Obsession (19 page)

Rising to his feet, Brad lifted her from her chair and took her in his arms. Holding her close, he nuzzled her hair and whispered her name, as he had done so many times before. But instead of responding, she simply stood there, feeling safe and protected in his arms and grateful that he was happy, but unsure what to do next. With her left thumb, she fingered the diamond on her ring finger.
Should I bring up the wedding? Maybe even get out the calendar and set a date? Nothing would make him happier… no, not yet. I need to give my heart more time.

Releasing her, Brad held her at arm's length and gazed lovingly into her eyes. His joy was almost contagious—almost. Still, she truly was happy for him. She smiled up at him as he leaned down to kiss her. This time she forced herself to respond, reminding herself that this was right—it was what God had purposed for them.

Pulling back to look at her once again, his hazel eyes lit up with obvious excitement. “It's Friday night. Let's go out and celebrate. Somewhere romantic and…” He stopped. “Or would you rather do something quiet at your house, something that would include Melissa? We never did have our barbecue last week, did we?”

Toni was grateful for his thoughtfulness about Melissa. She was also grateful that his suggestion would buy her some time. It would be a lot easier to avoid discussing wedding plans if dinner was a threesome around the barbecue rather than a candlelit dinner for two.
“That's a wonderful idea. Melissa would love it. She's really missed you. Nothing would make her happier than to see the two of us back together again.”

“I'm with her,” Brad agreed, pulling her close to his chest. “Nothing could make me happier either. This is where we belong, sweetheart. Together, always.”

Toni blinked back the tears that threatened to spill over, glad he couldn't see her face. “Yes. This is where we belong.”

Toni was in shock. How could she have been so wrong? It had been so obvious; she had been so sure. And now…

Pulling into the hotel parking lot, she berated herself for not first going to Brad with the news, but she couldn't… not yet. As kind as she knew he would be about it, she just wasn't ready for any I told you so's. She would have to face them sooner or later, particularly from Melissa, but not until she had talked to someone else who would be as shocked as she was.

She wondered if Abe knew. She had been tempted to call him, but she knew she would only be using the news as an excuse to hear his voice again. Then where would they be? Back to dancing around their emotions, pretending that they didn't exist? Back to Abe's declarations of love for her, with Toni forced into lying about her own feelings for him? Then, of course, there was the possibility that Abe had rethought his feelings, particularly after her rejection, and would not even want to talk with her. No, it was best to leave that relationship where it was and let it die a natural death, painful as it might be. Besides, if Abe had not heard the news by now, he certainly would before long.

When Toni had called, just fifteen minutes earlier, April told Toni to come straight up to her room. Toni had jumped into her car and driven right to the hotel. Now, she stepped into the elevator and punched the button for the third floor, anxious to get April's reaction,
hoping she would have some sort of logical explanation. How could she? How could anyone? It made no sense, and yet, facts were facts. Toni supposed she and April would simply have to accept them and move on.

“Hello, my dear,” April said, greeting her at the door. “Come in. You look almost as frazzled as you sounded on the phone. Can I offer you a cold soda, some juice? I have a small refrigerator here.”

“No… thank you.” Toni sank into one of the two chairs in the corner of the room next to a small table. April came over and joined her. Sitting in the chair next to hers, April reached over and laid her hand on Toni's arm. “What is it, my dear? What's wrong? Are you all right? Is something wrong with Melissa?”

Toni shook her head. “No. No, Melissa and I are fine. It's… the autopsy report. It came back this morning. I found out just before I called you.” She looked into the elderly woman's eyes. “April, we were wrong. I still can't believe it, but… we were wrong.”

April frowned. “What do you mean? I don't understand. Surely you aren't saying…”

“I'm afraid so. The autopsy report proves that Dad died just as Dr. Jensen said he did—from a heart attack. It was verified by the medical examiner. No signs of foul play. Nothing. Just a heart attack. Exactly what Brad has been telling me all along.”

“That's impossible. How can that be? How can your father's death and the notations in Julie's file be nothing more than a coincidence? It's simply not possible.”

“According to the medical report, it is.”

April shook her head. “I was so sure.”

“So was I. But we were wrong. Brad, the doctor, the coroner, Melissa—they were all right. I guess we should have listened to them.” She sighed. “So, now what? Where do we go from here?”

April was silent for a moment, staring at her hands folded in her lap. When she spoke, she did not look up. “I'll go home, I suppose. There's no reason for me to stay here any longer. Today's Tuesday. I
can catch a flight out tomorrow. The sooner the better, I suppose. I need to hire another agency to look for my granddaughter. Surely there's someone who can find her.” She looked up, tears shining in her pale blue eyes. “Surely there is, don't you think?”

Toni's heart went out to her. Although the news was confusing to Toni, she had forgotten that it was another dead end in the ongoing search for April Lippincott's only grandchild. Still, they needed to look at the positive side.

“Maybe,” Toni ventured, “this is good news. After all, if there was no foul play involved in Dad's death—and I truly am glad of that—it's likely there's none involved in Julie's disappearance either. We were basing all this on the supposition that Dad was killed because he was searching for Julie. Now we know that's not the case. If we look at this in the right way, it's really a positive thing for both of us.”

April's smile was tentative. “I suppose, and we do need to look at the positive, don't we? After all, we've both been praying, along with others, and God does care more about both of our situations even than we do.”

Toni thought of the words she had heard in her heart slightly over a week ago.
I am your Father.
“That's so true. In fact, in the midst of all this, I feel as if I've drawn closer to God than ever before. I only hope the same will be true for Melissa. She seems so far from God, so cynical, even, about his existence. I've been praying that God would reveal himself to her and use her pain to bring her to a place of putting her faith and trust completely in him.”

“As have I,” said April. “Ever since I met Melissa, I have prayed that way, exactly as I've prayed for Julie for years. My granddaughter was raised in a Christian home. Her parents are devout believers. My son-in-law, as you know, is a pastor. He and my daughter…” Her voice cracked, but she went on. “They've been praying, as has their entire church. Surely God…”

Toni took April's hand. “God knows where Julie is, and he's keeping her safe in his hands. I'm sure of it.”

April nodded. “If I didn't believe that, I don't think I could go on.”

Toni waited a moment, then said, “I'll miss you when you're gone. Even though you'll be working with a new agency to find Julie, will you stay in touch with me? With us? Melissa will miss you too.”

“Of course, my dear, and I will keep you updated on any developments in our search for Julie.” Her smile was sad. “Perhaps we'll see each other again sometime.”

“You're absolutely right. When Julie is home safe and sound, Melissa and I will want to meet her. And you… well, you have to come back for my wedding, you know.”

“Yours and Brad's?”

Toni was puzzled. “Of course, mine and Brad's. Who else…?”

April shrugged her shoulders. “Just wondering…”

“I told you, there was never anything between Abe and me beyond his helping me find out about my father's death. And now we know about that, don't we? So there's absolutely no reason for me to see Abe Matthews again. I'm marrying Brad… and I'm very happy about it.”

“Of course you are, my dear,” April agreed. Toni only wished she sounded more convinced. It was, after all, a
fete accompli.
There was no turning back now. As soon as she could bring herself to discuss details with Brad, they would set a date, and very soon she would be Mrs. Brad Anderson. Melissa would be thrilled.

CHAPTER 9

A
be had always enjoyed the scenic drive up Interstate 5 from River View to Centralia—until today. As he steered the Honda toward his Aunt Sophie's hillside home on this sunny Sunday morning, all he could think of was how he had wanted to bring Toni along to meet her. Now, of course, that would never happen, which was why he was making the trip in the first place.

It had been a long, soul-searching week. From the time he had poured out his feelings to Toni the previous Sunday until today, he had replayed her words of rejection over and over in his head, asking himself countless questions. Had she really meant what she said? If so, how could he have been so dense as to completely misread her feelings for him? If she had not meant what she said, what was her purpose in lying to him? Would she really go through with marrying a man she didn't love simply because she didn't want to hurt him? Was
it possible that she was unsure of which of them she loved? Or, was it him? Was there something about Abe Matthews that prevented Toni from pursuing a relationship with him?

Regardless of how many times he asked himself these questions, he always came back to the same conclusion. Whether Toni was truly in love with Brad or not, she had said she was going to marry him, and that was the end of the discussion and the end of Abe and Toni's relationship. The problem was, it did not end what he felt for her. For the first time in his thirty-one years of life, Abe was in love. He had found someone he cared about more than himself, but he had found her too late.

And so, unsure of what to do next, he had decided to visit Aunt Sophie. It had been several months since he'd been up to see her, so she was thrilled when he called to ask if he could visit. “By all means,” she had exclaimed. “Come ahead. Will you come in time for
Shabbat?”
He had told her he would not but would arrive midmorning on Sunday.

He wondered at his sudden desire to talk with his aunt. Although he loved her and had many fond memories of her, he tended to avoid spending any time with her that might lead to a discussion of her faith—which almost any conversation with Sophie did, sooner or later. Since meeting Toni, however, faith seemed to be the exact topic he needed to understand. Here she was, a Christian Gentile, talking about worshiping the “God of Israel.” What had she meant? Maybe if he understood that, he might better understand this woman who had captured his heart, even though understanding her wouldn't make any difference at this point. Still…

Thinking of Toni—which he did most of his waking moments—reminded him of the autopsy results he had learned about on Friday. He wasn't sure yet just what he thought or how he felt about those results, but he hadn't really been surprised by them. Even with the notation about Eagle Lake in Julie Greene's file, Abe had considered it a long shot that there would be any connection between her
disappearance and Paul Matthews's death. Yet, Toni had been so sure that there was more to her father's death than a simple heart attack, and her confidence had begun to rub off on him. Now the whole thing was behind them, including his excuse to stay in touch with her.

Another wave of pain washed over him. He had tortured himself with the reliving of their last phone conversation until he actually came to the point of crying out to God to help him. That cry of desperation had shocked him. He had spent most of his life trying not to think about God, but it seemed that wherever he turned these last few weeks, he was reminded that the concept of God could not easily be dismissed.

As he exited the freeway and turned right at the narrow road that led up the hill overlooking the city, he wondered about the real reason for his visit. Was he here to see if he could gain insight into Toni's faith in God and how that affected the way she thought and lived, hoping against hope that such an understanding would somehow give him another chance to win her away from Brad? Or was it possible he was here to gain insight into the need for God in his own life? The very thought jolted him. That he was even asking himself such a question was a monumental step for a man who had been taught that if God existed at all, he certainly was not involved with or relevant to his life.

He parked the car in the street and walked up the sloped walkway to Sophie's house. As he rang the doorbell, he noticed the
mezuzah
on the doorpost. He vaguely remembered seeing it before, but he had never paid much attention to it. Waiting for his aunt to come to the door, he studied it more closely. Mounted on a royal blue background, three Hebrew letters, outlined in gold, stood above a golden scroll, which he assumed depicted the
Torah,
or Jewish Law. The concept of the scroll representing Jewish Law was something he was familiar with; the Hebrew letters he could not identify. He wondered at their significance.