Old Enough to Love... (Just One of the Guys) (41 page)

When he came back in, he had a small bag in his hand and he held it out to me.

“What’s the code?” he asked as he shut the door.

“6151” I answered, opening the sack.

“It’s nothing big.”

A tiny, delicate bracelet…maybe macramé…with a tiny shark tooth attached lay in the sack.

“It’s an
anklet.”

“I love it. Thank you.” I leaned up and kissed him and he swooped me off my feet and carried me to the sofa. “Did you guys have fun?” I held my robe closed.

“We did. There were so many people.”

“People—girls?”

He smiled. “Yes, there were girls.”

I chuckled nervously.

He squeezed his lips together. “I told you I’d be good and outside of seeing a lot of naked boobs…it was a piece of cake.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Why do girls do that?”

“Usually because they’re drunk. It gets them attention.”

“Hmm.”

“Come here,” he said. I was already on his lap and about two inches from his face.

“I’m right here,” I explained.

“But that’s not close enough.” His fingers wrapped around the back of my neck pulling my face toward his, and he smiled just before our lips met for the first time in nearly a week. His breath was sweet and warm. I was hungry for his taste, so I pulled him as close as I could. As one kissed turned into another, he laid me back on the sofa and I was careful to hold my robe closed. His eyes smoldered and when his hand slid between my skin and the fuzzy material then traced down my back, the coolness of his fingers took my breath. I gasped as he rubbed from my shoulder blades, over my ribs and down to my…he stopped short of where my panties typically bordered my hips and his eyes popped open. So did mine. I was embarrassed.

“I’d just gotten out of the bath tub.” My words were choppy as I tried to explain.

He breathed heavier than normal. “It’s OK. I just wasn’t…” His eyes took in every square inch of my face and I outlined his lips with my index finger. His grip around my waist tightened again and I loved feeling his bare skin against mine.

“Maybe I should check out your tan. Why don’t you ditch your shirt?” It was more a suggestion than a question.

Keeping his hand on my waist, he pulled behind his neck with the other hand and the shirt came up and off. His sun-touched skin made each muscle more defined than ever before. Five days in the sun did him well. My little hand ran up his arms, across his chest and to his ribs. He wet his lips and kissed me again. His hand skimmed over my hip and down the side of my thigh.

“How’s your self control?” he asked.

I laughed quietly and fought for his lips again. “Why?”

He rubbed over my knee then up my thigh and my heart fell into my stomach. “I have no reason to stop any more.”

I knew he was right. Nothing stood in our way now…except my sudden fears. My stomach quivered as I thought about it. “We’re on the sofa,” I complained. And he immediately lifted me and started up the stairs, kissing my neck as he turned in to my bedroom. My heart accelerated as he laid me on the sheets and I knew this could be perfect. I just wasn’t sure I could follow through. What was wrong with me?

His kisses were soft and long and deliberate and it was difficult to concentrate. “I love you.” His words were strong.

“Zach…do you think…” I stopped short of finishing as he located my collarbone with his lips.

“Hmm?”

“Do you think that…that…maybe…”

He straightened his arms lifting himself over me and stared down. “Do I think what?” He paused searching my eyes. “Do I think you aren’t ready for this?” He was barely audible.

“I am ready,” I lied. “I’ve even been on the birth control pill for three months.”

“What?”

“I just didn’t expect you tonight and I…I’m scared.” My voice trembled and he nestled on the mattress next to me and chuckled. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not laughing at you, Tiger.”

“What’s so funny? Tiger?”

He rubbed my stomach. “You. For the past eight months you have tested my self control like no one ever before. You knew I wouldn’t give in so you pushed it and teased and played and now it’s my turn.  I knew when I asked if you wanted me to stay and your entire body tensed up…” He laughed harder. “I know what went through your mind. It’s OK,
Em. I’m not going to push you into doing anything you aren’t ready for. My little tiger turned into a kitten, though.”

“But I am ready
.”

“No. You’re not, baby. Some
day. And never as long as you’re scared.” His lips pecked the end of my nose.

“Don’t you want to?”

“Oh my God.”  He rolled on his back. “I feel like I’m going to explode.”

I sighed and pouted as he twisted me to my side and pulled me back in to his stomach draping his arm over me.

“I’m trying to remember that you are only fifteen so help me out just a little.”

The hair on the back of my neck stood. “I knew that would come up.”

“Emma. It is a fact that we can’t ignore,” he whispered into my hair.

“So. We wait till May…two more months.
Scrog the night before I leave and you leave and never see each other again.” I said bitterly. I hated that I couldn’t see his face.

He inhaled deeply and released it. “If that’s what you want.”

“What I want?” I rotated to my back. “What do
you
want?”

He rose to his elbow. “I want
you
more than anything. I want you more than college, more than my family, more than any other woman I’ve ever known. And that’s not OK. Because I know that in three or four months I have to walk away from a small town that I swore I would never like, and it kills me to think of doing it. I’m already thinking about what college breaks I could come home to see you. And that’s not fair because you have three years left here and you deserve to live it and not wait it out. I’ve been where you are. I’ve done the things you’re wanting to do and I won’t take that from you.  So…what do I want? If we make a choice in May to…be together then I’ll take it. But I
will
give you proper warning. If you ever ask me to make love to you or tell me that you want me, I will never deny you again.”

I wasn’t sure if in the darkness he could see the single tear falling down my cheek. There was nothing more to say. “I love you.” My voice was softer than a whisper.

“And I love you.” He nestled close and I found comfort in the closeness.

The clock read 10:53 and as my eyes closed, I’d never felt safer in my own house than I did at this moment.

I woke up sweating and gasped for a breath.  I was so hot. Zach’s arm was snuggly wrapped around my waist and I lifted it trying not to wake him before I slid out. The robe was suffocating and I grabbed his USC shirt off my bedpost. The green digital numbers read 3:37.

After untying the robe, it fell to the floor and I slid the burgundy shirt over my head. The cold air was refreshing and I pulled my hair out from under the shirt.
Now underwear.

“You are so beautiful.”

His voice startled me and my face flushed. “Zach.” I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid he had seen me naked.  “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No. Come here.”

“Just a sec. I don’t have…” I took a step toward my dresser before he caught my wrist and held it. In the moonlight his eyes were serious.

“I know what you don’t have.” His voice was low and rough and he pulled me onto the bed.

I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry. I prayed the thumping of my heart couldn’t be heard or felt. At that moment, he rested his palm against my sternum seeming to read my mind again. My breathing was sporadic and as he gently pushed against my breastbone, I fell backward on the bed holding on to the T-shirt that was thankfully too big and was able to cover my underwear-less bottom half. He was on his knees staring down at me, his chest still bare.  With his fingers, he intertwined our hands then raised them above my head. This was playing out like a movie in my head and I worried I couldn’t live up to what he expected.

He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes as he moved to my cheek, chin and hollow of my throat. He lifted my shirt…his shirt…and the cool air hit my stomach and other parts that were exposed and he released my wrists but I didn’t move them. I lifted his chin wanting to keep his eyes on the upper part of my body and he smiled.

“Trust me,” he whispered between kisses across my ribs, inching toward my breasts.

“I trust you more than anything in this world,” I said and brought my hands to his head running my fingers through the softness of his hair.  At the moment, his mouth covered my breast. And as small as they were, the warmth of his mouth produced a mighty big feeling. His contact seemed to have a direct line to my lower half that squirmed a bit beneath him. When he found my hipbone and kissed it, I shook with excitement. But he was too close for comfort.

“Zach…I.”

“Trust me.” His words were so soft. I was surprised I could hear him over my panting. His kisses moved down my thigh, then slowly back up, leaning inward, and I covered my face with my hand trying to ward off the awkwardness.

“Zach.”

“Yes?” The breath from his mouth sparked goose bumps as he wedged himself between my legs. “Do you want me to stop?”

I knew what he was getting ready to do. My hands, tangled in my own hair, balled into fists as I considered his suggestion. My body ached. And as his mouth touched my body where no one had ever touched, I released a whimper and closed my eyes. “No.”

A storm moved in overnight and the sky looked gray and dreary when I woke. Wet droplets hung on the window and thunder rumbled in the distance. His breathing was deep and heavy behind me and the clock read 11:20. Crap. I needed to check my email and respond to my parents or the police would be here any moment.  His arm rested on my hip and I lifted it laying it on the bed gently then moved away. He didn’t stir.

I pulled the door almost shut and bolted to the bathroom where I quickly jumped in the shower. As the water washed over my body, I thought about what he’d done to me last night. I’d never experienced anything like it and I embarrassed myself remembering what I, in turn, did to him. I’d never done that either and wondered if I’d done it right. Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I got out, brushed my teeth and dabbed a bit of make up on before I headed downstairs. A cold bottle of Dr. Pepper was waiting patiently for me in the fridge and I grabbed an orange that mom had bought when she stocked the house for me. As I walked back through the living room, Zach’s phone vibrated on the coffee table and the screen indicated two new messages. I held the phone in my hand and curiosity burned into me as I stared at the read button. I glanced up the stairs and pushed it.

Call us, honey.   M
—
I smiled as I read the text from his mom.  He needed to call them.

Second message. I pushed read.

Dude- pics r on website. Did u make it home 2 ur girl? U whipped bastard     c ya!        
The message was from Jackson.

Uncontrollable thoughts bounced around in my head and I sat on the coffee table. Website? I smiled about the whipped part. At least he was excited to get home to me. I stood gathering my thoughts and walked up the stairs with his phone, my orange and Dr. Pepper in hand.

His body lay still on the bed and his legs were tangled in the sheets. His skin so dark against the pale sheets. His lips were slightly parted and his bare chest moved up and down with each peaceful breath.

I slid into my chair at the desk as quietly as I could. After jiggling the mouse around, the computer came to life. My gut, churned as it hit me that this website was what Grant had somehow become aware of and warned me about. The Google screen popped up and the cursor blinked waiting for my command. I slowly typed trying to make little noise.

Zach Owen
s
Enter. The hourglass spun and as I waited, the different sites popped up.

Zach Owens—who’s who among students, Zach Owens—Zimbabwean tour, Zach Owens—NASA instructor, Zach Owens—scoreboard, Zach Owens—entertainment daily. Seven more pages were available. I moved the mouse to Zach Owens—entertainment daily and clicked.
Some paparazzi page came up with pop ups and downloads and I quickly clicked back and rocked in the chair. What I was doing wasn’t honest or good and I disappointed myself.