t turn around. He didn’t have too. He knew I was there without looking. We had to veer right up ahead and I saw the sign for Sticks and Stones. Diamond Back continued down and I spotted Ryan and Ali taking a break. If I was going to take it—I had to do it now. I would undoubtedly beat him. Grant shot his head around to measure my speed. I think he could tell I’d slowed and he brought his body upright. I looked for Zach and didn’t see him. At that moment, I darted right, changing slopes and leaning back on my heels. Zach would never know. Grant shot right and made the turn too, barely, almost taking out a tree. He shook his head, disgusted at me, and I knew he was pissed.

I wafted through the powder giggling to myself.  We would laugh and have a competitive race down the hill then fight later.  He’d never be too mad at me.  Confident, I slowed and watched as he pulled up and lifted his goggles glaring at me.

“Seriously?”

I grinned.

He was on the farthest side of the mountain. We both heard the scrape against the bottom of the board indicative of rock. He leaned away from the sound edging the board down and I swerved his direction.

“Emma, take it slow,” he cautioned.

“I am.”
Crap.

“I need to get right,” he said studying the slope for a good path.

He was right. Rocks poked out of the snow all around him. Gravity, along with the incline, kept inching my board away from him, as much as I fought to get to him.  I tried to sit but even then the slope was too steep.

“Grant. Kick off your board and walk it over.”

He nodded and tried to gain leverage, then his foot slid and he biffed it. One foot still engaged on the board.