Nothing Left to Lose (28 page)

Serena chimed
in then. “I’d love him too if he were mine. He’s so damn sweet!”
Suddenly her eyes narrowed with interest. “He must have a flaw
though; no one can be that perfect.” She pursed her lips, waiting
for my answer.

Flaws. Did
Ashton actually have any flaws? I hadn’t seen a single one, apart
from… “He snores.” I didn’t class that as a bad thing though, after
all, if he didn’t snore I’d probably still be screaming myself
awake, haunted by dreams of Carter’s leering face.

Monica turned
her nose up, obviously finally deciding that she didn’t want him
now that he was a noisy sleeper. “I hate guys that snore.”

I smiled
weakly, feeling the need to defend him in some way. “Yeah, but he
wakes pretty easily, and if I wake him up then he always insists on
apologising properly, if you know what I mean.” I waggled my
eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh well then,
I’d definitely forgive him,” she replied, laughing and looking at
me enviously. Immediately, I wished I hadn’t said my comment. I’d
rather she kept her wandering eyes to herself, but stupidly I’d
said the wrong thing. Suddenly she nodded behind me. “Speak of the
devil.”

I barely had
time to turn and see he was walking up behind me before his arms
snaked around my waist. “I figured I could steal one dance before
we have to go,” he whispered in my ear. His hot breath blew down my
neck, and I shivered as his chest pressed against my back. My hands
started to get a little sweaty as the temperature in the already
warm room, started to climb. “Oh, and apparently these damn sexy
legs are also driving the guys wild, so Peter tells me.”

I frowned,
confused by his statement. I knew Peter was watching, he was
standing against the wall at the edge of the dance floor trying –
and failing – to fit in. “What are you talking about?” I asked,
confused, looking at Ashton over my shoulder.

He smiled
teasingly. “You’ve not noticed?” We swayed to the beat of the song
as one of his hands slid down to the outside of my thigh. “Young,
impressionable, sex starved, geeky college guys are staring at you
as we speak.”

I frowned,
looking around, seeing that he was right. There were guys looking
in our direction, some of them looking at me, others looking at the
other girls that I was dancing with. I guess a group of girls
dancing would normally draw some male attention. I gulped as my
back stiffened.

“It’s fine,
don’t worry,” he whispered reassuringly. Sliding his hand back to
my waist again, he guided me to turn around to face him. “People
just need to know that you have a boyfriend, that’s all. It’s
easily sorted.” He pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms
around me.

I nodded,
keeping my eyes focussed on him as I looped my arms around his
neck. As I looked into his deep green eyes, everything else seemed
to fade into insignificance around us. They were beautiful and they
trapped me there. He raised his hand and slid it slowly up my back
before tangling his fingers into the back of my hair; his other arm
wound around my waist and pulled me closer so that there was no gap
between us at all.

I had no idea
how long we danced like that for before he finally started to inch
his mouth closer to mine, all I knew was that however long it was,
it wasn’t long enough. I wanted to live in that moment forever.
Holding my breath in anticipation of feeling his soft lips against
mine again, I closed the distance between us and then, I was
lost.

When he moaned
in the back of his throat, my heart seemed to do a little flip in
my chest. His lips parted against mine and then his hot tongue
slipped into my mouth, tangling with mine in a tantalising kiss
that left me breathless and giddy. With his mouth on mine, I forgot
everything else around us and what this kiss was probably for. In
that moment, we could have been anywhere, we could have been
standing in the middle of a stampede of wild horses, yet I wouldn’t
care, so long as he didn’t stop kissing me. His kisses were
addictive. My excitement was growing inside me, building like a
raging inferno as I pressed my body against his, needing to be
closer, to feel more of him, to be devoured and possessed by
him.

But he broke
the kiss and put his forehead to mine. A needy whimper left my lips
as he breathed heavily and clutched me closer to him. Tilting my
head, I captured his lips again, tangling my hands into the back of
his hair, needing just a little more of his undivided attention. An
involuntary moan escaped my lips as he kissed me back, sucking my
bottom lip into his mouth and biting it gently.

Again he pulled
away, shaking his head this time. “Enough now.” His voice was husky
and thick with lust as he swallowed and those sultry,
heavily-lidded eyes met mine.

I blinked a
couple of times and nodded in agreement, even though every nerve in
my body was screaming for the opposite. I laid my head on his
shoulder as he continued to dance, swaying to the slow beat of the
song that the DJ was blasting out. His ragged breathing slowly
returned to normal as I tried desperately to push the lustful
thoughts away so that I could calm my jittery body.

As the song
slowly filtered into another, his pace changed seamlessly to
compensate. I smiled and looked up at him. “Are you good at
everything?” I asked.

“No, why do you
say that?”

I waved my hand
at him as an explanation. “You’re a really good dancer. I’m yet to
find one thing you can’t do.”

He laughed and
smiled at me. I tilted my face, rubbing my nose up the edge of his
jaw, breathing him in as his hands stroked my back softly. “I would
say the same for you, but the only thing I know you’re not good at
is letting people in,” he said in my ear.

I pulled back
to look at him. “Hey, I can let people in; I let you in, didn’t I?”
I was a little annoyed at his comment.

He shook his
head. “No. You won’t let me in; you barely even want to be my
friend because you think I’m going to leave you. You close yourself
off from everyone so that you don’t have to feel anything again.
You like to be numb,” he said matter-of-factly.

I stared at
him, dumbfounded.
How the hell does this boy know so much about
me? Oh my God, does my file have my therapy tapes in there or
something? Has that bitch of a therapist breached my
confidentiality?

“Have you been
listening to my therapy tapes?” I snapped angrily, pushing myself
out of his arms.

He laughed and
caught my hands, pulling me closer to him again. “No, Anna. You’re
actually pretty easy to figure out most of the time,” he replied,
squeezing my hands gently. My body relaxed, and I rolled my eyes at
his comment. “Now shut up and dance with me before the bar closes.”
He pulled me closer to him again and I laughed, smiling because
somehow, he always seemed to make me feel better.

The sun beams
down on me as I absentmindedly flip through the pages of a
magazine. The strong scent of jasmine drifts up from the bushes
that I’d not long planted, a few feet away from the swing chair I’m
slouched on. I am just about to take a sip of my coffee when a slam
of a door and a girlish giggle come from the house. A smile breaks
out on my face as I look up, seeing a beautiful, little girl
running towards me. I notice how tall she seems and how the smile
on her face melts my heart. Her long, black hair is still damp and
flows out behind her as she runs to me.

“
Momma!”

I put my cup
down just in time for her to jump onto my lap, laughing excitedly.
“Hey! Did you have a good time? Did you jump in on your own?” I
ask, excited to hear about it.

She nods
enthusiastically. “Yeah, I jumped in loads of times, and I splashed
Daddy right in the face,” she chirps, laughing wickedly.

I grin. “You
did? Good girl! Where is Daddy anyway?”

She shrugs,
twirling a lock of my hair around her finger. “He’s putting our
swimming stuff in the laundry room.”

“
Hey, Baby
Girl.” I look up and my heart speeds at the sight of him walking
across the garden to me. He is so handsome that my mouth
waters.

As he gets to
me, he bends and plants a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth
before using the pad of his thumb to brush a smudge of dirt from my
cheek.

“
Hi,” I
breathe. It’s almost a sigh of contentment because my whole world
is now around me.

“
Missed
you,” he whispers, before stealing my coffee cup from the side and
downing the contents as he plops himself into the seat next to me
and casually slings his arm around my shoulder.

I jerked awake,
gasping, but for once, smiling as I roused from my dream. Ashton
sat up quickly from his makeshift bed on the floor. “You okay?
Nightmare?” Concern coloured his sleepy voice.

I opened and
closed my mouth a couple of times, grateful that he hadn’t turned
on the light because my face was sure to be beet red. I had no idea
what to say.
I’ve just had my first nice dream in three years…
And it involved me having his child? Something is seriously wrong
with me!

Horrified, I
lay back down. “No, not a nightmare. It’s fine.” A quick check of
the clock told me it was almost ten in the morning. We’d not gotten
back to the apartment until after one this morning, so I was still
tired.

He didn’t leave
it though. Instead, he moved, climbing onto the bed and resting his
arm across my stomach. “It wasn’t a nightmare? What’s up then?”

My
embarrassment grew because the object of my desire in my dream was
now too close to me as he looked down at me through the
semi-darkness. “I was just dreaming. It wasn’t a bad one. Actually,
it was the first nice dream I’ve had since… since…” I frowned, not
wanting to say his name again.

“You had a nice
dream? That’s great! What was it about?” He sounded ridiculously
happy about it.

I winced,
squirming under his scrutiny.
You,
wasn’t exactly something
I could answer. “Um…” I chewed on my lip, and he flopped down next
to me, lying on his side and shoving his arm under the pillow as
his other arm tightened around me, pulling me closer to his warm
body. “I, er, had a little daughter. She was beautiful. It was just
nice.”

A dazzling
smile crossed his lips as I spoke. “You did? Did she look just like
you? If she did, then she’d have to be the most beautiful, little
girl in the world.”

My heart seemed
to clench in my chest at his adorable words. The answer was no
though, she hadn’t looked like me, she’d looked like him! “She
kinda did,” I answered. The little girl did, in fact, have brown
eyes like mine. Needing to make an escape from this awkward
conversation before he probed further, I pushed myself up out of
bed. “I’m going to make some breakfast. I’m thinking bacon and
eggs. Sound good?” I didn’t even wait for an answer before I
practically ran from the bedroom, needing a few minutes away from
him and the knowledge that I’d had a seriously inappropriate dream
about him.

A little while
after we’d eaten, I decided that I’d like to kill some time in the
gym. According to the pamphlet about ASU that I’d read, there was a
well-stocked gym on campus, so I was eager to check it out. As we
pulled up outside and climbed out, another car pulled up next to
us.

I groaned and
threw my hands up in exasperation. “I
can
go on my own, you
know!” I snapped, glaring first at Ashton, and then at my two far
guards that had obviously followed us here.

Peter shrugged.
“I actually just came to use the gym, I’m off duty. Please direct
your glare at these two,” he joked, waving a hand at Ashton and
Dean.

I had to smile
at that as I rolled my eyes and stalked into the building, not
waiting for them. “You guys think I’m some pathetic wuss that can’t
defend herself. I could kick all of your asses,” I muttered,
shaking my head. I had no idea why I even needed a far guard;
Ashton was surely more than enough to stop people from grabbing my
butt or pushing me over into a puddle, which was all that would
ever likely happen to me.

A scoffing
noise came from Peter’s direction, so I raised one eyebrow in
question. “You think you could kick my ass?” he asked
sarcastically, pulling his shoulders back and smirking at me as he
opened the door to the gym and nodded for me to go first.

“Yes,” I
answered flatly. He was probably about six foot tall and easily
heavier than Ashton because he packed in more muscle, but I was
pretty sure I could take him.

When I stepped
into the gym, I sighed happily. It was indeed as well-stocked as
the pamphlet had promised. And another benefit it had was that it
was empty. Being Sunday lunchtime, most students were probably
still in bed, sleeping off the night before.

Peter scoffed
again, following me into the gym and rolling his eyes, before
nodding towards the padded mat area off to one side. “Want to
try?”

A grin spread
across my face as I nodded slowly.
Heck yeah, I want to
embarrass you!
“Sure.”

Ashton shook
his head quickly, holding his hands up in protest. “That’s not
really a good idea, Peter.”

I frowned
angrily, clenching my teeth together.
He thinks I’m going to get
hurt? Lousy pretend boyfriend! He’s supposed to support me!

Peter grinned,
linking his fingers together, stretching out his arms and cracking
his knuckles at the same time. “I won’t hurt her, don’t worry.”

Ashton snorted.
“I wasn’t worried about
her
. You’re supposed to be on duty
tonight, and I don’t think having a broken nose will go down well
with the whole blending in thing,” Ashton teased, chuckling. My
anger evaporated immediately as I understood his hesitancy, and it
wasn’t because he was worried I’d get hurt.