Never Meant to Be (3 page)

***

Johnny’s Diary

“I think it’s his car,” I said to Edi, who was fidgeting with his last pouch of cocaine that he had been resisting for three days. We were hiding inside the construction building, wearing worker's uniforms, while other workers were packing up their stuff to go home. I looked at my watch: 5:05 pm. It was already getting late.

“Jesus, I can’t believe you still have that stupid cartoon watch.” Edi still hadn't given up on mocking the silly-looking watch that Esther had given to me years back. I had thought of throwing it away countless times, but couldn’t. It was the only gift anyone had ever given to me.

“Whatever. Let’s just focus on our job,” I said, trying to change the topic.

We went down from the second floor to the first floor, following the car. We were waiting for it to become completely dark. The workers were already gone, and only the contractor stood there to receive him. His back was to us. He had one bodyguard and one secretary who he seemed to be repeatedly telling something.

I checked my gun again. There were enough bullets to take my revenge, but I didn’t want to give him an easy death. I wanted to break his face first. Then cut out his balls. After that, I was going to shoot him in the legs, then in his arms, and at last between the eyes. I repeated my plan for revenge over and over again in my head. The wait was over: the sun was long gone, and darkness was looming in.

The builder was showing them around and telling them what their investment would look like. I waited for the perfect moment, trembling. They talked for a few more minutes. The builder left. The secretary stopped and continued to stare at the unfinished building before the man came and brought her a coat.

They were about to leave, so I closed in and hid behind a pair of huge barrels. There were still bright lights towering all over the place.

First, I'll shoot the bodyguard in the shoulder. Once his security is down, then we can chat with him... and the hot secretary. I don’t want to hurt anybody innocent. Then I'll have my sweet revenge
. I wanted to do it all quietly without making too much fuss about it. I aimed at his shoulder, and before he could get into the car, I shot at him. The shot rang loudly in the empty building.

“Damnit! The body guard has been alerted!” I whispered to Edi.

The bad news was that I had missed his shoulder and hit the bodyguard's shoulder instead, but the good news was that their safety net was gone. I heard the bodyguard scream as blood started to drip from his arm.

“Who did you shoot?” Edi's eyes were wide open and staring at me.

“The bodyguard jumped like a monkey; it’s not my fault!” I tried not to let them out of my sight from behind the barrels.

“Now what?” Edi asked.

“I think we should jump now, before they settle down. Their bodyguard's down, so I think it'll be easy for us.”

He and the secretary were frantically trying to help the injured bodyguard into the car.

Then he turned, scanned the room, and spotted us. He turned to his secretary.

“Run!” He shouted.

I jumped out of my hiding place and pushed him to the ground before he could run. The bodyguard fell, bleeding profusely. He tried to hold on to us, but Edi and I were too much for him.

“Just run!” He shouted at his secretary again, who gave us one frightened and confused last glance before sprinting away. The sound of her high heels echoed against the concrete.

 I held him by his collar, and was about to beat the shit out of him. But as soon as I saw his face up close under the lighting, I realized it.

It wasn't him. It was another man dressed exactly like him.

“Fuck! You're not him! Are you playing games with me? Where the hell is your boss? Tell me, where is he!?” I screamed, clutching him by his suit.

And then all of a sudden, I felt a big
thud
as a plank of wood collided against me. Thankfully, the blow wasn't as strong as I had expected. I turned to see who it was.

It was his secretary. His beautiful, sexy secretary wrapped in a black dress with a diamond bracelet shining on her arm, diamond earrings in her ears, and a piece of ply board in her hands.

“How dare you?” I let go of the man's suit and moved towards her. Before I could reach her, the man grabbed me and shouted to her.

“Run!”

Now she was in trouble.

She started to run, sensing that either she would have to hit me harder or try not to be a hero at all. I wanted to catch her, but the man wouldn’t let me go. He clung to my t-shirt and grabbed Edi as he tried to run after her. 

“She's getting away!” Edi shouted.

“You get her. I'll handle this bastard.” I turned and punched the man in the face. He bent over, and I punched him again. He groaned. I punched him again. Seeing that he had been weakened, I grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him into a glass window that had been lying on the floor. 

“Take her inside,” I shouted to Edi, who had just come back and was dragging the struggling young woman. He pulled her into the construction building. She tried to free herself desperately.

“Leave me alone! Let go of me, you bastards!” She shouted, but the place was empty and her voice echoed in the unfinished building.

“If you want money, I can give you all the money you want. Just let me go!” Tears rolled down her cheeks and she was trying hard to struggle. Lying on the ground, her white, sexy thighs were still shining in the dim light.

“First, tell me where he is.”

“Who?”

“Your boss!”

“There is no boss! I'm the boss! I swear. I'm the new CEO!”

“Liar! Where is your boss? Tell me now!” I tightened my grip on her.

She started to sob. The sky shook with thunder, and within a few seconds, rain started to pelt the ground outside.

“I don’t think she'll tell us, not like this." Edi turned to me and said. "We'll have to be a little rough.”

Edi started to touch her thighs. She snatched Edi’s hand and threw it off her. He slapped her across the face and started to touch her again.

“I think she's a virgin.” Edi sniffed her, as if her perfume were the indicator.

“Tell me where he is, and I'll let you go.” I tried to reason with her, but she kept sobbing and repeating the same thing.

“I don’t know who you're talking about...I don’t have any boss. I'm the boss...I swear I'm not lying,” her eyes were red and her lashes held tears like morning dew.

Edi pulled up her dress.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing?” I stammered at him.

“Let’s have her! I mean, look at her...She's so hot that you'll die while fucking her, man...” Edi whispered excitedly.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, bro.”

“What do you mean? We let her go? I don’t care if I have to go to jail. At least I'll have fucked a piece of ass like her.” 

I glanced at her. She continued sobbing.
Yeah, Edi is right...she is damn beautiful ...so beautiful that her beauty could kill...

The girl had heard us, and she looked up at me hopefully. Maybe I would be able to talk him out of it, her expression seemed to say, but Edi was all charged up.

She slowly tried to pick up a stone from the floor.

“Oh, so you think you're clever?” Edi grunted and slapped her.

“Hey, calm down, man...There's no need to hit her...”

“Then tell this bitch not to try anything! Let’s take her over there.”

Edi dragged her back to a corner of the incomplete building.  

“Let me go!” She yelled and spit at our faces. “You scum... You don’t deserve life, you pathetic jerks.!” Her eyes were filled with tear-stained disgust.

“You see, that’s what I am talking about. These rich bitch don't respect us. Today, we've got a chance to make her see how it feels to be on the receiving side. Come on, let's show this spoiled bitch!”

She struggled frantically in our hands, but now she had enticed us. Edi had gotten to me, and it wasn't good for her.

After all, do they even think about us out here on the streets? No. They sit comfortably in their luxurious houses and condos as we rot in the gutters. And anyways, who is this girl? Why should she matter to me? She's not my girlfriend or my sister...why should I care?

“No, no please...no...please don't...” The girl started to plead as she sensed that I had stopped arguing for her.

I stood, and my stomach twisting uncomfortably. My old memories were going to haunt me any moment, I knew it, and I didn't want to show my vulnerable side to any girl.

I grabbed her arms so that Edi didn’t have to struggle as much and could enjoy. As we struggled to hold her still, my watch started to beep.

“Damn it, Johnny! Would you please make that stupid watch shut up?” Edi yelled at me. I let go of her to unbuckle the watch, and then I heard a soft voice.

“Johnny?”

Shit. How does she know my name?

She looked back at me, as if she had known me from the beginning of time. I met her gaze. Suddenly, those eyes started to seem familiar to me. Eleven years.

No, it can’t be... It can’t be.

Edi started to unzip his pants and looked like he was about to undress her. I pushed him, throwing him away from her.

“No!” For almost eleven years, I had never heard that much emotion and protectiveness in my voice.

Edi looked at me, shocked. I looked at the ground, not sure how to explain why I had become so aggressive. But I couldn’t bear the thought of Edi touching Esther. She was looking at me with disbelief. I couldn't look back. Once again, I was embarrassed and ashamed in her presence. I wanted to see her, to embrace her, to make up for the years apart, but I didn’t even have the courage to look at her.

“Johnny.”

Her soft voice pierced my heart like a newly sharpened pocketknife. I didn't say anything. I couldn't find my words.

And then there was silence. Edi stared at me bitterly, rubbing his shoulder in pain. Esther sensed my silence and knew it was me, her childhood best friend.

“I  really can’t believe it’s you! I mean ...” She also seemed to be at a loss for words. “I mean, a gun...shooting...trying to rape me. . . How . . . How could all this happen?" She wiped away some of her tears. "Where is he? Where's the Johnny who used to talk about horizons and blue skies? Where's the Johnny I used to know?" I watched a tear roll down her cheek, unable to look her directly in the eyes. "I am disgusted.”

Her every word was like an arrow to my chest. I looked down at my scarred hands, realizing what I had become.

“Oh God...oh God...” Esther sobbed, not seeming to believe what she was seeing. 

“What was I ever thinking? Look what you've become. Thank God I saw the true you today...You...You disgust me. I want you to know that.”

I still couldn't meet her gaze.

“You don’t know anything, Esther. Its’ easy to judge, living in luxury,” I said desperately, staring at the floor.

“To judge that you tried to rape your childhood friend?” There was venom in her words.

“
I
didn't!”

“But you also didn’t try and stop it, right?”

I moved my gaze to the bottom of wall, avoiding any direct eye contact with her. There was a long silence between us. Our breath echoed in the empty room.

“I think you should go now. It’s not safe in here.”

What else could I have said? She didn't move. I could feel her still staring at me. I could feel her judgment and disappointment burning on my skin like the tip of a cigarette.

“I said go! Go now!” I shouted.

I just wanted it to be over. I wanted her to go.
My God, I was about to let Edi rape her, my childhood friend, my only real friend
...

I couldn’t say the same for Edi. We were more like friends because of necessity, partners in crime. She was the only one, my only true friend. And I was going to let him...

I heard a loud clap of thunder. She stood up and I could see her straighten her dress from the corner of my eye. Edi backed away slightly. As I concentrated on the lines of freshly poured concrete below me, I could hear her footsteps slowly moving away, until they were muffled by the sound of the pouring rain.

From that day, everything changed.

***

Chapter Three

  
 
Sparks Again

Esther’s Diary

He was a complete and total stranger. Even in my wildest dreams, I never imagined that I would meet him like that. What was even more painful for me was to see him like that. Until a few hours ago, I still had an innocent, child-like image of him in my mind. I had always secretly hoped I would meet him someday... But that image was shattered.

Carrying a gun, abusing and wounding innocent people...What has he become?
The rough streets of life had taken the best out of him. There had been wounds and bruises on his face and his hands were even rougher than last time. Last time, it was different. He was different. I can still remember...

"Can you do me a favor?"

We were loitering around together and I was still in my school uniform. My shoulders were getting tired from carrying my heavy bag full of schoolbooks. 

“What favor?” I asked him curiously because I knew it would be something unusual and exciting and not like any school project.

“Could you make some paper boats for me? As many as you can?”

“Paper boats? But why would you want to have paper boats?” I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice at such a strange and tame request.

“I want to attack the sea with a fleet of my ships! Sorry--our ships.”              

Attack the sea with a fleet of our ships? Sometimes Johnny didn't make any sense, but he definitely was intriguing and mysterious. I agreed, and so that night I made 160 paper boats before I felt asleep.

The next day, I met him. I carried a large but light bag of all of my paper boats. He had also made some of his own, but without access to much paper, he had only managed to make 45.

“There's one more thing we have to do! Take out your pencil case.”

I unzipped my pencil case and handed him one. He grabbed it and started to write his name on every boat with his messy, chaotic handwriting. His dirty fingers left prints on the white paper. I joined him, and in the meantime, a group of kids started to gather around, intrigued by all the boats.

Johnny gave me a long stick and filled my pockets with pebbles, in case I needed to protect myself and the boats. The kids started to circle like hungry, confused wolves. Johnny himself was carrying a long, thick stick. Every once in a while, he tried to imitate a Chinese fighter by waving the stick around to intimate the other rough kids.

“Johnny, what are we waiting for?” I asked him. He had just finished scribbling his name on the very last paper boat. 

“We are waiting for the rain to start. The newspaper said that it was going to rain this evening.”

He looked up at the sky expectantly. There were few fluffy white clouds, but the rest of the sky was blue. We waited and waited, but nothing came out of that sky expect for few flies and an airplane.

“Those motherfuckers lied to us!  They lie to everybody! Tomorrow, I'm going to tear apart the weather section!” Johnny whacked at the ground with his stick in anger.

And believe it or not, he did.

The next morning, I overheard my dad asking the butler about the weather section. Apparently, every newspaper in the city that day had a hole that tore apart just the weather section, and nothing else. I still don’t know how he did it, but he did.

To me, he was the amazing kid running through the streets, trying to discover himself. He was truly connected to life...not like me. My only job was to be trained so that in the future I could take over the family company. My life was a predictable pattern, and his was like an unexpected hole in the weather section.

We waited for the rain for days until one day, finally, the skies darkened and water began to fall.  Johnny was so happy. Soon, water began to rush down the drains and gutters, and we were able to fill them with our army of ships to fight against the sea.

When other kids tried to steal our boats or drown them, Johnny would approach them while swinging his stick like a Kung Fu master.

“You see them? They're on the bad side. They're like the storms and wind trying to drown our ships, but we have to save them! Are you with me?” He shouted through the downpour.

I nodded, feeling like it was my duty to see the boats make it to the sea.

My job was to provide the air strike. My pockets were filled with pebbles that I was ready to unleash upon anyone who tried to touch our boats. It was a war, and even though we lost some of our ships that day, we managed to save most of them.

We followed and guarded the ships until they passed through the city streets and away from the center, into the gutters that may someday carry them to the sea.

“There go my fleet. As soon as the ships reach the sea, the merciful wind will guide them beyond the horizon, and they'll know that I'm stuck here. And then they'll send me a rescue boat, and I'll get to go beyond that horizon.” His gaze saw through the traffic and beyond buildings to some distant horizon even I couldn't see. I sensed a hope, the hope of a child who was so desperate to go beyond.   

“Well, who are they, Johnny? Who are your rescuers?” I asked.

“Good people, lucky people who once escaped from this place.” I heard him say quietly as we watched our last boat bob into the sewer.

***

“Are you okay?”  I asked Mr. Brad, my personal assistant and kind of mentor after my parent’s tragic death.

“Yes ma’am, I'm fine.”

Mr. Brad was always very formal when talking with me. His eyebrows constantly formed the shape of a U,  which probably meant that he was thinking a lot.

“Ma’am, do you think Katherine was involved in the attack?”

“No. Well, I mean, I don’t know...maybe.” As much as I wanted to blame her, I knew who was behind it all.

“But we all know she conspired against your parents.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Just as we spoke, Katherine and her perverted husband James entered the meeting hall. She was wearing a low-cut top and tight mini-skirt, probably in another effort to seduce the men in my company. There was a desperate expression on her face. Usually, her cunning mind made it almost impossible to figure out the truth. But I had learned the trick: the only way to catch her was her eye. When she would lie about something, her eyes would tell a different story.

“How is my beloved niece? I heard you were attacked! Are you okay?” She ran across the room towards me. I couldn't stand her mocking voice. It reminded me of the smirk she couldn't seem to hide during my parents’ funeral.

“Oh, give her some space. Don’t you know she's CEO now?” James made his contribution to the mocking party.

“What are you doing here?” The loud, forceful tone of my voice surprised me.

“I have every right to be here. You aren’t the only one who owns shares in this company, are you?” She rested her surgically-tightened bottom on my table.

“What are they doing here?” I whispered to Mr. Brad.

“Ma’am, the company dropped the charges on her because it was creating bad publicity. The board members saw that the case was going nowhere, and there just isn't enough evidence.”

“Well, who are they to decide that? My parents were murdered!” I stood up in disbelief that my own company would betray my parents, the ones who had built it.

“Correction, honey: they met with an accident.” Katherine said, opening her filthy mouth again. She had clearly been eavesdropping on us.

“Don’t you say a word about my parents, alright?”

“Why not? After all, your mother was my sister.” She was asking for it.

“Stepsister. You never treated her like a sister. Don’t think that I don’t know.” Mr. Brad quickly put his hand on my shoulder, sensing that the conversation was heating up.

“You know nothing, my dear, about how this company works. I know every nook and cranny of this company. I know its soul. And you, dear, are just trying to bring a little bit of change. This place doesn't like change. Wait until your very own company eats you alive and then spits you out. Like what it did to your parents.”

With that, Katherine stood up, turned, and left.

“Don’t forget your loyal dog!” Her husband hadn't followed, and his eyes were traveling up and down my torso.

I seriously wanted to smack their arrogant faces. But I was bound by an ethical work code. I didn't know how long I would be able to hold back.

***

The rain stopped for a while and Stella looked out the window at her plants.

“Please don’t rain anymore,” she whispered to the agitated sky, but it didn’t look good.

“Stella, do you think we should take snapshots of important chapters in the diary? Like the big secret that Johnny is working for Katherine and Esther doesn’t know about it yet.”

“I think we should,” Stella responded, still looking out the window. After a while, she turned abruptly and looked at Latif.

“Did you do any digging into Esther's life at all?”

Latif tensed for a moment.

“Yes. I did. Should I tell you?” He relaxed a little.

“Yup,” Stella crossed the room and hopped into her chair.

“Okay, she has some unusual habits. As a CEO, you'd think that she's got a background in commerce, but her major was in the arts. She wanted to become a professional artist, and there used to be a lot of tension between her and parents, since they obviously wanted her to take over the company. She very rarely visited home and didn't attend any family functions. It’s kind of a boring, to be honest...Do you want me read the whole thing?”

“So she has a minimal business knowledge. And her major in the arts... Well, that might explain her fascination with Johnny.”

Stella's phone buzzed again. There was another message.

30k for the diary. You won't a better offer from anybody else.

Stella hesitated. The money was tempting, but it made her wonder why the diary was important enough that someone was willing to pay 30k for it. She set her phone back on her desk, face down.

Outside, it started to pour again. The rain knocked at the window glass, and Stella sighed.

***

Esther’s diary

The police station always makes me nervous, especially when going to confront your childhood friend crush who has become a local thug.

“Miss, Mr. Brad and your bodyguard have confirmed that it was them. We just need your verification whether or not they're the same men who harassed you,” the inspector informed me as we stood facing the one-way mirror window.

Johnny and Edi were led into the room in handcuffs. Edi looked okay, but Johnny's eyes were swollen. It looked like he could barely see through his right eye. The red marks on his lips and the side of his mouth made it look like he had been sipping his own blood. My gaze froze on him, and even though he could barely see through his swollen eyes and he couldn't see through the glass, it seemed like he was looking right at me.

“Miss, is it them?” The police men had to ask twice before I came back to my senses.

“I think so,” I said in a weak voice.

“Ma’am, you have to give them proper confirmation. Yes or no?” Mr. Brad whispered in my ear.

The room filled with silence as I kept staring at Johnny.

“Can I talk to him?” I asked.

“You want to talk with them? Are you sure?” The inspector raised his eyebrow.

“Yes, but not with both of them. Just with him.” I pointed to Johnny. “I just want to see him up close and maybe talk with him.”

“No, I'm sorry, that can’t happen. Especially him. He's been very violent and unstable, and we had to get a little rough to quiet him down. But he just keeps asking for more. He's been enticing the officers and deliberately asking for a beating. I think he's a little bit insane.” The inspector looked sadly at Johnny. 

“Ma’am, are you sure you want to do this?” Mr. Brad whispered into my ear again. He was concerned, but I wanted to talk to Johnny.

“Please, just give me few minutes.”

The inspector looked at me grimly and seemed to realize that I wouldn't give in. He led me out of the viewing room and to the room with the prisoners. He nodded to me and opened the door.

Edi had already been taken out, and Johnny was sitting with his hands cuffed. The room was so silent that when I moved the wooden chair to sit down, it creaked like a  loudspeaker. Johnny was staring at the table that separated us, and the silence continued. I wanted to start a conversation, but what could I say?

It was all so different from what I had expected. For years, every time I imagined Johnny and I being reunited, I pictured us hugging, asking excitedly about each others' lives, laughing. But this reunion was a completely different story.

“So, are you happy now?” Johnny broke the silence with his rough voice.

He looked up at me and right through me, as if I were sitting there naked next to him.