Authors: Kathi Mills-Macias
It was Wednesday morning, and Toni was just about to run into town to pick up some groceries when the phone rang. Her heart soared the minute she heard Abe's voice on the other end of the line. She immediately scolded herself for her feelings and tried to focus on his words rather than on the way she had felt when he held her as she cried, or the lingering sweetness of his kiss on her forehead….
“I'm sorry to bother you at home, but would it be all right if I came over for a few minutes? I won't be there long, I promise, but I really need to talk with you about the autopsy results.”
“The results are in? Is it Julie?”
“I'd really rather tell you in person. If this isn't a good time, or if you'd rather I not come over there…”
“No, this is fine. Really. I'll be here.”
She hung up the phone, her heart racing even as she scolded herself for her overreaction. Why should it matter if Abe stopped by for a few minutes? This was business, after all. Strictly business. Even as she tried to convince herself, she hurried to the bathroom mirror to check her makeup and hair.
Why? Why can't I just let this thing go? What kind of hold has this man got on me? Even before I met Abe, I never felt this way about Brad. Oh, if only I could!
Going to the kitchen, she checked the refrigerator for cold drinks. Almost a full pitcher of iced tea. Good. And plenty of ice cubes in the freezer. Cold drinks could be a handy distraction. That would help. At least it would give her something to do, something to look at besides his eyes.
She got the glasses out of the cupboard and set them on the table, then began to pace back and forth across the kitchen floor. Why had he insisted on telling her the results in person? Why couldn't he have
told her over the phone? There were only two possible reasons as far as she could see. First, the body had been identified as Julie Greene, and Abe knew she would take the news hard. He was right, of course. Second, he wanted an excuse to be near her. Both sounded likely.
Oh, Father, help me! I don't want to have these feelings for him, but I do.
The doorbell rang and she jumped. Nervously running her fingers through her hair, she patted it into place, then walked, as calmly as she could, to the front door. When she opened it and looked up at him, his broad shoulders straining against his short-sleeved, pale blue cotton shirt, she was sure he was even more handsome than the last time she had seen him. Ignoring the echo of her heart pounding in her ears, she pushed open the screen door.
“Come in, please. How are you?”
He stepped inside, near enough that the faint smell of his aftershave made her heady. He was staring at her, the concern obvious on his face. “I'm fine. The important thing is, how are you?”
“I'm… OK. Thanks. Shall we sit down?” Without waiting for an answer, she led the way to the couch in the living room, being careful to leave a sizable space between them. “I have some iced tea. Would you like some?”
“No… yes. I mean, sure, that would be fine. Can I help you?”
She was already up and moving into the kitchen. “I can get it. I'll only be a minute.” She took deep breaths as she poured the tea, hoping that would help calm her nerves and that he wouldn't notice how badly her hands were shaking. Also, she thought it was amazing that he couldn't hear her heart beating, as loud as it sounded to her.
Help me, Father
, she prayed, then picked up the glasses and walked back into the living room.
Abe was no longer seated on the couch. He was standing with his back to her, looking at the picture on the mantle. It was a family picture, taken less than a year before Toni's mother died. Abe turned as
she entered the room and placed the glasses on coasters on the coffee table in front of the couch.
“Nice picture,” he said, walking back to join her. “Your mother was very beautiful.”
Toni nodded, carefully taking a seat at the far end of the couch near the end table. “Yes, she was. Melissa looks a lot like her.”
“I can tell.” He sat down in the middle of the couch next to her and picked up a glass of iced tea. Looking across the room at the picture, he said, “Obviously beauty runs in your family.”
Without commenting, she reached for the other glass, but he stopped her with his free hand. She looked up into his eyes.
“I love you, Toni.”
She felt the tears come then, tiny pinpricks at the back of her eyes, but she fought them. “Don't,” she whispered. “Please.”
He withdrew his hand. “I'm sorry.”
For a moment neither spoke. Instead, they kept their eyes averted and searched for a way to break the silence. Finally, Abe said, “I suppose I'd better tell you why I came. The autopsy, I mean.” Once again, their eyes met.
“It was Julie, wasn't it?”
Abe nodded.
“Does April know?”
“Yes. She helped them with the identification. Of course, Julie's dental records were already on file, which would have been enough, but April told them about a ring she had given Julie, an heirloom that she always wore. It was still on her finger when they found her.”
“Oh, Abe. Poor April.”
“Are you OK?”
“Yes… I think. I don't know. I expected this, I suppose, but…”
He nodded. “Me too. Still, I kept hoping…”
She took a deep breath. “What happens now? Where do they go from here?”
“There'll be an investigation, of course, especially since she was a
runaway and your dad had those notes in her file regarding his suspicions about a baby-selling ring—which, by the way, reminds me of something else I read in the report.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Something else? What do you mean?”
“According to the medical examiner, Julie died from drowning, but… she also had just had a miscarriage. It seems she'd been experiencing some major bleeding, and it doesn't appear that she was being treated medically. There may be some sort of connection there; I'm just not sure what it is yet. The county will be following up on that.”
“A miscarriage. A fifteen-year-old pregnant girl having a miscarriage, and now she's dead. It just doesn't seem possible. Does… April know about all this yet, including the miscarriage?”
“I'm not sure, but I would imagine she does. Someone from the sheriff's office has probably filled her in by now. This must really be rough on her and the rest of Julie's family.”
Toni swallowed. “To wait all those weeks and months. To hope and pray, and then…” The tears came again, and this time she couldn't stop them. “I feel so sorry for them.”
Before she knew it, she was in his arms, crying softly against his chest. She wasn't sure which of them had first reached out for the other, but it really didn't matter anymore. Her heart ached for April and her family, and yet she felt as if she could stay right where she was forever. If only it were possible…
He lifted her head with his finger, gazing down at her with such longing that everything else faded from her mind. When his lips met hers, there was no fight left in her. She knew she was where she wanted to be, not just for this moment, but always. Lost in a depth of passion she had not known before, she was shocked, even angered, when the phone rang, invading her territory and interrupting her world just when it seemed that world was finally beginning to make sense.
She pulled away, suddenly embarrassed and ashamed at the realization that she had crossed the line she had said she would never
cross. If Abe had questioned her feelings for him before today, those questions had been answered emphatically. Denying them at this point would be futile.
She reached for the phone beside her. “Hello?” Her voice was shaking so badly that she could scarcely speak as she berated herself for having allowed this situation to occur. Surely she had seen it coming. Surely she could have done something to stop it, but now it was too late. Now Abe knew, and her options were narrowing.
“Toni? Sweetheart, is something wrong?”
“I…” Brad. Why Brad? Why now? Was this God's way of stopping her before she compounded her mistake? If so, why couldn't Brad have called just a few moments sooner? “I'm… fine. Really. I was just… talking with a… friend.”
Oh, God, forgive me.
“If you're busy, I can call back later.”
“No. No, I'm not busy. This is fine.”
“Well, if you're sure. Actually, I just called to see if I could pick you up for lunch later. Do you have plans?”
She looked at Abe. He knew she was talking with Brad, yet he kept his eyes locked on her, drawing her, calling her to himself. There was no more denying that he had captured her heart, but would that be enough? Could she choose to walk away from Brad, from the life they had planned together, from the promises she had made? She was sure these same questions were running through Abe's mind.
“Lunch would be fine. What time?”
“About twelve-thirty or one, OK?”
“Sure. See you then.”
She hung up the phone, then sat staring at the receiver, her back to Abe, until he took her by the arms and turned her toward himself. He waited until she looked up at him.
“I was right, wasn't I? It's me you love, not Brad.”
She wanted to answer, but she didn't trust herself to speak. She wanted to explain to him about the Bible's prohibition against a believer marrying an unbeliever. She wanted to tell him that, her
relationship with Brad aside, she was still confused, and it was too soon to speak of love and of commitments. She also longed to tell him that she had never before experienced such depth of feeling for anyone. She wanted to tell him all these things, but she could not. She could only look into his eyes, praying for God to intervene.
“Tell him,” Abe said, his voice soft but firm. “Even if you can't tell me, tell Brad how you feel. Please.”
“I…” Her heart was breaking, but she knew what she had to do. “I can't. I can't, Abe. Don't you see? I promised him. Just the other night, in fact. An autumn wedding. It's… the right thing to do. It's what I
have
to do. Please, try to understand. I'm going to marry Brad.”
The hope and joy faded from his eyes as he slowly released her, then rose from the couch and walked away. He didn't stop until he had crossed the room. When he looked back, his voice cracked as he spoke. “Goodbye, Toni. I wish you all the best—both of you.”
It had been two days since Toni had made it clear to Abe that in spite of her feelings for him she was going to go through with her wedding to Brad. For two painful days, with little or no sleep, Abe tried desperately to transfer that information from his brain to his heart. He didn't feel as if he had made much progress, and the effort was beginning to take its toll on his physical and mental alertness. Sitting at his desk that Friday morning, nursing his third cup of coffee, he tried once again to focus on the tasks before him. When he heard someone open his door without knocking first, he looked up, startled to see his uncle standing in the doorway, frowning down at him.
“You look terrible,” Sol announced as he studied Abe's drawn face. “Your eyes look like roadmaps. What's wrong with you, boy? How come you're not getting any sleep?” Without waiting for an answer, he pulled up a chair and sat down.
“Uncle Sol. It's good to see you.”
“Wish I could say the same about you. What's going on? You been pulling extra duty or something?”
“Not really. I—”
“Is it that Matthews woman again? You haven't been out with her, have you? I heard you talked to her before going to the sheriff with what you knew about the Julie Greene case. That wasn't very smart.”
Abe studied his uncle. He could tell he was concerned but not nearly as upset as he had been the time he called Abe to his house.
“No, I wasn't out with Toni. As for going to her first when I heard the body had been found at the lake, it was the right thing to do, at least for her sake. Besides, all that's been taken care of. The sheriff's office has the girl's file, and everything's under control.”
“I know the county has the file. And if you mean ‘everything's under control’ because they're investigating her death, that's right. I'm not so sure you're under control though, and I don't like it.”
“Uncle Sol, you don't have to worry—”
“Since when, I don't have to worry? Am I your uncle, or what? If I don't worry about you, who's going to do it? Listen, that's why I'm here. I've been talking to some of the key people on this case, and they're considering bringing you in as part of a countywide task force since you're already familiar with the situation. Even though there's no obvious connection between the girl's drowning and the heart attack that killed your girlfriend's father—”
“She's not my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, yeah, OK. Anyway, since you got the file from Toni Matthews and it was her father who was investigating the girl's disappearance, it seemed logical to get you involved in the investigation.” He looked at Abe questioningly. “Can I safely assume you aren't already ‘unofficially’ involved?”
“I'm not involved in the Greene case, and I'm not involved with Toni Matthews. Is that what you wanted me to say?”
Sol shrugged. “Just want to know what we're dealing with here. Look, it's nothing personal against this Matthews woman, it's just that I don't want to see you do anything stupid—not that it would be the first time.”