Nothing Left to Lose (31 page)

Of course, Anna
had scolded me a few times at how seriously I was taking this whole
operation. She’d called it “going overboard.” She’d accused me of
acting too much like a SWAT officer rather than secret service, but
I’d let it slide. She didn’t know about Carter and his letters; if
she did, then she wouldn’t be as hostile about being guarded. She’d
promised to be on her best behaviour and let me deal with any
issues so that she wouldn’t be kicked out of yet another school. I
had high hopes for her at this one, hopefully my arrangements would
allow her to finish her course and start to take a hold on her
anger and insecurities that she had deep-rooted inside her.

While she was
getting dressed, I put my hands on my hips and did a few stretches.
My body was really starting to protest about sleeping on the floor,
but thankfully I’d received an email last night saying that the
sofa bed would be delivered this afternoon. Peter was going to take
delivery of it for me, so at least I’d have something soft to sleep
on tonight, which would hopefully make me feel less like an old
man.

When the door
handle of the bedroom moved, my stomach seemed to twist into a
knot. I frowned and shook my head at myself. I knew I had it bad
now, but this was bordering on ridiculous. I was so excited to see
her, yet I’d only seen her over breakfast forty minutes ago. This
didn’t bode well for me.

As she stepped
into the kitchen with a tentative, nervous smile on her face, my
heart seemed to stop. She looked so hot that my mouth actually
started to water. My eyes slid down her frame, taking it all in
slowly as she played with her fingers and chewed on her lip,
waiting for my opinion on her outfit. The insecurity about wearing
normal clothes was clearly still there.

I gulped. The
black shorts she wore came to about mid-thigh, showing off her
long, gorgeous legs. My hands were itching to trace the line of
them and feel the soft skin under my fingers. The tight, black top
she had on clung to her flat stomach and pert breasts, showing a
sexy, red bra-strap. The loose fit, red chequered shirt over the
top completed the outfit and made her look so sexy it was starting
to hurt as my jeans constricted across the crotch.

Stop, Ashton,
focus! She’s looking at you, you need to say something. You look
like an idiot!

“Er… You look,
er…” I stuttered.
Come on you stupid prick, think of a
word!

She raised one
eyebrow in question as she looked down at herself and straightened
her shirt. Clearly, she had no idea that she looked like a goddess
and that all I wanted to do was crush her against me and run my
tongue over every inch of her. I mentally groaned. I wanted to beg
her for a chance; I wanted to be with her so badly that I could
almost taste it.

I took a deep
breath and tried to stop embarrassing myself. “You look stunning,
and you’re going to make this hard for me all day,” I said
honestly. There was undeniably a double meaning to those words, she
certainly was going to make me hard all day, that was for sure.

Her shoulders
seemed to relax at my compliment, and she looked at me gratefully.
“Hard for you, why?” she asked, turning to get a glass of juice
from the fridge.

I groaned
quietly. From the back you couldn’t see the shorts; it looked like
she was just wearing a shirt and ankle boots.
Oh man, how the
heck am I going to be able to do my job with her looking like that?
Maybe I should ask her to change... Can I ask her to change without
making myself look like a freaking pervert?

“Ashton? How is
it going to be hard for you? What are you talking about?” she
asked, interrupting my examination of her legs.

I closed my
eyes and willed myself to calm down downstairs. “You’re gonna get
hit on a lot today,” I admitted.

She turned back
and held out a glass of apple juice to me, making her bangles
jingle as she moved. I smiled down at them weakly. I’d noticed that
whenever she wore short sleeves, she always wore something on her
wrists, covering up the scar from her suicide attempt and the
various other small scars on her wrist where she had obviously
self-harmed at some point in her life.

When she
boosted herself up onto the kitchen counter, my body moved of its
own accord. I stepped closer to her, setting myself between her
legs. Her minty breath blew across my face as her breathing started
to speed up. Her eyes widened a fraction as I leant in closer.

“With you
looking like this, I may have to kiss you a fair few times today,”
I warned. I kept my eyes trained on hers, watching for her reaction
as I reached out and traced the line of her cheekbone with one
finger.

Her breath
seemed to catch in her throat as she nodded slightly. “If you think
that’s necessary,” she replied, not taking her eyes from mine.

I could feel
the passion building between us and I knew she could feel it too
because of the way she was looking at me. That look made the hair
on the nape of my neck stand on end. There was no denying that she
was attracted to me too, but she didn’t like the fact that she was,
I knew that for sure.

“With you
looking like this, Baby Girl, I think it’s going to be very, very
necessary.” My voice was so husky and thick with lust that it was
almost embarrassing.

Her knees
tightened around my hips as her gaze flicked down to my lips. All I
could envision was pressing my lips to hers and tasting her again
as I pressed every inch of my body against hers. Before anything
could happen though and I could act on what my instincts were
telling me to do, there was a knock at the door. My heart sank
because I knew that the intimate moment was over. I seriously
needed to get a grip on myself.

“That’ll be
Dean,” I whispered, not taking my eyes from hers. “Are you ready to
go?”

She blinked a
couple of times as if coming out of a daze, and then nodded,
clenching her teeth together. It was almost as if she was mentally
scolding herself for allowing me close to her or something. She did
that a lot after we’d almost had a ‘moment’.

“Yeah, I’m
ready,” she confirmed. “Do you have your iPod? You’ll need it.”

As the rental
car headed towards the school, I could still feel the residual ebb
of the sexual tension from the apartment. I had no idea how he did
it, but one smouldering look from Ashton seemed to reduce me to a
needy, quivering mess.

I flicked my
eyes over to him, trying to be discreet as I watched the way his
muscles tensed in his arms while he drove. He looked particularly
irresistible today. He was wearing blue again – I liked him in
blue. My teeth sank into my bottom lip as a thousand lustful
thoughts of him seemed to hit me at once. Clear as day, I could
remember the feel of his skin under my hands, the taste of his
tongue, and the sensations that his lips created with the smallest
of kisses. A wistful sigh escaped my lips as I forced my eyes away
from him, looking out of the windshield instead. I needed to stop
this because it wasn’t right, and it wasn’t fair on Jack for me to
keep lusting after another man.

After another
five minutes, we pulled into the campus parking lot. Ashton turned
to me. His eyes were stern and warning, just as they had been this
morning when we’d discussed the rules of him guarding me. “Wait
there for me to come around and get you. You stay with me at all
times.”

I nodded in
agreement, trying to keep my breathing steady. This was my last
attempt at school because I wasn’t going to start over again. I was
really going to try hard this time, just like I’d promised Jack I
would. Hopefully, Ashton would make that possible with all the
changes that he’d made to my usual routine.

As he opened my
door for me, I took a deep breath and took his offered hand,
closing my fingers around his tightly. He smiled reassuringly.
“You’ll be fine,” he whispered, pulling me to my feet gently.
“This’ll be fun, and I’ll look after you. You trust me, don’t you?”
he asked, bending his knees so that his emerald green eyes met
mine.

An involuntary
smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “I trust you with my life,
Ashton.” That was the honest truth. He was the only one that made
me feel safe, but I didn’t know why, there was just something about
him that told me that I could put my faith in him.

A dazzling,
proud grin spread across his face as his arm slipped around my
shoulder, pulling me to him as he guided me across the parking lot
and towards the large campus building in front of us. As we walked
past people, I pressed against his side, trying to melt into him as
inquisitive glances were cast in our direction. The tension was
practically radiating off him in droves as he discreetly surveyed
the area. Dean was doing the same thing about a hundred yards off
to my right. I smiled because no one was paying the slightest bit
of attention to my far guard, which meant that maybe the undercover
thing would work here like Ashton kept assuring me.

A group of
girls fell silent as we walked passed, all of them eyeing Ashton
like he was their next meal. “You could get a lot of action here,
Pretty Boy,” I teased, shaking my head in awe. He wasn’t even
trying, yet it looked like girls were willing to throw themselves
at his feet.

His forehead
creased with a frown as he shook his head. “I’m not interested in
any of these girls, Anna.” His tone was a little brisk, as if I
should have known better or something. He opened the door to the
building and pulled me inside with him. “Come on then, let’s get to
our first class,” he whispered, guiding me down the hallways as if
he knew exactly where he was going.

“Don’t we need
to go to the office first? How do you even know where our first
class is?” I asked, confused. Usually I had to book in at the
office and someone gave me a tour of the school before showing me
the way to my classes.

“They sent me
everything already, and I spoke to the dean this morning while you
were getting dressed. Plus, I have the map, remember? You know, the
one I was looking at this morning when you said I was taking this
too far,” he mocked, smirking at me.

I laughed,
slipping my arm around his waist. “Okay, I guess your memory will
come in handy for finding our way around then.”

He stopped
walking, pulling me to a stop too. “Wow, that’s almost an
apology.”

More people
were watching us now. I shook my head in rejection. “No it wasn’t,
I don’t do apologies very often,” I denied, shrugging and narrowing
my eyes at him teasingly.

He grinned,
cupping my face gently as he stepped closer to me, so close that my
skin prickled with sensation. “Oh, I know that,” he purred as his
mouth closed over mine, claiming my lips in a kiss that made my
tummy flutter with excitement.

Waves of desire
crashed over me; they were so powerful that I was surprised we were
still standing. I moaned in the back of my throat and wrapped my
arms tight around his neck, trying to get closer to him, tangling
my fingers in his soft hair. When he nibbled on my lip, wanting to
deepen the kiss, I kissed him with everything I had in me. The
passion from the kitchen was spilling over as he ran his hands down
my back, gripping fistfuls of my shirt, clamping me to him. A small
moan escaped his lips that set my heart soaring.

I wanted him. I
needed him. When Ashton’s mouth was on my body, everything felt
right and whole again, like all of that awful stuff with Carter
hadn’t happened. But the kiss didn’t seem enough for me, I wanted
more. I wanted him to lavish attention on my body like he had done
that one time at my parent’s house. I wanted him to make me feel
like that special, beautiful girl that he looked at with those
sultry eyes that shone with desire. My whole body ached for it.

By the time he
pulled away, my head was spinning with need. He pressed his
forehead against mine, still holding me against him as our
breathing slowed to normal. His eyes that met mine were dancing
with excitement too. He looked like he was fighting for control. I
could see the conflict across his face; he wanted to drag me to the
nearest supply closet too, just like I was silently
envisioning.

“What was that
for?” I whispered, raising my chin and brushing my nose against his
softly.

He swallowed
loudly as his hand slid down my back, coming to rest on the small
of my back. “Just wanted everyone here to know that you’re
mine.”

Mine. The word
made a shiver of something run down my spine as I pressed myself
closer to him. “Why don’t you just take me against the wall or
something then with everyone watching?” I joked.

A smile
twitched at the corner of his mouth as he dipped his head towards
mine. “Gladly.” His lips met mine again, and I sagged against him
in contentment. The kiss didn’t deepen though, it was just a little
chaste kiss before he stepped back and ran his hand down my arm,
taking my hand and interlacing our fingers. “We should get to class
before we’re late.”

I swallowed the
lust that had built inside me and nodded in agreement, letting him
give me a gentle, little tug to get me moving again. Now that I was
out of the little bubble that he seemed to create around me, I
could see people watching us again. Clearly, being new and having a
major make-out session in the middle of the hallway was drawing
peoples’ interest. As we walked, I tried my best to ignore the
stares and whispers. I cringed into Ashton’s side as a couple of
guys let their eyes wander over me just that little too long.

Finally, after
lots of twists and turns, he stopped outside a classroom. I peeked
in, seeing people already sitting on desks, chatting amongst
themselves as they waited for lessons to start. The teacher was
perched on the edge of her desk, sipping coffee. I scanned her,
making my estimations of how good she would be. She was thin and
wearing all black and her brown hair, flecked with the occasional
grey, was pulled back into a severe ponytail. If I had to guess, I
would put her at mid-fifties. She looked friendly enough, and just
the right amount of eccentric to teach art at college.