Neel Dervin and the Dark Angel (34 page)

“So,” Mr. Rai‟s voice was very quiet. “So that means…”

“T
he same effect will take place on any other soldiers who usesthe serum.” Doctor
Fahim said heavily.“They will also have a dangerously high susceptibility to PTSD. The
more missions they go on, the more their condition would worsen, and the more unstable they
would become.” There was a long silence in the room. “I‟m sorry.” Doctor Fahim said
quietly.

“Perhaps… perhaps”
Doctor Fahim could see the General struggling with the staggering
news. This was not an unpleasant situation that could be shouted away, or an enemy that
could be beaten into submission. They were dealing with cold hardfacts. “There
has
to be a
way.” But the doctor shook his head.

The G
eneral‟s shoulders slumped. Doctor Fahim had never seen him look so crushed.
For the first time in his career, he seemed to haveaccepted defeat. “Then it‟s over. Project
Alpha is a failure.”

“I am very sorry, General.”
Doctor Fahim repeated quietly. The General was not looking
at him. He was staring at the wall opposite. So many hopes and ambitions dashed to the
ground…

“As soon as the boy is cured,”
he spoke up slowly. “This whole facility will be shut
down. Thank you, doctor, for your help to the army.” The General turned and walked out of
the room without looking back. Doctor Fahim and Mr. Rai were left looking at each other,
their hearts too heavy for speech.

* * *

Three days after the car incident at Swan Labs, Neel sat with Aryan and Priyanka in her
house. It was Priyanka‟s birthday. There was going to be a party later, and they had already
given her a purse and a salwar as presents.

They were talking and eating their way through siwayin that Mrs. Das had made. Neel
was trying to relax, but his mind was threatening to fall into the same pattern that it had been
in for days.

“I‟m not going to school by cycleanymore.” Neel spoke up suddenly.

 

Aryan looked at him in surprise.“Why not?”

Neel shrugged, avoiding his gaze
. “Makes me feel tired. Maybe because of the injury, I
don‟t know. But I‟ll take the tempo from Bhar roadfrom now on.” He did not add that the
fear of roads and cars and even his cycle was growing inside him steadily, so that the thought
of cycling near a carmade him feel ill. Suppose he was to fall off… Suppose a car was to
crash into him…

“What‟s going on?” Aryan asked him abruptly.

 

“What do you mean?” Neel finally looked up at him.

 

“You‟ve been acting really strange for a longtime, Neel.” Priyanka said quietly. “And
we hardly eversee you in the evenings these days.”

 

“I‟m fine.” Neel said, still not looking up from his plate. “Just tired out. Injury.”

 

“How long could that injury affect you?” Aryan asked him impatiently. “You look fine.”

“But I don‟t
feel
fine!” Neel snapped, finally looking up with a frown on his forehead.
For some reason he felt unaccountably angry at the moment. “I don‟t feel well enough to
cycle. What‟s so hard to understand about that?”

“There‟s no need to get angry.” Priyanka said in a placatory tone.

“Then stop asking me stupid
questionsabout things that aren‟t your business.” Neel said
irritably. Priyanka looked like he had slapped her. He could not believe what he had said, but
he felt still too angry to care.

“There‟s no need to act like an idiot.” Aryan said, his own temper rising.“She‟s just
concerned about you. We all are.”

“I don‟t need
yourconcern, all right?” Neel said angrily. “I know I‟m just a big crybaby
to you two, but I can handle my problems on my own. If I were to tell you” He stopped
abruptly.
“Tell us what?” Priyanka asked.

“Nothing.”

 

“Neel-”

“Look, just drop it, all right?”
He was almost shouting. He got up abruptly and stood
frowning at them, breathing hard. “I don‟t feel well.” He said through gritted teeth, fighting
to calm himself down. “I‟m going home. Happy birthday.”

He strode out of the house and into his own. His mother sat reading the paper in the
kitchen.

 

“I have a headache.” he said to herabruptly. “I‟ve already wished Priyanka. Is it okay if
I lie down in my room?”

 

His mother looked surprised. “Fine, but if you really feel sick, I-”

“I‟ll be fine.” He turned away before she could finish. He made his way up the stairs
quickly and entered his room. Locking the door behind him, he turned off the lights and went
to sit on the floor in the darkest corner of the room, alone with his thoughts.

That night he had the nightmares again. A car was coming towards. He could not see it
clearly. It seemed just on the edge of his vision. But he knew it was after him. He was
completely helpless to stop it, or to run away. He stood frozen, knowing it was only seconds
away. His heart was hammering painfully, and he felt suffocated as he waited for the end.

Suddenly the scene changed. He was lying on the floor, screaming. Blood was
everywhere and pain consumed him. The giant, metal monster was somewhere nearby, lying
in wait for him again.

He kicked involuntarily, and woke abruptly from the sudden jerk. He sat up in his head,
sweating and pale. Wearily,he took off the earphones he‟d been wearing. He breathed
heavily as he stared at the shaft of moonlight falling on his bed, blinking away the wetness in
his eyes. Months of therapy, and he was no better. He felt exhausted just from having a bad
dream! How could he have been so deeply affected by that accident? And why was it so hard
for him to move on from it? He felt like screaming in frustration.

Suddenly his stomach growled. He had eaten very little that night, and his mother had
been at Priyanka‟s party. Now he felt he would not be able to get any sleep until he had eaten
something first.

He made his way quietly downstairs to the fridge, and peered inside it. There was last
night‟s vegetable stew, and other odds and ends that did not look particularly appetizing. He
spotted a bottle of flavored milk at the back, and remembered someone telling him a glass of
warm milk was ideal for getting to sleep.

He took out the bottle and uncorked it. He felt too drained to go through heating it, and
took a deep draught. The sweet but ice cold liquid rolled chillingly into his stomach, and he
placed the bottle on the table. But his hands were still shaking, and the bottle tumbled
forwards, crashing to the floor and breaking with a shattering sound that seemed ear splitting
to him.

Neel felt a sudden and inexplicably powerful wave of panic. He seized a rag from the
kitchen table and bent over the floor, rubbing feverishly at the mess. He did not really know
what he was doing, but his speed never slowed as his hand moved rapidly over the floor.

“Neel?” The lights in the kitchen turned on, and his mother stood in the doorway,
looking at him in surprise. “What happened?”

“I couldn‟t sleep.” Neel muttered in a l
ow voice withouttaking his eyes off the floor. “I
felt hungry, and I came to get a glass of milk.” His voice shook suddenly, uncontrollably. “I
dropped the bottle on the floor by accident. Don‟t worry, I‟ll clean it up.”

“I
s something wrong?” his mother asked in concern, bending down on the ground next
to him. “Are you all right?” she reached out to touch his shoulder softly. “Priyanka and Aryan
told me what happened earlier. You‟ve been acting strange for days.”

“I‟m fine.” Neel mumbled, flinching slightly at her touch, his face burning. He had no
idea why he suddenly felt so overwhelmed.

“Neelan
chan, sweetheart.” His mother put her arms around him comfortingly as her
voice became even more soothing. “Tell me what‟s wrong, honey?” Suddenly, he couldn‟t
take the pressure anymore. Tears streamed from his eyes. His shoulders shook uncontrollably
as he leaned against her and cried, sobs racking his body. His mother looked down at him in
horror, then recovered quickly and hugged him hard, speaking in a low, soothing voice the
whole time as she massaged his back.

“Just tell me what‟s wrong.” she said again and again. “Just tell me and I‟ll promise
we‟ll fix it.” She hugged him tighter. “Tell me what‟s wrong, darling?”

But he did not tell her what was wrong, and he did not hug her back. He sat on the floor
leaning against her as he cried his heart out, while the night seemed to grow darker around
them. Finally, there were no more tears left, and he sat staring blankly at the space in front of
him. “Sorry.” he muttered mechanically in a low voice.

“Neel?” his mother spoke again softly. “Please, darling. Please. Tell me what‟s wrong?”

 

Neel was silent for several moments, feeling completely removed from everything
around him.

 

“Bad dream.” he spoke up finally, his voice seeming far away. “I had a bad dream…”

 

* * *

 

He did not go to school the next day. He told his mother that the headache was back,
and he did not feel like going to school. His mother argued, but he was quietly adamant.

He did not go to Swan Labs either. He had switched off the mobile they had given him.
He spent the morning roaming around the house, and for the first time in days felt completely
safe. He knew things were messed up badly, and eventually he would have to face up to it all.
But the future seemed strangely unreal, and unimportant. Who knew for how long he would
even be alive? At least for now he was safe.

His mother returned in the evening, and tried to talk to him about the previous night. He
stared at her and lied with a blank expression. He had been stressed from school. Yes, maybe
the coaching was putting too much pressure on him. No, the feeling had only come recently.
It would go away soon. He was fine, really. He would be all right soon. No matter how hard
his mother tried, he kept repeating he would be fine. If she tried to force him to talk, he
simply kept quiet. Aryan called in the evening. He told him he had to go to the hospital for a
check up. Priyanka called, and he told her he was finishing homework. What did it matter if
he lied? He‟d been lying for months. Ever since the accident.

Next day he again took a holiday from school. His mother did not even try to convince
him to go this time. She left for the office, and he again spent the morning wandering about
the house. He was starting to feel so comfortable there. Every nook and cranny of every room
was familiar and safe. No surprises. Nothing dangerous.

He went up to the terrace to sit in the nest and stared around at the neighborhood he had
grown up in. On the opposite side of the street was the house of the Sharma‟s. They had lived
on the street for years, yet Neel knew virtually nothing about them. They were extremely
reclusive people. Mr. and Mrs. Sharma had always been polite but distant towards him. They
had a niece called Megna who lived with them. Neel had never seen her come out of the
house, and had at most caught a glimpse of her eyes peeping out of the shuttered window of
her room on rare occasions. Her lifestyle had been a source of great speculation for Neel and
Aryan when they had been younger. Priyanka knew her slightly, and sometimes visited her in
her house, but refused to talk about her to the other two. Over time, the mystery of the
Sharma‟s house had palled, and they had come to be accepted as simply a peculiar part of the
community.

Now Neel found himself thinking about the girl Megna. If she felt anything like him, it
was no wonder she never set foot out of her house. He imagined living that way as well.
Maybe he could pull it off for a few weeks. And he did not care to look into the future
beyond that. He could not really see a future at all. He wondered how easy it would be to kill
himself now that he had these powers. And the thought did not disturb him like it used to
before.

The door bell rang once downstairs. He ignored it. Probably the maid who sometimes
came to clean the houses of the people on the block, or the sweeper. They would go away
soon. But the bell rang again. Slowly, he made his way downstairs as the ringing continued.
He reached the door and opened it.

His mother stood outside. Divya stood beside his mother, and was looking at him in
concern.

 

“Hello, Neel.” she said. “Your mother told me you‟re not feeling well.”

Neel said nothing and looked at his mother.
“I met Divya in the street outside my office.” she said, entering the house and
beckoning to Divya to follow. “Please come in.I told her about the way you‟ve been
behaving these last few days, and she told me about a man who might be able to help you.
We can go and see him now.”

“I think you should.” Divya said gravely. “I know him personally. His name is Doctor
Fahim, and he is one of the best men in his field in the world.”

 

Neel raised his head to look at her. She gave a small nod, smiling at him
encouragingly. But Neelshook his head. “He can‟t help me.”

“Neel, Div
ya has a PhD in neurology.” his mothersaid, coming towards him. “She‟s
been in contact with the best people in the field of medicine, and she is sure Doctor Fahim
can help, or at least refer us to a good doctor for whatever is upsetting you.”

“I really do believe he can help you, Neel.” Divya said quietly.

 

But Neel shook his head again, turning away from her. “He can‟t help me.” he repeated
mechanically.

“Neel!” his mother‟s voice had sharpened in an instant. “Don‟t turn away when we a
re
talking to you. Since when did you start behaving so rudely?Look at me.” Neel turned
around slowly. His mother was still frowning.

“Now, I don‟t know what‟s wrong with you, and I can‟t help you if you don‟t tell me
.
But you are not going to just keep onworrying me like this.” his mother said sternly. “You
are going to stop sulking. You are going to go to your room, get dressed, and then come with
us.”

Neel did not move. His mother‟s gaze hardened. “I said
now
, Neel.” she repeated in a
dangerous voice, her voice rising. “Go to your room and get dressed.”

 

Neel stood rooted, feeling as though someone had thrown cold water on him. He turned
slowly and trudged up the stairs.