Never Enough: The Vipers MC (11 page)

He wanted to scare her. To intimidate, to play with her. He might have been planning on it from the beginning. No loan shark with half a brain would have given her that kind of money when she didn’t have a job or any way to pay him back—even if he did give her a month to do it in. No, when he saw her, he knew he’d have fun with her before…what? Getting rid of her? Using her? Maybe pimping her out somehow? She was a beautiful woman. I clenched my jaw at the thought of anyone forcing her to do something like that.

By the time we reached my building, David was sound asleep. “Car rides do that to him,” Jess explained, handing me his backpack. I guessed riding around in the middle of the night didn’t help, either. Especially when he knew he would be safe with me. I only hoped I could live up to my promises—without knowing who Jess was up against, I wasn’t sure.

She lifted him from the car, his sleep-heavy body slumping against her. I felt a sort of longing I wasn’t used to. I wanted to be the person who did that, I realized. The one who picked up my son and held him in my arms while he slept. While he trusted me enough to sleep in my arms.

When we got to the apartment, I led Jess straight to the room that would be hers and David’s. The queen-sized bed in the guest room would be more than big enough for the two of them—I thought he might feel more comfortable being with her, too.

I watched as she tucked him in. How had I not known she was pregnant? I thought back, trying to remember those days. The days when I wasn’t paying attention to her—not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t want her to know what I was doing. I realized with bitter certainty that she could have done just about anything in those days and I wouldn’t have noticed. It had taken her leaving for me to pay attention to what I’d done to her—and by then, it had been too late.

I couldn’t think straight while I was around her. “I’ll let you get some sleep. You must be tired.”

She looked up, eyes wide in—surprise? Disappointment? “Oh, okay. Thank you for this. Good night.”

I stepped out, closing the door behind me. The click of the lock told me what I needed to know.

Chapter Fourteen

Jess

I was never any good at sleeping in a strange bed. My son could sleep through just about anything. I envied him that. Me? I wondered if I would get even an hour’s worth that night.

I rolled onto my side, sighing. It wasn’t just the bed. It was thoughts of Grayson—specifically, what had happened between us in my room. I couldn’t forget it, and I didn’t want to. We’d always been good together. He had known my body like the back of his hand by the time I left, even though it had been a while since he’d touched me. The passage of seven years hadn’t done anything to make him forget how to turn me on.

It had been rapture, handing myself over to him like that. Letting him touch me, play with me, drive me crazy. I’d felt like a teenager again, and it had been a very long time since I’d felt that way. Like there was nothing as hot as being petted by a man I was crazy about…or at least, extremely hot for.

I was still hot for him. The thought made me squeeze my eyes shut. I wished it weren’t true, but there was no denying the effect he had on me. His presence alone was enough to drive me crazy. It didn’t help that I’d been so long without a man—even the slightest touch was bound to turn me on. That the touch came from Grayson only made things more exciting.

Oh, hormones. They made us do stupid things. I shouldn’t have stayed with him the way I did, even when I knew he was bad news back in high school. He hadn’t exactly tried to hide it—in fact, most of our classmates thought he loved the way people saw him. I’d thought it, too, and I’d known him better than any of them. He loved that they thought he was no good, a bad seed, someone to be afraid of. I hadn’t done anything to convince them otherwise. I knew it would kill him if I destroyed his rep. It was all he’d had as a kid.

I’d stayed with him, though. Through thick and thin. Why? Because he was sexy, dangerous. He hadn’t been wrong when he accused me of being turned on by the danger. It had been fun, and worlds away from anything I’d ever known in my sheltered world. I was a good girl, always doing the right thing. He was just what I needed. He shook me up, changed me, tapped into something which must have been there all along. The desire to get into a little trouble, to really “live,” as I saw it.

Only he’d never let me get into trouble. He’d always done his best to protect me back then—all throughout our relationship, in fact. He’d kept me away from the danger. Until he couldn’t anymore, of course. By then I was married. And pregnant.

I sighed quietly. How many nights had I spent dreaming about him? So many. More than I could possibly count. Every time, I imagined him coming back to me. Or that we had never parted at all, and that we lived happily ever after. When I would wake up, a sense of longing and sadness would invariably fill my heart. Dreams like that didn’t come true, I’d tell myself.

My dream had come true—in a way. And what was I doing about it? Oh, right. I had locked myself in the bedroom. Smart move, Jess.

I got up, tiptoeing to the door and flipping the lock. My hand lingered on the knob. Should I? Shouldn’t I? It felt the same as money burning a hole in my pocket, only it was my ex-husband burning a hole in my mind. Just knowing he was right next door was enough to drive me crazy.

If anything, I wanted to get a few things off my chest in order to get a decent night’s sleep. With that as my excuse, I opened the door, then went to the next room and knocked softly.

“Yeah?” He didn’t sound sleepy, not in the least. Was he awake, thinking about me the way I thought about him?

“Can I talk to you for a sec? I only have a couple of things to say.”

A pause. “Yeah, come in.” He was sitting up in bed when I walked in. I closed the door behind me, suddenly feeling like a fool. There he was, all of him, practically naked in bed. The sheet across his lap—did he still wear boxer briefs to bed? His bare chest, chiseled and gleaming in the light from the moon. I almost forgot how to speak in the presence of his beauty.

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Well, what did you come in here for?” I heard a smile in his voice and chose to ignore it. He was having fun with me. He probably thought I’d gone to him to seduce him. Well, he had another thing coming if he expected me to throw myself into his bed.

I hardened myself against him. “I wanted to apologize to you. I gave you way too much shit tonight. A lot of what you said was true, and I have no defense except to say that I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. Can you blame me for that?”

“No, I guess not.” His voice was flat. I took a chance and kept going, since he wasn’t arguing with me.

“I shouldn’t have been so nasty when you tried to help me, either. You were right—I texted you for help. I didn’t have to do that. And you didn’t have to come, either. I can’t thank you enough for that. You saved our lives.”

“I don’t know that I saved your life. I just saved you from that guy. He wouldn’t have killed you.”

I sighed. “Can I just thank you and get it over with without you telling me it was nothing? Jeez. Let me get it out, for heaven’s sake.”

“Sorry.” This time, I knew he was smiling. I bit back a smile of my own, willing myself to stay serious.

“I shouldn’t have kept David from you. I should at least have let you know you had a son. It was wrong. I’m sorry.”

He didn’t speak for a long time—for a split second there, I thought he might have fallen asleep sitting up. When he did speak, I jumped in surprise. “Do you really mean that?”

“What, that I’m sorry? Of course I do. I didn’t just come in here to lie to you. It wasn’t right for me to make the decision that you shouldn’t be with your son. Just please, believe me when I say I had my reasons. That’s all I can say. Okay?”

Another long pause, then a deep breath. “Okay.”

I had nothing else to say, and felt intensely stupid still standing by the door. I looked around the room—even in the near darkness, I could tell it was a comfortable, well-decorated place. “I like your apartment. Did I tell you that before? When you brought me here?”

“No. You weren’t in the mood for compliments that night.” My cheeks burned when I remembered how ungrateful I’d been.

“Yeah, that was wrong of me, too. Being so ungrateful, I mean. I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop making stupid mistakes like that.”

“I don’t think you make stupid mistakes. Yeah, they’re mistakes, but like you said: you do the best you can. You always have a good reason. I can’t get pissed at you for that.”

“Thank you.” Emotion welled up inside me. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“How do you manage to forgive me, even when I do stupid things? Even when I’m too stubborn to say thank you, or too proud, you’re still there for me. How do you do it?”

He didn’t say a word. All he did was get up from the bed, cross the room to where I stood, take my face in his hands and kiss me.

Yes. It was like the world started spinning again. Everything revolved around us at that moment, only us. The way we had always been, the way we were always meant to be. Because we were meant to be, him and me. Nothing would ever change that.

My body responded to his kiss the same way it always had. Warmth spread between my legs as his tongue moved between my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, melting against him as he kissed me slowly, erotically, like he had all the time in the world. My knees went weak as his lips moved against mine. He sucked my bottom lip between his, making me gasp, then groan. I pulled his head to mine again and fairly devoured him, kissing him as hard as I could. I needed him. I needed all of him.

He felt that need and matched it with his own, the long, pulsing hardness pressing against my belly. I rejoiced, knowing he wanted me the way I wanted him. There was power in that, and joy. Joy in knowing I still had it, that he still wanted me after all that time and all the women he’d probably been with since I’d left. He still wanted me even though I’d had a baby and hadn’t been to a gym in years. He still wanted me even though I’d broken his heart.

He wanted me so much, he lifted me off the floor and carried me to the bed. I wrapped my legs around his waist, still kissing him, our tongues dancing. I groaned when I felt his fingers dig into my butt, kneading and massaging. It had been so long since a man had touched me like that. My entire body felt like it was on fire, my nerve endings dancing, the warmth between my thighs flaring up into an inferno which threatened to overtake me. And I loved it. I reveled it in.

He lowered me back until I was flat, then lowered himself over me. My heart raced, my body tensed in breathless anticipation. I arched my back, meeting him as our bodies touched. He kissed me again, even slower this time, his tongue darting across my lips before then sliding between them. I moaned, tangling my fingers in his hair, holding his head in place as his tongue drove me crazy. All we did was kiss, and yet I was almost ready to come. It was like being a breathless, horny kid all over again. Only I had history with the man on top of me.

I rubbed my legs against his, ran my hands over his bare back and shoulders. God, I had missed his body. How many times had I wished I could touch him just once more? We had never really said goodbye, not that way. By the day I’d left, we’d gone without sex for weeks. The last time we’d been together was what resulted in David. I’d already physically missed him long before I left him. I drank him in, then, having the opportunity once again. Exploring him, getting to know him again. I didn’t really need to get to know him, though. I knew his body nearly as well as I knew my own—every muscle, every line, ever curve. The way he groaned when I ran my nails down his back, the sharp intake of breath when I squeezed his butt and pulled him closer to me. Yes. I knew him.

His mouth traveled down my throat, and I closed my eyes in pure bliss as he kissed a trail from ear to ear, then down to my collarbone. I was so wet, so hot, so desperately ready for him. Still, I wanted to take our time. I wanted it to last forever. I didn’t know if it would ever happen again—I still wasn’t entirely sure it was happening in the first place, that I wasn’t dreaming again.

The way it felt when he reached beneath my t-shirt to fondle my breast wasn’t a dream. I groaned, arching my back again, grinding my pelvis against his as he touched me. My body rejoiced, reminding me of a dry sponge in the middle of the desert, finally feeling water upon it for the first time in years. I was that sponge, soaking him up, letting him have his way with me and loving it.

He worked the hem of the shirt up to my shoulders, revealing my breasts to his eyes and his mouth. He took me in, tracing the lines of my body with the tips of his fingers. I shivered, crying out all over for him to take me, make me his, do what he wanted instead of only teasing me. He seemed to love it, smiling a little the more I whimpered. He flicked my nipples with his fingertips, the hardness against my thigh twitching the more I moaned. It was exquisite agony, and he built it more and more the longer he tortured me.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Suck on them. Please,” I groaned, arching my back on more time. Presenting myself to him. Desperate for what I had been without for so long. He grinned, but did as I begged, taking one of my breasts in hand before descending upon it with his mouth. I nearly exploded in pleasure, throwing my head back with a throaty, guttural cry I couldn’t hold back. It was all so good, so delicious.

He took his time, discovering me again. I smiled down at him as he repeated his attention on the other breast. It was like coming home, the way his mouth felt against my skin, the way he knew just what to do with his tongue to make me cry out, dig my fingers into him, twist the sheets in my fists.

He moved on after what seemed like forever but could have gone on longer, licking a slow trail from between my breasts to the waistband of my panties. I gripped his head again, holding him close, my head rolling from side to side as he licked my sensitive skin. The muscles in my belly jumped and fluttered, and I bit the side of my fist to keep from screaming in harsh, primal desire. I lifted my hips, inviting him to remove the scrap of satin. He hooked his fingers around the waistband, lowering the panties until they were off.

He took me in with his eyes, then with his mouth, kissing me everywhere. I closed my eyes again, giving myself over to pure pleasure. He hadn’t even used his tongue and already the tension built and grew inside me, my core burning and aching and ready to explode with released desire. All he needed to do was take me there. I knew he would. I trusted him like I’d never trusted anyone else.