Neel Dervin and the Dark Angel (30 page)

“
So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I read every book on the subject that I
could lay my hands on. I corresponded with all the colleagues I had worked with who had
experience in the area. The completely different field of research itself helped pull me out of
my slump by giving me something new to focus on. And now I may say with some
confidence that I know just as much about the subject as anyother psychiatrist. However,” he
leaned in and stared at Neel intently. “The choice is up to you, and it is a very important one.
If you feel like you would rather have the help of a true professional, or would like to try
more reliable forms of therapy, I will personally make sure you get the best help possible.”
But Neel shook his head.

“I
want you to do it, sir.” hesaid. “I won‟t be able to trust anyone else as much as I do
you.” he hesitated for a moment. “But I want to knowsomething first.” he said, trying to
speak calmly. “And I don‟t want you to lie, or try to avoid the question. Please.” He looked
up at Doctor Fahim, who stared back for a moment in silence, and then nodded slowly.

“Project Alpha.” Neel said. “What‟s going to happen to my part in it? Will I still be
allowed to continue with the missions?”

Doctor Fahim stared at Neel for several moments more without answering. But at last he
spokequietly, “No, Neel. What happened that day showed us how blind we were. You are
still young, and you were almost killed. You survived bullets and getting hit by a car but you
won‟t always be so lucky. We forgot to take your emotional age into the equation, the
wisdom which can only come through experience. You can see why your continuing with this
mission would be a bad idea when you have such a severe case of PTSD. The government
can‟t let you be a part of the project unless you are one hundred percent fit.”

Neel nodded, his heart heavy. He had been expecting this. There was nothing he could
think of to say in opposition to the decision.

“But that is not important now.”
DoctorFahim said. “The project will continue in some
other form. We will find out what Mehta is doing. The most important thing for you,
however, is to get better as soon as possible.” Neel nodded again slowly.

“
Then that is going to be our new goal from now on.” DoctorFahim rose to his feet. “I
see you are still feeling shaken. Perhaps it would not be wise to start today. We will begin
your therapy from tomorrow. Arjun will come get you in a few minutes. Go home, rest well,
spend some time with your friends and family, and try to think as little about this as possible
until tomorrow.” The doctor placed a hand on his shoulder. “As frightening as all of this is,
you must do your best to stay positive. Therapy will be difficult, and will require all the
concentration you ever invested in your training if your condition is to improve even a little. I
will see you tomorrow. Take care of yourself until then.” Neel nodded again.

Doctor Fahim walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. Neel stared
at the ground, thinking. Every time he had talked with Doctor Fahim before, he had always
told him that he would be able to master his senses, his powers, and any exercises they threw
at him. But this time, he had not said once that he would be completely cured one day.

Several feet away from the door, General Bakshi stood waiting for Doctor Fahim,
having once again listened in on a conversation in a private room.

“Well
, General,” DoctorFahim said heavily, “it seems you were right all along. It was
unwise to entrust such grueling work to a teenager. But I thank you and Mr. Rai for allowing
our team to remain in contact with him long enough to help him overcome his disorder. I feel
I owe it to him to help him deal with it.”

The General nodded, but his mind seemed to be far away. He was staring at the door of
DoctorFahim‟s office. “He is certainly a remarkable boy.” he spoke quietly, almost to
himself. “And he handled the case very well up till now. It seems almost a pity…” He stood
lost in thought for a moment, but then he remembered what had caused the accident, and
focused his attentionon the new problem. “You realize, of course, what saidnight‟s events
signify?” he said, walking side by side with the Doctor down the corridor.

“Yes” DoctorFahim said grimly. “Mehta somehow knew about Project Alpha. He knew
about Neel‟s abilities and how to use them against him. This can only mean one thing.”

 

The General nodded again. “There is a traitor among us…”

 

* * *

And so the final days of Neel
‟s epoch at Swan Labs began. The atmosphere there was
different now. Swan Labs had transformed overnight from the place where he was taught to
be a soldier, to the place he visited to get help for his mental disorder. Instead of training for
combat, Neel now had one hour sessions with Doctor Fahim.

On the first day of therapy, Neel sat in DoctorFahim‟s office. A much more squashy
and comfortable couch had been brought in, and Neel sat on it facing the doctor.

 

“Comfortable?” Doctor Fahim asked him. Neel nodded.

“All right.”
DoctorFahim leaned forward, his gaze intent. “The purpose of these
sessions, Neel, is to help to understand your problem, and then to work together to cure it.
Shall we begin?” Neel nodded again slowly.

“Now, you had never experienced anything similar to what happened at Phlicer
Complex before that night?”

 

“No.” Neel said. “At least-” He stopped and frowned, his mind chasing an old memory.

 

“Take your time.” Doctor Fahim said encouragingly.

“I
do remember something.” Neel said slowly, thinking hard. “At the hospital, when I
woke up. I rememberedthe accident, and then,” he stopped, remembering the violent shudder
that had passed through his entire frameat that moment. “I felt really scared.” he said in a
whisper, his eyes far off. “For a moment I couldn‟t breathe. I felt likeI was going to die…”

His voice trailed away, and there was silence in the room. Doctor Fahim leaned back in
his chair.“And then?” he asked quietly.

 

“Then I had trouble seeing and hearing properly.” Neel said slowly. “Then you and
Divya came in. And I forgot about it.”

 

“And you never experienced such a feeling again? While you were on your cycle, for
instance? Or perhaps when you passed that particular road again?” Neel shook his head.

“
Then I will try to make youunderstand precisely what happened to you that day.”
Doctor Fahim said. “When you had the accident, it sent an enormous amount of powerful
signals to your mind. You were racked with pain, and you were conscious throughout the
whole experience. This very painful, very powerful memory was thus deeply etched into your
subconscious. And now whenever your mind recalls that incident, or sees a situation that
reminds you of that incident, your mind automatically replays those experiences. These
flashbacks remind you of the pain and helplessness you felt that day as if it were happening
all over again, triggering extreme fear responses in your body, and prevents your reacting
normally to the situation. That is the root of the problem.”

“But then why didn‟t it ever happen earlier?” Neel objected. “I was fine for months after
the accident. I rode every day on my cycle. I passed that road many times. I never felt
anything then.”

“Do you remember your mental state when we met for the first time?”
Doctor Fahim
asked. “From the moment we explained what had happened to you after the accident, you
have spent every waking moment of your life trying to keep your mind under control. It is an
unusually intense form of mediation and self discipline that you have had to learn to keep
your abilities under control.”

“But without our knowing about it, that practice had another effect on your mind as
well. The memories of the accident were suppressed completely by your conscious mind. The
exercises you learnt with Arjun, the time you spent studying your powers, and the sheer
volume of new and unexpected events that took place in your life occupied your attention so
completely that there was no space left for the PTSD. It stayed locked away in your
subconscious, perhaps only appearing in your dreams occasionally in the form of
nightmares.”

Neel nodded. He could certainly remember those. At the time, he had failed to realize
the significance of those dreams. “So what changed?”

“A number of factors were at play as you stood in front of the car outside
Phlicer
complex.” DoctorFahim said. “You were in incredible pain from the noise machine and the
bullets. The drug was at work within your body, lowering your mental defenses and rapidly
numbing the conscious part of your brain. You were disoriented and scared. You had grown
over confident from your past successes,” Neel shifted uncomfortably in chair. “And the
defeat at the hands of Mehta had had a crippling effect on your mind. That was the first time
since the accident that you were in such a uniquelyvulnerable position.”

“And it was at that psychological moment that you saw a car, similar in design and bu
ild
to the car that had once very nearly killed you, coming towards you at full speed. The scene
triggered a fusillade of memories and emotions, from the sub conscious to the conscious part
of your mind, and your condition was brought to the front of your mind with tremendous
force in a way that you were completely unprepared for. And that was your first experience
with a PTSD attack.”

Neel sat staring at Doctor Fahim as he finished talking. He knew it was all true. As the
doctor had been speaking, he had almost been able to see every moment in the chain of
events in his mind. He felt amazed now that the attack had come after so many months, and
that he had managed to operate normally with the condition inside his mind for so long.

“And now that you know why it happened, how it happened, and exactly what you are
up against, we can get to work on solving it.” DoctorFahim said. “We will travel together
through your memories and confront your fears. We will help you accept what happened that
day, and move on from it. And for that to happened I need your complete trust and
cooperation. Do you feel confident enough to make this journey with me?” Neel nodded.
“How long will it take for me to get better?” he asked.

“That will depen
d upon you.” DoctorFahim. “Every person has different ways of
coping with anxiety. The more willing you are to meet this head on, the better your brain will
function, and the faster this processwill be. So, I will ask you again. Are you ready?” Neel
nodded. Doctor Fahim had helped him see the condition in a clearer light, and understanding
it helped lessen some of his fear. Now he was determined to do all he could to get better as
soon as possible.

CHAPTER 13: Chasing a lie

Doctor Fahim was using psychotherapy to help Neel. Again and again, Neel revisited
that fateful day that had changed his life, and saw the car hurtling towards him before the
sickening crash occurred. He just could not seem to get over the panic he felt whenever he
recalled the accident, and worst still, it almost seemed as if his fear was growing, as if now
that it had been released into his conscious mind from his subconscious, it was feeding on his
fears and self doubt and expanding. DoctorFahim‟s patience was endless as they worked
together daily on his cure.

They had long sessions of Neel imagining himself back on that road and on the way to
tuitions. He would repeatedly experience the attacks of panic and helplessness that were
crippling his ability to respond normally. Doctor Fahim kept telling him to think about the
memory logically, and to identify the incident as an event of the past that could no longer hurt
him. But the condition persisted. The doctor taught him breathing exercises and stress
management techniques. They tried to replace his panic attacks with positive emotions
related to the incident by focusing on the good that had come from the accident, such as the
powers he had developed, and the exultation he felt at completing the first two missions
successfully. But it was no use. After more than two weeks of therapy with not even the
slightest bit of improvement, Neel‟s worst fears about his illness seemed to be confirmed.

His condition had started to affect his personal life. The over-loud blaring of horns and
the howl of car engines on the road that he had managed with immense difficulty to reduce to
merely irritating background noise now sent fear shuddering through his entire frame. He
found himself unable to fall asleep, and jumpy and nervous all the time. When he did fall
asleep, he would have repeated nightmares about a giant shadowy car roaring towards him,
and him standing helpless and terrified in front of it, unable to move or call for help.

In those days, Nisha Dervin sensed a change in her son. He had become quieter, more
self involved. His body language had also changed. He would often seem listless as he sat
with his shoulders slumped and his head bent to the ground. The changes were too small to
indicate any definite problem, but it was enough to make her feel anxious. When she tried to
talk to him, all he said was that he had a lot to do at school, and that made him tired. She
wanted to reach out to him, but he kept pushing her away, brooding all the time. The only
change she noticed that seemed to be for the better was that he had started to take an interest
in the news. He was reading newspapers almost daily, although it made her uneasy when she
noticed he read almost exclusively about crimes taking place in the city.

On Monday, two weeks after the last mission, a couple was found murdered in an alley.
They had been mugged and there scooter stolen. No witnesses. Two days later, a bank clerk
was shot while on duty. He survived but lost the use of his left arm. Though he knew who the
criminals were, he refused to file a complaint due to fear of retaliation. A week later, a child
was kidnapped on the way to school. Although his parents paid the ransom, he was never
found.