Never Say Goodbye (19 page)

I'm dressed, showered, and ready for Luke's surprise. He won't tell me what it is; I tried to get it out of him, but he won't give in. We made love in the hotel room, our lust from the beach carried with us on the short ride here. We didn't even make it to the bed.
    
"What are you thinking about, baby?" Luke asks as he leaves the bathroom. He has a towel wrapped around his waist and is towel drying his hair. The water droplets fall down his immaculate body and I can't help but gape in awe. He tilts up my chin to meet his gaze.
"Hey, I'm up here." He gives my lips a gentle kiss. "You look amazing, Ella." I'm dressed in a white summer dress that reaches mid-thigh and cowboy boots. My hair is tied back into a ponytail, some small strands resting onto my face in soft curls.
    
"Thanks." I whisper. I watch him rummage through his duffel bag for his clothes and bite my lip at him. He catches me and shakes his head.
    
"Baby, please, I've told you. Stop looking at me that way, otherwise we won't be going anywhere." He grabs some jeans and a black top and pulls them on. "Ready?"
    
"Your hair is still wet." I say standing and pushing a small strand away from his eyes.
    
"Why do you love me, Ella?" I move my eyes from his hair to meet his and smile.
    
"Because you make me realize the light from the dark. You make me see clarity in all forms of unclarity. You make every mistake a reason. You make every flower bloom inside me. Every sadness becomes happiness. Every pain becomes a smile. You just…take my breath away." He softly kisses my lips and pulls me into an embrace.

******

His fingers lace with mine and we walk through the crowds that have gathered at the fair on the beach. There are all these people around us but I hear nothing. All I feel is his thumb doing soft strokes across my knuckles, his breathing. All of my darkness has turned to light. I can't hear them anymore. The voices, they've gone. The elastic band is still on my wrist, just in case of a trigger. I always hated that I had to do that, but it does work.
    
The
snap
of the band gives the element of pain needed to stop the urge, to free it through my blood. I watch as the girls look at him, putting on their prettiest smiles, but I have his hand laced with mine. I am the one whose knuckles are being stroked. He puts his lips to my hair and kisses softly.
    
"Wanna go on the Ferris wheel?" We stop in front of the wheel and I smile up at him.
    
"Like a typical high school carnival thing then? Where the boy takes the girl on the Ferris wheel and they kiss at the top?"
    
"Yes, I want that with you." I squeeze his hand and we join the line. He releases my hand, curls his arm around my waist, and pulls me tight against him.
    
"Are you warm enough?" He asks. Such concern makes me smile.
    
"Yes, I'm fine thank you." I put my arm around his back and hold onto him. "Everything is warmer now." I whisper.
    
"What was that?" He asks looking down.
    
"Nothing." I say and kiss his lips. When we reach the front of the line, Luke pays and we sit in a small booth only big enough for two, with a bar lowered across our hips.
    
"This looks, old." I say, with a hint of nerves coming through my voice. I look around and the paint is peeling away. The wood is rotting slightly and fragrant.
    
"We'll be fine." He says and laces his fingers through mine. The wheel begins its ascent and I instantly feel nauseous. Luke pulls me closer and I rest my head against his shoulder. It takes a long time before Luke and I are at the top. I don't know why, but even more nerves have appeared. My stomach feels like it's holding rocks. The wheel comes to an abrupt stop and it jerks the carriage slightly. I breathe in slowly and exhale. The view from here is beautiful. I turn slightly to look at Luke, and he's texting?
    
"Hey?" I nudge him with my shoulder. "What are you doing, I thought you said no Cell phones?"
    
"Shhh, you'll find out." He shoves his phone back in his pocket and cups my cheek. I turn my face slightly and focus on his mouth. He bites his bottom lip and his fingers brush the curls from my face.
    
"You are just, Ella, you're just, amazing." He pulls me in to him and gently kisses my lips with his. I cup his face with my hands and kiss him back. The butterflies are back from vacation, taking over and shoving my nerves into a dark corner.
    
"Please, don't ever leave me." I say through a choked sob.
    
"Never, baby, never." He suppresses and kisses me again. "Never." He whispers.
    
"You promise?"
    
"Forever and always, Ella, I promised you, forever and always." He reaches out for my hand again and squeezes hard.

******

The soft sand buries my toes as we walk along the beach. We dropped our shoes at the entrance to the beach with the hope that they wouldn't be stolen. In the distance is a large group of people, probably some high school kids, enjoying their last days at home before college.
    
"They look like they’re having fun." I say and turn to look up at Luke.
    
"Yeah, I know right, it's a shame we don't have a beach closer to home. House parties are so boring." He shrugs and I squeeze his hand. "Hey." He whispers and we stop walking. "I need you to know this now, baby, I need you to realize." He gulps and turns me towards the ocean and his arms wrap around my waist. He lowers his chin, so that it's resting on my shoulder.
    
"You are as beautiful, if not more so, than this view right now." I look over at the ocean and the sun is setting, all the different colors scattered across the horizon, the beautiful yellows and oranges. "You make me happy. I have never known happy, Ella. Just like you. Walking around school with endless amounts of girls wanting me wasn't what I wanted. I needed to be able to love. Stupid, right? Coming from a guy?" He whispers.
    
"You're not stupid." I whisper back and he sighs against my ear.
    
"You have made everything whole. You've made me whole, Ellie. Just you. You made me come undone, but you made sense of who I am. I am all-innocent in your eyes. I am me in your eyes. It's
refreshing, rather than just to be wanted for sex -" I turn to face him and he puts his finger against my lips.
    
"I am wanted because you love me. You make me feel alive, Ella. Like I'm needed in this fucked up world. You're just, perfect to me." He removes his finger and kisses my lips softly.
    
Luke just announced his love for me. He's taken me away for the night to somewhere just perfect for us. In his last days here, he's spent all of his time with me. Jay quickly enters my mind and how he spent his last day with me. I can't feel those feelings again, I don't think I'll survive it. I don't think I'll win.
    
"If I had the means, and we weren't going to separate colleges, I would ask you to marry me right now."
    
"What?" I ask, stunned at his bold statement.
    
"You're all I ever want; you're all I ever need, Ella." He sighs and shakes his head. "Come on, let's go." He tugs my hand but I bury my toes in the sand.
    
"What?" I ask again, soft tears escaping. "You'd marry me?" He looks down at his feet and his green eyes meet mine.
    
"In a heartbeat." He cups my cheeks and wipes the tears away.
    
"Come on, I have a surprise for you." He whispers. We approach the party and I stop dead in my tracks.
    
"Can't we walk around them?" I ask, my anxiety kicking in.
    
"No, come on, we'll be fine, trust me." I nod and he gives my hand another reassuring squeeze. I bow my head as we walk toward them.
Please Luke, just let me walk around them.
I feel the tension build inside me, the shivers causing the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end.
    
"SURPRISE!" Shouts the party and I immediately look up. I turn to look at Luke and he grins at me. Jade comes booming toward me and wraps her arms around me.
    
"Hi." I stutter through Jade's immense strength. "Can't, breathe, here, Jade!" She releases me and gives my cheek a swift kiss.
    
"Hi!" She squeals. "Happy Birthday!"
    
"What? My birthday is not for two weeks?" My dad picks me up and gives me a cuddle.
    
"Happy Birthday, bear." He drops me and my mom gives me a kiss on the cheek.
    
"How did you…When did you…I’m so confused." I look at Luke. He shrugs his shoulders and wraps his arms around me.
    
"I won't be here for your birthday, this is for you, another memory. Surprise.."
    
"And you all knew? You sneaky bastards!"
    
"Ella!' My dad yells. "Mouth!"
    
"Sorry." I giggle as Luke kisses my hair.
    
"Come on, baby, party time." He pulls on my hand toward the crowd.
There is a DJ booth surrounded by people dancing and drinking from red solo cups. The fire burns hot on the beach, with people holding sticks with marshmallows on the end against the hot flames.
    
"I want a marshmallow." I whisper to Luke.
    
"It's your party, baby, do what you want." He winks at me and kisses my hair again, softly, and lets me go.
I go sit on a large piece of driftwood, marshmallow and stick in hand, and put it against an orange flame.
    
"Hi." A red-haired girl comes to sit next to me and gives me a warm smile. "Happy Birthday, Ella. I know we have never really spoken at school, but this is so cool what Luke has done for you. You're lucky. My name is Chloe by the way." She bumps her shoulder to mine and I give her a smile.
    
"Chloe, yeah I've seen you around. Thanks for coming, and yes, I am very lucky. He's amazing."
    
"So, what are you and him going to do when you go to college? He's going to Princeton right?" I sigh and shake my head softly.
    
"Yeah, and I'm going to L.A."
    
“That sucks, Ella. Hopefully you guys can meet up regularly and stuff." She shrugs and grabs another marshmallow. I bring mine from the flame, pull it from the stick, and pop it in my mouth. The crunch of the outside compliments the soft sticky warmness of the inside. I groan in appreciation and lean to grab another marshmallow from the bag.
    
"It does suck, but we'll make it work." I hold my second marshmallow over the flame.
    
"What is this shit music?" Asks Chloe and I turn my head to listen closely. I laugh and shake my head.
    
"It's ZZ Top!" I say through a laugh. "They're definitely not shit, Chloe." She shakes her head at me and puts her marshmallow in her mouth.
    
"Want a beer?" She asks, her head tilted to the side, her warm brown eyes sparkling from the reflection of the flames.
    
"Sure…" I mumble and she jumps up and walks toward the beer stand.
    
"Hey, sis." Holly says and pushes my shoulder forward from behind. She has a guy attached to her side.
    
"And who is this?" I ask, my left eyebrow raised at the guy.
    
"This is Daniel. We've been together for a week. Mom said I could bring him with me tonight and introduce you all properly."
    
"Oh, so this is who you were texting constantly in England?" Holly blushes slightly and pulls him tighter to her.
    
"Yup." She smiles down at me and I hand her my roasted marshmallow. She puts it in her mouth and chews.
    
"Nice to meet you, Daniel." I say, my arm extended. He grabs it and gives me a firm shake.
    
"It's Danny, and you too, Ella." He smiles warmly at me, his brown hair slightly covering his brown eyes.
    
"Look after her, she's special."
    
"I know." He whispers and kisses her hair. "Come on, baby, let's go have a dance." Holly giggles and he pulls her toward the sand made dance floor. The microphone makes a crackling sound and a high screeched noise and I turn to stare at who is about to speak.
    
"Hey, everyone." Luke smiles at the crowd and I smile at the sound of his voice. I swing my legs over the driftwood so that I'm facing the DJ stand.
    
"As you know, we're all here for Els today. She might not know you all, but you all told me individually that you cared for her. So, Ella, these people are here for you because they want to be." I turn away, my cheeks flaming.
    
"You are worth so much, baby, so much. I hope this has been a good birthday for you and I know it's not for two weeks, but as everyone knows, I won't be here. So, Ella, here is my present to you, happy birthday." He puts down the microphone, grabs a wooden stool, swings his guitar over his shoulder, and comes to sit in front of me.
    
"Hey, baby." He whispers and pulls his plectrum from the strings.
    
"Hi." I manage and gulp back the feelings.
    
"This is for you, Ella." His guitar starts to play a soft melody and people gather around us. His voice fills the air and the tears bare against my eyes.