Never Enough: The Vipers MC (9 page)

Chapter Ten

Jess

“What the—what’s going on here, Jess?” He was a volcano ready to erupt, only holding himself back because there was a child present. There was something funny about that, the way he censored his language for the sake of his child.

I knew the recognition in his eyes the minute he made the connection. They were the spitting image of each other—he’d be blind not to see it. Still, I was blonde. I could’ve easily said the blue eyes came from somebody else in my family. He didn’t need to know.

He knew, and he wouldn’t take any excuses. I knew it before I even spoke a word to him.

“It’s very late, and I think we should talk about this in the morning…”

“Like hell.” His voice was a snarl. I glared at him, jerking my head in David’s direction. It didn’t do much to calm him, though.

A moment I’d dreaded for years had finally come to pass. Grayson stood in front of us, muscles jumping in his clenched jaw. I was afraid he’d put his fist through a wall if he didn’t get answers soon.

“Hey, sweetheart.” I looked at David. He managed to pull his eyes away from his father’s to look at me. “I think you should go to your room. It’s late. You need your sleep.”

“Who is this man, Mama? Is he the one who was here before?” He trembled, and his voice quivered. I glanced at Grayson from the corner of my eye. He visibly relaxed, and the tension in the room dissipated just slightly. Enough for me to smile at David with real reassurance.

“No, sweetheart. He’s not the one who came in—he’s the one who made the man leave, actually. He protected us from getting hurt.” I looked at Grayson, cuing him to be cool. David needed to see him as a hero, not as someone to fear.

“Thank you,” David said. His voice was a shy little whisper. My heart clenched. My boy was talking to his daddy. Emotion swept over me.

“You’re welcome,” Grayson muttered. I kissed David’s cheek, putting him down before patting his bottom and directed him to his room.

“Now get to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, baby.” He went to his room slowly, looking at us the entire time. He wasn’t a stupid kid, at all. He knew something was up. I waited until the door was closed before I turned to Grayson. He turned to me at the same time.

“What the fuck?” he whispered, teeth clenched, veins popping out on his neck.

“Get in here.” I took him by the arm, pulling him down the hall to my room and closing the door behind us. It was time to have it out. I didn’t want him to know—God, I dreaded telling him—but there was no way around it.

“What’s this all about? Tell me you weren’t fucking some other guy while we were together, Jess.”

My eyes widened. That was what he thought? That I’d left him for another man? I almost laughed, it was so ludicrous. He didn’t know he was the only man I’d ever been with in my entire life. No other man compared to him.

For a second, though, it was a pretty good option. I could tell him I’d been with another man all along. David wasn’t his. No, that would never work—I was a terrible liar, for one. For another, he would demand to know who it was. I couldn’t make up a phantom man who’d moved to Canada.

I sighed. It was pointless. “No, Grayson. I wasn’t sleeping with anybody else while we were together. I was never unfaithful to you. I can at least say that much.”

“What, you’re saying I was unfaithful to you? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“No, I didn’t say it—although, now that you mention it, don’t try to tell me some of the whores who ran around the clubhouse weren’t throwing themselves at you night and day.”

“So what if they did? I’m a grown fucking man. I can handle my shit. I never cheated on you.”

I smirked. “Okay. Sure. That’s why they all stared daggers at me whenever I was around.” I crossed my arms, glaring at him. It wasn’t lost on me that we were in my bedroom, and I wore only a camisole and shorts. His eyes found my body again and again, though he tried to look away. He was at least attempting to control himself.

“That was their problem. Did you ever think maybe they didn’t like you because I wouldn’t fuck around with them? If I did, they would’ve left you alone. Did you ever even think?”

I didn’t care, honestly. It was in the past. It was also a way to distract him from the little boy sleeping in the next room. I didn’t want him to know. This would be played my way, by my rules. Not his.

“Whatever, Grayson. I’m tired of going back and forth on who hurt who more. It’s pointless. Can’t we let it all go?”

“Let it all go? What is this, a fucking joke to you?”

“I’m sorry,” I hissed, glaring. “A man just broke into my apartment and threatened me. I have bigger things on my mind right now. I’m still a little freaked out, actually.” More than a little freaked out. It was all too much for me to handle at once.

“I asked him who he was working for. He said he didn’t know the guy’s real name.”

“You talked to him? The robber?”

“Yeah. He wouldn’t tell me anything.” He looked at me. “Why don’t you try telling me?”

“Telling you what?” I asked.

“Who the fuck you borrowed money from, Jess. Come on. I told you, I wanna take care of this for you.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“But you’ll text me practically in the middle of the night to ask for help? Right?” He advanced on me. I tried to move away, but he pinned me against the wall, one hand on either side of my head.

“Come on, Jess. Stop fighting it. Let me be the one who helps you. I can’t keep risking my neck riding like a bat outta hell every time you need me. I wanna take care of this once and for all. Let me do it. Just say the word, and it’s done.”

It was tempting—even more tempting than Cindy’s offer to help. How great would it be to hand the problem off to somebody else? Especially somebody like Grayson, who I knew would take care of things with no problem?

Only…what if he didn’t? I remembered the old days again, and the real reason why I left him. It was more than the violence, the tension, the knowledge that my husband and his club were doing terrible things. He was right when he’d accused me of knowing what he was up to all along. I wasn’t blind. I knew the man he was, and I’d married him anyway.

It went far deeper than that, and the thought of him putting himself in danger for my sake dredged up all the old fear. I couldn’t let him go to extremes for me. He thought I needed protection, when he didn’t realize how badly he was in need of it himself.

“I don’t want you to do that,” I murmured. “I don’t. I’ll find a way. You can’t go after these guys. You said it yourself, they’re bad people. They don’t play by the rules.”

“Do they know you have a kid?” he asked. He was so close to me, his breath hot on my face.

“I don’t think so.” Was that true? Had somebody followed me on the way to or from school? They could know. It was completely possible.

“They might. Especially if your burglar went into his bedroom.” I squeezed my eyes shut. Of course. And there were pictures of us all over the place, too. Grayson took my response for what it was. “So, do you wanna rethink me shutting this shit down for good? It’s not just you. It’s him.”

“You don’t owe us anything. I never wanted anything.” I needed him to know it. It was so important he understand I didn’t expect anything from him, back then or in the present moment. I wanted our lives to be totally separate, but Fate had a funny way of throwing us back together and backing me into a corner, much the same way Grayson had me backed against the wall.

“I didn’t say you did. You’re in trouble now. Big trouble. That’s all that matters. You and the kid.” His voice was thick, choked with emotion. Whether it was rage or frustration, I didn’t know for sure. Energy came off him in waves, sending a shiver through me. I was never any good at making the right decision was he was so close.

“Tell me,” he murmured, his face just inches from mine.

“Tell you what?” I trembled, my insides quivering the closer he got. I resisted the urge to lean forward, to meet his lips with mine. It would be so easy. I could give in to what I’d missed out on for so long.

“Tell me whose son he is. I already know. I need to hear it from you.” He leaned just a bit further, enough to brush his lips across my cheek. I sighed, closing my eyes, leaning into him. It was electric, just that little bit of contact.

He moved toward my mouth, caressing it with his. “Tell me,” he murmured, kissing me softly, teasing me. Turning my knees to jelly. I felt warm wetness between my legs, and the promise of things to come.

His words and his lips worked together to draw the truth from me. I felt it bubbling up, the secret I had kept from him for so long.

“Yes. He’s your son,” I said.

Grayson froze. I opened my eyes, looking over his shoulder. Damn. That was probably a mistake.

He straightened up, then took a step back. “You lying bitch,” he snarled.

Yes. It was definitely a mistake. I braced myself for battle.

Chapter Eleven

Grayson

I wanted to kill her. I couldn’t be anywhere near her. She was a stranger to me—somebody who would lie to me that way. For seven years, she knew she had my son. I wasn’t worth talking to about it. I didn’t deserve to know I had a kid out there.

I pushed off the wall and backed away. Everything was a lie. The last seven years. Just when I thought she was out of my life, I found out she had a tie to me the entire time. I was too furious to speak.

She stood there, watching me. “Say something, please.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t. She didn’t wanna hear anything I had to say, anyway.

My son. My blood. She kept him from me.

“You need to calm down. He’s right next door. I don’t want you to scare him. Got it?” I didn’t answer, but I did walk to the other side of the room. I had to put as much space between us as I could. I leaned against the wall, pounding my hands on it every once in a while.

“I mean it, Grayson. Calm down, or get out of here. I won’t have you scaring my son.”

“Our son.” I hissed it. Her eyes went wide, then she looked away. She was right, though. I had to keep myself under control. He might know one day that he was mine—I didn’t want his first memories of me to be of me losing my shit on his mother.

“How?” I muttered. It was all I could say. My fists were clenched, my heart pounded like a runaway train. I saw a picture of them on the table by the bed, and there he was. Right in front of my face. He looked just like me, like a little clone. How could she look at somebody who looked like me for seven years and not even care? Didn’t she think she should tell me? That I deserved to know?

It was all a mess in my head. I couldn’t make sense out of it. “How?” I asked again.

“How what?”

“How could you?” I stared at her. She wouldn’t look at me. I watched her wrap her arms around herself, rubbing her biceps like it was cold in there. I was sweating, on fire.

“I didn’t know what to do.”

“So you left? And you were pregnant?” Every word made the rage even more real. It rose in me until it just about choked me. I couldn’t see straight.

“Yes. Okay? Yes. Obviously.” Her voice got sharp, nasty.

“No. You don’t get to do that.” I pointed a finger in her face. “Don’t get an attitude with me.”

“Why the hell not? The criminal, getting in my face, asking why I did what I did. I did what I thought was right, Grayson. The only thing I could do.”

“Leaving your husband? Lying about a baby? Hiding him, yourself? That’s what you thought was right? Who the hell are you Jess?”

“A mother.” She spat the words, then pushed her way past me and sat on the bed. She glared up at me. “When I found out I was pregnant, I had to make a choice. I had to protect my baby.”

“From whom?”

“From you, Grayson. And your buddies. The club. I had to keep my baby away from that mess.”

“Oh, please.” I threw my arms up in the air. “Gimme a break. You sit there and act like we were monsters.”

“Right then? You were. You know it. You don’t have the courage to admit it to yourself.”

“Yeah. It’s so easy to sit here all these years later and say that. But you know one thing I never did? I never ran out on you. I never betrayed you. I was nothing but faithful to you from the day we got together. I would’ve done anything, anything at all for you. All you had to do was ask.”

“You wouldn’t have listened.”

“You never tried!” I laughed bitterly. “You didn’t give me a chance. I could’ve stepped up. I would have. If you didn’t think I was, why the hell did you marry me, Jess?”

She looked away. I could tell she was determined to see things the way she wanted to see them. She wasn’t gonna budge. I wanted to roar—the only thing that stopped me was knowing the kid was next door. She made a fool of me. She lied to me and made a fool of me. Nobody got away with that.

“You never would’ve let me go, Grayson. You know it. Not if I told you.”

“Why would I have? You were my wife, pregnant with my kid. Why would I let you go?”

“Exactly. You weren’t man enough then, and you’re not man enough now.”

“What the fuck does any of this have to do with being man enough?”

“Sometimes you have to let people do what they need to do, Grayson, even if it’s not what you want. If I had come to you and told you I couldn’t be with you, that I needed to leave, you wouldn’t have let me. You would have forced me to stay under lock and key if need be—anything to keep a grip on what you thought was yours. Isn’t that right?”

“Thought was mine? Thought?” It took everything I had in me to keep my voice down. “You were mine. You were my wife.”

“That didn’t make me your property. You never got it. I was still myself, my own person. Or I wanted to be. You couldn’t stand that.”

“So you ran away from me. Big, bad me. The ogre who wouldn’t let you be yourself. Give me a break, Jess.”

She nodded. “Because I didn’t want to be part of it anymore. It wasn’t fun, Grayson. It started out that way, you know? Like you and me, we were part of something bigger. A family. We had each other’s backs. I could rest easy, knowing they would protect you when you went out at night. But it changed, and you know it did. That last year was hell on me. It wasn’t like being part of a family anymore.” She stood up, facing me. We were only inches away from each other. “It was dirty and nasty. You went out every night, and I didn’t know where you were going, or when you would be back. Not to mention whether you’d be back—I didn’t know if you’d get yourself killed. And I sure as hell didn’t know if you were killing somebody else.”

Her chest heaved up and down. She stared at me, daring me to fight back. I remembered again the way I’d treated her back then, when I pushed her away and ignored her and avoided her. I’d hated myself. She wasn’t wrong when she said we were shitty people doing shitty things.

“Me, I could take it—I was miserable, I felt like I didn’t have a husband anymore, but I could take it. Once I found out about the baby, no way. I had to think about him.” She shrugged. “That was it. I didn’t have a choice. And that’s why I couldn’t see you anymore. You would know I was pregnant after a little while. I was scared to death that you’d want him. I didn’t want…”

Her voice trailed off. I knew what she wanted to say, but I wanted to hear her say it. “Finish. You didn’t want what?”

She wouldn’t look me in the eye. Her eyes stayed somewhere around my chest. “I didn’t want him to be like you. Or the other guys.”

It stung. I clenched my jaw against it, breathed hard and deep through flared nostrils. I wasn’t good enough for her. She never thought I was good enough. “So that’s it. It’s finally out in the open. Perfect Jess, the good girl who married the bad boy. It was fine when everything was fun, wasn’t it? Like you just said. You didn’t mind as long as it was just bad enough to be exciting. Right? Just enough to piss off all the other people in your life.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Oh, now I’m the one who’s not fair.” I laughed. “This coming from the woman who lied to me for all these years. That’s cute. So you left when things got too real, when you figured out it wasn’t just a game. When I needed you the most, you turned tail and ran. Because it was all real life. So you were using me all that time. I always wondered why you married me in the first place. I couldn’t have been the only person who wanted to know.”

“That’s not fair, either. I never said I went into it with my eyes closed. How could I have? Between you and Tony, the two of you going around with the club, acting like big men when you were really just a couple of little boys getting into trouble. I knew what you were up to—and it was nothing like what you got into before I left. Nothing. Nothing that violent or bloody. I can’t believe you would blame me for wanting my child away from that.”

I laughed, shaking my head at the way things had turned out. “So, you wanted to keep the kid away from a bad influence. You thought I would be an unfit parent. Funny. I wonder who the courts would call a fit parent now. Here you are, up to your neck in debt to a loan shark. Makes me look pretty good. Thanks. I’ll have plenty of ammo to use against you in court.”

She gasped like I had hit her. “You bastard.”

“You coward.”

Before I knew it, she pulled her hand back and slapped me across the face. It didn’t sting as much as when she told me she hadn’t wanted my kid to turn out like me, but it was close. She still had an arm on her. I remembered the time she punched Tony in the mouth and knocked a tooth loose. I was probably lucky she didn’t curl her fist.

It was just like it was before. Her face flushed, her chest rising and falling. She looked surprised, like she hadn’t meant to hit me and didn’t know she was going to do it until she was halfway through the motion. She looked scared, too, like she thought I would hurt her. That stung worse than anything else. She should have known better than to think I would ever raise a hand to her. Then again, we hadn’t known each other for a long time.

“Look,” she panted, whispering. “I never wanted anything from you. I still don’t. I think you should leave, now.”

“You think you get to hit me like that, and I’m just gonna leave? Oh, hell no.” I saw red, and struggled to control myself against the urge to take her then and there. I should have been furious with her. I should have wanted to make her pay for striking out at me. Instead, I wanted to bury myself in her.

I let out a short, sharp laugh. “No way. See, unlike you, I don’t run away when things get hard. I tough it out. I’ll tough it out with you because that kid is part of me. I’m his father. You don’t get to change that, you don’t get to control it. You have to accept it. I’m in his life now, and I don’t care if you like it or not.” I moved toward her until we were only inches away from each other. I felt the heat from her body, heard her harsh, shaky breathing.

She raised her hand again, but I was quicker than her. I grabbed her wrist, holding it in place. Her eyes widened when she realized I wasn’t about to let go. She jerked her arm once, twice, trying to pull away.

“See how that works?” I asked, taking her by the waist with my other hand. “You think you can come into my world, hit me, pull back. Only I catch you, and I hold you, and you can’t get away. That’s what happens when you fuck around with things bigger and stronger than you are. You can’t get away from me, no matter how hard you try.” I was nearly shaking with rage and desire, the two feelings fighting for control. Her nearness, the way she sounded and smelled, were almost too much for me to fight. I had to have her.

I couldn’t help but pull her to me, kissing her hard, roughly. If I couldn’t make her remember how it used to be with words, I would make her body remember.