Nightshade (37 page)

“What happened?” I could barely hear my own whispered question.

“You know how you told me that Searchers killed Ren’s mother in an ambush?”

I nodded.

“Was her name Corinne Laroche?”

“Yes.”
Why is he asking about this?

His jaw tightened briefly. “I went through the
Haldis Annals
for the year after you and Ren were born. I wanted to know if anything had been recorded about that attack.”

I watched him in silence, feeling a bit irked that he’d ignored my request to leave the books alone but curious about what he’d discovered.

“There was no attack,” he said quietly. “Corinne Laroche was executed.”

It felt like time slowed, as if the air had been sucked out of the room, making any reaction impossible.

“It’s true, Calla.” He spoke in hushed tones. “She and some of the other Banes planned a revolt against the Keepers. The Searchers were helping her. The Keepers discovered the plot and she was punished.”

My muscles slowly came back to life, shaking.

“They killed her, Calla,” Shay said. “And they laid a trap for the Searchers who were coming to aid the rebellion. When the Searchers showed up, the Keepers had a force assembled that slaughtered almost all of them.”

“But Ren . . .” I choked, unable to finish the horrifying thought.

“They lied to Ren about what happened,” he murmured, sounding like he might be sick himself. “From what the entry said, it sounds like they lied to all the wolves who weren’t involved in the plot and eliminated those who were.”

“It can’t be true.”

“There’s more.” He took my hand. “When I read about Ren’s mother, I went back through the
War of All Against All
looking for other revolts. That’s how I learned about your history. Your real history.”

Clasped between his warm fingers, my skin felt cold and lifeless. “What do you mean my ‘real’ history?”

“I worked through the later sections of the
De proelio,
the part that described that last major conflict in the Witches’ War, the one you call the Harrowing.”

“But I know all about the Harrowing,” I said, frowning. “It was a terrible time of bloodshed, many Guardians were lost, but it was still an important victory for the Keepers. One that almost rid us of the Searchers.”

“No, Calla. That isn’t what happened.” He took my other hand in his, forcing me to meet his eyes. “The Harrowing wasn’t the annihilation of the Searchers. It was when the Keepers quelled a Guardian revolt. The Searchers attempted to aid the rebellion, and the Keepers staged a devastating counterattack. They culled Guardians and Searchers alike. And the Keepers created a new weapon that helped turn the war in their favor, something called the Fallen. I’m not sure what it was, but it made the rebellion fall apart. Any Guardians and Searchers who managed to escape went into hiding.”

I pulled my hands from his grasp, wrapping my arms around my chest.

“The revolt instigated a new policy with regard to Guardians,” he continued, not taking his eyes off my face. “Smaller packs, no turning of humans, closer regulation, with more-severe punishments for disobedience and the production of strong family ties so as to prevent the likelihood of revolt. The Keepers believed that Guardians wouldn’t risk their families, even for the cause.”

“What cause, Shay? Why did so many Guardians revolt in the last century?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Freedom,” he said. “The Guardians revolted because they could no longer bear to be slaves.”

“We are not slaves,” I whispered, digging my nails into my sides. “The Guardians are the Keepers’ loyal soldiers. We serve and they provide everything for us, education, money, homes. Everything. Our calling is sacred.”

“Open your eyes, Calla,” Shay snarled, pacing through the room. “It’s called hegemony. Antonio Gramsci. Look it up. A system of rule whereby the oppressed are convinced to support the system of oppression, to invest in it, believe in it. But it still means at the end of the day, you and the other Guardians are slaves.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said, rocking back and forth. “I can’t believe any of this.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “But you can read about what happened to Ren’s mother yourself the next time you come to Rowan Estate. As for the rest of it . . .”

I heard rustling. When I opened my eyes, he held out a stack of pages ripped from a notebook. “I knew it would be hard for you to hear. I stayed up all night and transcribed the entire section so you could see it word for word. I’m telling the truth.”

I held up my hand. “I can’t take those. Keep them.”

“Why would I lie about something like this?” He pushed the papers toward me again, eyes filled with anger. “We already know they executed Ren’s mother. It’s who the Keepers are, Calla; this is what they do.”

I opened my mouth, ready to scream at him, but then I was sobbing. “I know it’s true, Shay. I know you’re telling the truth.”

He knelt beside me, pulling me forward into his arms. My body shook as tears seared along my cheeks. Shay cradled my head against his chest, stroking my trembling shoulders and back. His lips pressed gently against my hair.

“It’s going to be okay, Calla. I’m going to find a way to get you out of here. I promise.”

I laid my face against his neck and sobbed again. His arms tightened around me.

“What exactly is going on here?” Lana Flynn’s voice lashed from the double doors that led to the commons.

My blood turned cold as her eyes moved over my tearstained face and then gazed at Shay, who returned her glare with a steady calm. He rose, clearing his throat, and stood just in front of me to shield me from her view.

“I’m sorry, Nurse Flynn. We had a fight. She’s going to Blood Moon with someone I don’t care for, but I handled the situation poorly. I owe Calla an apology.”

I blinked in amazement at his smooth lie.

The nurse’s lips parted in a smile that revealed her delight in our mutual agony.

“Ah yes, unrequited love is such a torturous thing. No wonder you despise Renier. That kiss I witnessed him bestow on this girl was quite stirring indeed. The passion of youth is just so . . . delicious.”

The blood drained from my cheeks as I watched Shay take in her words. Flynn’s smile widened when she saw the tense, throbbing vein in his neck.

Fear gripped me.
Don’t change, Shay. Please don’t change.

She strode forward until she stood face-to-face with him, running a long-nailed finger along his cheek, down his throat, and then her entire hand trailed over his chest and abdomen. I stifled a gasp as she hooked her finger in the waist of his jeans and jerked him close so there was barely space for air to move between their bodies.

“Don’t worry, my handsome, golden boy. There’s still good work left for you in this place.”

He remained stone still while she turned to face me. “Logan will hear of this, Calla. A lady of your stature should use more discretion.”

She released him and strode from the commons.

Shay let out an explosive breath. “She’s not just the school nurse, is she?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not sure what she is. Sabine once referred to her as a spellwarder, but I don’t know what that means.”

I walked to his side and he stiffened. “You never told me that he kissed you.”

“I also never told Ren that you kissed me.” I sighed. “What do you want me to say? Do you really want to have the fight you just told Flynn we were having?”

“No.” A quiet laugh escaped his throat. “Maybe later.”

“Fair enough.”

He turned to face me, his eyes worried but kind. “What do you want to do?”

I shook my head. “I have no idea. I can’t just leave my pack.”

“But you can’t stay here,” he countered.

“Shay, who are the Searchers?” I had more questions now than I’d ever had in my life.

“I don’t know.” He walked across the room, kicking chairs out of his way. “It’s clear they allied with the Guardians who revolted way back when and they helped Ren’s mother; both times they paid the price for plotting against the Keepers, but I haven’t figured out exactly who the Searchers really are or what they’re after.

“But I don’t think they’re your enemies, Cal,” he said. “They’re the Keepers’ enemies, not yours.”

“Right now I’m not sure that means anything.” I shuddered. “I’ve killed a Searcher. The Keepers’ enemies have always been mine. Maybe it’s too late for anything else.”

“It’s never too late.” He brought his fist down on a table. It splintered under his hand. “There must be answers in that book! I need to figure out the last section. It seems to indicate mutability, change. I think it’s the key.”

I could see the shadow of his wolf form swirling around him like a cloak.

“We’ll keep trying.” I put my hand on his chest, smelling the way his wolf scent mixed with his sweat. “You need to breathe, Shay. Push back the wolf. You’re too close to changing.”

“I don’t know how to stop it,” he growled.

“Just breathe.” I laid my head against his neck, waiting for both our hearts to slow. “Today and tomorrow. I’ll come to your house and work with you.” His hand stroked up and down my spine.

“And after that? What about the union?” His question made my chest ache.

“I don’t know.” I didn’t feel like I knew anything anymore.

 

I steeled myself as I walked into Organic Chemistry, angry, frustrated, wanting desperately to control some aspect of my life. My new and terrifying knowledge about the Guardians and Keepers changed every feeling I’d ever held about my place in the world. Knowing what had happened to Ren’s mother, how we’d all been lied to, I couldn’t bear the thought of hours alone with him before the union.
How can I hide the truth from him?
I didn’t think I’d be strong enough.

“Review session today,” Ren said, indicating the notes that lay before him. “Ms. Foris is feeling benevolent, or else she doesn’t want to lose any more lab equipment to your fury.”

He grinned at me and I wondered if I’d be able to go through with my plan after all. Then I remembered his teeth digging into my neck.

“Ren, I have to change our date tomorrow night.”

“How so?”

I laced my fingers together so he wouldn’t see them tremble. “I can’t have dinner and go early to the ball with you. There won’t be enough time.”

He turned to face me, eyes wary. “What do you mean there won’t be enough time? Our time is whatever we want it to be.”

“Bryn is really excited about helping me get ready. It’s a girly-girl thing that she’s pretty invested in. My mom too—you know how she gets.” I produced a weary sigh. “I just think it’s going to cut too much into the time we could be at the dance with the others.”

“You want to just go to the union with the rest of the pack?” His fingers curled around his notebook, slowly tearing the paper.

It took all my will not to cringe as I spoke, flailing for a legitimate excuse. “Can I just meet you there? You live all the way on the other side of the mountain, so it’s out of your way to come pick me up, and I’m supposed to work at the library with Shay after school anyway.”

Ren’s lips drew back. “You’re meeting
him
right before the union? Instead of going to dinner with me?”

I made my tone as plaintive as I could. “I’m sorry, but Logan said I have to keep the boy happy and he was pretty devastated when I turned down his invitation to go to the ball. I thought if I agreed to spend time with him beforehand, it would keep the peace a little better.”

He paled, eyes flashing as though a cold, silver fire had been ignited within them.

“He asked you to be
his date
for Blood Moon?” Each word was so low I could barely hear what he said.

I realized my incredible miscalculation a moment too late. My bones seemed to hollow and then fill with ice. Ren had pushed away from our lab station and was at the front of the room before I could open my mouth to answer. I heard the crash and shrieks from students around the class as I turned.

The stool that Shay had been perched on rolled away from his lab station. Ren leaned into Shay, pinning him against the tabletop. I couldn’t hear his words, but I saw the alpha’s lips moving rapidly as he bent over Shay. His two human lab partners were huddled in the corner of their station, crouched low to the ground as if trying to avoid attracting Ren’s attention. But they stared at Shay with wide eyes, seeing his strength, sensing the dangerous animal that lurked beneath his skin. They knew. If I didn’t do something immediately, they wouldn’t be the only ones.

Ms. Foris stood by her desk, paralyzed by terror. Her hand covered her mouth, eyes bulging, as her chemistry lab devolved into a battle arena. A few human students bolted from the room. The Keepers exchanged worried glances, leaning across their tables and whispering to one another.

I ran toward the station. My breath faltered when I saw how close Ren was to losing control. His wolf form, dark gray, hovered like an aura all around him. His sharpened canines flashed as he gripped Shay’s shoulders, holding him down. Shay’s fingers dug into Ren’s upper arms; he didn’t look afraid, only outraged. The shadow of his wolf self slid over the table, stretching the length of his body. I held my breath, hoping Ren was blinded by rage enough not to notice. It was only a matter of seconds before they would both be wolves tearing at each other’s throats.

“Ren, no!” I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around his chest. It took all my strength to pry him from Shay.

Shay leapt to his feet, his fists clenched. His lips curled back and I saw the glint of his sharpening canines. I sucked in a quick breath, desperately shaking my head at him. If he lost control and shifted into his wolf form, we were done for.