NOCTE (Nocte Trilogy #1) (31 page)

“I know.”
 
And I do.
For the
first time in months.
 
I can
see it.
 
And I believe it.
 

I climb on the bike behind Dare, pressing
my cheek to his back.
  

Beneath my hands, his heart beats,
vibrant and strong and alive.
 

I have to live, too.
 

I have a reason, and that reason is warm
and alive and sitting in front of me.

The sun warms my back as we ride up the
mountain.
 
 

QUADRAGINTA
QUATTUOR

I
sit with my brother’s journal on my lap, curled up on his bed.
 
This is where I feel him the most, here
among his things.
 
It brings me
comfort.
   

I open the tattered book, and flip
through the pages until I find what I’m looking for… the last several entries.
My blood runs cold as I stare at the words… the insane, crazy gibberish lining
the page.

The handwriting is mine.
  

“I thought I was him,” I murmur.
 
“But there at the end, his journal was
mine.”
 

Dare sits next to me, careful of my
brother’s space.
 
He knows it’s
sacred to me, especially now. “The human body is an amazing thing,” he says by
way of explanation.
 
“Your mind
knows how to shield itself from too much pain.”

I trace the tarot card in my hand,
following the ragged edges with my finger.

“I wonder what this means,” I whisper. “I
didn’t know Finn ever had his cards read.”

Dare stays silent, because of course
we’ll never know the answer.
 

I drop the journal and watch the pages
flutter as it falls to the floor.

When it hits, the cover closes… a
metaphor for Finn’s life.

The
story is over.

I gulp.

“He did love a good metaphor,” I say
aloud.
 

“What’s that?” Dare leans closer. I shake
my head.

“Nothing.”

“Let’s take a walk on the beach,” Dare
says with a small smile.
 
“We should
get some fresh air.”

We make our way down the trails and I
cringe as we pass the Chapel because I remember the funerals now.
 
I cringe when we pass the woodshed
because I remember Finn chopping wood. And I cringe when we pass the pier,
because Finn and I went out on the boat so often.
 

“That night… when I got drunk.
 
I was waiting and waiting for Finn to
come back with the boat.
 
But it was
me
all along.
 
I was out on the boat.”

Dare stares out at the water.
 
“I watched for you, and when you stepped
onto the pier, I knew right away you were drunk.”

I grip his hand tighter, but look
away.
 
Because God, how
embarrassing.
 
All
of this.
 

“And Nocte,” I murmur.
 
“Those initials were ours.
 
We’ve been there several times before.”

“Yep.
You and me.
 
And also, you, me and Finn.”

I look at him, sharply now, because I’ve
been focusing so much on my own pain, that I haven’t considered his. He and
Finn had been friends for most of the year.
 

“You helped Finn with his senior science
project,” I recall, a memory suddenly re-surfacing of Finn and Dare hovering
over the kitchen table with test tubes.
 

Dare smiles. “Yes.
 
He probably would’ve blown the house up
on his own.”

I giggle in spite of myself.
 
“Probably.”

I glance at him.
 
“I haven’t asked you how
you’re
doing.”

Dare looks down at me.
 
“I’m doing better now.
 
For a while, I thought I’d lost you
both.”

I swallow hard, remembering the day I’d
found him punching the woodshed.
 

“It must’ve been so frustrating.”

“You have no idea.”
 

But I do.
 
“At least you still have your
memories.
 
My mind is like Swiss
cheese.”

I chew on my lip for a second. “The
drawing of me that you did.
 
I was
naked and in high heels…”

Dare levels a gaze at me.
 
“Do you remember the day I based that
drawing off of?”

Oh, I do. I definitely do now. It was
right before school had ended and it was amazing.
 

“I do.
 
But… I found that drawing in Finn’s
journal.
 
He’d written MINE all over
it. But it wasn’t Finn.
 
I think it
was me.”

Dare sighs.
 
“You asked me for the drawing the night
you caught me drawing it.”

I stare at him, shocked. “I did?
 
I don’t remember that part.”

I don’t remember it at all.
 
Why would I write all over my own
drawing?
 

Because
I thought I was Finn.
 
Because subconsciously I couldn’t let go of Finn.

I shake my head and look away.
 
“This is maddening.
 
I remember some things, but other
things…especially when it comes to you, are still fuzzy.”

He gives me a dark look. “Maybe your mind
is still trying to protect you.”

That gives me pause and I freeze in
place, my feet sinking in the damp sand.
 
“What would it have to protect me against?”

Dare shrugs, his face a perfect
expressionless mask.
 

“You know I can’t say.”

Frustration makes me want to scream.
 
“The doctors said I need to remember on
my own,” I tell him sharply.
 
“They
didn’t say you
can’t
give me hints.”

He shakes his head.
 
“It’ll come to you.
 
Just know that I’ll never hurt you.
 
Not on purpose.”

“It’s your past,” I tell him
confidently.
 
“Where you came
from.
 
I’m sure of it.
 
Because that’s the
part that’s fuzzy.
How we met.
 
But I did an
internet
search on you.
 
Nothing was unusual.”
 

Except for the part where he’s richer
than God, and has had a million blond girlfriends.
 
I absentmindedly twirl a piece of my
long red hair around my finger, because I’m the farthest thing from blond there
is.
 

We sit on the beach finally, staring out
at the water, listening to it crash against the rocks.
 

I lay my head against Dare’s
shoulder.
 

“It can’t be too bad.
 
Whatever it is, I was fine with it
before. I know that because we were still together when… it happened.”

When
I lost everything.
 

Dare grabs my hand, his thumb playing
with mine.
 
The only sound is the
water, crashing into the shore then sucking back into the ocean.
 
To and fro.
 
It’s a lulling, soothing sound.

“I’ll figure it out,” I say softly, no
longer worried.
 

“Yes, you will.”
 
There seems to be slight trepidation in
Dare’s voice.
 

For days, I think about it.
 

For days, nothing comes.

Dare stays with me like a
champion.
 
He
comes to my house every day.
 
He
sits with me, goes through pictures with me,
plays
the
piano for me.
 

Every day, I remember why I love him.

Every day I love him more.
 

Then one night, I’m curled up on Dare’s
couch, my head on his lap as he reads.

“I love you,” I say simply, out of the
blue, my words cutting through silence.
 

Dare looks up from his book, his dark
eyes smoldering.
 

“Are you sure?”

I smile.
 
“Of course. What’s not to love?”

He pulls me up, his book dropping to the
floor as I’m crushed to his chest, his hands pressing, pulling,
feeling
.
 

Warmth from his hands soaks into me,
thawing me, and for the first time in days and days, it ignites in me, making
me want more.
 

 
“Thank you for staying with me,” I
murmur.
 
“You didn’t have to.”

I pause,
then
kiss him.
  

His lips are warm and firm and they light
a fire in my belly, a fire that I forgot existed.
 
It extinguishes my sadness for the
moment, and I arch into him, pulling him closer.
 

There’s so much familiarity here… so much
want.
 

His hands trace my collarbone, running
down my arms, setting my nerve endings on fire.
 
They burst into flame, burning away
anything else but the desire to be with him, right here and right now.
 

“You think you don’t deserve me,” I
whisper against his neck.
 
“But that’s
not true.
 
I’m the one… I don’t
deserve
you.”

I kiss him again, and he groans in my
mouth, the sound of it driving me to the brink because I know he wants me too.

“You want me,” I tell him urgently,
pulling at him. “I know you do.”

“I’ve always wanted you,” he tells me
roughly.

“It’s just you and me now,” I tell him. “You
and me.
 
That’s all that matters.”

Make
me feel something besides pain.
 

I kiss him again and his hands splay around
my hips, positioning me so that I’m lodged against his hardness.
 
I suck in a breath and look up into his
eyes, eyes that hold a thousand secrets, but eyes that I love.
 

I love him.

“No matter what,” I whisper.
 
He pauses from kissing my neck and looks
at me questioningly as he lifts his hand to brush my hair back.
 
The light glints from his ring, and I’m
frozen.
   

Because fragments come flying into my
mind.
Memory
fragments.
 
Images
of that same exact expression, of his ring glinting in the moonlight as he
tells me something.
 
It’s a
confession and he’s alarmed, upset,
anxious
.
 

It’s the night of the accident.
 
Before
the accident.
 
I see his lips moving, but I can’t hear
the words.
 
It’s like he’s in a wind
tunnel, the words are static, and I’ve seen this exact scene before in a dream.
  

I strain to hear the words from my
memory.
 
  

“What’s wrong?” Dare asks me now,
lowering his head once more, sliding his warm lips across my neck as he leans
me back.
 

At this exact inopportune moment, as
Dare’s touch lights my skin ablaze, the fragments finally fit into place.
 
The puzzle pieces fit together.
  
At last.
 

The memory forms and I suck in an
appalled breath as I yank away from him.
   

“I remember,” I whisper.
 
Dare pauses in apprehension, his onyx
eyes glittering, his hands frozen on my arms.
 
“You… you were here for me all along.
You came here for me.”

His eyes close like a curtain and I know
that I’m right.

His breath is shaky and his hands tremble
as he touches me, as he refuses to pull away even now.

“You have one question left, Calla,” he
reminds me, his voice somber.
 
“Ask
it.”

So with fear in my heart and ice in my
veins…I do.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Order your copy of
VERUM
,
book two in the Nocte
trilogy
here.
 
 

Please
proceed to the next page, because now that the story is over,

there
are a few things you should know.