Never Meant to Be (5 page)

I entered my room carrying breakfast and I looked at the bed. Johnny wasn't there. I scanned the room, and saw Johnny about to jump off the balcony.

“What are you doing?”

"Um...I think I should be going now?”

“Where? To bully some innocent people and shoot at them?”

“So that's why you brought me here. To scold me." He stared down at the floor, still clutching the balcony railing. "Okay, it's not like that. I'm not like that, alright?” He looked at me, his face red with anger, but suddenly the anger started to flicker like a candle flame. 

“I'm sorry for what happened that day. I mean, I can’t even think of doing that to you...especially not to you. No matter what, you'll always be my best...my friend. But I'm afraid that I don't even know what friendship is anymore.”

“It’s okay," I tried to sound forgiving, "I probably overreacted because I was overwhelmed by seeing you like that. And I was angry, angry that you shattered the innocent image I had of you.”

“So the image is shattered now?”

I sighed. “It depends.”

We both looked around the room for a few moments, avoiding eye contact.  I broke the silence.

“Come have breakfast with me.”

Johnny seemed to think for a while before he turned around, entered the room, and sat down next to me. His right hand was exposed, and he quickly pulled down his sleeve and hid his hand behind his back like a child trying to hide something. The gesture told me many things.

“I see you still have that watch I gave you. It’s unbelievable. Does it still work?”

“Yeah. I had to change the battery a few times, but it's been working well.”

He sipped the coffee and stared at the eggs and toast. I knew he was hungry by the way he hungrily eyed the plate, but he waited patiently. He quietly stared at me to see if I was watching him. I pretended I wasn't looking, and he slowly grabbed a few pieces of bread and quickly put them in his pocket.

“So what happened to that dog we adopted?” Johnny tried to act normal and take my attention away from the breakfast plate.

I hadn't forgotten about that dog. It was a stray we had found together on the streets, and I had begged my parents to let me take him to the veterinarian and keep him.

“Oh...He died a few years later, sadly. We tried to save him but...Hey, do you want to see some pictures?” I hoped from the bed and searched in my drawer. In no time, the photos were out and I handed them to Johnny.

“He looks great...Oh, he really grew big, didn't he?” I watched him look through the photos, and I saw the same innocent gleam return to his eyes. Then he flipped to the next picture and started to laugh. It was a photo of the two of us, and he was wearing a pair of stylish black sunglasses he had thought made him look cool.  The only problem was that one glass was still missing.

I also glanced at it and starting laughing.

“Look at me! I was a nut case!” He laughed.

“Yeah, you definitely were.”

“Hey, you don't look much better! Look at that crooked tooth trying to escape from your mouth. Remember how all the boys started calling you rat? I still wonder where that tooth is," he looked up at me. "Oh, so it finally succeeded in escaping.”

I stretched my lips to show him my white teeth. “They're still here and healthy! See?”

“I bet Mr. Brad chews your food for you, because those teeth are 100% fake, all right," he joked. "Your original teeth must be somewhere in the world celebrating their freedom.”

Just as our conversation started to warm, a car honked outside.

“Speak of the devil.” I glanced down from balcony, and sure enough, it was Mr. Brad and a bodyguard signaling to me that it was time to go to the office.

“I'm sorry, but I have to go, Johnny. Listen, here are some antibiotics and some medicine. Don’t forget to take it, alright?” Johnny looked at me with disbelief. Then he lowered his gaze and paused for a minute.

“Hey, I know you're real busy and all that, but would you like to meet up again?  You know, to catch up.”

“Sure!" I couldn't hide my excitement. "I mean, sure, why not? How about this evening? I'll try to finish up at work early. We have a lot to catch up on. I'm glad you asked.”

We both smiled.

As we walked towards my car together and he turned to walk in the other direction, I called back to him one last time.

“Johnny, I think you deserve better. You are better.”

Johnny looked to me and nodded before we separated.

***

Johnny’s Diary

I remember a single white cloud was slowly crawling through a blue carpet of sky. The only thing that blurred my vision was the image of Esther floating in front of me. I heard a voice calling to me again and again.

“Johnny, Johnny! Will you do it or not?” Katherine was sitting right in front of us.

“What’s up with you two jerks? You really got me into trouble.” Katherine said obnoxiously as the waiter served her coffee. She was wearing her dark sunglasses even inside the restaurant.

I stroked the gun inside my pocket. “You gave me the wrong guy. I nearly jumped a...”

“I know, I know...But I swear, I'm very close to finding your guy. That’s why I'm asking: Will you  do it or not? Edi said that you kind of know her.” I looked at Edi.  The idiot wasn't able to keep anything secret.

“Well, I don’t know, I--" before I could say anything else, Katherine interrupted.

“But the man you're looking for works in her company. And I'm not lying to you.” I tried to look into her eyes, but half of her face was covered by her pair of obnoxious sunglasses. “So, what do you say? Are you in?”

I looked out the window and at the single cloud.              

“Okay. You can count me in, but she's --”

“Okay, then we have a deal.” She interrupted me before I could continue.

“Yup.”

Katherine's cell phone rang and she answered it. It must have been her husband.

“Yes, honey, I'll be there...Yes, the deal's almost done...No, I don't think they will... What’s going on with you boys? Yeah, don’t forget to do what I told you. Okay, it needs to happen as soon as possible.” She threw the money onto the table.

I looked at Katherine. She was wearing an impossibly tight and low-cut top and a pencil skirt.
For God's sake, you've got to be about to turn forty
, I thought to myself. But it was her smirk and sunglasses that made me doubt in her the most.
Never trust those hidden eyes.
We picked up the money and left.

“God, how the hell did you find her?” Edi asked as soon as we left the restaurant.

“Don’t ask, man. I was looking for that man and for few weeks I really thought I was on to something, but it turned out to be her house. It was a complete mess--another miss--but by then she knew why I was there. I was high and blurted out everything like a movie monologue, and the more I said about him, the more she seemed to know him.  She said she wanted to help me, that she had connections in the upper class,  and that I was just on a wild goose chase. Sometimes, I'm tempted to just give up, but then I think about him and just can't take it. I need to find him.”

“So, what about that girl? What’s her name...Esther? Are you going to...?” Edi had asked me a question I wasn’t prepared for.

“I don’t know...I mean, I don’t want to be around her too much...I'm scared things could get complicated.”  I touched the tattoo on my arm nervously.

Esther entering into the equation could change the answers. But what would the answer be?

***

Esther's diary

It wasn't an ordinary evening for me. I was walking in public after days of working and being cooped up inside. And I was with Johnny. He walked beside me, pointing out all the places and streets where we used to run wild while trying to discover the world.

“So you read all of it?” He asked me wide-eyed after I mentioned his journal.

“No, just few pages.” I lied, hoping it would put his mind at ease. He looked at me suspiciously.

“I'm sorry, did I miss anything? Do you want me to see something?.”

“You don’t remem--? Never mind, nothing.” He cut his sentence short. “Why is that man following us?”

I looked back and saw my bodyguard following us stiffly.

“Oh! That's my bodyguard.”

“I mean, really? You really don't trust me?”

“Mr. Brad is concerned. He thinks I shouldn't meet up with you. That's why he's here. There may be even more somewhere in the crowd.”

“It’s terrible. I mean, where's your freedom?”

“I know, but what can I do? I have to follow protocol.”

He looked at me with those mischievous eyes, as if he was trying to suggest something.               “What? What no, no, don't do it...”

Johnny broke into a run.

“Come on, come on!” He shouted back.

“Hey!” I sprinted after him through the people on the streets.  Just we turned down a side lane, he grabbed my arm to stop me and put his hand on mine.

“Shhh... your bodyguard is following.”  We quietly peaked out to the street. I could see the man scanning through the crowd.

"Do you want to get some ice cream?" Johnny whispered. I felt like a kid again.

“Shhh! Shit, he saw us! Run! Fuck you, you steroid-filled jack ass!” Johnny shouted as we ran through the crowd on the street. My heart was pounding with excitement.

“This way! this way!” Johnny shouted and grabbed my hand to pull me down another street. The bodyguard ran after us. Johnny started to jump over trash cans and obstacles as he passed, probably showing off his skills. I started to fall behind, but he stopped to wait, grabbed my hand, and we both started to run together.

“Fuck, he's good,” Johnny looked behind us, impressed by the bodyguard’s commitment.

“The subway! Quick, the subway!”  Johnny kicked someone’s luggage back at the bodyguard. The man tripped, which bought us some time to jump on the nearby train just as the door closed. We both waved goodbye as the train left and he reached the platform.

“That was so fun!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, scaring all of the people travelling in the car. I just couldn't contain my excitement.

“So, it turns out that it is a small world, after all.”

“Yup,” I panted, happy to have participated in one of the most exciting thing I had done since leaving home to study art. I looked at Johnny, who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. His right hand was in his pocket, as if he was rubbing something. That was when I saw the shape of gun bulging out of his pocket.

What is he trying to do? Did he bring me here away from my bodyguard on purpose? Is he trying to kill me? After all...he tried before...
My heart sank and I felt a sick feeling in my stomach.
Was I really so naïve to trust him after eleven years? No, what am I thinking... he'd never do that.

I glanced back at his hand. It was still in pocket, and the outline definitely looked like a gun. Johnny looked at me, as if trying to warm me. The train shook with the motion of the tracks.

Maybe I should have taken the hint. Maybe I should have gotten off at the next stop and never seen him again. But the little girl in me was still there, fascinated and drawn to the mystery that was Johnny. And in the end, Johnny just took me home.

***

Chapter Four

Deeper

Esther’s Diary

The summer was slowly fading, and autumn was knocking at the door. I was sitting in my office sketching, and there were piles of files around me that I needed to look over, but I had no idea what to do or where to begin. I tried to look busy so Mr. Brad didn't say anything. I wanted everyone to know that I was putting forth my full effort.

  Then I remembered that I was supposed to meet Johnny at lunch time. I reached for my jacket, but then realized that I had an employee meeting. I looked out from the window and saw Johnny waiting for me below. He was holding an old piece of cardboard, and on it was written:
Did you forget?

I took a dry-erase marker and wrote on the glass window slowly, trying to make my handwriting neat even though it was backwards. 

Can’t. Sorry. Meeting.

“Fuck meeting! I'll buy ice- cream.”  He scribbled below.

“No, I can’t. Really.”  I wrote with a large frowning face next to it.  

He flipped over his board, wrote, and held it up.

Don’t be a dick.

Then he drew a child-like penis next to it. I blushed and bit my lip.

I wanted to jump out of that window right that minute. I wanted to follow him. My pulse increased just thinking about spending more time with him, but the sensible woman within me stopped me.              

Relax . Don’t let your hormones take over.
I couldn't deny my strange attraction to him.
You know Johnny means trouble, and you can’t be in trouble.

Sometimes, it's important to listen to your mind. And sometimes,  you do the opposite.

I picked up my sandals and tip-toed through the hall carefully. The only person I had to dodge was Mr. Brad.  

I reached the street.

“You're spoiling me, you know that.” I grinned when I saw him.

He smiled at me as if he could see right through me. “You also wanted to get out of that place, right?" He said smugly." I know, I know. You can thank me later.”

“Shut up." I said playfully. "So what are we going to do now? I have to get back there in 25 minutes.”

“Well, you see...I know we were supposed to meet up and have a nice little conversation, but I've got a little emergency right now. I have to pay someone’s money back, and I don’t have it.”

My heart sunk a little. I raised my eyebrows and he continued explaining.

“...but I've got a plan. As you can see, my helper didn’t show up. You have to help me. You see that man over there standing right beside that nice car.?" I looked across the street. "Go to him and say ‘I am your red wings’ and you have to escort him to his room. Then you just come back. ”

I was appalled. “Is this your new way of dealing drugs? Look, I'm not doing any of that stuff! I saw you the other day. It looked like you were carrying cocaine. About this much.” I spread out my hands to show him the quantity.

“Shhh!" He stepped closer to me. "Don’t say that word out loud here, okay? And it’s not about cocaine. It’s completely safe--no drugs involved, nothing. Totally safe.”

I raised my eyebrow and stared him down with an expression that said I wasn't buying it.

“What? What are you looking at me like that for? I'm telling you, nothing'll happen to you and it's safe! Don't you trust me?”

“No!”

“Then that’s fine. Now just please go and say ‘I am your red wings.’ Pease, I'm begging you. Please. You'll see. I'll prove that you can trust me.”

I look at him skeptically. I knew the kind of trouble he could get me into, but at the same time, I still could see that little boy asking me to help him build paper boats.

“If I get into any trouble, I'll kick your ass. Or someone else will.” I started to cross the street.

Sometimes, I question my sanity. I mean, there I was, leaving the thick security of safety and rationality. I put my trust in a guy who had a knack of getting into all sorts of trouble, a guy who associated with criminals. And I was going to do exactly what he said. But at the same time, I couldn't deny that it felt good to be crossing that street and knowing that, for once, I was doing something new and exciting. I was so desperate to break free of the image my sheltered life had built around me. I wanted to be a badass, and here was my chance.

“You'll be safe, trust me. It’s just a few words.” Johnny whispered loudly from behind me. I looked back at him, and something in his eyes made me think that he wasn't convinced by his own words. 

But what could possibly happen?
I said to myself.

“I am your red wings.” Before I knew it, I was there. The man looked greasy and gave me a twisted smile. He motioned for me to follow him into a nearby building. It was a hotel.

We went inside the hotel. Everything looked alright. Then we got into the elevator. Till now everything seemed to be fine, but somehow I knew that it couldn't be that simple.

The man started giving me strange smiles and it didn’t feel right. He still didn't say anything.

Why is he smiling? What does he want from me? The whole world expects that I run and improve my own company, and yet here I am giving company to some stranger who is smiling. God knows what he's thinking...

As the elevator continued ascending, his creepy smiles increased.

Why is he smiling like that? Am I in big trouble?

Then before I knew it, he had his hands on my ass.

“Excuse me? Are you out of your mind?!” I slapped his hand away and looked at him with disbelief and disgust.

"Come on don’t be shy, he told you be shy. Don't you want the extra money?"
he started to close in while moving his hands around my waist and waving his tongue outside his mouth. It was nasty. Really nasty.

I could almost smell the lust as he cornered me.

You are dead, Johnny,
I swore to myself. I should have known he was going to use me like that.

Meanwhile, I had to think of a way to get out of there. As he tried to pull me closer, it didn't take long for me to think of a quick and easy way out.

A knee to the balls never fails.

I ran outside to find Johnny with an untwisted coat hanger in his hand, trying to break into the man's car. He looked like he was trying to steal it. 

“Fuck! It’s an automatic. Can’t you hold him off for a few more seconds?”

“What the hell, Johnny!" I ran up to him yelling, and slapped him on the shoulder. "That pig was trying to have sex with me! He mistook me for a hooker! I kicked him in the balls and got the hell out of there!” I was fuming.

Johnny continued trying to figure out how to break into the car, as if he hadn't even heard me. He looked back.

“Fuck. Here he comes! Run!”

I was getting used to hearing that word. Johnny was already sprinting away. I made the mistake of looking behind me. The man was in close pursuit. I panicked, ran faster, and followed Johnny. 

“You asshole!” I shouted.

Suddenly, Johnny grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hotel where we took refuge in the bar of the lobby.

“Quick, order something!” He said as I looked out the window. There were two men and another strange looking little man after us.

“But I didn’t bring my purse!”

“Fuck. I don’t have money either!”

“You're the reason why we're here, so
you
are going to pay!” I whispered through clenched teeth so I wouldn't catch the attention of anyone in the bar.

“Okay, okay, calm down. Just be calm.”

A waiter came over to ask for our order. “So, what would you like this afternoon?”

Johnny stiffened, and I turned to see what he was looking at. The two men had entered the hotel.

“Good afternoon, sir. We're not here for food. We're here as part of an investigation. My name is detective Johnny, and this is my assistant. We've been undercover, and now we're in trouble."

The waiter looked around the room carefully, making sure no one was listening. I couldn't believe that he was actually buying it. Johnny continued.

"You see those vicious-looking men over there? They're here to try and kill us. We could fight them, but it would blow our cover in public, so if you please, help us. I would even recommend you for the annual bravery medallion. By the way, what is your name?” 

“My name is Nathan.” And he showed his name plate. I couldn't believe he was falling for it.

“Very good, Nation. Now please help us to sneak out of here.”

“Yes, sir!” He left the table and walked over to the men who looked like they still hadn't spotted us. He began talking with them.

“What are you staring at like such fool? Come on, we have to sneak out!” Johnny started to walk casually towards the kitchen. Just then, one of the men saw us and tried to rush forward, but the waiter grabbed him and held him back, yelling for security. Johnny and I ran through the kitchen and out the back door.

“I can’t believe he believed you.”

“You see? I'm a genius. I mean, I've done this a few times before, but did you see that fat one running? He ran like a sack of potatoes!” Johnny started to imitate him. I couldn't help but let out a laugh. The innocent gleam was coming back into his eyes.

“Hey, Johnny, do you remember this place?" I had just recognized the alley we were in.  "Remember the slingshot and the pigeon? You cried like a baby that day because the birds wouldn't take you in after that. You said you wouldn't be able to fly away, and would rot here,” I poked fun at him, expecting to see him laugh at the memory of his younger self.

Instead, he said nothing. There was absolute silence. He was still looking at me, but the expression on his face had changed. The gleam was gone. 

Then I realized what I had said. He really didn’t fly away. He really was rotting away on the dirty city streets, and maybe he wouldn't ever get out of there.

***

Johnny’s Diary

It wasn't supposed to happen like that. Katherine said it would be easy,  a piece of cake. Edi and I were waiting in the parking lot. Our job was to steal some official papers from the guy and take off, but it didn’t pan out that way. We waited for a few minutes in the dark.

“Is that him?” I whispered to Edi. Edi slowly peeked out from behind a car.

“Yes, I think it’s him.” We readied ourselves to strike. We put on our masks and went through the plan once again.

“I'll stop him from the front; you ambush him from behind. I'll snatch the briefcase, lay him out, and then we'll fade into the darkness.” I repeated the plan and Edi nodded to it. It seemed easy enough.

When I heard the man close by, I jumped out and stopped him. He was smartly dressed, wearing a suit, and carrying a briefcase. The place was lonely and dark, and we knew that there were cameras. That's why our faces were hidden behind masks.

“Who are you?” The man stopped and slowly moved backward.

“Give me that briefcase.” I said, signaling Edi to ambush him from behind.

But he was alert, and hit Edi with the briefcase as soon as he jumped out. Now, we didn’t want to make any noise and wanted to complete the job as soon as possible, but with Edi down, I had to confront him alone. I tried to catch him by putting my arms around him. He started to fight back, and surprised me by pulling knife out of his pocket. Before I could take it away, he slashed my thigh. I punched him hard in the face. He fell, but wasn't out yet. I tackled him onto the ground. He cut me with his knife, slicing my thigh again. I screamed in pain. I bit him in desperation. He raised his knife again. Then, Edi rushed to my aid. I could see he was bleeding. Somehow, Edi grabbed my gun and shot. Luckily, Edi's a crappy shot, and the man took the bullet to his shoulder.

“What the fuck?” I froze for a few seconds. I had never thought that it would end in a bloody mess. The man was crying in pain as he lay bleeding on the ground.

“You shot him!”My voice was trembling.

“Yes, I did. Now move your ass before someone sees us!”

Edi picked me up and we somehow manage to escape. I was badly hurt.

***

Latif closed the diary and started muttering to himself.

“So, Johnny screwed all those people over. He killed them and then screwed Esther over and got caught. It's simple. Let’s run the news. I think we have enough material now.”

“Maybe, but let’s study the whole thing before deciding. Who do you think is the mystery man? The one who sexually abused Johnny as a child?” Stella lifted another cigarette to her mouth as she spoke.

“Well, I have no idea who the hell it is. It could be Mr. Brad. I mean, maybe he got plastic surgery and that’s why Johnny couldn’t recognize him. Maybe. I'm not saying it is. Because I can't imagine it's anyone else other than him.”

Stella put out her cigarette. It was the fifth cigarette lying in the ashtray.